Xa uzifumanisa ujongene nelitye leemvakalelo, ungazibuza ukuba wenze ntoni ukuze ulifanele.
Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, ukubamba uthando yinto ekhohlakeleyo kwiqabane lakho.
Kuthatha injongo kwiimfuno zethu zemvelo zokufudumala kunye nokunxibelelana kwabo sibathandayo kwaye sibakhathaleleyo.
Ukuzibamba ngokweemvakalelo kusetyenziswa ngabantu abaninzi ukuya kuthi ga kwinqanaba elithile, kodwa kukho abo babhenela kulo rhoqo.
Kutheni besenza oku? Yintoni ebenza bacinge ukuba le yeyona ndlela ilungileyo bayithathileyo?
ubuso ngobuso yokuqala ukuhlangana online ukuthandana
Makhe siqwalasele ezinye zezizathu ezinokubakho.
1. Abayazi nje indlela yokujongana neengxabano ngendlela esempilweni.
Iqabane lakho linokuluvimba uthando njengendlela yokujongana nengxabano okanye ukungavisisani obukhe wanako.
Babuyela umva kuyo ngenxa yokuba abayazi enye into abanokuyenza.
Abazange bafunde ezinye, iindlela ezisempilweni zokusombulula ukungavisisani okwenzekayo xa abantu ababini behlangana ukwenza ubudlelwane.
Kwaye ke bathatha indlela elula: bakunika igxalaba elibandayo.
Ayithathi ngenene umzamo omkhulu wokurhoxisa iimvakalelo zabo kuba ibeka lonke ugxininiso kuwe ukuze ulungise.
Kuya kufuneka banamathele kwimipu yabo de wenze amanyathelo okuqala oxolelwaniso.
2. Bayala ukuthatha uxanduva ngezenzo zabo okanye iintsilelo.
Kuthatha isibindi ukuvuma kuwe ukuba wenze into engalunganga, okanye ukuba uneempazamo.
Kuthatha amaxesha amaninzi isibindi ukuyamkela loo nto komnye umntu.
Iqabane lakho lisenokungabinakho ukuthobeka okuyimfuneko ukuba neempazamo okanye iintsilelo zabo.
Banokunqwenela ukubonakala begqibelele okanye 'belungile' kuzo zonke iimeko, kwaye bagcine le nkangeleko, abayi kuyonwabisa ingcamango yokuba babengalunganga.
Iyavakala ke into yokuba, inokuba nguwe onetyala, kwaye abayi kuba ntle kuwe de uyivume le nto kwaye uxolise.
3. Le nto bayifunde kubazali babo.
Asinguye wonke umntu onethamsanqa ngokwaneleyo ukuba angakhula kunye nabazali abaneendlela ezifanelekileyo zokujongana nemiceli mngeni engenakuphepheka ebangelwa ngabantwana.
Ngelishwa abanye abazali babhenela kwizinto ezinjengokubamba iimvakalelo ukuze baqeqeshe abantwana babo okanye babenze benze ngendlela ethile.
Abo bantwana banokuthi emva koko bakhule becinga ukuba le yindlela oqhubana ngayo nabantu.
Banokuba ngabantu ababamba uthando kumaqabane abo kuba yindlela abaphathwe ngayo njengomntwana.
4. Isebenzile kubo ngaphambili.
Nokuba yeyiphi na le ndlela yokuxabana ivele kuyo, ukuba bayibonile isebenza ngaphambili, kunokwenzeka ukuba bayamkele kwakhona kamva.
Ityala lika: ukuba ayophukanga, sukuyilungisa.
Ewe kunjalo, banokubona kuphela ukusebenza kokuzibamba ngokweemvakalelo ngaphakathi kwimeko encinci yemeko yangoku. Bayakukhathalela ukuqonda impembelelo ebanzi enayo kulwalamano lwabo.
Kwaye banokusebenzisa eli qhinga kubudlelwane emva kobudlelwane, bengazi ukuba iqhuba abanye abantu.
5. Baziva benesidingo sokulawula yonke into.
Ukubamba uthando luhlobo lolawulo.
Ithi komnye umntu: 'Ndithathe isigqibo sokuba undonile, kwaye andizukubonisa uthando lwam kuwe de ube ucele uxolo okanye wandenza.'
Oku kubeka ugxininiso olupheleleyo kuwe ukuba uthathe inyathelo elifanelekileyo eliyindlela yabo yokukulawula.
Ukuba iqabane lakho lithanda ukulawula yonke into ebomini babo kangangoko kunokwenzeka, akumangalisi ukuba bamkele indlela ebanda egxalabeni.
6. Bafuna ukohlwaya.
Ngelixa ukubamba ngokweemvakalelo kuhlala kusetyenziswa indlela yokuba umntu afumane into ayifunayo, inokusetyenziswa njengesixhobo.
Ukuba iqabane lakho liziva lihlaselwa okanye likhubekisiwe yinto oyithethileyo okanye oyenzileyo, banokuphelisa lonke uthando kuwe ukuze bakusokolise.
Ezingqondweni zabo, oku kufanele kukwenze uzisole ngezenzo zakho kwaye uziphathe ngendlela eyahlukileyo kwixa elizayo.
Banokuyibona ifana nekhonkco lokutswina okanye ikhola yothuselo lombane ukulungisa ukungafuneki enjeni.
7. Banokungahambi kakuhle kubuntu babo.
Ixesha elidlulileyo lomntu-ngakumbi ubuntwana bakhe-linokukhokelela kuphuhliso lweentlobo ezahlukeneyo zokuphazamiseka kubuntu.
Ezinye zazo zenza ukusetyenziswa kokubanjwa kweemvakalelo kunokwenzeka ngakumbi.
I-Narcissists kunye nabo bane-Borderline Personality Disorder, umzekelo, banamanqanaba asezantsi ovelwano, kwaye ke banako ukuba nokuziphatha okubangela ukwenzakala okanye uxinzelelo kwabanye.
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Ngaba ukubamba uthando lolunye uhlobo lokuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo?
Ngoku ekubeni siphonononge ezinye zezizathu zokuba umntu aqhubeke nokubamba ukubonisa uthando kunye nomlingane wabo, kufuneka sibuze: ngaba le yimpatho gadalala?
Njengoko besitshilo ekuqaleni kwinqaku, abantu abaninzi bayayenza le nto. Kodwa ngokuqinisekileyo kukho uluhlu lobunzima.
Abanye abantu bathatha ixesha elide ukuzola emva kwengxabano kunye nenkqubo eyenzekileyo. Banokungakunqweneli ukusondela emzimbeni okanye ngokweemvakalelo kumaqabane abo ngeli xesha.
Oku akuthethi ukuba kukuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo.
Ukugweba xa kuguqukela ekuxhatshazweni, kuya kufuneka ubuze oku kulandelayo:
- Ngubani umntu wokuqala onikezela ngesebe lomnquma? Ukuba uhlala wena kwaye ungaze ube nabo, kunokwenzeka ukuba ube nokuhlukumeza.
- Ngaba bayaxolisa? Nokuba ungoyena mntu uxolayo kuqala, ukuba bayaphindisela kwaye babonakala bezisola ngokwenyani, kunqabile ukuba uxhatshazwe.
- Ngaba babeka amaxesha athile? Ukuba bakuxelela ukuba abalala nawe iveki yonke, umzekelo, bazama ukukohlwaya, kwaye oku kukuhlukumeza.
- Ingaba yile ndlela bahlala bejongana ngayo nempixano? Ukuba kunjalo, kunokwenzeka ukuba ube nokuhlukumeza.
kutheni umyeni wam engandithandi
- Ngaba wenza izinto ongakhululekanga ngazo ukuze uzonwabise? Ukuba kufuneka uthethe okanye wenze izinto ongathanda ukungazenzi, yindlela yokulawula kwaye iyahlukumeza.
Ngelixa kungasoloko kumnyama okanye kumhlophe nokuba ukuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo kukho, uya kwazi emathunjini akho ukuba indlela oziphethe ngayo iyahlukumeza.
Yintoni omele uyenze xa iqabane lakho libamba uthando.
Kunzima ukwazi ukuba uphendule njani kwiqabane elibambe uthando, ngenjongo yokubamba uthando, kunye nokusondelana ngokwasemzimbeni rhoqo.
Emva kwakho konke, awufuni ukukhuthaza le ndlela yokuziphatha ngokubuya phantsi kunye ne-groveling yokuxolelwa kwabo.
Kodwa, kwangaxeshanye, ngekhe ufune ukuzibandakanya nohlobo lwakho lweemvakalelo ezibamba nokuba.
Nazi ezinye izinto onokuzenza endaweni yoko.
1. Khetha indlela ocinga ngayo noziva ngayo malunga nokuziphatha kwabo.
Unelizwi elingaphezulu kweengcinga neemvakalelo zakho kunokuba uzinika ityala.
Xa iqabane lakho livaliwe kuwe ngenxa yento obonakala uyithethile okanye uyenzile, usenokukhetha ukugcina isimo sengqondo esifanelekileyo.
Ifuna ukuziqhelanisa, kodwa ungazikhumbuza oko ungumthombo wakho ophambili wolonwabo kunye nolwaneliseko. Into eyenziwa liqabane lakho lukhetho lwabo kwaye ukhetho lwakho kukungavumeli ukuba ikuchaphazele.
Inxalenye ebalulekileyo yoku kukuqonda ukuba awunakubekwa tyala ngokhetho lwabo kunye nokuziphatha kwabo. Nokuba ubuyinxalenye yokungavumelani, indlela iqabane lakho eliye lasabela ngayo ayixhomekekanga kuwe.
Ngokuqinisekileyo awufanelanga kuphathwa ngale ndlela - zikhumbuze oku rhoqo.
2. Qhubeka nokuba nobubele kwaye uyathandeka kwiqabane lakho.
Enye indlela yokuqhuba ugoduse iingcinga zakho neemvakalelo zakho kukuqhubeka uphatha iqabane lakho ngononophelo olufanayo kunye nentlonipho ohlala uyenza.
Ngokuqinisekileyo, abayi kuphinda babuyekeze ekuqaleni, okanye bavume ukuba izenzo zakho zinobubele.
Kodwa ukuba ubabonisa ukuba awuyi kuchaphazeleka ngamaqhinga abo okubamba, Kuya kufuneka ekugqibeleni baqale ukunxibelelana nawe.
Inokuhlala iqabaka ekuqaleni, kodwa ngokuhamba kwexesha, izinto ziya kubuyela esiqhelweni.
Abayi kuze baphakamise isiganeko, kwaye ungangcono ukusiyeka sihambe- kuya kufuneka uthathe isigqibo sokuba ukhululeke kangakanani ngale ndlela yokusombulula (okanye ukungasombululi njengokuba injalo).
3. Thatha uxanduva lwenxaxheba oyidlalileyo nakweyiphi na impikiswano.
Ngelixa ukubamba uthando kuyindlela engenampilo yokujongana nengxabano, kuyenzeka ukuba ibe liqabane lakho.
Kodwa oku akukukhululi kulo naluphi na uxanduva. Ngenxa yokuba besebenza ngale ndlela inetyhefu, oko akuthethi ukuba awunanto uzisolayo ngayo.
Ukuba uthethile okanye wenze into ukufaka isandla kwityala labo kunye nokwenzakalisa-nokuba bekukubo bushushu bomzuzwana- kukulungele ukunyuka, ukuyamkela le nto, kwaye ucele uxolo ngayo.
Isenokungabancedi ngokukhawuleza, kodwa iya kuyikhawulezisa inkqubo.
Qiniseka nje ukuba awuceli nje ngokuxolisa ukuze uphinde ufumane uthando kunye nengqwalaselo yabo. Ukuba awenzanga nto iphosakeleyo, kungcono ukuba unamathele kwindlela kwindawo yangaphambili.
4. Jonga kunyango- ngokudibeneyo kunye nomntu ngamnye.
Iingcali zempilo yengqondo eziqinisekisiweyo kunye nabacebisi bobudlelwane banezixhobo ezininzi zokujongana nemicimbi enjengokubamba uthando kunalo naliphi na inqaku lewebhu elinokubonelela.
Ngelixa ingcebiso apha ilungiselelwe ukuba ibe luncedo kuye wonke umntu, abanye abantu kunye nabantu abatshatileyo bayakufumanisa ukuba bafuna uncedo olufanelekileyo ukoyisa iingxaki zabo.
Ingcali yezonyango izakukunceda ukuba ubonise izikhalazo zakho kwindawo ekhuselekileyo nenemveliso ngakumbi. Kuyafana nakwiqabane lakho.
Banakho ukubonelela ngesakhelo sokusombulula iimbambano ezisempilweni kunye nonxibelelwano olungcono.
Bobabini kunye neqabane lakho banokunqwenela ukufuna unyango olwahlukileyo kwingcali yezempilo yengqondo.
Banokwazi ukunceda iqabane lakho lifumane oyena nobangela wokuziphatha kwabo kwaye banike iindlela zokutshintsha kancinci.
Kwaye banakho ukukunika inkxaso kunye nesikhokelo kwimiba yokuziphatha kweqabane lakho enokubangela ngentlalo-ntle yakho yeemvakalelo.
5. Jonga ulwalamano olubanzi.
Njengoko sixoxile kwinxalenye engaphambili yeli nqaku, kukho izizathu ezininzi zokuba iqabane lakho likhethe ukukubamba uthando.
Kodwa kuxhomekeke kubukrakra bokuziphatha kwabo, usenokonwabela uninzi lwezinto abazisa kwitafile yobudlelwane.
Mhlawumbi, ewe, basebenzisa uthando njengendlela yokulawula ukufumana indlela yabo, kodwa eneneni banothando kwaye bayakhathala xa befuna.
Ngokuqinisekileyo, isenokungabi ngumbono waseHollywood wothando okanye uthando, kodwa ayinakupela ukuphela kwezinto.
Abantu zizidalwa ezingcolileyo, kwaye ezinye zazo kunokuba nzima kakhulu ukujongana nazo.
Kukuwe ukuba ugwebe ukuba ngaba amanqaku amnandi agqwesa okubi, okanye kungenjalo.
6. Ukuba oluhlobo lwempatho-gadalala luhlala luqatha kwaye luqatha, bayeke.
Xa ujonga ubudlelwane ngokubanzi, unokufumana okuncinci kakhulu ukuba unombulelo ngako.
Asinguye wonke umntu okwaziyo ukuba kubudlelwane obusempilweni, obuzinzileyo, kwaye iqabane lakho linokuba ngumntu onjalo.
ungakhathali ngantoni na kwakhona
Ukuba indlela abaziphethe ngayo ayiphucuki- okanye iya isiba mandundu- kwaye inefuthe elibi lokuzithemba kunye nokuzixabisa, kuya kufuneka ucinge nzulu ngokuphelisa ubudlelwane.
Awunatyala nanto ngaphandle kokwahlukana okucacileyo noxolo.
Impilo yakho yempilo kunye nentlalo-ntle yakho ibaluleke ngaphezu kwako nakuphi na ubudlelwane onabo.
Akufanele uzive unyanzelekile ukuba utshintshe umntu onguye ukuze nje ukholise omnye umntu.
Ukuba unike ulwalamano oluphambili kwaye ubanike ithuba elaneleyo lokutshintsha iindlela zabo, esi sisombululo sokugqibela kukuphela kwendlela oshiye ngayo.
Ngaba awuqinisekanga ukuba wenze ntoni malunga nokubamba uthando? Thetha kwi-Intanethi kwingcali yobudlelwane kwi-Relationship Hero enokukunceda ufumane izinto. Ngokulula.
