NgoLwesine, umhla wama-21 kuJulayi ngo-2011, unyana wam oneminyaka engamashumi amabini wemka kwangoko emsebenzini kwaye akazange abuye ekhaya. Umzimba wakhe uya kufunyanwa kwiintsuku ezintandathu kamva kwindawo ekude ejonge iSweetwater Canyon, inxeba lokuzibulala entloko, kwaye ubomi bam abunakufana.
ungayithathi njani into yomntu ngokungakhathali
Emva konyaka, umfazi wam wazibulala.
Ndibizwa ngokuba ndilixhoba lokuzibulala, kodwa ngaba ndim? Uninzi lweentsuku, andiqinisekanga ukuba ndisindile tu. Andinguye la mntu ndandinguye phambi kokuzibulala konyana wam nenkosikazi. Umnqweno wokufumana intsingiselo ebomini bam emva kokuzibulala kwabo kuye kwaba nzima. Ngenye imini ndiziva ngathi ndiyaqala ukwenza intsingiselo ngobomi bam kwakhona, ngosuku olulandelayo yonke into ibuyela kwisiphithiphithi.
Wonke umntu ujongana nenqanaba lesiphithiphithi kwihlabathi elibonakala lingenangqondo, kodwa intuthumbo yokuzibulala iphosa ukukhanya kuyo. U-Albert Camus ubhale wathi, 'Inye kuphela ingxaki enzulu yefilosofi kwaye ukuzibulala.'
Kwi-twist engathandekiyo, ukuzibulala kuphendula umbuzo okhoyo: silawula ubomi bethu ? Ngokuqinisekileyo ukuzibulala kusinika ulawulo. Isenokuba kuphela kwento eyenzayo. Ukuze sikwazi ukulawula ubomi bethu, kufuneka samkele akunakuphepheka ukusweleka kwethu . Kodwa ifuna okungaphezulu kokwamkelwa okulula ukuba siza kufa, ikwafuna inkolelo yokuba siyakufumana iindlela ezinentsingiselo zokuhamba kububhanxa bobomi. Ukuze sikhululeke ngokwenyani kwingcinga yobudenge, kufuneka siyamkele.
Ngokuthula ingxolo, ukuzibulala yenye yeendlela zokudibanisa ubomi bomntu nokungabi nathemba nokungabinangqondo.
Kodwa kuphela kwendlela?
Andicingi njalo.
Ukuze ndamkele eyam indima njenge osindileyo yokuzibulala, kwaye ngenene ukufumana isizathu sokutyhalela phambili, kufuneka ndifumane amandla okudibanisa ububhanxa bobomi nentando yam yokuphila. Kutheni uqhubeka uphila kwihlabathi elingenangqondo nelingaqinisekanga? Ukuba andinakukwazi ukudibanisa izinto ezingenangqondo, ngekhe ndikhululeke kuyo. Kwaye yile nto sonke siyilandeleyo, akunjalo? Inkululeko. Inkululeko sifumana uxolo. Icebo kukufumana inkululeko kwaye uqhubeke nokuphila.
Kwiminyaka emithandathu ukusukela ekuzibulaleni konyana wam, bendihleli ndikwi-rollercoaster yeemvakalelo, yonke into yalatha kububudenge bobomi. Ngexesha lonyaka emva kokuzibulala konyana wam, umfazi wam wasokoliswa bubumnyama, de waphanda neendlela zokuzibulala. Ndamcenga, ndizama ukumqinisekisa ukuba kukho ukukhanya ekupheleni kwetonela.
Khange ayibone ...
Ndamxelela ukuba ukuzibulala kuya kuhlala kumlungele, kodwa okwangoku, kuncamathele epokothweni yakhe esemva, akadingi kudlala elo khadi okwangoku. Bendinethemba lokuba uyakufumana intuthuzelo ngokwazi ukuba izinto ziye zinganyamezeleki, uhlala enendlela yokuphuma, kodwa okwangoku, kufuneka aphile ukuze ahloniphe ubomi obufutshane bonyana wethu, ukuze anike intsingiselo ebomini bakhe.
Umntu akanakubusula ubomi kanjalo. Ngenye imini wayelapha, ngengomso engekho. Kodwa wayesekhona kwiinkumbulo zethu ngaye. Njengoko Kubuhlungu njengoko bekunokucinga ngaye ngaphambili, kufuneka sigcine iinkumbulo ziphila.
Esinye sezikhalazo ngokuzibulala yinkolelo yomntu ocinga ngokuzibulala ukuba sele engumthwalo kwizithandwa zakhe kwaye ngokuzibulala kwakhe, uya kubakhulula abo abathandayo kulo mthwalo, xa enyanisweni, akukho nto inokuba kude ngakumbi nenyaniso. Akukho mntu usindileyo ngokuzibulala oziva ekhululekile. Endaweni yoko, uziva kuphela isibetho esothusayo sothuselo kunye nembubhiso.
Unyana wam akazange afune ukwenzakalisa omnye umntu ngokuzibulala kwakhe. Kodwa wenza.
Ngobusuku obandulela isikhumbuzo sonyaka omnye wokuzibulala konyana wethu, ndandisoyika imeko yomfazi wam ethe-ethe, kodwa wayebonakala omelele kwaye ezimisele, endixelela ukuba uzimisele ukuyibona le nto. Wayeza kuhlawula izinyuko ngentsasa elandelayo kanye njengoko unyana wethu wenza okokugqibela ukumbona.
Ngentsasa yosuku anyamalala ngalo, wafika emva kwexesha emsebenzini, kwaye umfazi wam wahleka njengoko unyana wethu egcwalisa izinyuko ngenxa yokuphefumla. Wamxelela ukuba akukho nto inkulu, phumla, hlala phantsi, usele ikomityi yekofu, ubomi buzomlinda.
Ewe, ubomi buya kulinda.
Njengoko kwavela, yayiza kulinda unaphakade. Akakhange ahlawulise kuphela izinyuko ngaloo ntsasa, kodwa ngamanye amaxesha ngorhatya, ehleli yedwa kwilitye elijonge iSweetwater Canyon ikhulu leemayile ukusuka ekhaya, wahlawulisa kwindawo engaziwayo.
Yintoni eyayihamba engqondweni yakhe ngezo yure zokugqibela, imizuzu yokugqibela, imizuzwana yokugqibela yobomi bakhe? (Uthatha njani isigqibo sokuba ngoku lixesha lokutsala intshinga?) Ngaba izinto bezinokujika ngokwahlukileyo ukuba ebemamele ingcebiso yakhe yokuphumla, ukuphefumla nzulu, ayisiyonto inkulu, ubomi buhlala busilindile?
Unokuthanda (inqaku liyaqhubeka ngezantsi):
- Ukudakumba okukhoyo: Ungazoyisa njani iimvakalelo zakho zokungabinantsingiselo
- Ngaba ujonga intsingiselo yobomi kwindawo engeyiyo?
- Iindlela ezili-9 zoLuntu lwale mihla zibangela i-Vacuum ekhoyo
- Xa uziva uphelelwe lithemba, thetha la magama mane
- Endaweni yokuba 'Uxolo ngokulahleka kwakho,' Yitsho amazwi ovelwano ngala mabinzana
- Ukufumana Ngeentsuku Zokukhumbula Umntu Olahlekileyo
Akukho namnye kuthi omele acinge ukuba ubomi buhlala busilindile. Yonke imihla, ngandlela thile, siyahlawulisa kwindawo engaziwayo. Amaxesha amaninzi, siyaphila ekupheleni kosuku. Kodwa ngenye imini ayizukuba njalo. Ngale ndlela, sonke singabasindileyo, sisokola ukufikelela esiphelweni sosuku. Senza njani ingqiqo ngayo? Siqhubeka njani xa sijamelana nokungaqiniseki kunye nesiphithiphithi esingaka? Rhoqo ndikhumbuza ngokuzibulala konyana wam nokomfazi, lo mbuzo undijongile.
Kuba andinazo iimpendulo zale mibuzo, nantsi into endigqibe ekubeni ndiyenze ukuze ndibenze bahambe. Ndiza kuba ligorha. Kuthetha ukuthini ukuba ligorha? Izinto ezimbini: ingqeqesho kwaye unyamezelo. Ndidinga ukufikelela kwinqanaba ebomini bam apho ndikholelwa ukuba ndinelungelo lokuba lapha. Ukuba ubomi buzaliswe kukungaqiniseki, makube njalo, ndigqibe kwelokuba ndihlale ndigxile kwaye ndiqaphile, ndiqinisekile ngamandla am okunyamezela phantsi kwayo nayiphi na imeko.
Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, yeyiphi eyona nto imbi inokwenzeka?
Kwisikhumbuzo sonyana wam, ndaxelela umhlobo wam, utata womnye wabahlobo bonyana wam, ukuba ngekhe ndiphinde ndoyike. Kuba ndandisele ndinengxaki engathethekiyo, kwaye, ke, ndandingenanto yokuphulukana nayo, ndandingasekho nto yokoyika. Ukusukela ngalaa mzuzu ukuya phambili, ndingazoyiswa.
Njengoko kwafumanekayo, nangona kunjalo, andizange ndoyise.
Njengoko iintsuku ziqhubeka, ndaziva ndoyisiwe ngakumbi nangakumbi, ngakumbi nangakumbi kwaye ndisengozini kwaye ndithambile. Ndinengxaki yokufumana nasiphi na isizathu sokuqhubeka. Ndongeze ukudideka nokudideka kukuziphatha kwam ngokungakhathali. Akukho nto yayivakalayo, ke ndenza ngokungenangqondo. Kodwa kukho iziphumo kwizenzo zam. Abanye abantu babenzakele, abantu ababebandakanyeka ebomini bam, abantu ababendikhathalele, abantu ababekhe babandakanyeka uwele eluthandweni nam.
Ukubandezeleka okungathethekiyo, eyona nto yokugqibela endandiyifuna kukwenzakalisa omnye umntu. Nangona ingcinga yokukhathaza nabani na ongomnye yayibuhlungu kum, ndandinqwenela uthando kunye nobuhlobo, ndiqonda ngokupheleleyo ukuba andinakuze ndikwazi ukuzibophelela kubudlelwane bexesha elide.
Okokugqibela, ndiye ndaqonda ukuba ukunqanda le nto indlela yokuziphatha eyonakalisayo , Kwaye ukunqanda ukubangela ukubandezeleka ngakumbi komnye umntu, kufuneka ndifumane amandla okunyamezela xa ndijamelene nokubandezeleka kwam. Ndimele ndibe ngu ukomelela umkhosi, womelele kwaye uthule kwaye unengqondo. Kuya kufuneka ndifune uxolo lwangaphakathi . Kuphela kusemva kokuba ndizolile ingqondo yam apho ndiya kuqala ukubona indlela ekufuneka ndiyilandele ukuze ndiphile ngokuthembekileyo nangokunyaniseka.
uthotho olutsha lwenamba yebhola z
Ukunyaniseka nenyaniso zezona zinto zinzima ukuzibona kwihlabathi lesiphithiphithi kunye nokungabinangqondo. Sibaqonda njani? Asizukuyenza. Ke ngoko, kuye kuthi sonke ukuba sizenzele eyakhe ingqiqo ukunyaniseka nenyaniso. Kufuneka silungise ukungavisisani kwethu ngokwamkela le nto inye ilula: ukunyaniseka nenyaniso azifumaneki kwisiphithiphithi sobomi bemihla ngemihla, kodwa zenziwe ngaphakathi kuthi nganye ukuze zilungele iimfuno zethu.
Senza iinyaniso zethu. Ezi ziinyaniso esinokuzilandela, yonke enye into ililize.
Ngamnye wethu kufuneka afumane inguqulelo yakhe yobomi bemfazwe. Kungale ndlela kuphela anokuthi aqale athule ingxwabangxwaba kwaye aphephe umbuzo ophikisayo, 'Senza njani ukuba nobomi?' Asikokwethu ukufumana impendulo kulo mbuzo wokukhohlisa kuxhomekeke kuthi ukufumana impendulo komnye umbuzo: yintoni eyinyani kuthi? Kuphela kuxa sixhotyiswe kukukholelwa kwinyaniso yethu nokunyaniseka apho siya kuba nakho ukugxila kunye nokulungiselela ukulwa umlo olungileyo.
Oko umfazi wam nonyana wam bazibulala, bendikhathazwa sisazela sam kunye neemvakalelo zokungaphumeleli. Kwinqanaba lokuqonda, ndiyazi ukuba akukho nto ndiyenzileyo iphosakeleyo, kodwa kwi inqanaba lokuqonda , Andinakuza nenye ingcaciso yokuba kutheni unyana wam kunye nenkosikazi yam beziva befuna ukuhamba, ngaphandle kokuba ndibasilele.
Ukubandezeleka kukusindiswa kwam, nangona ndiyazi ukuba kukuzenzakalisa. Kuya kufuneka ndizixolele kwaye ndifumane amandla kwenye inyani. Ukubandezeleka kuyinyaniso engathandekiyo kwaye ngandlela thile ayonelisi. Akunyanzelekanga ukuba ndingqine nakubani na ukuba akukho nto imbi ndiyenzileyo kufuneka ndizibonele.
Ukufumana eyam ingqiqo yokunyaniseka nenyaniso linyathelo lokuqala lokuba ligorha. Kuphela kusemva kokuvuma eyam inyaniso apho ndiya kuqala khona uhambo oluza kundikhulula.
