Ngaba ukhe uzibuze ukuba kutheni ufuna ukwamkeleka kwabanye kangaka?
Okanye kutheni uziva ufuna ukwenza izinto ukonwabisa abanye kunokuba uzonwabise?
Mhlawumbi uyayenza kwaye iyakukhathaza. Okanye mhlawumbi awunalo, kuba awuyiqapheli into yokuba uyayenza.
Olu hlobo lokuziphatha lunokungena nzulu kwiingqondo zethu kangangokuba asiyiboni inyani esijongileyo ebusweni.
Kodwa ivelaphi kwaye ikhangeleka njani?
Konke kuqala ngokuzithemba (okanye ukungabikho).
Unobangela oyintloko wokuziphatha okufuna ukuvunywa kukuzithemba okuphantsi.
Oku imvakalelo yokujongela phantsi ivela kwizinto ezininzi. Ezinye zinxulumene nobuntu bakho bendalo, ngelixa ezinye zivela kwiimpembelelo zangaphandle ezinje ngokukhula kwakho, amava enkcubeko, imfundo, kunye nobomi bomsebenzi.
Njengokuba ezi zisakhana ngokuhamba kwexesha, isidingo sokufuna ukwamkelwa ngabanye malunga nayo yonke into esiyenzayo nesiyithethayo ngokuthe ngcembe iyaqina.
Ukuba umntu akakholelwa kuye kwaye uhlala ezigxeka, kubonakala kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukufuna ukuqinisekiswa kwabanye.
Ukuziphatha okuKhangela ukuVunywa
Nayi imizekelo eli-12 yeendlela zokuziphatha eziqhelekileyo xa sizama ukufumana ukuvunywa kunye nokuqinisekiswa.
1. Ukuthatha ukungavisisani ngokobuqu.
Xa umntu engavumelani nento oyithethileyo okanye oyenzileyo, uyithathela entliziyweni njengesiqu esincinci kwaye ucaphuke okanye ude uthuke?
isigqibo njani phakathi kwamadoda amabini
Le yimpendulo yeklasi abantu bayathandeka kuba ukufuna ukuvunywa kusilele.
2. Ukutshintsha okanye ukuhlengahlengisa umbono wakho xa ujongene nokungavumi.
Uluvakalisile uluvo lwakho malunga nomba othile, obalulekileyo okanye hayi, kwaye umntu uphendula ngombono ochasayo.
Ngaba uyasithethelela ngamandla isikhundla sakho okanye uzifumanise uyithambisile ingxoxo yakho ukuze ulingane ngokusondeleyo kunye neyabo?
Uluvo lomntu ofuna ukuvunywa luyatshintsha kuxhomekeka ekubeni bathetha nabani kuba abanako ukuzithemba kwiinkolelo zabo kwaye banomdla wokungabahlukanisi nabanye ngokwamkela umbono ophikisanayo.
3. Ndiyoyika ukuthi 'hayi' ngenxa yokoyika ukungamkelwa.
Ngaba uzibamba ngokungaphaya? Ngaba uhlala uthi 'ewe' xa ucelwa ukuba wenze into ethile, xa impendulo yakho yendalo isithi 'hayi'?
Ukudinwa ngokwasemzimbeni nangokweemvakalelo sisiphumo soku kuziphatha kwaye kukukhokelela ekubeni uzithiye zonke izinto ozibophelele kuzo.
Kodwa isuka kuloo mfuno yokukholisa kunye nokufuna kwakho ukuvunywa.
4. Ukungayilweli amalungelo akho.
Ukuba ngumasethi womntu - ukuhamba nabani na okhetha ukwenza njalo-kulula kakhulu kunokuthi 'hey, hayi, ayilunganga' kwaye uzimele .
Ukusilela ukuzoba umgca kwaye uthi 'hayi' kuqinisa nje ukungazikholelwa kwakho kwaye kude kubangele nabanye ukuba bacingele kancinci ngawe.
5. Ukufumana ingqalelo okanye ukwamkelwa ngokuhleba.
Ngaba uziva unomdla wokuxelela amabali ukuze uzenze ubonakale ungcono okanye ngobukrelekrele okanye ukwazi ngakumbi?
Ukwabelana ngokuhleba kukunika amandla okuchukumisa abanye, ukuba ube liziko lokuqwalaselwa, kunye nokufumana i-kudos. Oku okwethutyana kukhulisa ukuzithemba kwakho okuphantsi.
6.Ukuvela ukuvumelana nomntu (ngomlomo / ngokungengomlomo) xa ungavumi.
Kukangaphi uzifumana umamele uluvo oluvakaliswe ngenzondelelo ongavumelani nalo, kodwa ubonakala ngathi uyavumelana noko?
Ngokubonisa inkxaso ngombono ongavumelani nawo, nokuba kungamagama okanye ukunqwala kwentloko yakho, awunyanisekanga kuwe. Ufuna nje loo mntu akwamkele kwaye akuthande.
7. Ukungakhalazi xa ufumene inkonzo engonelisiyo okanye iimpahla.
Kukangaphi ukhalela kwaye uncwina ngokutya okanye ngenkonzo kwindawo yokutyela, kodwa, xa umlungiseleli ebuza ngovuyo ukuba yonke into ilungile, wanqwala intloko wathi yonke into ilungile kwaye iyathandeka?
Eyona nto imbi kakhulu onokuyenza kukushiya incam encinci, akunjalo?
Okanye uthenge into engafanelekanga ngenjongo, kodwa awunasibindi sokuyibuyisela evenkileni.
Ngokungakhathali ngezi zinto, uqinisa ukungabikho kokuzixabisa. Uzixelela ukuba awunalungelo lokufumana eyona nto.
8. Ukuzenza ngathi unokwazi okanye uqonde into.
Owona mzuzu ungathandekiyo xa umntu ethatha ukuba unento oyaziyo okanye unesakhono esithile…
… Impendulo engagqibekanga yomntu ofuna ukuvunywa kwimeko enjalo kukuyikhohlisa.
Into leyo kukuba, amaxesha alithoba kwalishumi, ukuzenzisa kuyavezwa.
Okulusizi kukuba, njengoko uza kufumanisa, endaweni yokufumana imvume oyifunayo, ufumana ukugwetywa okanye ukugculelwa endaweni yoko.
Unokuthanda (inqaku liyaqhubeka ngezantsi):
- Ungatsho njani ukuba hayi ebantwini (kwaye ungaziva ungathandeki ngayo)
- Ungakhathali Njani Abantu Bacinga Njani
- Ukukhulisa ukuzithemba kwakho ngokuhamba kwexesha, yenza ezi zinto zincinci zili-10 rhoqo
- Ungaba kanjani noqinisekiso ngakumbi kumanyathelo ama-5 alula
- Imizekelo eli-9 yokuziPhatha kwaBantu abaDala
- Iimpawu ezingama-20 awuzihloniphi (kwaye ungayeka njani)
9. Ukuziva isidingo sokucela uxolo nokuba bekungekho ukungamkelwa.
Wena yithi uxolo kakhulu .
Nokuba kwenzekantoni kwaye nokuba awunasandla kuyo- kwaye nokuba akukho lizwi lithethwayo livakalisiweyo-abantu abonwabisayo baya kuhlala bengabokuqala ukucela uxolo.
Ukuba akukho mpazamo okanye isimilo sokuziphatha ngokungafanelekanga kwicala lakho, kutheni kufanelekile ukuba uzive ufuna uxolo?
10. Ukulindela izincomo okanye ukuloba kubo kunye / okanye ukucaphuka azizanga.
Zimbalwa izinto ezibonelela ngokungqinisisa onqwenela ngcono kunoncomo.
Umntu ofuna ukuvunywa angacwangcisa ngabom, nangona kunjalo, ukunyanzela abo basebenzisana nabo ekuvakaliseni indumiso.
Rhoqo, loo ndumiso ayifanelekanga kwaye ayifanelekanga.
Ukongezwa kolu hlobo lokuziphatha kukuziva ukhathazekile xa izincomo onqwenela zisilele ukwenzeka.
11. Ukusilela ukujamelana nalo naliphi na inqanaba lokugxekwa.
Ukuba injongo yakho kukufumana ukwamkeleka kwabanye, ke umxholo wokugxekwa awunakubekezeleleka kwaphela. Kuthetha ukuba usilele ngandlela thile ekufezekiseni injongo yakho.
Le mpendulo ihlala isekelwe ebuntwaneni xa ukugxekwa ngabazali okanye isohlwayo seenjongo ezingaphumelelanga okanye imisebenzi esiqhubele phambili sifuna ukuvunywa kwixesha elizayo.
12. Ukuziphatha ngendlela echasene neenkolelo zakho.
Oku kukuziphatha okuqhelekileyo kwisikolo samabanga aphakamileyo: ukuzibandakanya neqela lemigulukudu nje ukuze ube phakathi kwabantu 'abadumileyo', nokuba, entliziyweni yakho, awuvumelani noko bakuthethayo kunye / okanye abakwenzayo.
Oko kuyaxolelwa njengomntu ofikisayo, kodwa hayi kakhulu xa sele umdala.
iimpawu zomntu onengqondo elula
Umntu ofuna ukuvunywa unokuzifumana ngokulula kwimeko apho bengalandeli iintliziyo zabo. Balandela intloko yabo ekholisa abantu endaweni yoko, nokuba oku kudala ukungqubana neenkolelo zabo.
Ungayeka njani ukufuna ukuqinisekiswa
Eli candelo liphefumlelwe ikakhulu leli nqaku lihle livela kuAdam Eason: https://www.adam-eason.com/let-go-approval-seeking-behaviour/
Ukhumbula ukuba le ndlela yokufuna imvume iyimpendulo egxothiweyo, ayizukulungiswa ngokukhawuleza.
Kodwa la manyathelo alandelayo aya kukuvumela ukuba uqonde kwaye ngokuthe ngcembe utshintshe umbono wakho njengoko ukhulisa ukuzihlonipha kwaye ulahle isidingo sakho sokungqinisisa.
1. Hlalutya ukuba yaqala phi yonke le nto.
Rhoqo kunale, le ndlela yokuziphatha isekelwe kubomi bokuqala.
Mhlawumbi inxulumene nempembelelo yabazali okanye mhlawumbi ubunayo ubunzima ekwenzeni abahlobo esikolweni kwaye waba esoyika ukwaliwa nje ngeziphumo.
Ukuthatha ixesha lokucingisisa ngeli xesha kunokukunceda uchonge izinto ezibangele ukuba ufune ukuvunywa.
2. Vumela ukuba wamkele umxholo wokugatywa kunye nokugxekwa.
Ngaba usasikhumbula isihlandlo apho wakhe wadana umntu okanye wasilela ekufezekiseni ulindelo lwabo?
Ithetha ukuthini xa umntu ekujongile encumile
Mhlawumbi umntu owongamileyo uyala into oyilungiselele, njengomboniso okanye iprojekthi. Okanye usilele ukuhlangabezana nexesha elibekiweyo.
Cinga ngendlela oyibuyise ngayo imeko kwaye uqwalasele oko ukufundileyo. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba uzuze ngaphezulu kokulahlekileyo ngokwamava.
Unoko engqondweni, ungaqala ukuqonde ukungamkeleki kunye nokugxekwa njengendlela yokuphendula ukukunceda ukhule kwaye uphuhle.
3. Isithembiso sokukhula kunokuba ubekhona nje ngengqondo engatshintshiyo.
Zikhulule kwisidingo sokuvunywa ngabantu besithathu ngokubeka phambili ukuphuculwa kwemfundo kunye nokufunda.
Kwincwadi yakhe ekhuthazayo Ingqondo (2006), ugqirha wengqondo uCarol Dweck uqaphele ukuba abo babenesimo sengqondo esihle kunye nokuzama ekuphuhliseni izakhono kunye nokukwazi ukubanakho amathuba okufikelela kwinqanaba labo. Ubize oku ngokuthi ' Ingqondo yokukhula . ’
Abo 'baneengqondo ezingagungqiyo,' kwelinye icala, abagqala ingxelo / ukugxeka njengophawu lokusilela okanye ukungavumi, baya kuhlala benqunyelwe kwimpumelelo yabo.
Ukuba ungaqala ukuqonda ukuba isibhakabhaka ngumda wokuphuculwa, ukukhula kunye nempumelelo, imfuno yakho rhoqo yokwamkelwa ngabanye iya kuba yinkumbulo ekude.
4. Akukho konke malunga neziphumo.
Uzibekela kuphela ukusilela kunye nokudana ukuba uthepha onke amathemba akho kwisiphumo esithile ongenakukulawula.
Umzekelo, unokuba ujonge ukunyusa umsebenzi wakho kwaye uphume ukuze uwufumane. Inkampani isenokungasebenzi kakuhle, nangona kunjalo, kwaye kungasekho mali embizeni. Ke uya kugqiba ndiziva ndingento yanto kwaye uswele ukuqinisekiswa onqwenela ngako.
Endaweni yokuba, kungumbono ongcono ukugxila 'kwinkqubo' kunokuba kwisiphumo ngokwenza ukuba ubaluleke ngokunyusa ukusebenza kakuhle okanye izakhono zombutho.
Olu phuculo lunokukwenza uqaphele kwaye kunokubangela ukunyuka komvuzo owawunethemba lawo.
5. Kholelwa ekubeni unelungelo lokuba nguwe - yima ngokwakho!
Ukuba ufuna ukuyeka isimilo sakho sokufuna imvume, kuya kufuneka uqonde ukuba unelungelo kwiinkolelo zakho, iingcinga kunye nezimvo zakho.
Ungangabinayo imbono efanayo njengomnye umntu, kodwa oko akuthethi ukuba omnye wenu ulungile okanye akalunganga.
Ungalihlonela ilungelo labanye kwimbono yabo, kodwa kufuneka ulihlonele nelakho elifanayo.
Banokuphikisana ngokuqinisekileyo, kwimeko apho kulungile ukutshintsha umbono wakho ngalo mbandela. Nangona kunjalo, unelungelo elipheleleyo lokunamathela kwimipu yakho ukuba ayenzi njalo. Uluvo lwakho lusebenza njengaye nawuphi na omnye umntu.
Ngaba awuqinisekanga ukuba wenzeni ngokuhlala ufuna ukuvunywa? Thetha nomcebisi namhlanje onokuhamba kwinkqubo. Cofa nje apha ukudibanisa nenye.
