'Akukho mntu undithandayo, wonke umntu uyandicaphukela, ndicinga ukuba ndiyokutya iimpethu ...'
… Iyahamba njalo ingoma oko kubeka ubungqongqo obumnyama kuxinzelelo, ukungonwabi, kunye nomsindo esinokufumana xa siziva singaqondwa.
Akukho mntu undivayo! ” sisikhuzo esiqhelekileyo ngokwaneleyo xa sinyanzelwa yinkolelo engenakugungqiswa yokuba abanye abantu abasifumani nje ukuba singobani okanye sivakalelwa njani.
Okanye xa abantu bengayamkeli impendulo yethu kumnyhadala okanye kwindlela esikhetha ukuphila ngayo.
Ukuqondwa sisidingo esisisiseko esifanelekileyo somntu kuba sisitshixo kwimvakalelo yethu yokuba lilungu.
Ukubuyiselwa kwimvelaphi yayo esisiseko, imfuneko yokuba yinxalenye yeqela yayisisiseko sokusinda ukusuka kumanqanaba okuqala okuzivelela komntu.
Akumangalisi ukuba ukuziva ungaqondwa, kwaye ke ngenxa yoko, kunokuba loloyiko kunye nokuphazamiseka.
Kwaye inyani kukuba, ukuba awucingi ukuba wamkelekile ngenxa yokuba ungubani, ungaziva ulilolo kakhulu, nokuba ujikelezwe ngabanye abantu.
Inyaniso, imvakalelo yokukhutshelwa ngaphandle kwaye ubekelwe bucala unganyanzeliswa kwimeko yeqela - 'umahluko' wakho ubekwe kwindawo ebonakalayo kwaye uziva ngathi awungowakho .
Inyani yemeko yomntu kukuba ngamanye amaxesha sidinga ukuqinisekiswa kwabanye ukusinika isibindi sokuba sithi, sisazi ukuba asizukugxekwa okanye sigwetyelwe oko.
Isivumela ukuba sizive siyinxalenye 'yesizwe.'
Ukuba nokholo olupheleleyo lokuba samkelwe ukuba singobani kubalulekile kwimpilo-ntle yethu yengqondo kunye neemvakalelo.
Kwelinye icala, ukuba siyaqonda ukuba abo basondeleyo kuthi bagxeka ekukhetheni kwethu ebomini okanye kwizimo zengqondo, ungquzulwano lwangaphakathi lubangela iimvakalelo ezingalunganga ngaphakathi kuthi ezibuhlungu kakhulu nezona zonakalisayo.
Ke, ukunqanda lo mqobo wonakalisayo wokungavisisani, ngaba ikhona indlela yokwenza ukuba abanye bakuqonde njengomntu onguye hayi umntu abangathanda ukuba ubenguye?
imiqondiso ephezulu intombazana iyakuthanda
Masikuphande oku ngakumbi…
Isisombululo silele kuwe.
Ukusombulula le ngxaki ngokwenyani kuqala kuwe, endaweni yokujonga nabo uziva bengakuqondi kakuhle kunye nokhetho lwakho.
Inyathelo lokuqala kukuphuhlisa ukuziqonda okunzulu ngawe, kuba akunakulindela ukuba abanye bakuqonde ukuba awuzithathi ngokwenyani kwaye ngokwenene Zazi ukuba ungubani.
Ukuzazi ngokwakho yinto ekhula ebuntwaneni nasebusheni, kodwa ukuba ngumzali olungileyo yinto ebalulekileyo kwinkqubo.
Abazali abalungileyo banikela ingqalelo kwiimvakalelo zakho, izinto ozithandayo nongazithandiyo, kwaye iitalente zakho zendalo .
Baza kukunika ingqwalaselo kunye nokwamkelwa okunqwenelekayo kwaye baya kukhupha indumiso eninzi.
Oku kubizwa ngokuba yi ‘mirroring,’ ithiyori ephuhliswe sisazi ngengqondo u-Heinz Kohut. Kucingelwa ukuba yeyona nto iphambili kuphuhliso lokuzixabisa komntwana kunye nokuzithemba kwakhe.
Ukungasebenzi kakuhle njengomzali kunokuthetha ukuba uphoswe sesi sibuko.
wazi njani ukuba intombazana iyazifihla iimvakalelo zayo kwaye ifuna ngokufihlakeleyo
Mhlawumbi abazali bakho basilele ukukubona konke konke okanye bakubonile oko bafuna ukukubona ngokuchasene nokwenene?
Nangona amathuba okuba abazali bakho bengonwabanga bengazi ngempembelelo yendlela yabo, isiphumo somntwana ngumntwana-oba ngumntu omdala-ngokungazazi okanye ukuqonda.
Kuba, njengoko sele simisile, kufuneka 'uzifumane' ngaphambi kokuba abanye 'bakufumane,' ukusebenza kweli candelo lengqondo yakho kubalulekile.
Zama ukubuza ezinye ze le mibuzo ukuze uzazi ngokwenene kwaye uphuhlise ulwazi malunga nokuba ungubani kwaye uqhuba ntoni.
Nje ukuba uqhele ngakumbi ngento eyenza ukuba uphawule kwaye uziqonde ezakho izizathu, uya kuba kwimeko eyomeleleyo yokuma kukungakhathaleli okubonayo kwabanye.
Ekugqibeleni, uya kuzithemba ngakumbi kukhetho lwakho kwaye ungachaphazeleki kangako ngamathuba angenakuphepheka xa ungekho kubude obufanayo nobo bakungqongileyo.
Ukuqonda ezakho iinkolelo ezigcinwe nzulu kunye nelungelo lakho lokuba nazo kuya kuba yinto elungileyo yokuzikhusela kwimvakalelo ekhathazayo yokuba wahluke kakhulu kwaye ke iyodwa.
Jonga abantu abakungqongileyo.
Inyathelo elilandelayo lokugxotha ezi mvakalelo zokungaqondwa kukujonga abantu abakungqongileyo kwaye ucinge ngendlela onxibelelana ngayo nabo.
Ngokusisiseko, ubuntu oza kudibana nabo kuhambo lobomi buwela kwiindidi ezintathu:
Ubuntu 1 - abantu abakwinqanaba elifanayo kunye nawe kwaye ngubani oza kuthi afike apho uvela khona.
Ubuntu 2 -Abo bafuna ukukuqonda, kodwa bafuna uncedo oluncinci lokwenza njalo.
Ubuntu 3 - abantu abangazukufumana, nokuba uzama kangakanani.
Makhe sihlolisise la maqela obu-3 ngokusondeleyo.
Ubuntu 1
Abantu abakudidi lokuqala abadingi ngcaciso ingakumbi.
Uyabazi ngoko nangoko xa udibana nabo kwaye ukuqonda okufanayo kuyazenzekela.
Kwaye kuyintoni uvuyo xa kwenzeka.
Kubuhlungu ukuba yinto enqabileyo.
Kuyafaneleka ukuba ukhankanye, nangona kunjalo, ukuba nabantu abakwiphepha elinye nawe, ekuphela kwendlela yokunxibelelana nabo kukuzivumela uvuleke kwaye, ngendlela ethile, ube sesichengeni.
Musa ukugada isiqu sakho sangaphakathi kwaye ugcine unxibelelwano lwakho lube phezulu.
Ukuvula kuphela kwendlela onokubangenisa ngayo kwaye ubavumele baqonde oyinyani.
Ngaphandle koko, uya kuhlala uyimfihlakalo kwabanye.
Ubuntu 2
Ngokwenyani, uza kudibana nolunye uhlobo lwesibini kunolo lokuqala, kodwa olu lwalamano lunokonwabisa kakhulu.
Kuya kufuneka uzimisele ukwenza umsebenzi wokubanceda ukuba baqonde eyokwenene, eyiyo.
Zivulekile kuwe, kodwa hayi kumgama ofanayo wobude, ke olu ncedo luyimfuneko ukuba baya kuthi bazi ngokwenene ukuba ungubani.
Ukuzazisa kunye nokukwazi kwakho ukunxibelelana nezinto ozithandayo kunye nezinto ongazithandiyo kunye nenkuthazo, njengoko kuchaziwe apha ngasentla, ngumba ophambili wokuvula ukuqonda kwabo.
zeziphi izinto ezimnandi zokwenza xa udikiwe
Ukuba uqhuba ubuchule bokuzazi, uya kuba usendleleni yokwenza unxibelelwano olomeleleyo.
Yiya ekubhaleni iingcinga zakho phantsi kwaye uzifumane kulungelelwaniso olusengqiqweni. Oku kunokukunceda zichaze ngokucacileyo , eya kuthi yenze lula inkqubo.
Ubuntu 3
Kwaye kuthekani ngabantu abakudidi lokugqibela?
Kuyinyani, banokuba zezona zinzima ukujongana nazo kuba abanako nje ukubona umbono womnye umntu.
Luhlobo olungasindisi ixesha okanye amandla okuqonda izimvo zabanye.
Abaze bavule iingqondo zabo ukuba banoluvo lokuba abanye banelungelo elisemthethweni lokwahluka kubo.
Okanye, banokholo olunzulu kwizimvo zabo ngaphandle kwabo bonke abanye.
Ungajongana njani naba bantu bangalalanisiyo, oza kuthi uhlangane nabo rhoqo onqwenela ukuba babe njalo?
Inyaniso kukuba, awudingi nje aba bantu ebomini bakho!
Xa uzazi kwaye uzithembile kwinkolelo yakho, uya kuqala ukuqonda ukuba awunayo bafuna ukuvunywa ngumntu wonke - abanye abantu, ewe, kodwa ayingabo bonke.
Ezinye izimvo zabantu ziya kuqala ukungabinamsebenzi.
Musa ukuchitha umphefumlo wakho kwaye uvumele ukuba uxinzeleleke ngokungafuni kwabo ukugoba.
Zama ukwamkela ukuba ayinguye wonke umntu oza 'kukufumana'.
Kufanelekile ukukhumbula ukuba isidingo sokuthandwa kunye nokwamkelwa eluntwini nako kunokuba sisiseko sokungonwabi.
Lumka ngokutsiba kwiihupula ezininzi ukuya nceda abanye kwaye ubenze bakuqonde.
Ukuba uzama kwaye ungaphumeleli, yamkele kwaye uqhubeke.
Musa ukuchitha ixesha lakho uzama ukujika wonke umntu abe ngumhlobo.
Akululanga ukulunga ukungathandwa . Iya ngokuchasene nemfuno yoluntu yokuba lilungu.
Kodwa ukuba unethamsanqa ngokwaneleyo ukuba ufumane ezimbalwa eziyinyani izalamane nabanye abakuthanda ngokwaneleyo ukuba bazame ukukuqonda, yiyo yonke into oyifunayo .
Xa unolu hlobo lwabantu ebomini bakho, unokuziva uqiniseke ngokwaneleyo kuwe ukuba awuzukufuna ukuba wonke umntu akuthande okanye avume indlela oyithathayo ebomini.
Nje ukuba uzive ukhuselekile kwaye uzazi, uyakubekwa ngcono ukuba ulixabise ilungelo labanye abantu lokungakuqondi kwaye awuzukuchaphazeleka kwizimo zabo zokugweba.
Wonke umntu unelungelo kwezakhe izimvo- nkqu nee'3s. '
Igama lokugqibela apha malunga nelungelo lomntu ngamnye lokuba nezakhe izimvo.
Ngubani na dean ambrose ukuthandana
Abo bantu banomsindo abanezimvo zabo ezingagungqiyo kwaye abakulungelanga ukunika naluphi na uhlobo lwendlela kuwe okanye komnye umntu ...
… Nabo banelungelo lokuba yile ndlela bayiyo.
Ewe, ndiyazi ukuba iyacaphukisa.
Nasi isizathu…
Xa sijamelene ne neenkani zabanye, kulula kakhulu ukubambeka kumjikelo weemvakalelo ezingalunganga.
Siyaziqinisekisa ukuba ezethu izimvo zezona zilungileyo, siyala ukugudluka, kwaye siba bhetyebhetye njengabo sicinga ukuba bayasichasa.
Kubaluleke kakhulu ukuqonda, nangona kunjalo, ukuba sonke sinelungelo lokujonga ngokwembono-nkqu nabo bantu banokuba ngunobangela wokukhathazeka kwakho.
Kufanelekile ukukhumbula ukuba nayiphi na inkcazo kunye nokuqonda kwenguqu yabo yokwenyani ibunjiwe zizinto ezininzi.
Amava abo obomi, iinkolelo zabo kunye neenkqubo ezixabisekileyo ezisekwe kwinkolo okanye kwinkcubeko ‘kwimimiselo,’ kunye nobuntu babo obungenabuntu konke oku kunegalelo kwindlela abalibona ngayo ilizwe.
Kuba iinkolelo zabantu bonke, amava, njl. yahlukile kubo , akukho bantu babini abaya kutolika ilizwe elibangqongileyo ngendlela efanayo.
Ukutolikwa kwabo, ukuqonda kwabo, kunye nolindelo lwabo luya kwahluka, ngamanye amaxesha ngokusisiseko.
Umzekelo, omnye umntu angacinga ukuba ukuba neiglasi ezimbalwa zewayini yindlela eyonwabisayo yokuphelisa uxinzelelo lomsebenzi, kanti omnye uya kujonga utywala njengengcambu yabo bonke ububi.
Nokuba sisimo sengqondo esilungileyo okanye esingalunganga.
Umntu ngamnye utolika umhlaba ukusuka kwezinye iindlela zokucinga ngolunye ulindelo.
Kulula kakhulu ukuphuhlisa inkolelo enzulu yokuba eyakho imbono yeyona ichanekileyo, kodwa, enyanisweni, ukuba 'nendlela yam okanye umendo wendlela' akuncedi.
Ngubani oza kuthi indlela yakho ivumeleke ngaphezu komnye umntu?
shawn michaels umculo omnandi wesilevu
Inyaniso yokuba banokungayiqondi imbono yakho okanye indlela okhetha ukukhokela ngayo ubomi bakho ayithethi ukuthi bayaphazama.
Ngamnye unelungelo elilinganayo kwizimvo zakhe, izimo zengqondo kunye nokuziphatha.
Ngenxa yolwaneliseko lwexesha elizayo, uya kufumanisa ukuba amandla okuqonda nokwamkela lo mxholo uza kukumisela kwindlela yokuphuhlisa ubudlelwane obungcono.
Konke kuza ekwamkeleni ngentliziyo yonke le nyaniso isisiseko: ukuba 'abakuqondi, oko akuthethi ukuba omnye wenu ulungile okanye akalunganga.
Kuphela nje ngumbono weendlela ezahlukeneyo esinelungelo lokuba nazo njengabantu ngabanye.
Ukushwankathela…
Ukuba ufumene ufunda eli nqaku, kukubheja okukhuselekileyo oziva ungaqondwa ngabanye.
Kwaye ifikelele kwinqanaba apho ichaphazela impilo-ntle yakho ngokweemvakalelo.
Ukufika apha, ndiyathemba ukuba ngoku uyakwazi ukubona ukuba isitshixo sale conundrum sikhulisa ubungqongqo obunamandla besazisi sakho.
Ngokuzazi ngcono, uya kuziva ukhuseleke ngakumbi kwindlela okhokela ngayo ubomi bakho.
Inyathelo elilandelayo kukwamkela ebomini bakho iintlobo zabantu abazimiseleyo nabanakho ndikwamkela unje kwaye uzive ungowokwenene phakathi kwabo.
Emva koko amanyathelo amabini aseleyo: ukwamkela inyani elula yokuba kuya kuhlala kukho abantu abangakwaziyo ukukuqonda kwaye bayiqonde into yokuba wonke umntu unelungelo kwezakhe izimvo- uthanda okanye ungathandi.
Awuqinisekanga ukuba wenzeni malunga nokuziva kungekho mntu uyiqondayo? Thetha nomcebisi namhlanje onokuhamba kwinkqubo. Cofa nje apha ukudibanisa nenye.
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