Ke, uneemvakalelo zomntu kwaye ucinga ukuba inokujika ibe yinto emangalisayo - kodwa abekho kwindawo enye njengawe.
Mhlawumbi leyo yindawo ebonakalayo (udibene ne-intanethi kwaye ulinde ukudibana ngenxa yokuhlala kude), mhlawumbi yindawo yeemvakalelo (bayoyika ukuzibophelela), okanye mhlawumbi kukufumaneka (bakunye nomnye umntu).
Nokuba yeyiphi na into ekuthintelayo ukuba ube kunye nomntu omthandayo, kufanelekile ukuba ubalinde?
Mhlawumbi awothusi ukufumanisa ukuba akukho mpendulo ilula kulo mbuzo. Kuxhomekeka kuluhlu olukhulu lwezinto, kwaye nguwe kuphela (ngoncedo oluncinci kubo) onokufikelela ezantsi kuloo mbuzo.
Oko kuyathethwa, sidibanise eli nqaku ukukunceda ukuba uqhubekeke neengcinga kunye neemvakalelo zakho, kwaye ufumane eyona nto iqhubekayo.
Sebenzisa eli qhekeza njengesixhobo sokuzibonakalisa kwaye uthathe ixesha lakho ukucinga malunga nokuba kufanelekile ukulinda umntu omthandayo.
Ukuba ubalindile ukuba bakulungele…
Umntu omthandayo angatshatanga kwaye anganeemvakalelo ngawe, kodwa basenokungakulungeli ukuthatha umtsi kwaye baqale ukuthandana nawe.
Nokuba banomdla, basenokungabikho kwindawo abafuna ukuthandana kuyo nabani na. Oku kunokuba phantsi kwenani elikhulu lezinto, kokubini ixesha elifutshane kunye nexesha elide.
Ukulinda umntu ukuba alungele kule meko kufuna umonde omkhulu, kwaye kufuna unxibelelwano oluninzi.
Ukuba nobabini niyazi ukuba omnye uziva njani, kufuneka nithethe ngezinto rhoqo.
Asitsho ukuba yonke incoko kufuneka ibe kukusasazeka kweemvakalelo zakho, kodwa kulungile ukuqonda ukuba ume phi.
Ukuba uyazi ukuba badinga ixesha elimiselweyo, kunokuba kuhle ukulinda kwaye wazi ukuba uza kuchitha ixesha nabo xa sele bekulungele.
Usenokuba sele uyonwabele ukwazi ukuba kukho inqanaba lokuzibophelela kwaye unokuba nento onokuthi ujonge kuyo.
Mhlawumbi ungonwabela nje ukuchitha ixesha nabo ngelixa befumanisa ukuba baziva njani- kodwa kufuneka uqiniseke ukuba ulungile kuloo nto, kuba akukho nto iqinisekisiweyo ngaphandle kwento abanokuyithetha okanye abayithembisayo.
Asikukhuthazi ukuba ubanike i-ultimatum, njengoko oku kungalunganga, kodwa kubalulekile ukuba uzibeke kuqala (nangona kunzima ukuziva) kwaye uqiniseke ukuba ulungile ngokuqhubekayo.
Ngaba baya kuthandana nabanye abantu ngelixa befumanisa ukuba bakulungele ukuthandana nawe, kwaye uziva njani ngalonto?
Abanye abantu abayithandi into yokuba bangatshatanga, nokuba bacinga ukuba bamfumene umntu abafuna ukuba kulwalamano naye. Isenokuthetha ukuba bafuna ukuthandana kwaye 'bayikhuphe kwinkqubo yabo' ngaphambi kokuba bazinze.
Kuya kufuneka uzibuze ukuba ulungile na ukulinda- kwaye ukuba uyafuna ukuthandana ngelixa ulindile.
Umngcipheko kukuba omnye wenu afumane omnye umntu kweso 'sithuba sangoku' sokuthandana ofuna ukuba kunye naso - kuya kufuneka uthathe isigqibo sokuba uziva njani malunga nokwenzeka oko.
Ukuba ubalindele ukuba bangatshati…
Ukuba umntu othandana naye ukuthandana nomnye umntu, mhlawumbi uziva udidekile kakhulu. Siza kuyaphula le ngxaki ngakumbi phantsi ngakumbi njengoko inzima kakhulu!
Uyazi ukuba baneemvakalelo ngawe.
Kulungile, ke uyamthanda umntu kwaye bakunye nomnye umntu - kodwa bakuxelele ukuba baneemvakalelo ngawe.
Ngenye indlela, yay! Iimvakalelo ezifanayo ziyaqaqamba kwaye kusenokwenzeka ukuba ubhuza yimincili. Ngenye indlela - yintoni?!
Kuyadida kakhulu ukuba kule meko - ukuba bayakuthanda, kutheni bengaphuli nje iqabane labo baze bafumane nawe?
Ewe kunjalo, inzima kakhulu kunoko.
Basenokuba banamathele kumaqabane abo kuba batshatile okanye banabantwana, lo ngumcimbi opheleleyo.
Basenokuhlala neqabane labo kuba bebekade bekunye ngonaphakade kwaye kuyaziwa kwaye kukhuselekile.
Mhlawumbi basenabo kuba basabathanda, ngaphandle kokuba neemvakalelo ngawe.
Kule meko, kufuneka uthembeke kubo. Chaza ukuba uyazi ukuba kunzima kodwa kufuneka wazi ukuba umi phi.
Mhlawumbi uyavuma ukuyinika ixesha elimiselweyo (njengeenyanga ezimbalwa) ukuze babone ukuba bafuna ukwenza ntoni.
Musa ukudimazeka ukuba abayikugqiba ngokukhawuleza izinto kunye neqabane labo kwaye beza kuwe bebaleka - akusoloko kusebenza ngaloo ndlela, kwaye akuthethi ukuba abanandaba nawe.
Indlela abasabela ngayo kunye nezigqibo abazenzayo ngelo xesha ziya kukwazisa ukuba kufanelekile ukulinda okanye hayi.
Awazi ukuba baziva njani.
Ukuba ulinde umntu ukuba aphume kubudlelwane ukuze ukwazi ukulandela iimvakalelo zakho ngabo, kuya kufuneka ube sengqiqweni malunga nokuba yintoni eza kuza ngayo.
Kukuthandana ukucinga ukuba baya kuphelisa izinto kwaye babaleke ezingalweni zakho, kodwa akunakulindeleka ukuba kwenzeke ukuba abanazo iimvakalelo ngawe.
Ukuba abakaze bavakalise ukuba baneemvakalelo ngawe, usenokungalindi kwanto, okulusizi.
Kunzima ukuvuma kuwe kuba kulula ukwenza izizathu kwingqondo yakho: 'Uyandithanda, ufuna nje ukuba angatshatanga kwaye emva koko singaba kunye' okanye 'Ndiyazi uyandithanda, uphazanyiswa nje ngumfazi wakhe ukuze angaqondi.'
Singaziqinisekisa ukuba umntu othile akonwabanga neqabane lakhe kwaye ulinde nje ukuba senze isenzo esihle kwaye sibasuse ngeenyawo, kwihlabathi lolonwabo nothando. Ngelishwa, banokuziva ngendlela efanayo.
Ungababuza ukuba baneemvakalelo ngawe, uyayihlonipha inyani yokuba bakunye nomnye umntu.
Mhlawumbi ubaxelele ukuba udidekile kwaye ufuna ukuvalwa, nokuba kukwazi ukuba nabo bayakuthanda, okanye uxelelwe ukuba ayizukwenzeka.
Ukuba yeyokugqibela, kulungile ukwazi ukuba yintoni na inyani ukuze uqale ukusebenza ukunciphisa iimvakalelo zakho kubo kwaye uqhubeke.
Ukuba ulindele izinto ezinokwenzeka…
Mhlawumbi ukhe wadibana nomntu kwi-intanethi kwaye, ngenxa yemicimbi yejografi, awukahlangani okwangoku.
Kudala nithetha okwethutyana kwaye niyazi ukuba ikhona into apho - nobabini nitsala into eniyaziyo omnye komnye, kwaye niyayithanda indlela abajongeka ngayo kwiifoto zabo.
Ngaba ujonge ukubeka yonke enye into kulowo ucinga ukuba anganguye ebomini?
Ukuba ucinga ukuba kungasebenza ngokunyanisekileyo, sicebisa ukuba sihlangane (ngokukhuselekileyo!) Ngokukhawuleza.
Okukhona ushiya ixesha elide, kokukhona uya kuqala ukugcwalisa izikhewu ongazaziyo ngabo ngamaphupha akho kunye nemibono yakho.
Ingozi ekhoyo kukuba ugqibela ukuthandana nomntu oye wadala isiqingatha kwingcinga yakho!
Ewe banokuba njalo ebomini bokwenyani, kodwa ungaphela ulinde umntu ongekhoyo ebomini bokwenyani ngendlela abenza ngayo engqondweni yakho.
Ukulinda umntu ngokusebenzayo kuthetha ukungathandani nomnye umntu ngenjongo. Ukulinda ulinde umntu othile kuthetha ukuba uvulelekile kwezinye izinto ukuba ziza okwangoku.
Ngokoluvo lwethu-kungcono ukuba ungalindi umntu, kuba awufanele ujike enye into emangalisayo ukuba iza ngendlela yakho.
Khumbula ukuba izinto aziqinisekiswanga ngomntu omlindileyo, kwaye usenokungafuni ukubeka emngciphekweni umntu okrelekrele ngokunyanisekileyo omi phambi kwakho ngombono womntu ongazange ube naye ngokufanelekileyo.
Khawufane ucinge ukwala umntu omangalisayo ngombono womntu omthandayo, kuphela ukufumanisa ukuba abayikho kanye njengokuba ubucinga.
ukuba wenzeni ngamakhwenkwe okuzalwa
Ungazisola ngokulahla uqhagamshelo lokwenyani kunxibelelwano olubonakalayo olungasebenziyo ngokwenyani.
Ewe kunjalo, zinokubakho ezinye izizathu zokuba kutheni ubudlelwane bungenakwenzeka ngoku-banokuba kunyaka wokugqibela wesikolo somthetho, bekhathalela ilungu losapho eligulayo, okanye umsebenzi ofuna ukuba bahambe kakhulu.
Ukuba ngoku alikho ixesha lokwenza ulwalamano lusebenze ngoku, oko akuthethi ukuba akusayi kubakho xesha elinye kwixesha elizayo.
Kodwa, njengonxibelelwano olubonakalayo olunokuba ululindile, ngekhe uwakhathalele amanye amathuba olwalamano olonwabileyo xa ungenakuqiniseka ukuba umntu obambeleyo uzakufumaneka ukuza kuthi ga ngoku xa besithi baza ku.
Ukuba ubalindele ukuba bazibophelele kuwe…
Ukuba sele uthandana nomntu omthandayo, siyavuyisana! Kumnandi ukuhlala nomntu omkhathalele ngokwenene- kodwa ngaba baziva ngendlela efanayo?
Ungaqaphela ukuba uhlala unguye owenza izicwangciso kwaye ufikelele kuqala. Mhlawumbi usoloko unguye othi 'Ndiyakuthanda' kuqala, okanye nguwe kuphela onokutsho… nanini na?
Ukuba ulinde umntu osele unaye, ukwimeko yokukhohlisa kwaye kusenokwenzeka ukuba uyasokola ukwazi ukuba wenzeni.
Banokuba neemvakalelo ezifanayo kuwe onazo ngabo, kodwa bazabalaze ukunxibelelana oko. Ukuba bebekade bekho kubudlelwane obubi kwixa elidlulileyo, ngekhe balunge ekuyekeni ukuhlala belindile okanye bethembekile ngeemvakalelo zabo.
Akufanele ubeke uxinzelelo kubo ukuba bathi 'Ndiyakuthanda,' kwaye akulunganga ukuba nolindelo oluphezulu kwizenzo zabo.
Yiba nomonde kwaye uhloniphe indlela abavakalelwa ngayo, kwaye uzame ukukhumbula ukuba olu loyiko lubangelwa ngamava adlulileyo, kwaye alubonakalisi ngendlela abakubona ngayo.
Ukuthi “Ayilunganga into yokuba undithelekisa ne-ex yakho” unokuziva uvumelekile, kodwa ukuba bebekhe banesetyhefu okanye bebekobuhlobo obuhlukumezayo, umzekelo, banezizathu ezifanelekileyo zokuthatha ixesha labo ngokubonisa indlela baziva ngawe.
Ukuba uziva ngathi bazibambile kuba abavakalelwa ngendlela efanayo, yimeko eyahlukileyo leyo. Basenokungaziva ngale ndlela wenza ngayo, kwaye kuya kufuneka uqonde ukuba ingaba ulungile na kuloo nto.
Abanye abantu bonwabile nje ukuba kunye nomntu abamthandayo, kwaye bayayamkela into yokuba abasokuze balubuyise olo thando ngendlela efanayo, okanye izinto zinokuba zexeshana elifutshane.
Ukuba awulunganga kuloo nto, kufuneka ube nengxoxo evulekileyo malunga nayo neqabane lakho. Xoxani ngoko bakubonayo kuni nobabini kwixa elizayo, kwaye ubuze ukuba ngaba badinga ixesha elininzi lokufumanisa ukuba baziva njani
Zama ukugcina uxinzelelo apha, kunzima njengoko kunokuba ngathi kubonakala ngathi, kuba okukhona ubabeka kubo, kokukhona baya kuxoka benetyala okanye boyike, nto leyo eyenza ukuba izinto zibhideke ngakumbi.
Ngaphakathi ezantsi, sele uyazi ukuba impendulo ithini kwaye uyazi ukuba kufuneka wenze ntoni - nokuba uyincamathisele ngaphandle kwaye ubanike ixesha, okanye themba emathunjini akho , uyazi ukubaluleka kwakho, kwaye uqhubeke ukuba nje yazi abanakuze bakunike into oyifunayo.
Ngokubanzi, kukuwe ukuba uthathe isigqibo sokuba ulinde umntu omthandayo okanye hayi.
Khumbula ukuba unexesha lokuthatha isigqibo ngendlela oziva ngayo kunye nento ofuna ukuyenza. Oku akufuneki ukuba ube sisigqibo osithatha ngobusuku!
Ukufunda amanqaku anje anokukunceda usike inkungu engqondweni yakho kwaye uqale ngokucinga ngokunzulu- nangokwenyani.
Thetha nabantu obathandayo kwaye ubathembe malunga nendlela oziva ngayo, kodwa khumbula ukuba bonke banokukunika iingcebiso ezahlukeneyo!
Ekugqibeleni, impendulo yakho kwiingcebiso ezahlukeneyo iya kukuxelela okuninzi malunga nendlela oziva ngayo. Ukuba umntu uthi 'ungazikhathazi ngokulinda, kudala kakhulu' kwaye isisu sakho siyavuma, emva koko uhambe nesisu sakho uhambe.
Ukuba umhlobo wakho ukuxelela ukuba ulinde kwaye unamathele ngaphandle, kwaye kwangoko uzive ukhululekile, usenokuba ulinde nje 'imvume' komnye umntu ukuba alandele intliziyo yakho kwaye alinde umntu omthandayo.
Uyayazi into omawuyenze - zithembele kuwe kwaye wenze okungcono kuwe.
Ngaba awuqinisekanga nokuba kufuneka ulinde lo mntu okanye uqhubeke nobomi bakho? Thetha kwi-Intanethi kwingcali yobudlelwane kwi-Relationship Hero enokukunceda ufumane izinto. Ngokulula.
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