Akuzange kube lula ukuba 'yinkohliso' kunangoku.
Ngenkcubeko yethu 'ye-selfie' kunye namaqonga eendaba ezentlalo asikhuthaza ukuba sibonise eyona ilungileyo- ihlala ifotwe ngefoto-inguqu yethu kuthi kwihlabathi, kulula kakhulu ukwenza umfanekiso okude kakhulu nesiqu sakho.
Kukho ukuthanda okukhulayo ngokufumana 'abalandeli' kunye nokwanelisa ukufumana 'ukuthanda.'
Umlo oqhubekayo wokubhengeza kunye nokuqwalaselwa, ukondliwa yimfuno yento ekhawulezayo yokuphelisa i-endorphin xa ufumana iimpendulo ezikhuthazayo, ezilungileyo nezomdla, unokuziva njengomsebenzi osisigxina.
Yonke le migudu, nangona kunjalo, ekugqibeleni ikwindleko yobunyani.
Ngaba loo mntu 'uyinyani' kuwe?
Ngaba ungazifumana zonke ezo mpendulo ukuba ubonise i-humdrum yakho yakudala ecacileyo, ongazange onwabe ngakumbi kunaleyo xa wayezikhupha kwi-PJs, uzifaka ebhokisini ebekelwe imarathon?
Kodwa umba wokuba uyinyani kwaye uyinyani kuwe awukhawulelwanga kumfanekiso ozivelelayo ngokuthandwa yi-Insta okanye i-Snapchat…
… Uthini ngomfanekiso ofuna ukuwubonisa abahlobo bakho kunye noogxa bakho ubuso ngobuso?
Ngaba bayakubona okwenene?
wazi njani ukuba umhle
Okanye mhlawumbi uyathanda ukubonisa umntu owahlukileyo ngokuxhomekeke kwinkampani okuyo, ukwamkela ngobuqili Izakhono ezifana ne-chameleon ukuze ukwazi ukungena nokuba uphi kwaye uhleli nabani.
Ukuya kuthi ga kwinqanaba elithile sonke sizifihla ngasemva kwinto engaphambili, siqikelela inguqulelo yesiqu sethu esicinga ukuba abanye bafuna ukuyibona nokuzifihla kwinyani yethu yokwenene.
Kukho isizathu esihle soku. Njengombhali okhuthazayo uJanet Louise Stephenson uqaphele:
Ukunyaniseka kufuna umlinganiselo othile wokuba sesichengeni, ukungafihli nto kunye nokuthembeka.
Kwaye ingxaki kukuba uninzi lwethu alukhululekanga ngokuba sesichengeni okanye ekuhleni kwaye sizimisele ukuzincama ingqibelelo kwisibingelelo sokuzikhusela.
Unokuthanda ukunxiba 'imaski' ukuzikhusela ngenxa ye uloyiko lokwaliwa okanye unokuba nexhala lokuba isiqu sakho sokwenene asifanelekanga kwimeko ethile okanye ngandlela thile ayonelanga ngokwaneleyo .
Ke, nantsi into… ukuba yinyani, kuyimfuneko ukukhulisa isibindi sokubonisa ukungafezeki kwethu kwaye sibe sesichengeni, ukuba nesibindi sokuvumela umntu esicinga ukuba simelwe ukuba sibe nguye kwaye sikwamkele ngenene ukuba singoobani.
Ngokuqinisekileyo, akho amaxesha apho ukuhlengahlengisa imeko yakho kwimeko-bume yakho kunokuba luncedo, kodwa ingozi ilele ekutshintsheni ubuntu bakho ngokupheleleyo kangangokuba ulahlekelwe kukunxibelelana neyona nto uyiyo.
Endaweni yokuba ube nguwe, uziveza njengomntu ocinga ukuba uya kuthandwa kwaye uyathandeka kwabo bakungqongileyo.
Ingxaki kukuba, abantu kunjalo Izinto ezinomdla kakhulu kwaye kulula ukubona indawo yefaki.
Ukuba abantu babona ukuba awuchanekanga, unokufumana ukwaliwa obukoyike kwasekuqaleni.
Imizamo yakho yokufuna ukwamkeleka kunye nokuthandwa enyanisweni inokuvelisa iziphumo ezichaseneyo.
Njengoko intetho yangoku ihamba:
Abanye abantu bayinyani abanye abantu balungile abanye abantu bayinyani. Kwaye abanye abantu balungile ngokwenyani.
Okukhona sizifumana sirhangqwe kukungathembeki, kokukhona kungcono i-radar yethu yokufumana ubuchwephesha iba yiyo, ngokungathandabuzekiyo uya kutyhilwa kungekudala.
Ukhe waqaphela ukuba akukho nalinye igama elisetyenzisiweyo ukuchaza abantu abanganyanisekanga liyahambelana?
Nazi ezinye ezimbalwa: ubuxoki, inkohliso, ubuxoki, ukunganyaniseki, ukunganyaniseki, ukuzithemba, ukuchaphazeleka, ubuqhetseba…
Ukufumana ngaphezulu kwendoda etshatileyo
Ayilulo uluhlu lokufumana kwangaphambili, akunjalo? Akukho lizwi lilungileyo phakathi kwabo.
Sonke siziva sikhululekile kwaye sihlonitshwa xa singqongwe ngabanye abo bangabo kwaye abadlalisi-ukudlala ngokuba yinqanaba lesibini labo.
Kubonakala, ke, ukuba elona cebiso lililo ayikokuthengisa ubunyani bakho ukuze wamkelwe, nokuba oko kungajongeka kukuhendeka kangakanani.
Ukuba uziva ukuba nguwe oyena mntu uququzelelayo ukulungelelanisa imeko yakho ngokwemeko, usenokuba sele uqaphele ukuba oku kuyabuchaphazela ubuhlobo bakho kunye nobudlelwane bakho.
Iindaba ezimnandi zezokuba kukho iindlela onokuzisebenzisa ukukunceda ukuba ube nguwe, kwanakwimeko ezingonwabisiyo okanye ezinobunzima apho utshintsho olukhawulezayo kubuntu lubonakala ngathi lukhetho olukhethiweyo.
Njengoninzi lwezinto, kuyakuthatha umsebenzi kwinxalenye yakho ukuphinda uhlele impendulo yakho ngokuzenzekelayo, kodwa iziphumo ngokubhekisele ekuzihlonipheni ziya kulunga umzamo.
Iindlela ezi-5 zokuba nguwe
1. Ukuziphucula kufuna ukuzazi.
Uhambo oluya kuguqulelo olungcono noluthembeke ngakumbi ngokwakho kufuneka luqale ngokuzihlalutya ngokwakho, kuba ukuzazi nokuzazi zezona zitshixo zokuba 'yinyani.'
Ukuthatha ixesha zazi kwinqanaba elinzulu kakhulu linyathelo elibalulekileyo.
Ukuba uza kuphila ubomi bakho kunokuba ube yinyani yomnye umntu, ukuqonda amaxabiso akho kubalulekile.
Kubalulekile ukuba wazi ukuba njengabantwana, kwaye nanjengoko sikhula, ngokwendalo sifunxa izimvo kunye nezimvo zabo basiphembelelayo-abazali, ootitshala, abahlobo, njl.
Kancinci kancinci, amaxabiso abo aba ngawethu kwaye ayinxalenye esisiseko yenkqubo yethu yenkolelo.
Ukuzazi kubandakanya ukuvavanya la maxabiso afunyenweyo kunye neenkolelo kunye nokubona ukuba ziyinyani na kuthi, okanye ukuba, ngokwenyani, ziphelelwe lixesha okanye azisahlali kamnandi nomntu omdala esiye saba nguye.
Umzekelo, usenokuba ukhulele kwindawo apho ezinye iinkolo zinganikwanga imbeko efanelekileyo, kungoko ngokwendalo wathabatha indawo efanayo.
Kungenzeka ukuba ukukhula kuye kwatshintsha indlela ojonga ngayo lo mbandela kwaye iimbono zosapho lwakho azisezizo ezakho.
Ukuba kunjalo, ke ukuba uyinyani kuwe, kuya kufuneka uyamkele kwaye uvume ilungelo lakho kuluvo lwakho.
Kodwa musa ukulibala ukuba ezo zimvo nazo zinokutshintsha njengoko ixesha lihamba. Ukuzazi yinkqubo eqhubekayo ebomini bakho bonke.
Unokuthanda (inqaku liyaqhubeka ngezantsi):
- Yintoni i-Self-Concept kwaye ibuchaphazela njani ubomi bakho?
- Imizekelo eli-12 yokuZiphatha okuKhangela ukuVunywa (+ Indlela yokuShiya iMfuno yakho yoQinisekiso)
- Ukonwaba njani kulusu lwakho
- Ungazifumana Njani: Iindlela ezili-11 zokufumanisa ubuchwephetsha bakho
- Yintoni ukuziBonakalisa kwaye kutheni kubaluleke kangaka?
- Ungakhathali Njani Abantu Bacinga Njani
2. Cinga ngokushicilela.
Ukubona izinto ngombala omnyama nomhlophe, kunye nenkqubo eyiyo yokubhala iingcinga phantsi, yindlela entle yokufumanisa oyena 'wokwenene.
Ukuthatha ixesha lakho ukubhala uluhlu lwezinto ezibaluleke kakhulu kuwe-kwaye zithetha nomphefumlo wakho-kunokutyhila kakhulu.
Njengoko ubhala, uya kuthi kancinci kancinci ucacise amaxabiso asisiseko.
Ukukhetha ukubhala ijenali kukuzibophelela okukhulu, kodwa ukugcina umkhondo weengcinga zakho njengoko zikhula kuthetha ukuba ungajonga ngasemva kwaye ucinge ngohambo.
Ushicilelo inokukunceda ekuchongeni iindlela ezinokuba luncedo kunye neepateni ezenzeka kubomi bakho, apho unokuzifumanisa ushenxela kwisiqu sakho 'sokwenyani'.
iindlela zokubonisa uthando kwisithandwa sakho
Oku kukunika ithuba lokuzibuyisela kwindlela elungileyo.
3. Yigatye imfezeko.
Kutheni le nto kufuneka ndiyenze loo nto, ungabuza.
Ngokuqinisekileyo ukugqibelela kuyinto elungileyo ekujolise kuyo?
Ewe, kungenxa yokuba ukugqibelela akunakwenzeka kwaye kungafikeleleki, nokuba ungakanani na umzamo owenzayo ukuzama ukukufezekisa.
Inyani yile yokuba ngokuzama ukugqibelela, ukubonisa inguqulelo efanelekileyo yesiqu sakho, awuzithembi.
Endaweni yokujolisa kwimfezeko, kutheni ungafundi ukwenza yamkela ukungafezeki kwakho .
Ewe kufuna loo nto yokuba sesichengeni, kodwa ukwamkela ii-quirks kunye nobuthathaka bakho kubalulekile njengokuvuma amandla akho xa kufikwa kubunyani.
Ukuba nesibindi sokwala umntu ogqibeleleyo esicinga ukuba kufuneka sivelise kwaye sibonise imibala yethu yokwenyani ekugqibeleni kuyaxhobisa.
4. Funa unxibelelwano lokwenene.
Ubuntu bethu ikhonkco eliqhelekileyo phakathi kwethu sonke, kodwa kukho uluhlu olubanzi lobuntu, iinkolelo, kunye nokuziphatha ngaphandle phaya.
Ukwenza unxibelelwano lokwenene nolomphefumlo, kufuneka wenze umgudu wokuqonda ngokwenene abo bakungqongileyo.
Ukubuza imibuzo ecingisisiweyo kunye nokumamela ngenyameko kwiimpendulo zabo kuya kukunceda ukuba uhlakulele unxibelelwano olunzulu nolwanelisayo nabantu abakungqongileyo.
akayazi into ayifunayo
Olu nxibelelwano lunentsingiselo luya kukunceda ukuba uziqonde ngokwakho.
Qiniseka ukuba uyabalahla abantu amaxabiso abo ahlukileyo kwawakho. Ukuchitha ixesha kunye nabo kwaye uhlala utshintsha-tshintsha okwakho ukuze ulunge ngokwala ithuba lakho lokunyaniseka.
Unokwenza, umzekelo, uzifumane kwiqela loontanga abachazwa yindlela abaziphethe ngayo okanye indlela abanxiba ngayo.
Thatha amanyathelo engqondo ubuye umva kwaye uhlalutye ukuba ngaba uyinyani na okanye ukuba ubeka uhlobo oluthile lwesenzo ukukholisa abo bakungqongileyo ukuqinisekisa ukuba uyinxalenye yesihlwele 'esiphakathi'.
Kulapho inkqubo yokuchonga amaxabiso asisiseko (inqaku loku-1 ngasentla) iluncedo kakhulu.
Nje ukuba wazi apho umi khona, kuya kuba lula ukubona ukuba awulungelanga kwaba bantu.
Usenokude uzibone sele ushukuma phakathi kwabo. Olu lucwangciso lwakho lokuphuma, ithuba lakho lokulahla ukunganyaniseki, ukuze ube nenyani kuwe.
5. Yiba 'mzuzu.'
Masijongane nayo, sonke sinetyala lokuvumela iingqondo zethu ukuba zibhadule kwisihloko xa siphakathi kwencoko.
Ubomi bethu bucinezelekile, ayimangalisi into yokuba iingcinga malunga nento oza kuyipheka isidlo sangokuhlwa okanye enye into kuluhlu lwakho lwezinto ezinde eziza kungena ngaphakathi.
Okanye usenokuba ucinga ngempendulo enkulu kwinqaku elenziwayo.
Nokuba yeyiphi na indlela, ubungekho 'ngenene' ixesha elininzi kwaye usenokuba ufumene umxholo jikelele wale nto ithethwayo.
Ewe, xa begqiba ukuthetha, uphendula ngokukhawuleza-ngethemba elifanelekileyo.
Ingxaki kukuba abantu banokuqonda ngokungathandabuzekiyo ukuba ingqalelo yomnye umntu ijolise kule nto bayithethayo.
Yongezwe apho, impendulo yakho isenokuba ayichanekanga, ibhengeza ukunganakwa kwakho.
Ukunyaniseka ngakumbi kubudlelwane bakho nakwezinye izinto onxibelelana nazo, kuya kufuneka uzilolonge uhlobo lokuphulaphula ibizwa ngokuba 'kukuphulaphula ngokusebenzayo'.
Obu bubuchule ngokwabo, kodwa amanyathelo asisiseko ngala: ukunika ingqalelo ukubonisa ukuba umamele ngokusebenzisa ulwimi lomzimba olufanelekileyo olunika ingxelo ehambisa isigwebo kwaye uyeke ukuphazamisa ukuphendula ngokufanelekileyo.
andingowalapha emhlabeni
Ngaba kukho amaxesha apho kwamkelekile ukuba kungabikho nyaniso?
Ndikhankanyile ngentla apha ukuba kukho iimeko apho ukutshintsha kobume obuncinci kunokuba yimfuneko kwaye kwinqanaba elithile lamkelekile.
Umzekelo olungileyo ukwimeko yokusebenza xa inokuba ngumbono olungileyo ukubonisa isivumelwano kunye nomlingane, okanye ngakumbi umntu ophakamileyo, kwinqanaba elingahlali kakuhle nawe.
Le yinxalenye yomdlalo onokufuna ukuyidlala kwindawo yendibano.
Ukuba ufumanisa ukuba le patheni ihlala iphindaphindwa, nangona kunjalo, ukunganyaniseki kuya kuqala ukuthatha umthwalo.
Kuba ukuba 'yinyani' kuthetha ukugcina isenzo kunye namagama ngokuhambelana nemilinganiselo yakho, ixesha lisenokufika xa, ukuze ube nokunyaniseka kuwe, kuya kufuneka uthi ngokwaneleyo kwaye uqhubeke ngenxa yengqibelelo yakho.
Uya kwazi kuphela xa lifikile elo xesha.
Ukugcina ukuzazisa kwakho apha endleleni, njengoko kuchaziwe apha ngasentla, kuya kuqinisekisa ukuba awunyanzelwanga ukuba ube ngumntu ongekho mzuzwana ngaphezulu kunokuba kufanelekile.
Ukushwankathela konke.
Kuluntu lwethu olukhokelwa ngumthengi, oluxakeke zizinto eziphathekayo kwaye luqhutywa ngumnqweno wokwenza umfanekiso wokugqibelela kokubini kwi-Intanethi kwaye enyanisweni, akukaze kube nzima ukuthembeka okwenyani.
Kubalulekile ukuba ukhumbule, nangona kunjalo, ukuba ayizizo izinto okanye imifanekiso ye-Photoshopped echaza wena, kodwa ubuntu bakho obuzalwa kunye nendlela oyiyo.
Ngokuba nesibindi ngokwaneleyo ukuze uthathe amanyathelo okuqinisekisa ukuba uzazisa ngokwenyani kwihlabathi, ungabomeleza ubuntu bakho kwaye ubukho obubodwa emhlabeni , ke unokuma ngaphandle kwesihlwele.
Ndizakushiya igama lokugqibela kwifilosofi uFriedrich Nietzsche kuba ulibeka bhetele kunangaphambili:
Umntu bekusoloko kufuneka azabalaze ukuze angoyiswa sisizwe. Ukuba uyazama uyakuba nesithukuthezi ngamanye amaxesha kwaye ngamanye amaxesha woyike. Kodwa akukho xabiso liphezulu kakhulu ukuhlawula ilungelo lokuba ngumnini.
