Zama kangangoko sinako ukucinga ngohlobo lwentsomi lwentsebenziswano yethu yothando, ngaphandle kokuthandabuza ukungavisisani kunye nokuphakamisa amazwi, inyani iyahluka ngokungaguquguqukiyo.
Nangona uninzi lwethu lungonwabanga kukungavisisani, sisiphumo esingenakuphepheka sabantu ababini abazama ukubophelela ubomi babini obuzimeleyo ngaphambili.
Kwaye, naxa ufumana i-hang of coupledom, kuphela kwendalo yomntu ukungavumelani.
Xa sithetha-thethana ngala manzi aneenkqwithela, sonke ‘siyalwa’ ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo.
Zeziphi kwezi zandi ngathi? Uya:
- Yiya kwisibetho esisezantsi kwaye uzisole kamva?
-Uziva ungalawuleki xa iimvakalelo ziphezulu?
- Cwaka kwaye urhoxe njengoko umsindo wakho ukhula?
- Thatha ukugxekwa okanye ukungavisisani njengohlaselo lobuqu?
- Sebenzisa izikhalazo nezikhalazo zakudala njengeembumbulu?
- Yenza nantoni na ukuthintela ungquzulwano?
Okanye usebenzisa inani lala maqhinga, kuxhomekeke kumcimbi okhoyo.
Kodwa inyani yile, nokuba ingxaki inkulu okanye incinci, akukho nanye eluncedo okanye eyakhayo njengeendlela zokusombulula ukungavisisani.
Iindlela zokufunda ukulwa ngokufanelekileyo ziya kukunika izixhobo zokulawula iingxabano kunye neemvakalelo eziza nazo ngokufanelekileyo kunye nezibonelelo ezilungileyo.
Ewe, kunokubakho ukuthatha into elungileyo ukusuka kwimpikiswano engalawulwa kakuhle kuba ungquzulwano luyakwazi ukomeleza ubudlelwane kunye nokuphucula ukuqonda kwenu.
Ke ayisiyonto imbi yonke.
Nazi iingcebiso ezili-10 zokukunceda xa usiya kumlo olungileyo kubudlelwane bakho:
1. Mabathethe, babone izimvo zabo.
Xa unomsindo okanye ucatshukiswa yinto ethile, kulula ukuba uzifumane ungoyena uthetha konke, uqhushumbe iqabane lakho ngeengcinga zakho kwaye ungashiyi gumbi lokuva izimvo zabo.
Ngokucacileyo, ayingomlo olungileyo lowo.
wwe eluhlaza matshi 21 2016
Usenokungavumelani nale nto bayithethayo, kodwa ke kufuneka ubayeke bathethe ngaphandle kokuphazanyiswa.
Ukuba awuqinisekanga ngento ethile, bacele ukuba bacacise.
Ukuvumela iqabane lakho ukuba liveze uluvo lwabo kubonisa imbeko.
Ngapha koko, kokukhona uyiqonda ngcono, kokukhona kuya kuba lula kuwe ukuba uvelane.
Kwaye ukuba uyakwazi ukuthatha imbono yeqabane lakho, awufane ubenomsindo.
Ngamanye amaxesha umbono otshintshileyo unokuvelisa isityhilelo esinokusombulula imeko ngokukhawuleza.
Kuya kufuneka ukhulule iimfama zakho kwaye uyayixabisa enye indlela yokujonga umcimbi omnye.
2. Sebenzisa iindlebe zakho uphulaphule ngokwenene.
Kukho izinto ezimbalwa eziphazamisayo ngaphezu kokukholelwa ukuba iqabane lakho alihoyi into oyithethayo.
Ukuba unomdla wokuphazamisa okanye wenze ukuxhuma okukhulu ekucingeni malunga noko iqabane lakho licinga ngalo, awubaniki ithuba lokuvakalisa iimvakalelo zabo.
Sebenzisa ubuchule 'bokumamela ngokukuko' yindlela elungileyo yokubonisa iqabane lakho ukuba baqwalasele ngokupheleleyo.
Elinye lamaqhinga aphambili kukuyiphinda into ethethwa liqabane lakho ukubonisa ukuqonda kwakho.
Ukuba kukho ukungangqinelani phakathi kwento ethethwayo nokutolikwa kwakho, oko kungavisisani kunokuconjululwa kwangoko kunokuba kulityaziswe kwaye kuvuthiswe amadangatye okungavisisani.
Elinye icebo eliluncedo lokujonga ukuba uziqonde kakuhle iimpendulo zeqabane lakho 'kukujonga ukuqonda.'
Isiteyitimenti esilula esifana nokuthi “Ubonakala ucatshukiswa yile nto ndiyithethileyo - ingaba ndilungile? yiyo yonke into efunekayo ukubonisa ukuba unikela ingqalelo kwaye uzikhathalele ngokwenene iimvakalelo zabo.
3. Musa ukudlala umdlalo wokusola.
Xa iimvakalelo ziphezulu, kulula kakhulu ukubhenela ekugxekeni omnye umntu.
Okwangoku ityala yindlela yomlilo eqinisekileyo yokubeka iqabane lakho ekuzikhuseleni, okukhokelela kukonyuka kwembambano okanye ukugqibezela ukuvala iingxoxo.
indlela yokuthetha kancinci kwaye umamele ngakumbi
Zama ukuphepha izityholo ezinje: 'Uhlala 'uchitha ixesha elininzi kwifowuni yakho' okanye 'Awuzange' uhlambe izitya.'
Shift umnwe wecala kude neqabane lakho ngokusebenzisa igama elithi 'Ndi' endaweni yoko, ubeke ugxininiso kwindlela wena Uziva kunokuba yintoni bona wenze okanye akenzanga.
'Ndiziva ndingaxatyiswa xa kubonakala ngathi uyifumene inomdla ngakumbi kunam,' okanye 'Ndidiniwe kuba ndim okhupha inkunkuma.'
4. Zilungiselele ukudibana phakathi.
Umlo awunakulunga ukuba wena (okanye iqabane lakho) uhlala ufumana eyakho indlela.
Ukumba izithende zakho kwaye ugxininise ukuba yindlela yam okanye uhola wendlela awulunganga kwaye awuzinzanga.
Kwaye ayikhuphi isiphelo, esinokuthi sibuyele ngokulula.
Ubugcisa obucekeceke be ukulalanisa yinto ebalulekileyo kubudlelwane obusempilweni, kodwa kufuneka ibe ziindlela ezimbini ukuze ulunge.
Andazi ukuba ndifuna ukwenza ntoni ebomini
Ukuba nobabini nizimisele ukulalanisa, ukungavisisani kungasonjululwa ngokulula.
Umzekelo, ukuthatha isigqibo sokwenza into ngendlela yakho ngesinye isihlandlo kunye nendlela yabo elandelayo ngokuqinisekileyo sisisombululo esifanelekileyo.
5. Khetha amadabi akho.
Xa iimvakalelo zibaleka phezulu, kulula kakhulu ukufumana umba wokuqala udityaniswa yimbumbulu yezinye iigripes, ezinye zazo zibuyela umva kwiinkungu zexesha kwaye zikude nokufanelekileyo ngoku.
Ukuba ufuna ukugcina izinto zakha, qiniseka ukuba umda kwingxoxo kwimiba enye.
Gwema kuzo zonke iindleko oko uJohn Gottman, umphandi ophawulekayo kwindawo yeengxabano zobudlelwane, abiza ' ukutshona ekhitshini . ’
Uyayikhumbula intetho endala ethi 'yonke into ngaphandle kwesinki yekhitshi' ethetha ukuba akukho nto ishiywe ngaphandle?
Melana nomnqweno wokuhlasela iqabane lakho ngezikhalazo ezininzi.
Ngokugcina umba omnye, kunokwenzeka ukuba uhlale ugxile, unethuba elingcono lokwenza inkqubela phambili.
6. Musa ukujolisa ngaphantsi kwebhanti.
Kubalulekile ukunqanda ukwenzakala ngabom ngokuhlasela isimilo seqabane lakho ngendlela owaziyo ukuba iya kubangela iintlungu.
Ngobushushu bomzuzwana, kulula kakhulu ukubhenela kwizimvo ezinesityholo, ukubiza igama, okanye ukuthuka.
Yeka ukukhupha amazwi ahlaselayo okanye ahlaselayo athobisa okanye ahlaze iqabane lakho.
Iingxelo ezicaphukisa ngabom malunga nokusilela kubuntu babo okanye ubunzima okanye imikhwa yabo ayamkelekanga.
Ngokubhenela kula maqhinga asezantsi, konke oya kufezekisa kukongeza ipetroli emlilweni.
Ziyanelisa nangona zisenokubonakala ngelo xesha, izinto ezenzakalisayo azinakukhuselwa kwaye zinokonakalisa kakhulu.
Kodwa ayisiyongxabano yomlomo kuphela ekufuneka iphetshwe. Ukucofa iinyawo, ukuqengqa amehlo, okanye ukuncwina akwamkelekanga kuba oko kubonisa ukungabi nantlonelo nokungathandi abantu.
Naluphi na uhlobo lokuziphatha okucekisayo lwenza ukuba ingxoxo enentsingiselo ingenzeki.
Iziphumo zalo kuphela ezinokubakho ngumsindo, zisenza amathuba okusonjululwa abe kude ngakumbi.
7. Xelela ukuba kunjani.
Akumangalisi ukuba ungquzulwano luvele xa kukho ukuthandabuza ukuphuma kwaye uchaze ngokucacileyo umthombo wengxaki.
Ukuba ubonakalisa ukungoneliseki kwakho ngokuzixakekisa kwaye ungonwabi kwaye unganxibelelani, isiphumo esinokubakho asiyonto ngaphandle kokudideka kwaye ekugqibeleni kukucaphuka.
Kwaye ayisiyiyo eyokusebenzisa nje into enoburharha yokufihla ubutshaba ngokuzithoba ukuzokufezekisa nantoni na.
Okanye mhlawumbi iqhinga lakho olithandayo kukukuphepha ukuxoxa ngengxaki ngokupheleleyo ngokuchaphazela incoko kwezinye izihloko xa kuvela ingxaki enameva.
Ekugqibeleni, akukho nanye kwezi ndlela zokuziphatha eyakhayo kwaye ayifanelekanga.
Iqabane lakho alisoze lifunde imiqondiso yokucaphuka, kodwa alinamandla okuphendula kuba abanalwazi lokuba yintoni eyona ngxaki.
Musa ukulindela ukuba iqabane lakho lifunde ingqondo yakho lize emva koko licaphuke xa lisilele ukufumana umyalezo.
Kuyinto efanelekileyo kuphela bonisa iimvakalelo zakho ngokunyanisekileyo, ngokuvulekileyo, nangokucacileyo, njengoko kuphela kwendlela iqabane lakho eliya kuziqonda ngayo iimvakalelo zakho.
Ukuthetha ngokungacacanga kuya kubanika ithuba lokutshintsha indlela abaziphethe ngayo.
8. Musa ukulwa nomlilo ngomlilo.
Oku kunokuvakala ngathi akukho mntu ucinga ukuba uzama ukuthomalalisa izinto, kodwa usana lwethu lwangaphakathi ngamanye amaxesha lukufumanisa kunzima ukumelana nokuphendula kwindlela yokuziphatha engalunganga ngokuphosa ulungelelwaniso konke okwethu.
Akufuneki ukuba, ukunikezela kuloo mnqweno kuya kuyonyusa nje imbambano, ngeempikiswano ezishushu ngakumbi, iintetho ezithob 'isidima, kunye nokwanda kokungakhathali.
Ngokucacileyo, ukuba unokuvala umlomo wakho kwaye uyeke ukuthengisa izithuko kunye neentetho ezidelelayo oza kuzisola ngazo kamva, imeko iya kuhlala izolile.
Yiyo loo nto isisombululo esonelisayo sisethubeni lokufikelela.
9. Kuphephe ukuqhwatywa.
Xa siziva ngathi siyahlaselwa, impendulo yendalo inokuba kukurhoxa kwaye sisebenzise ukungathethi cwaka njengendlela yokuzikhusela.
Nangona kunjalo, uphando lucebisile ukuba kukho unxibelelwano oluthe ngqo phakathi kokurhoxa kunye nobunzima bobudlelwane.
indlela yokwenza ixesha likhawuleze
Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, unxunguphalo kunye nomsindo ziyimpendulo yokuphendula kuthulekile nakwizixhobo.
Ekugqibeleni, iziphumo ezilungileyo zinokufikelelwa kuphela kukunxibelelana ngeendlela ezimbini, ke kubalulekile ukuba ugcine amajelo evulekile.
10. Thatha ixesha lokuphuma.
Kunokubakho amaxesha apho ungaziva ukoyikeka yingxoxo kangangokuba ukuthatha ixesha ngaphandle likhondo lobulumko.
Oku kuyakunika zombini isithuba kunye nexesha lokufumana kwakhona nokubonisa.
Kodwa, ekubeni umba ekuxoxwa ngawo ubalulekile ngokucacileyo, kubalulekile ukuba uvumelane ukuba uya kusiphinda isihloko kwakhona ngokukhawuleza.
Qiniseka ukuba uyalandelela kweso sithembiso, nangona kunjalo, okanye umba uya kuhlala usisikhubekiso kubudlelwane bakho.
Ngaba awuqinisekanga ukuba ungazijonga njani iimpikiswano kubudlelwane bakho, okanye ufuna ulamlo oluthile? Thetha kwi-Intanethi kwingcali yobudlelwane kwi-Relationship Hero enokukunceda ufumane izinto. Ngokulula.
Unokuthanda:
