Uziva ungcatshiwe. Umntu omkhathaleleyo, mhlawumbi nothando luye lwazaphula izibophelelo zokuthembana kwaye lwenze into esika nzulu entliziyweni yakho.
Ingaba wenza ntoni? Ungadlula njani koku kungcatshwa kwaye uphilise? Ngaba uya kuze ukwazi ukubaxolela ngento abayenzileyo?
Nokuba kukungcatshwa lilungu losapho, umhlobo osenyongweni, iqabane, okanye omnye umntu ngokupheleleyo, amanyathelo onokuthi uwathathe ukoyisa intlungu ebangelwe yinto efanayo.
1. Chaza iimvakalelo zakho
Ukungcatsha sisenzo. Iimvakalelo ezibangelwa yiyo yile nto siyithethayo xa sisithi 'siziva singcatshiwe.'
Iholo lodumo elinelanga
Ukuze uqalise ukubuyela kwimeko yesiqhelo, kuya kufuneka uchaze ngakumbi malunga neemvakalelo ezivuselelweyo.
Ezinye zezona ziqhelekileyo onokuhlangana nazo zezi:
Umsindo -Wenzakalisiwe kwaye enye yeemvakalelo zendalo kwiimeko ezinjalo ngumsindo. “Bangathini bona ?! Bangathini ?! Baza kuyihlawula le nto! ”
Usizi - unokuba sezantsi kakhulu, ulile naxa ufumanisa ukungcatshwa. Oku kungabangelwa kukuba uziva ulahlekelwe kukumthemba, ukulahleka komntu obucinga ukuba unguye, ukulahleka kwenkumbulo onayo ngabo, ukulahleka kwekamva owalibonayo kunye nabo.
Ummangaliso -Ewe, mhlawumbi uyothuka xa usiva ukuba lo mntu okanye aba bantu bangcatshe. Usenokuba awuzange ubenayo nayiphi na inki enokwenzeka.
Uloyiko - unganexhala ngeziphumo zoku kungcatshwa. Kungathetha ukuphazamiseka okukhulu ebomini bakho kwaye ezi zinto zingaziwayo ziyakoyikisa.
Ukucekiseka - awunakunyamezela nokucinga ngayo okanye ngabo kuba ibangela isisu sakho ukuba sigungqe.
Ukungazithembi -Ungazibuza kwaye ungathandabuzi ukuba uyakufanelekela ukuthandwa nokukhathalelwa. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, umntu okungcatshayo waziva ngokucacileyo ukuba awunguye.
Iintloni -Usenokuzibeka ityala kwaye uzive uneentloni ngokwenzekileyo kunye nendlela abanye abanokukubona ngayo kwaye bakuphathe ngayo.
Ubulolo - oku kukungcatsha kwakho akukho namnye umntu. Babeyiqonda njani le nto? ”
Ukudideka - usenokungakuqondi okwenzekileyo? Akukho namnye kubo obonakala esenza ingqiqo kuwe.
Linyathelo elibalulekileyo lokuchonga ukuba uziva njani na ngalo naliphi na ixesha. Unokuziva uninzi okanye zonke ezi zinto emva kokungcatshwa- ubuncinci ubuncinci ngexesha kwaye ujikeleza umva njengoko usenza.
Umzekelo, ukumangaliswa kunye nokudideka kunokuba zizinto zokuqala ozivayo, ezithi emva koko zibe nomsindo kunye nezothe okanye usizi kunye noloyiko. Ungabuya umangaliswe kukudana.
Akuyi kubakho inkqubela ecacileyo okanye efanayo ukusuka kwelinye ukuya kwelinye, kodwa kunokuba i-maelstrom ephazamisayo yemvakalelo.
2. Musa ukuziphindezela
Ngokungcatshwa okuthile, unokuba nomnqweno ongaphaya wokuziphindezela.
Musa!
Unokuba uziva unomsindo malunga noko kwenzekileyo kwaye ungaziva ngathi bafanelwe sisohlwayo, kodwa kunqabile ukuba le ibe yinto elungileyo.
Ukuba kukho enye indlela yokwandisa ixesha lokulimaza nokulibazisa inkqubo yokuphilisa, kungokuceba nokucwangcisa ukuziphindezela kwakho.
Cinga ukuthelekiswa kokungcatshwa njengokunqunyulwa okanye ukuphazamiseka kwinyama yakho yomzimba. Kungekudala kuvela ukhoko ngaphezulu kwenxeba, kodwa kuhlala kukho umnqweno wokulinyanzela ulikhethe. Iyarhawuzelela, ibuhlungu, kwaye uziva ufuna ukwenza into ngayo.
Nangona kunjalo, uyazi ngamava ukuba okukhona uchukumisa kwaye ukhetha ukhwekhwe, kokukhona lihlala ixesha elide kwaye kunokwenzeka ukuba ushiye isikhumba.
Ukuziphindezela kufana nokuchola ukhoko: liza kutyhila inxeba kwakhona kwaye likwenze uqaqanjelwe. Kwaye okukhona usenza (kokukhona ucinga ngokwenza), kokukhona kuya kufuneka uyithwale loo ntlungu ubomi bakho bonke.
Sixhathise isilingo sokufumana eyakho imbuyekezo. Iimvakalelo ziya kuthi ekugqibeleni ziphele kwaye zidlule kwaye uyakonwabela ukuzibamba ekubangeleni ukubandezeleka okufanayo kumngcatshi wakho.
3. Thatha ixesha
Xa sele ungcatshwe ngumntu, esona sisombululo sexesha lifutshane kukukuphepha kangangoko ngokomzimba- nange-elektroniki- kunokwenzeka.
Oko kuthetha ukuba ungababoni, ungabathumeli imiyalezo, ungajongi imithombo yeendaba kuyo yonke imizuzu emi-5.
Ndiyazi ukuba nizawuthanda umzekeliso, nantsi ke enye kuni: cinga ngezo mvakalelo sithethe ngazo ngasentla njengezishushu ngumlilo. Ekuqaleni, umlilo uvutha ngamandla kwaye iimvakalelo ziyavutha zishushu emalangatye.
Owona mlilo unokutsha kukudibana nalowo wakungcatshayo. Ke, ukuze umlilo ucime, kufuneka uyeke ukongeza umbane kuwo.
Kuya kufuneka uthathe ixesha elithile kwaye uqhawule ubudlelwane kunye naloo mntu.
Ngoku, ukuba bazama ukunxibelelana nawe (kwaye mhlawumbi baya kuthi), ungabaxelela nje ngendlela ezolileyo ukuba ufuna ixesha kunye nendawo yokujongana nezinto abazenzileyo. Bacele ukuba bahloniphe iminqweno yakho kwaye bakushiye.
Iimvakalelo zakho ziya kuthi ekugqibeleni ziqale ukucima njengoko umlilo usiba ngamalahle nje. Ngoku uya kuba kwimeko engcono kakhulu yokucinga ngokucacileyo kwaye uqhubekeke neziganeko kwaye uthathe isigqibo malunga nento oza kuyenza ngokulandelayo.
4. Thetha kwiqela lesithathu
Kule meko, kunokukunceda ukuthetha ngesiganeko kunye neemvakalelo onazo malunga nomntu omthembileyo.
Inokuba yi-cathartic ukubonisa iimvakalelo zakho ngaphandle kwaye uxelele omnye umphefumlo okwenzekayo ngaphakathi entlokweni nasentliziyweni yakho ngoku.
Into ebalulekileyo, nangona kunjalo, kukuthetha nomntu okwaziyo ukuhlala engathathi cala.
Isizathu soku kukuba baya kuba nakho ukubonelela ngengcebiso ethembekileyo kunye nengxelo eyakhayo malunga nesicwangciso sakho sokujongana nale meko.
Into ongayifuniyo yindoda okanye ibhinqa eliya kukugezela njengoko usarhabaxa kwaye ujonge malunga nomngcatshi wakho kwaye ungeze ipetroli kuloo mlilo sithethe ngawo ngaphambili. Oku kunokuziva kulungile ngelo xesha, kodwa ayizukukunceda ukuba usebenze ngeemvakalelo zakho.
Ukuba awunaye nabani na onokuthetha naye malunga noku, singacebisa ukuba uthethe nengcali yobudlelwane kwi-Relationship Hero enokukunika indlebe oyifunayo kunye nengcebiso oyifunayo. ukuncokola nenye ngoku.
5. Vavanya ukungcatshwa
Abantu benza izinto ezibuhlungu ngazo zonke iintlobo zezizathu kwaye kunokukunceda ukuba ucinge ngendlela oku kungcatsha okwenzeka ngayo.
Ngaba yayikukungakhathali? Ngaba kwabangelwa bubuthathaka? Okanye ngaba yayisisenzo sangabom, esiqondayo?
yintoni yonke intombazana efunayo kubudlelwane
Sonke ngamanye amaxesha sithetha okanye senze into kumzuzwana wokwahlula kwaye sizisole kwangoko. A ungakhathali Isenzo sokungcatsha njengokutyhila ulwazi lomntu othile ukuxelele ngokuzithemba ngokungathandabuzekiyo sibuhlungu, kodwa sibuhlungu ngandlela thile uxolelwe.
Kungaba lula, xa ubandakanyeka kwincoko, ukuba ungagxili kwi-100% ekubalulekeni kwento oyithethayo kwaye izinto zinokuthi 'ziphume' ngengozi.
Ewe, okukhona kubaluleke ngakumbi ulwazi, kokukhona kulula ukukholelwa ukuba umngcatshi wakho uwutyhile ngempazamo. Ezinye iimfihlo azivele zivele ngokwencoko.
Inqanaba elilandelayo ukusuka ekungcatshweni ngokungakhathali lelo liza ngenxa yomntu ubuthathaka .
Abanye abantu bakufumanisa kunzima kakhulu ukulawula iminqweno ethile, nokuba bakuthembisile ukuba baya kuyenza.
Iziyobisi ngumzekelo olungileyo woku. Unokuthi, umzekelo, uzive ungcatshiwe ukuba iqabane lakho okanye ilungu losapho lithe liza kuyeka ukusela, kuphela ukufumanisa ukuba bebekwenza ngasemva kwakho kwaye ukuxoka malunga nayo .
Abanye abantu banokukufumanisa kunzima ukuyigcina iyimfihlo into obaxelela yona. Bamele bathethe nothile malunga nayo, mhlawumbi njengendlela yokulungisa iimvakalelo zabo ngalo mbandela.
Isakuhlaba xa ufumanisa, kodwa mhlawumbi unokufumana uvelwano.
Kukho ke ukungcatshwa okucacileyo kwaye kulula ngabom isenzo, nokuba sesobubi okanye ukungakhathali okungenantliziyo.
Mhlawumbi ihlebo yeofisi yakuva xa uthetha ngexesha elinzima ebomini bakho, kwaye baqhubeka nokuxelela nabani na oza kuphulaphula ishishini lakho labucala.
Okanye mhlawumbi iqabane lakho liyakuqhatha, ilungu losapho liyakuthoba isidima phambi kwabantwana bakho, okanye iqabane lakho kwishishini liye lafumana isivumelwano ebesivumelene ngaso.
Ezi zenzo zithathwa ngononophelo kuthathelwa ingqalelo encinci kwindlela onokuziva ngayo.
Ukuqonda ukuba yeyiphi eyona nto iyinyani kwimeko yakho kunokukunceda woyise iimvakalelo ezingalunganga kwaye udlule kwisehlo.
6. Vavanya ubudlelwane
Umntu omkhathaleleyo ukwenzakalisile, kodwa kangakanani intlungu engokweemvakalelo uyangena?
Konke kuxhomekeke ekusondeleni kolo lwalamano. Emva kokungcatshwa, uya kufumanisa ukuba ubuza ukuba loo mntu ubaluleke kangakanani kuwe.
Ukungcatshwa ngumhlobo wakho oye wahlukana naye kwaye ngoku ungamboni ngaphezu kwesinye okanye kabini ngonyaka uya kuziva ngathi wahluke kakhulu ekungcatshisweni liqabane okanye ngumzali oyinxalenye enkulu yobomi bakho.
Uxabise kangakanani ubudlelwane buya kugqiba ukuba ukhetha ukugcina loo mntu ebomini bakho okanye umjele ngokulungileyo (esiza kuthetha ngakumbi kamva).
7. Cinga ngezinto
Xa uthuli luzinzile kancinane kwaye iimvakalelo zakho zinqabile, unokufumana inzuzo kwixesha lokuchazwa.
Eli lixesha apho ujonga ngaphakathi kwaye uzama ukuqonda ukungcatshwa, umphumo, kunye neziphumo zexesha elide ebomini bakho.
Unokufuna ukucinga ngeengcinga zakho, iimvakalelo kunye nokuziphatha kwakho, kwangoko emva kokuba ungcatshwe kwaye ujonge indlela onokuzama ngayo ukuthintela iimeko ezifanayo kwixa elizayo (okanye wenze ngokwahlukileyo ukuba udibana nenye).
Ukufumana eyona nzuzo koku, ezinye iingcali ngengqondo zicebisa ukuba ungagxili ekubuzeni ngoba -imibuzo esekwe, kodwa Intoni ezisekwe endaweni.
Ithiyori, njengoko kushwankathelwe kakuhle kweli nqaku , ihamba ibuza ngoba into eyenzekileyo okanye ngoba uziva okanye wenza ngale ndlela, ugcina ubambekile ngaphambili, ukhanyisa ngeziganeko.
Inokukwazisa nengqondo yexhoba apho ugxila kuyo yenziwe kuwe kwaye ngubani omele abekw 'ityala ngayo.
Intoni , ngakolunye uhlangothi, ngumbuzo osebenzayo: yintoni endiyiva ngayo, zeziphi iindlela zam, kwaye zeziphi eziza kuba yeyona nto ibalulekileyo kwiminyaka emi-5 ukusukela ngoku?
Yonke le yimibuzo yokucinga engaphambili enokukukhokelela kude ekungcatshweni nakwindawo onokuphilisa kuyo kwaye uphinde uchache.
Ke bonisa, ngazo zonke iindlela, kodwa zama ukwenza ukubonakalisa okuvelisayo okungahlali kakhulu, kodwa kufuna ukuqhubela phambili.
8. Thetha nomntu okungcatshayo
Eli linyathelo elikhulu kwaye elinye lifuna ukuzithemba nokuzimisela ukuthatha. Kodwa uthini kumntu oye wakungcatsha?
Ewe, xa uziva ukulungele, kufanelekile ukuba uthethe nabo kwaye unxibelelane nendlela ezikwenze waziva ngayo ngezenzo zabo emva koko , kwaye uziva njani ngalo ngoku .
Elinye icebo elibalulekileyo kukuyilungisa into oza kuyithetha ngendlela ejolise kuwe hayi kubo. Ngale ndlela, unokuthintela ukubabeka ekuzikhuseleni kwaye ugcine incoko icolile.
Ke, qala izivakalisi zakho ngo 'Ndi' kwaye uzame ukubambelela kwiinyani. Ukuthi, “Ndothuke kwaye ndanomsindo xa u…” kubhetele kunokuba uthi, “Undingcatshe ngo…”
yintoni abafazi abayifunayo endodeni
Thetha ngokungqalileyo. Kuya kufuneka ubambe isiphatho kuzo zonke iimvakalelo ezahlukeneyo ozifumeneyo ukuba ubize nganye nganye njengoko sicebisile ngentla apha sebenzisa la magama ukubonisa impembelelo yezenzo zalo mntu kuwe.
Ayisiyiyo loo nto kuphela, kodwa yicacise malunga nokuba yeyiphi eyona nto ikonzakalise kakhulu. Ngaba nguwe ndiziva ndingakwazi ukubathemba , okanye ngaba izenzo zabo zibangele iimpembelelo kwezinye iindawo zobomi bakho?
Yidibanise yonke le nto kwaye ungathi, njengomzekelo, “Ndaziva ndineentloni, ndindedwa, kwaye ndisoyika xa uvumela isiliphu malunga nokukhulelwa kwam koogxa bethu - kundibeka kwimeko enzima nomphathi kwaye ndinexhala malunga nokukhuseleka kwam emsebenzini. ”
Ukuba kuyanceda ukubeka iingcinga kunye neemvakalelo zakho emazwini, unokucinga ukubhala ileta eya kwabo bakwenzakalisileyo . Ungabanika nokuba bafunde, okanye ubafundele. Oku kuluncedo ngakumbi ukuba uyadideka kwiimeko apho kuya kufuneka ujongane nomntu ubuso ngobuso.
9. Sika amaqhina nabaphuli abaPhindayo
Nokuba ukhetha ukuxolela ukungcatshwa kwaye ulondoloze ubudlelwane buya kwehla kwizinto ezininzi: ubungqongqo bayo, ubuxabise kangakanani ubudlelwane, kunye nendlela ukungcatsha kwehla ngayo (jonga inqaku 4), phakathi kwabanye.
Inye into ekufuneka uyikhumbule, nangona kunjalo, ingaba le yayilixesha lokuqala besenza into enje kuwe-okanye eneneni kwabanye abantu onokwazi ngabo.
Ukuba kukho umntu owakhe wakukhathaza ngaphambili, okanye ukuba unefom owaziyo, kuya kufuneka uthathele ingqalelo ukuba ukugcina lo mntu ebomini bakho yeyona nto ilungileyo kuwe (kwaye ilungele abanye abantu ababalulekileyo ebomini bakho njengabantwana).
Ngokubanzi, isitrayikhi sesibini siya kubeka ubunzima ngakumbi kubudlelwane kunye nakwindlela onxibelelana ngayo ukuze kulunge ukubiza ixesha kwangoko nangoko.
Isitrayikhi sesithathu okanye ngaphezulu kwaye uyaphambukela kummandla wokubenza bakwazi. Fikelela kweli nqanaba kwaye baya kucinga ukuba banokukungcatsha kwaye bafumane isohlwayo.
Ukuqhubeka
Xa uziva ungcatshiwe, ayisiyonto inokusingathwa ngokukhawuleza. Udinga ixesha lokuqhubekeka nayo yonke into eyenzekileyo kwaye oku kuyokwahluka ngokuxhomekeke kwiziganeko ezithile.
Ekuqaleni, kuya kufuneka wenze konke okusemandleni akho ukujongana noqhwithela lweemvakalelo ngaphakathi ngelixa ugcina ukufana kobomi obuqhelekileyo. Emva kwakho konke, usenemfanelo yokunyamekela.
Ngexesha, uyakufumanisa ukuba woyisile umothuko wokuqala kwaye uqale ukupholisa amanxeba akho eemvakalelo. Njengokuba uchacha kweso sihelegu, uyakucinga kancinane nangaphantsi, kwaye iimvakalelo ezingqonge oko ziya kuphela.
Ekugqibeleni, uya kuba nakho ukuthumela ukungcatshwa kwixesha lakho elidlulileyo… ubuncinci ubukhulu becala. Awunakuze ukwazi yekela Ngokupheleleyo, kodwa ayisayi kuphinda ichaphazele ubomi bakho nangayiphi na indlela ebalaseleyo.
Ngaba awuqinisekanga ukuba ungajongana njani nokungcatshwa okhe wakuva?Inkqubo yokuphilisa iyakuthatha ixesha kwaye, njengoko kuchaziwe apha ngasentla, kunokuba luncedo ukuthetha nomntu wesithathu ongathathi cala oya kuthi aphulaphule inkxalabo kunye neemvakalelo zakho kwaye anike iingcebiso zokukunceda.Ke kutheni ungancokoli kwi-Intanethi ukuya kulwalamano lobuchwephesha kwi-Relationship Hero onokukukhokela njengoko ufumanisa into ofuna ukuyenza ngokulandelayo. Ngokulula.
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