Ndafunda igama elichanekileyo elithi 'Narcissist' kwiinyanga ezimbalwa ezidlulileyo. Kwakungathi amafu asemehlweni am aphela nje, kwaye iimpendulo zemibuzo endingenakuze ndiyenze zavela phambi kwam.
Ngamagama alula kakhulu, singadwelisa ezinye zeempawu zobunina bokubhuqa (NM), ezinje: ukungabikho kovelwano kubantwana bakhe, ukuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo rhoqo, ubuqhetseba, kunye nokukhanyisa ngegesi (esiza kuthetha ngako apha ngezantsi). Kwi-NM, ityala lihlala sisixhobo abaninzi abasisebenzisayo amaphulo smear , kwaye ezinye zikhona ulawulo freaks .
Le yinxalenye encinci yembali yam:
Xa ndandisengumntwana, umama wayedla ngokuthi makangqengqe ebhedini kwaye “kufuneka ucoca uze upheke!” Wayethetha ukuba ubonakala ediniwe, ondlekile kwaye ekhathazekile… kodwa ndandineminyaka esixhenxe kuphela.
Xa ndandisesikolweni esiphakathi, malunga neminyaka eyi-12/13 ubudala, amagama anjenge: isilwanyana, isidenge, kuthetha, ukuhlekisa, kunye nokuthandayo: ukuhlukumeza, kwakuyinxalenye yobomi bam bemihla ngemihla. Ndandizifundile ngentloko, yiyo loo nto ndaqala ukuba noxinzelelo kunye nokudakumba.
Ndikhumbula ndineminyaka eli-17 ubudala, kwisikolo samabanga aphakamileyo, kwaye ndifuna ukufa (ndandilawulwa kangangokuba ndandingakwazi nokuphuma, kwaye ndibalisa iziganeko zobomi bam kunye nebanga ebendikulo esikolweni). Ndacinga ngokufumana iipilisi, kwaye ekuphela kwento eyayindinqanda yile ngcinga: “Ukuba ndingasinda?” Akasoze andixolele, kwaye angandixelela ukuba ndimhlukumeza kangakanani na ngokumenza buhlungu ngale ndlela! Oko kwandinika i-goosebumps.
Ke, endaweni yoko, ndizamile ngako konke okusemandleni ukutshintsha ukuze ndibengumntwana oyintombazana ongcono. Ngokwenyani ndikhulele kwimowudi yokuhlangula.
Kodwa nokuba ndenze ntoni na, bendisoloko ndikhohlakele. Kungakhathaliseki ukuba yacaca kangakanani impazamo, uya kuthi ndiyibala ngokupheleleyo ukuba ndimenze azive kakubi. Nokuba ndizamile kangakanani, ukuba ndiphumelele, ebelindelekile, bendisisidenge. Ndakhethwa kabini ukuba ndibukumkanikazi kwisikolo sam samabanga aphakamileyo, apho wathi kuye: 'Bakukhethile kuba ngumsebenzi omninzi, bakhetha abona bakhulu.'
Iimpawu zokuba akasakuthandi
Kwakukho no…
Ukukhanyisa ngegesi
Ukukhanyisa ngegesi yinto eqhelekileyo phakathi kwabaxhasi. Oku ngokusisiseko kuphosa ilitye kunye nokufihla ingalo, kwaye emva koko bathi ilitye alizange libekho. Wayendibiza ngokuba zezona zinto zimbi onokucinga ngazo, kwaye xa ndinobuganga bokumhlangabeza, wayedla ngokungazi ukuba ndithetha ngantoni.
Amaxesha amaninzi wayede andityhole ngokuba ndimphethe gadalala ngokucinga izinto ezinjalo ngaye, 'umntu ogqibeleleyo' (amagama akhe angathethwayo).
Njengokuba, ukuba uyayifunda le nto, angothuka ngokupheleleyo, kuba akukho nanye eyakha Yenzeka. Ndiyayenza kuba ndiyinyani.
Umthetho othi “Yeha ndim”
Ndiyazi ngoku ukuba yinto nje Ukufuna ingqalelo umsindo, kodwa xa ndandineminyaka esixhenxe, kunye neshumi, kunye ne-13, kunye ne-19, kunye ne-23, kunye ne-25, ndiqinisekile ukuba wayeyimbonakalo yokubandezeleka. Uthe izinto ezinje: “Ngenye yezi ntsuku ndizakufa,” “Ndifuna ukubaleka ndingaze ndiphinde ndibuye,” “Ndifuna ukutsiba entabeni,” “Ungakulinge ulile xa ndifile, ubundiphethe kakubi. ”
Ayingawo la mazwi abuhlungu kakhulu, kodwa ithoni yakhe, ukuphefumla kwakhe okudiniweyo, ukukhaba kwakhe, ukungakwazi kwakhe ukuzibamba (hayi ukuba wayezama), ukumbombozela kwakhe.
Kwakothusa ngokwenene umntwana okanye umntu okwishumi elivisayo ukubona nokuva oko, kwaye nakwiminyaka yam yokuqala yama-20, kuya kundophula.
Ewe, bendicinga ukuba umama angafa ukuba ndingaya kwitheko, okanye ukuba bendithandana nomfana, okanye ukuba ndiye kwesinye isixeko.
Ndishukume, kodwa ilizwi lahlala. Ndiva ilizwi lakhe yonke imihla, yonke imizuzwana. Ndayeka ukuba namaphupha kuba ndandisazi ukuba akazukuwamkela, kwaye ukuba akawamkeli, oko kuya kuthetha ukuba andifanele ukuwasukela kuba oko kwandenza intombi embi. Kwaye andinakukuthatha.
Unokuthanda (inqaku liyaqhubeka ngezantsi):
- Indlela yeGrey Rock yokujongana ne-Narcissist xa kungekho qhakamshelwano ayisiyiyo inketho
- ICoververt Narcissist: Iintloni, iintlobo zoTyikityo ezinokuba ziiNarcissists
- I-Rollercoaster yokubuyisela kwimeko yesiqhelo kwi-Narcissistic Abuse
- Ukuqinisekisa ngokunyanga amaxhoba okuxhatshazwa
- Iikhonkco ezi-5 ezisetyenziswa ngabaNarcissist ukukugcina ubuya kwakhona
Inkqubo yam yokuphilisa
Ngelinye ixesha bendinolu hlaselo luqhelekileyo lweengcinga ezibalekayo zize zibaleke ngesantya esiphezulu kakhulu. Ndiva kakhulu, ndiyabhideka, kufana 'namazwi' amaninzi athetha ngaxeshanye hayi amazwi okwenyani, kodwa ingxolo iphezulu kakhulu.
Ndiye ndaya eAmazon ndachwetheza 'abazali abalawulayo' kukhangelo, kwaye ibikhona incwadi eya kuba yincwadi yam yokuqala ukuba ibuye. Kwi Ukuba ubulawula abazali *, Ugqirha Dan Neuharth ucacisa ngeziphumo zokuba ngumzali we-narcissistic, kunye nendlela yokujongana nazo.
Ukwanika elabo icala, ukuba babandezeleke kangakanani na, kuba uninzi lwabo lwanamava abuhlungu njengomntwana. Unika izimvo malunga nendlela yokuphila ubomi obunempilo xa uhlala nabo, kwaye ukuba uthatha isigqibo sokuya akukho nxibelelwano .
Imvakalelo yokuqinisekiswa yayinkulu, kwaye umdla wam wokufuna ukwazi walamba emva kokufunyanwa kokuqala. Ndifunde ukuba ezo ndawo zam bezonzakele kwaye zonakalisiwe ziya kuhlala nam njengabantwana abahlala ngaphakathi kwam, kwaye umsebenzi wam kukwenza bazive bethandwa ukubanika uthando abangazange balufumana.
Kwaye ndiyasebenza kuzo. Akukho lula konke konke, kodwa ukumisa ayisiyiyo inketho. Ukuba uyintombi (okanye unyana) we-NM, ndiza kukunika iingcebiso ngezinto ezandincedayo ukuba ndizive ndingenaxanduva ngempilo kamama, kwaye ndizibone ndingumntu ophakathi, hayi njenge-monster . Ezi zinto zinokucaca kwilizwe liphela, kodwa azenzelwanga bantu abafana nathi:
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Awunatyala. Umama wakho usenokuba wakutyhola phantse kuyo yonke into anokucinga ngayo: impilo yakhe, impilo yakhe, ukubandezeleka kwakhe. Ubunoxanduva lwayo yonke into, ke uhlala uhlala kwimeko yokulumkisa. “Yintoni elandelayo? Ndenze ntoni engalunganga ngeli xesha? ” Nokuba uhlala phi imini yonke egumbini lakho, uya kuhlala efumana into kuba yilento bayenzayo, bakufumana unetyala ukuze babe msulwa.
Yimfazwe engapheliyo. Inyaniso yile: ikhona akhonto ngokungalunganga ngaphakathi kuwe. Into ebolileyo kuphela kukujonga kukanyoko.
- Nguwe owayefuna ukukhuselwa. Mhlawumbi umama wakho, njengam, wakunika indima yokuba ngumama, kwaye wayehlala engonelisekanga ngumntwana owayehlala ekhathazwa. Kodwa enyanisweni, ibiyenye indlela ejikeleze.
Wayefanele ukuba nguyena owakukhathalelayo yayinguwe owayefuna ukuba akuthande, kwaye akukhokele, kwaye akukondle. -
Sebenza kwiindawo zakho ezibuhlungu, ungazilahli. Abantu abaninzi kunye nababhali basifundisa ukugxotha ezo ndawo zethu ezingasivumeli ukuba siqhubeke sihamba. Into kukuba, ezi ziinxalenye zethu-iinxalenye zobuntwana-ezifuna ukwamkelwa.
Mamela kubo, uqonde kwaye ubathande. Akunyanzelekanga ukuba usebenze kubo okanye ukholelwe into abayithethayo. Khumbula, baya kuthetha kuphela ngolwazi abalufumeneyo, kodwa ngoku uyazi ukuba kwenzeka ntoni kanye, ukuze ukwazi ukuzikhathalela.
Ungaze ucinge ukuba uyilento wayithethayo ukuba wayengekho wayengaboni enye into. Njengoko uKelly Clarkson esitsho: 'Uyibonile nje intlungu yakho,' kwaye uninzi lwazo lonzakele. Kodwa oku akuthethi ukuba kufuneka unikezele kumdlalo okhohlakeleyo abadlala umdlalo wokwenza ujolise kubo.
* Le yindawo yokudibana - ukuba uyayithenga le ncwadi, ndiza kufumana ikhomishini encinci. Oku nangayiphi na indlela kuguqula isincomo esizimeleyo sombhali weendwendwe.
