Ukungathethi cwaka ukwala ukuzibandakanya kunxibelelwano lomlomo nomntu, rhoqo njengempendulo kwimpixano kubudlelwane. Ikwabizwa ngokuba kukunikeza igxalaba elibandayo okanye ukogquma amatye, ukusetyenziswa kwayo yindlela yokulawula enoburharha kwaye, kwiimeko ezininzi, inokuthathwa njengendlela yokuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo.
Ngamanye amaxesha akukho nto ithethwayo. Ukuqhawulwa konxibelelwano kunokucaca ngokucacileyo ukuba, ngenxa yobulumko, iqela ngalinye lisiya kwiikona zalo zengqondo ukuze libonakalise, liphinde lihlangane, liphinde liqhubeke nomnqweno wokucaca.
Iimpikiswano zolu hlobo azisoze zamnandi (yeyiphi impikiswano?), Kodwa baya kuza kwaye baya kuhamba, beshiya mhlawumbi ukuqonda okutsha ekuvukeni kwabo.
Ngaphandle kokuba sonke besikuloo ndawo apho singafuni nje ukubuyela kukungavisisani, kwaye ngaphandle koloyiko lokunyuka. Siyarhoxa ukuze ukohlwaya.
Unyango Cwaka.
Kuthathelwa ingqalelo inani lesixhobo sokugcina Ulwaphulo-mthetho , igcina 'umchasi' wakhe kwi-tenterhooks ngelixa ikunika umbono wobuxoki wokuxhotyiswa.
Yenza iimfuno zohlobo lokugqibelela kwengqondo kunye neemvakalelo kwabanye ukuba, ngokunyanisekileyo, akukho namnye kuthi.
Ukungahoyi umntu ngale ndlela kunokuba buhlungu kakhulu. Iziphumo zengqondo zinokuhlala ixesha elide. Kwaye, ngokuphandle, ayilunganga kwaphela.
Kutheni le nto unyango oluThuleyo luhlobo lokuXhatshazwa
'Ukuphathwa gadalala' ligama eligcweleyo. Akukho mntu uthanda ukuzicingela ukuba uxhaphaza omnye umntu. Sisebenzisa imifanekiso yabantu abagqwethekileyo besenza izinto ezoyikekayo kwabanye xa sicinga ngelo gama.
andiziva ndifunwa ngumyeni wam
Kodwa ukunika umntu unyango ongathethiyo kunokuba lolunye uhlobo lokuxhatshazwa kwezi zizathu.
1. Yindlela yokulawula umntu.
Ngalo naluphi na uhlobo lobudlelwane, omabini amaqela kufuneka azive ekhululekile ukwenza ngendlela akhetha ngayo. Ewe banokwenza ukhetho olubi kwaye benze izinto ezivisa abanye ubuhlungu okanye bazenzakalise, kodwa benza ngokuthanda kwabo.
Ewe umntu unokuba nemida kwaye ayinyanzele loo mida xa omnye umntu ewela kuyo.
Kodwa unyango olungathethiyo alunyanzelisi loo mida ngendlela esempilweni. Ayinxibelelanisi ngokuchanekileyo ukuba yintoni umda okanye into eyenzekileyo komnye umntu ukuwela.
Ukunyanga okungathethiyo kuyakhwaza: Kuya kufuneka uyazi: (1) yintoni oyenzileyo engalunganga (2) indlela endiziva ngayo (3) into ekufuneka uyenzile ukuphelisa le cwaka.
Oku kubeka omnye umntu kunyawo lwangasemva, olu luhlobo lolawulo. Ngokunikezela ngonyango ongathethiyo, uthatha ukuba wena uchanekile kwaye bona baphosisile kwaye luxanduva lwabo ukulungisa oku.
Awubaniki ukhetho kulo mbandela - ukuba abayenzi le nto uyifunayo, ukuthula kuya kuqhubeka.
2. Yindlela yokohlwaya omnye umntu.
Xa ukungaboni ngasonye kusenzeka, ngokuqinisekileyo uza kuba nokungaziva kakuhle komnye umntu. Unokuba ukhathaza kwaye uzixelele ukuba ukubaphindezela kwakhona kufanelekile.
Kwaye ke uyeke lonke unxibelelwano, ubakhusele ngamatye, kwaye wenze njalo ukohlwaya.
Ufuna ukuba bazive bengalunganga ngokwenza ukuba uzive ungalunganga.
Kodwa ukukhetha ukwenza umntu azive kakubi sisenzo esibuhlungu. Nawe uthi omnye umntu ufanelwe kukubandezeleka.
3. Kwenza omnye umntu azive enexhala.
Ukuba umntu omnye usebenzisa ukungathethi rhoqo, oko kuhlwayela imbewu yoxinzelelo engqondweni yomnye.
Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, abanokuze bazi ukuba iya kusetyenziswa nini ngokuchasene nabo. Ukungaqiniseki ngokuqinisekileyo kubeka umntu rhoqo emaphethelweni, enexhala lokuba kunokubangela elinye ithuba lokuthula.
Le, kwakhona, luhlobo lolawulo kuba inika lowo uphethe ukungathethi cwaka njengesixhobo. Ayingabo abo kufuneka bazive bexhalabile ngento enokwenziwa yenye.
Unyango oluthuleyo lubangela uxinzelelo ngexesha lomsitho. Ngelixa omnye umntu evala, omnye ashiye efuna iindlela zokwenza uxolo, nangona bengafuni ukuyenza mandundu imeko, ke baziva benovalo xa bezama ukulungisa izinto.
Inokusetyenziswa njengesongelo.
Isoyikiso ngumntu omnye othi, 'Ukuba uyayenza le nto (okanye ungayenzi leya), uya kubandezeleka.'
Uyabona ke, ukuba ukungathethi kungabonwa njengokusongela umntu.
Ithi, 'Ukuba awuyilungisi le nto, uya kuqhubeka nokujongana nokuthula.'
Ithi, 'Ukuba awuyilungisi le nto, sigqithile, sigqibile, ndigqibile ngawe.'
Ithi, 'Ukuba uyaphinda undenze umsindo, ndiza kukuhlawula kwakhona.'
Nangona isenokungabonakali kwangoko njengokuziphatha okugrogrisayo, unyango oluthulwayo lunokwenza umonakalo omkhulu ngokweemvakalelo njengezisongelo ezicace gca.
5. Kwenza ukuba umntu azithandabuze kunye nezenzo zakhe.
Ngamanye amaxesha, unyango olungathethiyo lungasetyenziselwa izinto ezincinci izinto ezingafuneki zivelise impendulo eqinileyo.
Kwezi meko, kuyasebenza ukuhlwayela imbewu yamathandabuzo kwingqondo yomnye umntu. Ngaba ndikufanele oku? Ngaba ndisisidenge ngokwenza ngendlela endenze ngayo? Ngaba ndingumntu ombi?
Le ntandabuzo ingabanqanda ekusebenzeni ngokukhululekileyo kwixa elizayo. Ewe, ukuba bayenzile ngenene into ebuhlungu, kufuneka bazame ukungaphindi bayenze. Kodwa ukuba ukungathethi kwenzeka rhoqo, banokuqalisa ukuzibuza ukuba nantoni na Benza ngokuchanekileyo.
Emva koko kukho umphumo onokubangela ukuzithemba komntu. Ukuba badibana bathi cwaka kaninzi, idlulisa umyalezo wokuba abafanelekanga kunxibelelwano oluvulekileyo nolunyanisekileyo. Bafanelekile kuphela kukubandezeleka.
6. Yiyo ubamba uthando .
Xa kungathethiswana, akusayi kubakho kusondelelana, kungekho thando, kungekho thando.
Ngelixa umntu athuleyo angakulunga naloo nto (okwexeshana, ubuncinci), umntu ekufumaneni isiphelo ngokuqinisekileyo ngekhe abe njalo.
Bafuna isisombululo. Bafuna ukuchukunyiswa, ukugonwa, nokuqinisekiswa ngamagama.
Kodwa abafumani nto eluhlobo. Bashiyeke beziva bengathandwa kwaye bengakhathalelwanga. Le yenye indlela yokulawula kunye nezohlwayo.
7. Ibeka lonke ityala emnyango womntu omnye.
Xa elinye iqela lithatha isifungo sokuthula emva kweeyantlukwano, yindlela yalo yokuxelela omnye umntu, “Uyenzile le nto. Ubekek 'ityala. Ndimsulwa. ”
Le ayifane yenzeke, kunjalo, kodwa loo nto ayiwutshintshi umyalezo lo unikwa ngalamlomo.
Kwakhona, oku kunokuba nefuthe elibi ekuzithembeni komnye umntu kuba baya kuziva ngathi baneempazamo ngeendlela ezininzi.
Baya kuqala bakholelwe ukuba yonke into iyimpazamo yabo kwaye baya kuqala ukwamkela ityala kwizinto ezingezizo uxanduva lwabo.
8. Kuyakudinisa.
Iziphumo zoxhatshazo kunqabile ukuba zibekho ngoko nangoko. Endaweni yoko, bayakha ngokuhamba kwexesha.
Impatho ethe cwaka, xa isetyenziswa kaninzi, ekugqibeleni iyaphula umoya womnye umntu de bangabinamandla okulwa nayo.
Bangena nje ngokukhawuleza xa kuthe cwaka, becenga, becenga ukuba bangaphinde babekwe phantsi kwayo.
Ewe, umntu owenza ukuthula uyakubona oku njengesizathu sezenzo zabo. Ukuthula kusebenza ukwenza ukuba omnye umntu abuyele ezantsi, avume isiphoso, azive encitshisiwe, kwaye ke bayaqhubeka nokukusebenzisa, nto leyo ibangela ukothuka komnye umntu.
Ujongana njani nonyango oluthe cwaka
Ukuba ufumana unyango olungathethiyo kwaye ufuna ukuphatha izinto ngesidima, yintoni ekufuneka yenziwe?
Ukuphendula kunyango olungathethiyo kufuna uvakalelo, ukungafihli nto, ukuqonda, kunye nedosi elungileyo yokuthobeka.
Nantsi indlela yokuthatha.
1. Khangela izisombululo.
Uninzi lwabantu abanika unyango oluthulileyo aluziva luluhle ngalo ngelo xesha. Yindlela nje yokujongana nengxabano abayaziyo.
Amathuba anikiwe, anikwe isisombululo esinentsingiselo kuyo nayiphi na into efika phakathi kwenu, bangazibandakanya nenkqubo yoxolelwaniso. Mhlawumbi hayi kwangoko, ewe, kodwa kungekudala okanye kamva.
Ukuba unokucinga ngezisombululo ngokwakho, zinike ngendlela ethambileyo. Sukuzikhuphela emqaleni womnye umntu njengeyona nto 'ilungileyo' ekufuneka uyenzile okanye njengoko inyathelo ocinga ukuba kufuneka lithathiwe.
Mane ubacebise kwaye ubuze ingxelo. Umzekelo:
“Ndicinga ukuba ixesha eliqingqiweyo elihleliwe kunye njengesibini sinokukunceda ndiziva ndithandwa kwaye kancinci ukungahoywa. Ingaba ucinga ntoni?'
“Mhlawumbi, xa silwa ngento ethile, singavuma ukumka, sibhale ezethu iingcinga neemvakalelo, sizinikane ezo leta, kunokuba sijikeleze izangqa kwaye sivumele umsindo wethu usilawule. Ngaba uyayithanda loo nto? ”
'Ndikulungele ukulawula kwinkcitho yam kwaye ndibeke imali eninzi ecaleni kulondolozo lwenyanga nganye njengoko ndisazi ukuba oku kubalulekile kuwe.'
Ewe kunjalo, ngekhe uhlale unezisombululo engqondweni. Ngamanye amaxesha kufuneka usebenze ngezinto kunye. Kwimeko apho, unokuthi ngokulula:
'Akwaba besinokuyiqonda into engalunganga.'
'Ndiqinisekile, ukuba sibeka iintloko zethu sithethe ngale nto, singeza nesisombululo esisenza sonwabe sobabini.'
Xa usenza ezakho iingcebiso okanye ubuza ukuba uthethe ngayo, ngekhe usoloko ufumana impendulo oyifunayo.
Kodwa, yazi ukuba ngokunikela ngeli sebe lomnquma, kunokwenzeka ukuba ulifinyeze ixesha baziva belungele kwaye bekwazi ukugcina unyango olungathethiyo, kwaye oku kukodwa kukuphumelela kweentlobo.
2. Qinisekisa iimvakalelo zabo, kunye nezakho.
Akukho ndawo yokufihla kwiimvakalelo enizivayo nobabini emva kokuphazamiseka.
Kungenxa yoko le ndlela yokusombulula ingasentla kufuneka idityaniswe nomyalezo ocacileyo wokuba uyazamkela iimvakalelo zabo ngale nto bayiyo, kodwa ukuba iimvakalelo zakho zisasebenza ngokuchanekileyo.
Oku kusebenza ngcono kakhulu kunokuba ucebise ukuba bavuthela izinto ngokwenqanaba. Banokuba ngokoluvo lwakho, kodwa hayi kwezabo.
Endaweni yokuba, 'Kutheni usenza into enkulu kangaka kule?' khetha into yoxolelwaniso efana nale:
“Ndiyabona ukuba uziva ubuhlungu kwaye uye wemka. Ndiyayiqonda into yokuba ungadinga ixesha ukuze uphole kwaye uphonononge okwenzekileyo, kodwa ndilapha ukuze ndithethe ngayo nje ukuba ulungele. ”
Ukuba babuyela etafileni kwaye bavule ingxoxo ngaphakathi kwexesha elifanelekileyo, umyalezo uye wangena kwaye baziva bexolile sisenzo sakho.
Kodwa ukuba bayaqhubeka nokukunika unyango oluthulileyo ixesha elide leentsuku okanye nangaphezulu, kufanelekile ukuba uchaze indlela oko kukwenza uzive ngayo. Kuya kufuneka unxibelelane ngokwenzakalisa kwakho okanye uzibeke emngciphekweni wokwala ukwenyani.
“Mamela, ndizamile ukukunika indawo yokukuvumela ukuba usebenze ngale ndlela oziva ngayo, kodwa ndifuna ukuyisombulula le meko phambi kokuba ihambe ixesha elide. Xa ushiya ngoluhlobo, ndiziva ndindedwa kwaye ndingaqinisekanga ngenye into endinokuyenza, kwaye le asiyondlela endifuna ukuziva ngayo. ”
3. Zola kwaye uqhubeke.
Khumbula, eyona nxalenye inkulu yonyango olungenakuphikiswa ngamandla alunika umntu olisebenzisayo.
Kodwa lawo mandla ikakhulu yinto enikwa zizenzo zakho.
Xa ugobhoza, ucela ukuxolelwa, okanye wenze izimbo zomzimba ezenzelwe ukubaphumelela, uyabomeleza kwinkolelo yabo yokuba ukuthula kuyasebenza.
Ukuba, nje ukuba uthethile into ekufuneka ithethwe kumanyathelo oku-1 nowesi-2 apha ngasentla, uhamba ngobomi bakho ngendlela ekwiimvakalelo, ungasabeli cwaka kwabo, ubafundisa ukuba indlela yabo ayizukubanika iziphumo khangela.
Ewe, ukuba uthethile okanye wenze into ebacaphukisayo, kuya kufuneka ndicela uxolo ngokunyanisekileyo , kodwa kuya kufuneka ukwenze kube kanye. Uxolo oluphindaphindwayo lunika amandla omnye umntu.
Xa bebona ukuba awudlali umdlalo wabo, umntu unokuba nethemba lokuba bayakuyeka nawo.
Ewe, ukuba abayi…
4. Thatha isigqibo sokuba uza kuwrwela phi umgca.
Impatho ethe cwaka ayinakuqhubeka ngonaphakade okanye iphinde ibuyise intloko ngalo lonke ixesha unokuba nokungavumelani okuncinci. Akunjalo ukuba ulwalamano lubekho.
Ekugqibeleni, kuya kufuneka kufike indawo apho uthi kwanele. Sele sixoxe ngokuba ukusetyenziswa kwexesha elide okanye okuphindaphindiweyo kokunyanga kufana nokuhlukumeza, kwaye awufanelanga.
Yazi ukuba imida yakho ithini, qhubeka uzama ukubandakanya omnye umntu ukuphucula imeko ixesha elide ucinga ukuba lisempilweni, kodwa kulungele ukuvumela ubudlelwane buhambe ukuba izinto azibonisi phuculo.
Oku akuthethi kusongela okanye kwisiphelo. Ayenzelwanga ukuba ekugqibeleni ibenze batshintshe (nangona kunokwenzeka). Vele ucace kubo ukuba awuyi kulwamkela olu hlobo lonyango ixesha elide, emva koko ulandele xa uziva ukuba wenze konke onako.
Iya kukwenzakalisa- bobabini kunye nabo-kodwa yeyona ilungileyo ekuhambeni kwexesha.
Xa unyango oluthe cwaka luyiNdlela eyiyo
Kukho ixesha nendawo yokuthula. Ngapha koko, kwezinye iimeko, ukuthula kuyacetyiswa.
Kubudlelwane obunetyhefu apho elinye iqela lihlangana khona nakuphi na ukuzama ukusombulula ungquzulwano kunye nokwanda kobundlongondlongo- kwaye lenze njalo ngokuqhubekayo-ukuthula kuyamkeleka ngokugqibeleleyo.
ukubanda kwamatye vs iliwa
Kule meko, ukuhlala uthule yindlela yokujongana nemeko kunye nomntu. Ukuthula luhlobo lokhuselo kwaye kuhlala kuphela kwendlela yokuzola kwezinto emva kwengxabano.
Unyango oluthe cwaka luyacetyiswa ukuba ubalekile ubudlelwane obuhlukumezayo kunye ne-narcissist okanye i-sociopath. Emva koko, ukuthula kuba ngumda othintela ukuba ungasetyenziswa gwenxa kwakhona.
Uyixelela Njani Ukuba Ukuthula Kwakho Kuyahlukumeza
Isitshixo kukuzibuza: ngaba ndiyazikhusela, okanye ngaba ndihlasela omnye? Kulapho umahluko ukhona.
Ukuba uhlala uthule ukuze uzuze amandla kwaye ubangele omnye umntu uhlobo oluthile lokubandezeleka ngokweemvakalelo, kukuphathwa gadalala.
Ukuba ugcina umlomo wakho uqinile ukuze uphephe umngcipheko we ukubandezeleka ukuxhatshazwa, kukuzikhusela.
Ukuba awuqinisekanga, kuyanceda ukuzibuza le mibuzo:
1. Uzolile kwakhona ngoku, kodwa ufuna benze inyathelo lokuqala?
Xa iingxabano zisenzeka, kungathabatha ixesha elincinci ukuba ezo mvakalelo ziphakamileyo zidlule.
Ukuthula ngeli xesha akukho nto imbi njengoko kunokukuthintela ekuthetheni okanye ekwenzeni izinto ozisolayo ngazo kamva.
Kodwa ukuba uqhubeka nesenzo esithuleyo nasemva kokuba uthe cwaka kuba unyanzelisa ukuba benze inyathelo lokuqala loxolelwaniso, kukuhlukumeza okuncinci.
Ukuba ukulungele ukuthetha ngezinto, vula incoko.
2. Ngaba luza kuphela uxolelo ngokupheleleyo?
Ngaba uya kuhlala uthe cwaka okoko nje benganiki uxolo olwanelisayo?
Mhlawumbi babonakalise ukuzisola kwaye bazama ukulungisa, kodwa ibingeyiyo le nto ubuyicinga entlokweni yakho ngelixa ubukhanyisile.
Ukuba kwenziwe iinzame zokwandisa isebe lomnquma, kulungile ukuba usuke kancinci ukusuka kwindawo yakho kwaye uphelise unyango oluthule ubanike lona.
Oku akuthethi ukuba kufuneka ubaxolele, kodwa kuya kufuneka ubuncinci uthathe inxaxheba kwincoko malunga nokwenzekileyo nokuba kutheni ikwenza uzive ngendlela oziva ngayo.
Ngokungazibandakanyi, ukhetha ukubagcina kunyawo lwangasemva, olunokubonwa njengokuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo.
3. Ngaba niyaluthatha uxanduva lokungavisisani?
Ngamanye amaxesha, ewe, omnye umntu uyaphazama ngokupheleleyo. Ezinye izinto azinakuthethelelwa.
Kodwa oku akusoloko kunjalo.
Ukuba ugcina ukuthula kwakho nangona kukho iimpazamo ezibekwe ezinyaweni zakho, uyayityeshela indima oyidlalileyo kwimpikiswano ekhokelele kule ndawo ukuyo ngoku.
Oku kuyahlukumeza ngengqondo yokuba kubeka lonke ityala komnye umntu kwaye kubenza bazive bengalunganga ngenxa yako.
4. Ngaba uza kuyigcina ixesha elithile?
Xa umntu esenza into ekucaphukisayo, ucinga, 'Kulungile, andithethi kubo imini yonke'?
Okanye iveki yonke, nokuba kunjalo?
Oku kunokubonwa njengokuhlukumeza kuba kusikhupha kakuhle isigwebo solwaphulo-mthetho, nokuba ungaziva njani ngalo naliphi na ixesha kwixesha elizayo.
Ukuxelela omnye umntu ngokufanelekileyo ukuba bafanelwe sisohlwayo esingaka ngento abayenzileyo.
Akushiyeli ndawo yoxolelo okanye ukuthamba kweemvakalelo phakathi kwenu.
Ngaba awuqinisekanga ukuba uza kuyiphatha njani le nto ithuleyo? Thetha kwi-Intanethi kwingcali yobudlelwane kwi-Relationship Hero enokukunceda ufumane izinto. Ngokulula.
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