Abazali abanetyhefu bashiya iziva ezingapheliyo ebantwaneni babo.
Izikrelemnqa ezivela kobu butyhefu zinokuchaphazela umbono wehlabathi, ubuntu, indlela yokuziphatha, ukuthatha izigqibo, kunye nemibono.
Isenokushiya ingozi ehlala ihleli ngenxa yokuphazamiseka engqondweni njengokusebenzisa iziyobisi, i-PTSD, uxinzelelo kunye noxinzelelo.
Iziphumo ezingalunganga ziya kulandela umntwana kubomi babo, zichaphazele ubudlelwane babo, ubuhlobo, kunye nendlela abanxibelelana ngayo nabanye abantu de babe ngabantu abadala kunye nobomi babo bonke- ukuba bayayivumela.
Iindaba ezimnandi zezokuba le micimbi inokoyiswa.
Akunyanzelekanga ukuba babethe umntwana kubo bonke ubomi babo kwaye baphazamise amandla abo okulandela ulonwabo.
Ukuchacha ayingomsebenzi olula, kodwa kufanelekile kwaye nantoni na enokufezekiswa.
Ukufikelela kolo sukelo, kufuneka siqonde ngcono ukuba yintoni 'umzali onetyhefu', ziziphumo ezinokuba nazo, kunye nendlela yokujongana nazo.
Wwe smackdown iziphumo abaphumeleleyo kumabanga
Uyintoni “Umzali Onetyhefu?”
Igama elinetyhefu yindlela emfutshane yokuchaza udidi lweendlela zokuziphatha ezingenampilo.
Umntu onetyhefu angangcungcuthekisa, ahlale enethemba, engenampilo ngokweemvakalelo, engaxhasi, okanye eyenzakalisa abantu ababangqongileyo.
Kukho amanqanaba ahlukeneyo kunye neentlobo zabantu abakudidi lwetyhefu.
Umntu usenokungabi yityhefu ngabom. Ukugula ngengqondo ngumzekelo omhle.
Umntu ngokubanzi angangomnye umntu othandekayo ngaphandle kwaxa engaphilanga kakuhle engqondweni.
Xa bengaphilanga kakuhle engqondweni, banokuba nomsindo, baxhaphaze, okanye ngenye indlela babonakalise abantu ababangqongileyo.
Isenokungabi sisiphoso sabo, kodwa iseluhlobo lwetyhefu kuba inefuthe elibi kwabanye.
Umlutha, okanye ukusetyenziswa gwenxa kweziyobisi, ngomnye umzekelo. Iziyobisi ngamanye amaxesha zenza izinto ezingathandekiyo kubo nakubantu ababangqongileyo ngenxa yendlela enesiseko esinzulu ngayo.
Umlutha uzibhalela kwindawo ephindaphindayo yengqondo kwaye unokugqitha ukutya, ukusela, ukulala, nokuzikhathalela wena kunye nabanye kwaphela.
Umlutha unokulangazelela ukulungiswa kwaye enze nantoni na eyimfuneko ukuyifumana, nokuba imbi kangakanani.
Ihlabathi liyindawo enzima. Baninzi abantu abaphethe izothuso ezinzima emagxeni abo.
Uninzi lwabo bantu ngabazali ngokwabo. Unxunguphalo lwabo olungalungiswanga lunokubangela imikhwa emibi, ukusetyenziswa gwenxa kweziyobisi, kunye nazo zonke iindlela zokuziphatha gwenxa njengoko besokola ukufumana ukukhululeka kwiidemon zabo.
Ke unoomama nootata abanetyhefu abangenalo uvelwano kwaphela. Banokuba ngabantu ababi ngokwenyani abathanda ukonzakalisa okanye ukusebenzisa abanye abantu ukuze bafumane inzuzo.
Ukuwela kwimimandla yokuphazamiseka kubuntu- njengokuphazamiseka kubuntu kunye nokuphazamiseka kubuntu.
Nokuba siyintoni na isizathu sobu butyhefu, kunyanzelekile ukuba ube nemida eqinileyo kunye nokuqonda indlela yokuhamba kwaba bantu xa kufuneka.
Ndingazi Njani Ukuba Ndinomzali Onetyhefu?
Kukho izinto eziqhelekileyo zokuziphatha ezinetyhefu ezinokukunceda uchonge ukuba awunawo na umzali onetyhefu.
Akunakwenzeka ukuba uluhlu lwazo zonke izinto ezinetyhefu, ke siza kugxila kwinto eqhelekileyo, ekulula ukuyichonga.
1. Bayala ukwamkela uxanduva ngezenzo zabo ezingalunganga.
Umntu usenokutshintsha ityala, angafuni kwamkela nasiphi na isityholo, okanye ale ukwamkela ukuba banoxanduva lwengozi abayenzileyo.
Baya kwenza konke okusemandleni abo ukunqanda ukwamkela naluphi na uxanduva ngokuziphatha kwabo okungalunganga.
Basenokuthi omnye umntu unjalo engenambulelo , bezitolika gwenxa izenzo zabo, okanye bethandabuze kakhulu.
2. Bazama ukukulawula, bangena kwimfihlo yakho, kwaye abayihloneli imida.
Imida yinxalenye eqhelekileyo kwaye isempilweni kubo nabuphi na ubudlelwane. Kukho nje imigca ongafanele uwele ukuwela kuyo.
Umzali onetyhefu uhlala efuna ukuwela le mida kuba, 'Ndingumzali, ke ngoko ndazi ngcono.'
Banokungqengqa, bazame ukulandelela i-elektroniki, babuze imibuzo yokungena ngaphakathi, okanye bavule imeyile yakho.
Banokukujongela phantsi ukuba ngumzali bakho kwaye bazame ukujongela phantsi igunya lakho kubantwana bakho.
3. Bahlala bexoka kwaye besebenzisa.
Uninzi lwabantu abanetyhefu baya kufuna ukugubungela iingoma zabo ukuze abanye abantu bangakwazi ukuqonda kanye ukuba banjani.
Ngaphakathi ngaphakathi, bayayiqonda into abayenzayo ayilunganga okanye ayamkelekanga, nokuba bacinga ukuba kulungile.
Ubuxoki, ubuqhetseba, kunye ukukhanyisa ngegesi zizixhobo eziqhelekileyo kwindawo yokugcina abazali enetyhefu yokugcina abanye abantu ekuqondeni ngokwenyani okwenzekayo.
Ezi zixhobo abazisebenzisayo ukugcina ulawulo, ukuzibonakalisa njengabantu abalungileyo abangaqondwa kakuhle, okanye ukulala nje ubuxoki ngenjongo yokuzenzela inzuzo.
4. Bayazingca, ababonakalisi kukhathalela abanye.
Bahlala befuna, belindele ukuba ulahle into oyenzayo kwaye ujonge iimfuno zabo. Abakuboni okanye bakuphathe njengomntu ngamnye kunye neshedyuli kunye neemfuno zakho.
Umzali onetyhefu unokujonga umntwana wakhe njengomsebenzi wokunciphisa uxanduva lwabo, njengokwenza umntwana wabo enze umsebenzi omde okanye onzima onokuthi ungalungeli ubudala babo.
Abazikhathalele okanye bazikhathalele iimvakalelo zakho, ngaphandle kokuzisebenzisa njengesixhobo esichasene nawe xa befuna into yabo.
5. Ziye zitshintshe ngokweemvakalelo kwaye ziyasebenza.
Umntu unokuba nomsindo ogqithileyo, okanye aphathe iinzondo zokusebenzisa njengesixhobo solawulo kunye nolawulo ixesha elide.
Unokuva malunga neziphoso zakho kangangeenyanga okanye iminyaka emva kokuba umntu ofanelekileyo ebenokukuyeka.
Umntu onetyhefu yalo naluphi na uhlobo akakho kwindawo esempilweni ngokwasemphefumlweni, ngenxa yoko uya kuhlala eneempembelelo ezingathandekiyo ngokweemvakalelo.
Bahlala besenza isohlwayo esigqithisileyo nokuba iphosakele kangakanani.
Banokungaqiniseki ngenxa yemeko yokutshintsha kwemeko yabo yeemvakalelo. Idrama kunye nokuphendula okumangalisayo ziqhelekile.
6. Abanantlonelo kwaye banenkohlakalo.
Amagama athi umzali onetyhefu awathetha nomntwana wakhe kunqabile ukuba abenothando okanye axhase.
Ukuba banothando okanye bayasixhasa, bahlala besetyenziswa njengendlela yokuphelisa umntwana ukuba athobele iminqweno yabo.
Banokuba noburhabaxa kwaye bakhohlakele ngenxa yokuba nje bakhohlakele kwaye bakhohlakele. Babonisa ukungamhloniphi umntwana wabo.
7. Banokuxhomekeka kuwe ngokwempilo.
Umzali onetyhefu usenokungabi nolwalamano olusempilweni apho banokuqhubana khona kwaye baphathe ubomi babo.
Oku kuhlala kuhamba nomba wemida efanelekileyo. Banokwabelana ngeenkcukacha zobuqu okanye ezisenyongweni ezingafanelekanga ukwabelwana phakathi komzali nomntwana.
Umzali onetyhefu unokuzama ukukunyanzela ukuba ube yintsika yenkxaso yeemvakalelo ekufanele ukuba bayifumana kwiqabane elithandanayo, kumhlobo, okanye kumcebisi.
Unokuthanda (inqaku liyaqhubeka ngezantsi):
- Ukuba ulawula abazali, UNGAZE unyamezele ezi zinto zintathu kubo
- Iimpawu zokuziphatha ezinetyhefu ezingafanele zibenandawo ebomini bakho
- Xa Umama Wakho eyiNarcissist
- Ukuba yi-Family Scapegoat: Imiqondiso, ukujongana nayo, kunye nokuphilisa kuyo
- Amanyathelo ama-6 ekufuneka uwathathe xa usika amaqhina nosapho olunetyhefu
- Indlela yeGrey Rock yokujongana neNarcissist (okanye umntu onetyhefu) xa kungekho qhakamshelwano ayisiyiyo inketho
- Iindidi ezi-4 ze-Emotional Blackmail Manipulators Sebenzisa ngokuchasene nawe
- Iimpawu ze-17 zokuba ubutyhefu kwabanye (+ Ungayeka njani)
8. Banokuba beqhuba ukhuphiswano lwamacala-nye nawe.
Umzali onetyhefu unokuziva esongelwa yimpumelelo okanye impumelelo yakho. Isiphumo kukuba bayahlasela, bathobele, okanye bazityeshele ezo zinto baziphumezileyo.
Umzali osempilweni uya kuvuya kwaye axhase impumelelo yomntwana wakhe endaweni yokubathoba isidima.
Umzali akufuneki abe kukhuphiswano nomntwana wakhe, ezakha ngokwabo ngeendleko zomntwana wakhe.
9. Abakhathalele okanye abekho ngokweemvakalelo.
Umzali akanakho ukutyalwa kwaphela kubudlelwane babo nomntwana wakhe, ebaphatha njengomthwalo okanye umntu ahlala naye ngaphezu komntwana wakhe.
Oku kunokuba zizinto ezinjengokubakhaba iimfuno zabo ezisisiseko okanye ukubatyeshela kwaphela.
10. Bahlukumeza ngokwasemzimbeni, ngokwasengqondweni, okanye ngokwesondo.
Le icacile. Nawuphi na umama okanye utata oxhaphaza umntwana wakhe nangaliphi na igunya ungumzali onetyhefu.
Ezi zinto zili-10 ngokubanzi zinokukhomba kumzali onetyhefu, kodwa umntu kufuneka agcine engqondweni ukuba abazali nabantu abafezekanga.
Ngokuqinisekileyo baya kucaphuka, baphelelwe ngumsindo, okanye bangabi ngabona baxhasayo ngamanye amaxesha.
Unobulali njani kwaye ubufazi
Basengabantu abazama ukusebenza ngomthwalo wabo weemvakalelo kunye nokukhulisa umntwana kwilizwe elinamaxesha anzima nelididayo.
Ngaphandle kwawo onke amanyathelo achazwe apha, ihla iye kumbuzo olula,'Indlela yokuziphatha komzali indenza ndizive njani ngam?'
Kungenzeka ukuba ube nomzali onetyhefu ukuba uzibhaqa usiya kude kunxibelelwano lwakho uziva kakubi ngawe, ngobomi bakho, okanye ngempumelelo yakho.
Ixesha leXesha elide loMzali onetyhefu
Umonakalo womzali onetyhefu awupheli xa umntwana esiba mdala.
Baphatha olo xhatshazo kunye nabo apho luchaphazela indlela abanxibelelana ngayo nabanye abantu, indlela abaqhuba ngayo ubudlelwane babo, kunye nefuthe kubuntu babo.
Abantu abadala abaye banamava okuphathwa gadalala ebuntwaneni bathambekele ngakumbi kwiingxaki zempilo yomzimba nengqondo, ukuba likhoboka, ukutshaya nokusela.
Ukuhlala kwimeko yoxinzelelo rhoqo kuchaphazela ukuveliswa kweekhemikhali emzimbeni, ngakumbi leyo yecortisol, eyihormone yoxinzelelo.
Inani eligqithisileyo le-cortisol emzimbeni linokumisela umntu kuDidi 2 lweSwekile, ukudinwa okungapheliyo, iintlungu ezingapheliyo, i-fibromyalgia, i-migraines kunye nentloko ebuhlungu, isifo samathambo kunye nezinye izifo (umthombo: I-APA-Iziphumo zoxinzelelo emzimbeni .)
Umntwana okhulileyo unokufumana iingxaki zempilo yengqondo kukuphazamiseka kubuntu, ukuphazamiseka koxinzelelo, uxinzelelo kunye ne-PTSD.
Kodwa indlela ayinathemba.
Nangona abasindileyo kubazali abanetyhefu benomlo ophambi kwabo, banokwakhela ubomi obunokuthula, obonwabileyo nobusempilweni.
Kodwa ukwenza oko baya kudinga ukwazi indlela yokujongana nokujongana nomzali wabo onetyhefu.
Indlela yokujongana noMzali onetyhefu
Umntwana kwikhaya lomzali onetyhefu akanawo ukhetho oluninzi. Umama okanye utata onetyhefu uya kuzama ukuhlutha umntwana ukuzithemba kwakhe kwaye abenze bakholelwe ukuba abanakho ukwenza isigqibo esifanelekileyo ngokwabo.
Obu bubuxoki obufuna ukoyiswa. Njengomntu omdala, ungaphezulu kokukwazi ukwenza izigqibo ezilungileyo kuwe nakubomi bakho.
Ewe, uya kuzenza iimpazamo, kwaye ezo mpazamo ziziimbumbulu zomzali oxhaphazayo anokuzisebenzisa ngokuchasene nawe.
Kodwa nantsi into abangafuni ukuba uyazi: l ngokuqinisekileyo wonke umntu wenza iimpazamo ebomini.
Wonke umntu.
Laa mfo udlule naye esitratweni, abantu osebenza nabo, umntu omi ngasemva kulayini wokujonga ukutya, abazali bakho … Wonke umntu.
Ukukwazi kwethu ukuziqhelanisa, ukulungisa iimpazamo zethu, kunye nokuqengqeleka ngamanqindi kumisela uxolo, ulonwabo kunye nempumelelo ebomini.
Unokukhetha okungakumbi kwindlela onxibelelana ngayo nabazali bakho njengomntwana okhulileyo. Ezi zezinye zezicwangciso eziqhelekileyo ezisetyenziselwa ukugcina abantu abanetyhefu bangonakalisi ubomi bakho kunye nokuba sempilweni.
1. Misela kwaye unyanzelise imida.
Imida yinxalenye ebalulekileyo yobuhlobo okanye ubudlelwane. Kubaluleke ngakumbi xa unxibelelana nomzali okanye umntu onetyhefu.
Umda kukusekwa kokuziphatha okulungeleyo ukwamkela kwabanye abantu.
Ayisiyonto yobunewunewu leyo umntwana anayo nomzali wakhe, kungoko kungaziva kungonwabanga okanye kungalunganga ukuzama ukumisela umda kunye nomzali ukubazisa ukuba ufuna ukuphathwa njani.
Umntu ongenamida uyinto ekuhendwa kuyo abantu abanetyhefu kuba iinjongo zabo kukondla nantoni na engalunganga abaqhubeka nayo.
Olona hlobo kuphela lwokwenza oko kukuhamba kwexesha, ingqalelo, kunye namandla emvakalelo abanye abantu.
Abantu abanemida bayazivalela ngokukhawuleza.
Ukunyanzelisa umda kunye nomzali onetyhefu kunzima. Kulungile ukuseta imida, nangona kunjalo. Abanalungelo lokufumana ixesha lakho kunye namandla emvakalelo.
Kuya kufuneka ukwazi ukuxelela umzali wakho ‘hayi’ ukuba yile nto ufuna ukuyenza. Kwaye ngamanye amaxesha kungafuneka ungadibani nomzali ukuba uyala ukwamkela okanye ukuhlonipha imida yakho.
2. Nciphisa ulwazi owabelana ngalo.
Abantu abanetyhefu kunye nabazali bahlala befuna ulwazi abanokulusebenzisa njengesixhobo. Banokukukhohlisa okanye bakunyanzele ukuba bayazi ukuba zeziphi izitshixo zokutsala kunye namaqhosha okutyhala.
Ke, ufuna ukunciphisa umda wolwazi owabelana ngalo nomntu ukuze lungasetyenziswa njengesixhobo ekuchaseni kamva.
Musa ukwabelana ngolwazi lomntu kunye abantu abangathembekanga . Baphephe abo bahleba, bagxeka ngokungafanelekanga, okanye babelana ngezinto ezingafanelekanga.
Themba ithumbu lakho ukuba uziva ngathi akukhuselekanga ukwabelana ngento.
3. Sukuzama ukubakholisa okanye ufumane inkoliseko yabo.
Abaphathi gadalala kunye nabaxhaphazi ngokweemvakalelo bathanda ukuqhubela ixhoba labo kwindawo yokuzithoba.
Bahlala bezama ukwenza ukuba omnye umntu azive ngathi bafuna ukufumana ukuthanda kwabo okanye ukubakholisa ngokugoba kwiminqweno yabo nakwiimfuno zabo.
Kodwa nokuba wenza ntoni okanye uzama kangakanani, akunakwanela. Abasoze bonwabe ngento oyinikayo, kuba ukuba bonwabile ngayo uya kuyeka ukuzama.
I-wwe yeholide yomsitho
Ukwaphula oko kuguqukayo kuyehla kungasadlali umdlalo wabo.Sukuchitha ixesha lakho kunye namandla emvakalelo uzama ukukholisa umntu ongagungqiyo kwaye ngokugqibeleleyo akaonwabanga.
4. Ungazami ukutshintsha ukuba bangobani.
Izenzo zomntu kuphela onokuzilawula zezakho.
Isigqibo sokwenza utshintsho olukhulu kubomi bomntu sesomntu esidinga umzamo omkhulu kunye nomsebenzi.
Ayisiyonto enokwenziwa ngokulula, kwaye ayisiyiyo into onokuyinyanzela komnye umntu.
Umsebenzi kutheni ungenakunyanzelwa. Umntu onyanzelweyo ukuba atshintshe ngokubanzi akazukuvuma ukwenza umsebenzi ofunekayo ukutshintsha.
Konke ogqiba ukukwenza kukudina amandla amaninzi engqondo kunye neemvakalelo ngaphandle kwenzuzo.
Sukuzikhathaza.
5. Musa ukuzama ukuqiqa nabantu abangenangqiqo.
Umntu onetyhefu uhlala ephila ngobomi babo. Bakholelwa ngokungachanekanga ngendlela obubomi ngayo, indlela obumele bube ngayo ubomi, kunye nendlela ekufuneka baphathwe ngayo.
Inkolelo engachanekanga ihlala ibabeka kwiziko lokuqwalaselwa apho wonke umntu kufuneka alinde kwaye akulungele ukuthobela iimfuno zabo.
Ukusuka ngaphandle, kunokubonakala ngathi baxelelwe nje ngempazamo okanye basenokungaqondi ukuba iminqweno yabo ayikho ngqiqweni.
Ngokuqhelekileyo akunjalo.
Ungazikhathazi ngokuzama ukuzichaza okanye uqiqe nabantu abangenangqiqo. Konke oya kugqiba ukukwenza kukuchitha amandla akho kwaye ngokunokwenzeka ubanike izixhobo ezingakumbi abanokuzisebenzisa ngokuchasene nawe.
6. Zihoye kakuhle.
Vavanya kwaye uyiqonde imida yakho. Ukujongana nomzali onetyhefu kunzima. Iyakunciphisa amandla emvakalelo, ulonwabo, kwaye ikubangele uxinzelelo.
Kuya kufuneka uqiniseke ngokuzikhathalela ngelixa uzama ukuhamba kolu lwalamano.
Ukuzikhathalela okusisiseko-njengokuzilolonga, ukutya ngokufanelekileyo, ukuzingqunga nabantu abanothando, kunye nokulala ngokufanelekileyo-kuhamba indlela ende yokuqinisa uxolo lwakho lwengqondo kunye nokuba sempilweni.
Uyawadinga la mandla ngokwengqondo nangokweemvakalelo xa ilixesha lokunxibelelana nomzali onetyhefu kwimeko apho kufuneka unyanzelise imida yakho.
Ukwakha uBomi obusempilweni
Kunzima ukwahlukana nolawulo lwabazali abanetyhefu.
Utata okanye umama oyityhefu ngokubanzi ngekhe ayithande xa uzama ukuseka imida. Banokutyhala ngokuchasene nabo ukuze babone ukuba babuthathaka okanye bangabagqithi ngokupheleleyo.
Ukuba oko kuyenzeka, kungafuneka ungadibani ngokupheleleyo nomzali onetyhefu ukuze bangabinako ukwenzakalisa ubomi bakho ngaphezu kokuba sele benjalo.
Ukuthatha la manyathelo yinxalenye ebalulekileyo yokuhlakulela ingqondo esempilweni kunye nokuphila ubomi obonwabisayo. Imida linyathelo elibalulekileyo ekubuyiseni inkululeko yakho noxolo lwengqondo.
Olu luhambo olunzima lokuhamba wedwa. Ingangumbono olungileyo ukubona umcebisi wezempilo yengqondo oqinisekisiweyo ngelixa usebenza kwesi sigaba sobomi bakho.
Baza kuba nakho ukubonelela ngenkxaso yeemvakalelo kunye nesikhokelo somntu oza kuyidinga ukuze ufumane uxolo kunye nemeko kwaye uqalise ukwenza nayiphi na into embi enokuba ibangelwe ngumzali wakho onetyhefu.
