Ukuxolisa sisixhobo esinamandla xa isetyenziswe ngokuchanekileyo.
ndi empath ngoku ngoku
Ingxaki kukuba abantu bangawela kwindlela yokuxolisa kakhulu, nto leyo edala umbono ombi womntu othi, 'ndiyaxolisa.'
Ukutshintsha lo mkhwa kunokuba sisixhobo esinamandla ncedisa ekwakheni ukuzithemba , ukuzithemba, nokuqinisa ubudlelwane bethu nabanye abantu.
Kubekho izifundo ezininzi kuzo zombini uxolo kunye nokuxolisa ngaphezulu ezibonise iinyani ezithile ezinomdla.
Abasetyhini bakholisa ukuxolisa kaninzi kunamadoda, hayi kuba amadoda emathidala ukuthi 'ndiyaxolisa,' kodwa kuba amadoda awacingi ukuba enze into ephosakeleyo rhoqo kunabafazi.
Kuyavela ukuba abasetyhini ngokubanzi banomqobo osezantsi wezinto abazithatha njengokuziphatha okucaphukisayo.
Oko kuziphatha akuphendulisi iimeko zobomi ezinokuthi zithintele ukunyanzelwa okanye kufuneka uthi, 'ndiyaxolisa.'
Amaxhoba okuphathwa gadalala emakhayeni, amaxhoba okuphathwa gadalala kwabantwana, abantu abanengxaki yokuxhalaba, kunye nabasinde kumonzakalo nabo banokuxolisa ngokugqithileyo indlela yokujongana nayo ukunqanda ukwenzakala okanye iimvakalelo ezingathandekiyo.
Ukuziphatha okusebenze lowo usindileyo ngelixa bekwimeko embi kunokuba neziphumo ezibi kubomi babo bobuqu nobungcali ngaphandle kwezo meko.
Ngelo xesha, iba ngumkhwa ongafunekiyo ekufuneka utshintshwe ukuze baqhubeke nokunyanga nokukhula.
Iimbono eziGwenxa zaBantu abaXolisa kakhulu
Ukuxolisa ngezinto ongenalo uxanduva lokuzilawula, okanye izinto ezincinci ebomini kudala umbono ombi ezingqondweni zabanye.
1. Kukujongela phantsi ukuxolisa kokwenene okubalulekileyo.
Sonke siyazenza iimpazamo ebomini. Ukuxolisa ngokutshintsha kwesimilo yenye yeendlela zokuqinisekisa ukulungisa iibhlorho ezonakeleyo.
Umntu onika uxolo oluninzi kakhulu uyalujongela phantsi uxolo lwabo olunyanisekileyo.
Umntu oxoliswayo usenokungacingi ukuba umntu oxolayo unyanisile kuba besithi 'ndiyaxolisa' ngezinto ezininzi ezigabadeleyo.
Konakalisa ubunzima begama kunye nokuthembeka kwabo.
2. Ichaphazela ukuzithemba komntu.
Isenzo sokuxolisa kaninzi sinesiphumo esingathanga ngqo kwi-subconscious yomntu.
Basoloko bezixelela ukuba basendleleni okanye bayasokolisa, ngakumbi ukuba benza izinto ezinje ngokucela uxolo ngokukhoyo.
3. Abanye abantu bayayiyeka imbeko kulowo uxolileyo.
Ngeliphandle, kuyacaphukisa ukumamela umntu uhlala ecela uxolo ngento engekhoyo.
Inokubangela ukusabela kokucaphuka, ukucekiseka, okanye indelelo kuba umntu oxolayo uza ngathi ubuthathaka okanye ubuthathaka.
Abantu bajonge ngaphezulu kokuxolisa ngokungathi bajonga ukuzithemba ngaphezulu. Iyacaphukisa, ayinyani, kwaye banokuziva ngathi abanokumthemba umntu ukuba ucacile kwaye uthembekile.
4. Inokubangela umbono wokungakwazi ukusebenza.
Abantu abafane bajonge nzulu kwabo babangqongileyo. Umntu oxolisa kakhulu angabonwa njengongafanelekanga, kuba kutheni bebezocela uxolo rhoqo ukuba bebengasoloko bephazamisa izinto?
Lowo ngumbono onokuba neziphumo ezibi kakhulu kubomi bomntu kunye nobungcali.
Unokuthanda (inqaku liyaqhubeka ngezantsi):
- Ungaxolisa njani ngokunyanisekileyo nangokufanelekileyo
- Ungalwamkela Njani Uxolo Ubuye Uphendule Umntu Oxolileyo
- Uxolela njani umntu: 2 Iimodeli eziSekwe kwiSayensi kuXolelo
Iingcebiso ezi-4 zokuyeka ukuXolisa kakhulu
Ukutshintsha umkhwa wokucela uxolo kakhulu kuyehla kutheni umntu ezixolisa kakhulu kwasekuqaleni.
Ukuba ivela kwindawo yoxinzelelo oluxhalabisayo okanye ukwenzakala okungaphiliyo kumava abuhlungu, umntu unokufuna ukuba atyelele ingcali yezempilo yengqondo eqinisekisiweyo ukuze asebenze kwimicimbi ebangela oko.
Ukutshintsha nje indlela yokuziphatha enxulumene nomonakalo ngekhe kupholise ingozi esele ikho, enokubangela ukuba iipateni ziphinde zikhumbule kamva.
Ukutshintsha umkhwa kunokufuna unyango ukuze kujongwane nemiba ebangela oko.
Ngaphandle, singasebenza njani ukutshintsha umkhwa?
1. Khumbula amaxesha apho uthi, 'ndiyaxolisa.'
Vavanya xa uxolisa ngokwenene. Zibuze, “Ngaba bekukho isizathu sokuba ndicele uxolo? Ngaba bendinoxanduva lwento endixolisa ngayo? ”
Uxhobile olo lwazi, ngoku unokukhumbula ixesha elizayo elinje elinokuza ngokuqinisekileyo.
2. Cwaka kwaye cinga phambi kokuba uthethe .
Zama ukungaxolisi xa uzifumana ukwixesha apho ubuqhele ukwenza.
Yithi cwaka kwaye ucinge malunga nokuba yintoni le uzama ukuyidlulisa, nokuba uxanduva lwakho okanye hayi, kwaye ubaluleke kangakanani umcimbi kwaye nokuba ufuna ukuxolisa okanye hayi.
Yima ucinge ngale meko nokuba ubungakhange ubangele ingxaki okanye wenzakalise na ofuna ukuxolisa.
3. Cinga ngento ozama ukuyithetha.
Amagama athi, 'ndiyaxolisa' ahlala emile kwiingcinga kunye neemvakalelo ezinzima.
Cinga ukuba ingaba la magama mabini abonisa ngokuchanekileyo into ofuna ukuyithetha nomnye umntu.
Ngaba zikhona ezinye iingcinga okanye iimvakalelo ezizama ukuza ngaphezulu?
Ukuba zikho, ngoku lixesha lokuba uvakalise ezo mvakalelo endaweni yokucela uxolo.
Ukwenza njalo kuya kunceda ekwakheni ukuzithemba, nokuzithemba, kunye nokwakha imbeko koontanga bakho.
andazi ukonwaba
4. Phinda de ibe sisiqhelo.
Amanyathelo amathathu amancinci!? Ngokuqinisekileyo ayinakuba lula ngolo hlobo!
Ulungile.
Akunjalo.
Ukutshintsha umkhwa yinkqubo elula, kodwa akukho lula.
Ifuna ukuphazamisa umkhwa odlulileyo kwaye ubeke endaweni yalo ngokuziphatha okwahlukileyo, kwaye uyenze amaxesha amaninzi ngaphezulu de ibe iyazenzekela.
Konke malunga nezenzo ozenzayo kwaye uzimisele ukuzibophelela ekuziqhelaniseni de zibe yimvelo yesibini.
Kukuzibophelela, kuba kuthatha malunga neenyanga ezimbini ukuya yakha umkhwa omtsha .
Into emayithethwe endaweni yokuba 'ndiyaxolisa'
Ukuphucula ingqondo yakho xa usithi 'ndiyaxolisa' kuluncedo, kodwa ukukhetha amagama oza kuwabeka endaweni yawo, ukuba akhona, kubalulekile kubalulekile ekutshintsheni umkhwa.
Ngawaphi amagama owakhethayo aya kuhla kwimeko ozifumana ukuyo kunye nokubaluleka kwazo.
Musa ukuxolisa ngokukhoyo. Faka endaweni yokuba 'ndiyaxolisa' ngeengxelo ezinje ngoxolo, emva kwakho, qhubeka, kwaye mandiphume endleleni yakho.
Okanye vele uhambe ngaphandle kokuthetha nantoni na. Ayisiyonto onokuyenza okanye onokuthi uxolise ngayo.
Sebenzisa umbulelo kunye nezinye iindlela zokubulela njengendlela yokutshintsha umbono wencoko.
Ngaphandle kwe, 'Ndiyaxolisa ngokuthatha ixesha lakho.' sebenzisa, 'Enkosi ngexesha lakho.'
Ngaphandle kwe, 'Ndiyaxolisa ngale mpazamo.' sebenzisa, Ndiyayixabisa into yokuba niyifumene impazamo. ”
Ngaphandle kwe, 'Ndiyaxolisa ndishiywe lixesha.' sebenzisa, “Ndiyabulela ngomonde wakho kwaye undilindile!”
Ukunyanzelwa 'ndiyaxolisa' kunzima kakhulu, kuba awunyanzelekanga ukuba ubuyisele nantoni na endaweni yayo.
Kukho abanye abantu abathi nje ngomcimbi wengqondo kwaye kufuneka basebenze ukuba bangayithethi rhoqo okanye ngamaxesha angafanelekanga.
Musa ukuxolisa ngezinto ezingezizo uxanduva lwakho okanye ongazisoli ngazo. Lowo mda ubalulekile onceda ukwahlula abantu abahloniphekileyo kunye nabangahloniphiyo.
Abantu abahloniphekileyo baya kuba nokuqonda kwaye bakulungele ukumelana naloo mda, njengenxalenye ebalulekileyo yempilo yakho yengqondo kunye neemvakalelo.
Imithombo:
https://www.livescience.com/8698-study-reveals-women-apologize.html
https://www.jstor.org/stable/41062429?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents
https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/after-abuse/you-can-stop-apologizing-now
https://www.spring.org.uk/2009/09/how-long-to-form-a-habit.php
