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Ngaba uhlala ulwa neemvakalelo zokuphelelwa lithemba kunye nokungabinantsingiselo? Ngaba uhlala unengxaki yokuchonga indawo yakho emhlabeni?
Usenokuba uphethwe yi Uxinzelelo lobukho .
Le meko inokudideka kwaye yoyikise kwangaxeshanye. Njengoko uzama ukudibanisa iingcinga zakho nezenzo zakho, kunye nobomi bakho nentsingiselo, unokujamelana nokoyikeka ixhala , ukungazithembi, ukudideka, kunye noloyiko.
Eli nqaku liza kuzama ukunika isiqabu kwezi mvakalelo. Okokuqala, iya kujonga iingcambu zokudakumba ezikhoyo, emva koko ujonge imiqondiso eqhelekileyo yabantu abanesifo, kwaye ekugqibeleni ujonge ezinye iindlela ezinokubakho kwesi sifo.
Ngaba ukulungele ukuqala?
Ukuzalwa koxinzelelo lwangoku
Ubomi njengomntwana omncinci bunqabile. Uvaliwe ngokufanelekileyo kwilizwe langaphandle kwaye ufunda uninzi lwento oyaziyo kwabakufutshane kuwe: abazali, abantakwenu, amalungu osapho ngokubanzi, kunye nabahlobo bokuqala.
Izimvo zakho zobomi, isimilo sakho, izimvo zakho, kunye nokuqonda kwakho ukuba zeziphi iindlela zokuziphatha ezamkelekileyo zonke zenziwa yile nto uyibonayo kweli qela lincinci labantu.
Ke, njengoko ukhula, ukubonakaliswa kwakho kwiimpembelelo zangaphandle kuyakhula. Ukukwazi kwakho ukunxibelelana kuyaphucuka, uqala ukuqonda izimvo ezinzima ngakumbi, kwaye unxibelelana namaqela ahlukeneyo abantu.
ungazi njani ukuba umntu othile uyakusebenzisa
Ngokukhawuleza, umbono wakho wehlabathi uhlala ucelwa umngeni njengoko udibana neenkolelo, izithethe, indlela yokuziphatha, kunye neendlela zokuphila ezahluke mpela kwezakho. Usenokuqalisa ukubuza ukuba yintoni elungileyo nengalunganga. Okanye, ngubani olungileyo kwaye ngubani ongalunganga.
Ezi zihlumelo zokuqala eziluhlaza zokudakumba ezikhoyo kwaye zintle kakhulu kwindalo iphela. Uninzi lwabantu kwinqanaba elithile ebomini babo, baya kuhamba ngexesha apho baqala ukubuza yonke into ababeyifundisiwe. Abanye, oku kuyakugqitha ngokukhawuleza kwaye kungabi buhlungu, kodwa abanye banokuhlala bekwimeko enjalo ixesha elide.
Abanye, nangoku, banokubhabha ngaphakathi nangaphandle kwale ndawo icingayo rhoqo ebomini babo.
Ukudakumba okukhoyo akufuneki ukuba kulandele. Abantu abaninzi baya kucamngca nge imibuzo enzulu yobomi, intsingiselo, kunye nendalo yonke ngokonwaba abanye baya kuthi bafumane umceli mngeni wokucinga okungaphendulekiyo.
Okwangoku bambalwa, lo mbuzo unokuhla uye ezantsi kwimeko yokudakumba apho eyona njongo yobomi bakho iphoswa kumathandabuzo.
Iinkxalabo zokugqibela zikaYalom
Kwincwadi yakhe ethi Existential Psychotherapy, ugqirha wezifo zengqondo u-Irvin Yalom wathi kukho izizathu ezine eziphambili zolu hlobo loxinzelelo. Ezi 'nkxalabo zokugqibela' njengoko watshoyo, ngokokubona kwakhe, ziingcinga ezisisiseko abanokuthi bajongane nazo abo banengxaki.
Ezi zezi: ukufa, inkululeko, ukuhlala wedwa, nokungabinantsingiselo.
Ukufa , njengoko ubuya kulindela, inxulumene nokuphela okungenakuphepheka kobomi bethu bomzimba kunye nendlela oku okunxulumene ngayo nokupheliswa kweefom zethu zengqondo nezomoya. Sonke siyafa ngokwasemzimbeni, kodwa ukungakwazi ukubona ngaphaya kokufa kwemizimba yethu kunokubangela usizi.
Ngelixa abanye abantu benokholo kubomi basemva kokufa emva kweentlobo ezahlukileyo, abanye balwa nesiphelo esibuhlungu 'sokuzimela' okubangelwa kukufa. Ukuba sonke silindelwe kukufa, yintoni injongo yokuphila?
Inkululeko Yinto abantu abalwe ngayo iimfazwe ukutyhubela iinkulungwane, ukanti u-Yalom ubeka into yokuba ingqondo inolwalamano olungenantlonelo nalo mbono. Inkululeko ivela kukungabikho kolwakhiwo esijongene nalo ukusukela kumhla wokuzalwa kwethu. Ngelixa sihlala kwihlabathi elizele yimithetho kunye nezithethe, asibophekanga kuzo.
Inkululeko luxanduva lokwenza ukhetho, ukwenza enye indlela okanye enye, ukuzenzela indlela esifuna ukuyenza. Umgaqo owoyikisayo, awuyi kuvuma? Kuba ukuba sikhululekile ngokwenyani, kuya kufuneka sijongane nethemba lokwenza ukhetho olubi, lokuhamba kwindlela encinci kunokuba bekunokwenzeka, yokungazalisekisi amandla esanikwa wona.
Ukubekwa wedwa Olunye uluvo oluphazamisayo. Uyabona, njengezidalwa, sichazwa kukunxibelelana kwethu nabanye abantu, izinto kunye nezidalwa. Nangona kunjalo nokuba siqhelene kangakanani nomzimba othile wasemzini, asinakuze sazi umongo wawo. Asinakuze sibe nakho ukuba yintoni umntu, into, okanye uhlobo lobomi.
Njengokuba singenakho ukuyazi ngokupheleleyo enye, abanako ukusazi ngokupheleleyo. Ukuqonda kwethu kuvaliwe kubo bonke abantu bangaphandle kungenxa yamehlo ethu kuphela. Isiphelo salo mgaqo wokucinga kukuba sisodwa ngokupheleleyo kubomi bethu. Sijonge kwihlabathi elinokujongwa, ukuviwa, ukuchukumiseka, kodwa ayingo thina kwaye asiyiyo.
Ukungabinantsingiselo sisiphelo sokufa, inkululeko kunye nokuzikhetha. Xa ujongene nexesha lethu, ukungaqiniseki, kunye Ubukho bodwa , ezinye iingqondo ziwela kwindawo emnyama engenathemba nokubaluleka.
Eyona ntsingiselo yobomi ilahlekile kwaye umntu ungena kwimeko yoxinzelelo lobukho.
Unokuthanda (inqaku liyaqhubeka ngezantsi):
- Iimpawu ze-6 ukuMiqobo yeNgxaki ekhoyo
- Inyaniso Embi Ngobomi ekungekho mntu ufuna ukukuxelela yona
- Iindidi ezi-4 zaBantu abaninzi kunokwenzeka ukuba bahlupheke ngengxaki ekhoyo
- Ungawuthintela njani umGibaniso weCrisis okhoyo ngeli xesha lokuKhula koMntu
- Iinkolelo ze-4 zeBuddhist eziya kuthi zishiye ukuqonda kwakho kobomi kwaye zikwenze wonwabe
- Iindlela ezili-9 zoLuntu lwale mihla zibanga i-Vacuum ekhoyo
Kutheni abanye bengengabo abanye?
Ngenxa yokuba sonke siza kubuza ukuba singoobani kwaye simi entwenini ebomini bethu, kutheni le nto kungekuko ukwehla ukuya kuxinzelelo lobukho obungenakuphepheka? Kutheni le nto abanye abantu besokola kwaye abanye bengekho?
Ngokwenyani lo ngumbuzo onokubuzwa kuzo zonke iintlobo zoxinzelelo, kwaye ngelixa kungekho mpendulo inye, icace gca, kukho imikhondo ethile.
Enye indlela eya kule ndawo imnyama idlula ku intlekele okanye ilahleko obetha nzulu entliziyweni yomntu. Imizekelo yeziganeko ezinjalo zezi: ukusweleka kothandekayo, intlekele enkulu (yendalo okanye eyenziwe ngumntu), isiqendu esibuhlungu kwixesha elidlulileyo lomntu, ukwenzakala kakhulu kuye, ukuxilongwa kwempilo enkenenkene, okanye ezinye izidubedube zequbuliso.
Oku kunokubangela ukuphakama kwemibuzo kunye neenkxalabo ezikhoyo esele zibekiwe. Ngequbuliso, inyani yakho itshintshile kwaye nembono yakho ngobomi kunye nehlabathi elikungqongileyo liyatshintsha.
Ukholo Isizathu sesibini esinokubangela ukuba abanye abantu bafumane uxinzelelo lwengqondo ngelixa abanye bengenalo. Nokuba ungalujonga njani, inkolo isebenza njenge-ankile enkulu kubomi babo bayenzayo. Inkolo ibonelela ngeempendulo (nokuba zichanekile okanye akunjalo) kwimibuzo esisiseko esiyibuza sonke ngobomi. Ingumthombo woxolo kunye nentuthuzelo kwindlu yesibane kulwandle lobumnyama nolunesaqhwithi sobomi.
Ewe kunjalo, awunyanzelekanga ukuba uqhelise inkolo yesiqhelo ukuze ube nokholo. Unokholo kwinkolelo yakho, ezakho izimvo, eyakho intliziyo nomphefumlo. Nokuba loluphi na uhlobo oluthathayo, ukholo lufana nenkqubo yokhuselo lokomoya, ethintela izifo ezikhoyo ezisongela ingqondo.
Ukunqongophala kokholo-okanye nokulahlekelwa lukholo-kunokukubeka emngciphekweni ophezulu wale ndlela yoxinzelelo. Kwakhona, kubalulekile ukuba uqaphele ukuba ayingabo bonke abo baphila ngaphandle kokholo abaya kusokola, kwaye ayingabo bonke abo banokholo abangazukuchaphazeleka kule mbandezelo.
Okwesithathu, ugqirha wezengqondo u-Kazimierz Dabrowski uqikelele ukuba ukuqala koxinzelelo olunokubakho lwalunokwenzeka kumntu owayekhe ngandlela thile unesiphiwo . Aba bantu bahlala bephakamile kunengqondo, kuba ukuxoxa ngentsingiselo yobukho bakho kufuna ixesha elide kunye nomzamo odibeneyo wengqondo.
Abantu aboyilayo, ngokukaDabrowski, banomdla wokubuza ubukho babo ngandlela thile (ngamanye amaxesha njengenxalenye yomsebenzi wabo) kwaye kukho imizekelo emininzi yamagcisa, ababhali kunye neembongi abaye balwa nale ndlela yoxinzelelo. Iingqondi ezinkulu, izazinzulu, izithandi zobulumko, kunye neenkokheli nabo bakweli qela 'linesiphiwo' kwaye kunokwenzeka ukuba bajongane neengxaki zobomi kunye nenjongo.
UDabrowski uchaze ukuba abantu abanesiphiwo bayazi ngakumbi ubungakanani bokuphila. Babona iwebhu engapheliyo yonxibelelwano phakathi kwabantu, impembelelo umntu anayo kwindawo emngqongileyo, kunye neendlela eziphambukayo ezivela kukhetho esijamelene nalo. Bayayibona yonke le nto kwaye bangabo ukwazi kakuhle yamandla amakhulu abangqongileyo. Benza umbono oqinisekileyo wento enokuba yiyo, ethi iphazanyiswe bubunyani behlabathi obukhoyo.
Bazi uvakalelo kakhulu ukungabikho kokusesikweni kuluntu kunye -ngenabulungisa namathuba angalinganiyo anikwa amalungu namaqela awohlukeneyo. Banqwenela ukuba yimpembelelo elungileyo, ukulinganisa izikali esele zikhethe ixesha elide kunabanye. Oko kuqala njengomnqweno oqinisekileyo kunokuhla ngokukhawuleza kuye ukuphelelwa lithemba kunye nokuphelelwa lithemba njengoko beqonda imida yempembelelo yabo. Bangacinga ukuba zinokuba njani izinto, kodwa abakwazi ukwenza ifuthe elibonakalayo. Oku kungakhokelela ekubeni babuze ubukho babo kunye nenjongo yobomi, ukuba ikho.
Intlungu, ukunqongophala kokholo, kunye nokuba nesiphiwo ayisiyiyo kuphela imvelaphi yoxinzelelo olukhoyo, kodwa zezona ziphambili. Kwaye njengoko kukhankanyiwe, ayingabo bonke abo bakulungeleyo okunye koku kubumba abaya kuwa kwimeko yoxinzelelo zizimpawu nje zomngcipheko ophakamileyo.
Iimpawu zoxinzelelo olukhoyo
Ingxaki yokudakumba yohlobo olukhoyo inokuchongwa ngokujonga ezinye zeempawu eziqhelekileyo:
- Inzala (emida kwimida) ekubuzeni imibuzo enzulu malunga nobomi, ukufa, iphela kunye nenjongo yako konke.
- Ukuphulukana nomdla kuyo yonke into kuba ibonwa njengenantsingiselo.
- Iimvakalelo zokunqanyulwa, ukwahlukana, ukuba yedwa, kunye ubulolo (usike ubudlelwane nabantu ebomini bakho kwaye ndiziva ngathi awungeni ndawo ).
- Ukunganyamezelani kwimeko ekuyo kuluntu.
- Umsebenzi wokukhubazeka okubangelwa kukungabikho kwenkuthazo okanye inkuthazo (okt awunako ukuzisa ngokwakho ukwenza nantoni na).
- Iimvakalelo zokuba ndindisholo okanye ukungabinanto.
- Amanqanaba amandla aphantsi.
- Iingcinga zokuzibulala.
Uxinzelelo olukhoyo, njengezinye iintlobo, lunokuza ngamanqanaba ohlukeneyo obukhali. Ukuchonga iimpawu kwangoko yinxalenye ebalulekileyo yonyango kunye nokoyisa isigulo.
Ukujongana nokudakumba okukhoyo
Iphepha elichazayo ukuba awusenanto oyifunayo: akukho nanye kwezi zinto zilandelayo ekufuneka zithathelwe ingqalelo njengengcebiso yezonyango okanye yobungcali. Uxinzelelo kunyangwa ngcono ziingcali kwaye amanqaku angezantsi ayilelwe ukuncoma oku.
Thetha nomntu: Nokuba uziva ngathi lonke unxibelelwano lomntu alunantsingiselo, kufanelekile ukuzama unyango oluthile lokuthetha. I-Logotherapy, uhlobo lonyango lwengqondo olwenziwe nguViktor Frankl, inokuba ilungele uxinzelelo lwangoku njengoko ijongene nokukhangela intsingiselo kubomi bethu.
Yamkela ukungaqiniseki: Inye into ehlupha uninzi lwabantu abanesifo bubuninzi kunye nomlinganiselo wezinto ezingaziwayo ezichaphazelekayo. Nokuba ungacinga okanye ukhangele kangakanani na uya kuze akunike iimpendulo ezichanekileyo kwimibuzo yokuba kutheni kufuneka siphile kanjani. Iimfihlakalo ezijikeleze ukufa, iphela , inkululeko yokuzikhethela, okanye injongo iya kuhlala ifihliwe, kwaye ukwamkela oku kunokususa umthwalo wokucinga okungapheliyo.
Gxila kwinto ONOKUYENZA: amathuba okuba ufikelele kwisigqibo sokuba impembelelo yakho kwihlabathi liphela. Endaweni yokuvumela ukuba oku kukuhlise, zama ukuqaphela zonke iindlela ezininzi ezincinci onokuthi uzenze kwaye uzichaphazele abo bakungqongileyo. Qonda ukuba ngelixa ukufikelela kwakho kunokuba nokulinganiselwa, ukubanakho ukuba nefuthe elihle kwabo bangaphakathi kuyo akunjalo.
Usizi: ukuba ukhe wehlelwa yilahleko okanye wabona intlekele, kufuneka vumela usizi . Ungakhathazi abanye kuphela abo bemkileyo, kodwa kunye nezo ndawo zakho ungasakwaziyo ukuzichonga. Imeko zobukho ngokungaguquguqukiyo zikwenza ubuze malunga nokuziphatha kwakho, ukhetho lwakho, ubuntu bakho, kunye nobomi bakho ukuza kuthi ga ngoku kufuneka uziyeke ezi zinto ukuba ziya kuphulukana nokuzibamba kwakho.
Yamkela umohluko: ukujongana neemvakalelo zokunqamla kunye nokuzahlula, kuya kufuneka uyamkele kwaye, ekugqibeleni, yamkele inyani yokuba wahlukile kuwo wonke umntu nayo yonke enye into. Endaweni yokubona le njengendawo embi, zama ukuyijonga njengethuba lokuzibandakanya nezinto ezihluke mpela kwezakho. Ewe awusoze ukwazi ukuba ngabo, uzive njengabo, ubone njengabo, kodwa ungafunda kubo kwaye uyiqonde ngcono ingxelo yabo yokwenyani. Musa ukucinga ubukho beziphoso kunye namalungelo, kodwa qonda ukwahluka kwenkcubeko kunye nezimvo.
Ukudakumba okukhoyo yimeko encomekayo, ngamanye amaxesha engakhathalelwanga ngoochwephesha bezempilo okanye ngempazamo ngolunye uhlobo lwezifo. Ukuyiqonda ukuba yintoni kwaye ivela phi inokukunceda ekujonganeni nomba kwaye ufumane unyango olusebenzayo.
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