Bangaphi abahlobo bokwenene anabo umntu ophakathi ebomini?
Zingaphi ozifunayo ngalo naliphi na ixesha ukuze wonwabe?
Akukho mpendulo icacileyo kule mibuzo.
Mhlawumbi uvile ukuba yi-150 (lelo linombolo likaDunbar esiza kuthetha ngalo kungekudala), okanye enye imali ...
… Kodwa le ayisiyo mpendulo yanelisayo.
Inyaniso yile: inani labahlobo olifunayo ngoku nangalo lonke ixesha lokuphila kwakho linani labahlobo onelisekile ngabo.
Yintoni ‘eyoneleyo’ kuwe inokuba mbalwa kakhulu okanye ibe ninzi kakhulu komnye umntu.
Kwaye elo nani 'laneleyo' kunokwenzeka litshintshe kuxhomekeke kweliphi inqanaba lobomi okulo.
Ukuba ukhathazekile ukuba awunabahlobo abaninzi njengoko kufanelekile, zibuze ukuba ngaba le yinkxalabo yokwenyani esekwe kuyo ubulolo okanye ngenxa yokuba uyakholelwa- okanye uxelelwe- ukuba ufuna ngaphezulu.
Abantu banokuhlala bonwabile kwaye benoxolo ngesangqa esincinci kakhulu ngaphakathi.
Kwaye abantu banokuphila ubomi obungonwabisiyo ngaphandle kwesangqa esikhulu kakhulu.
Ke makhe singene nzulu kancinci ukuze sifumanise ukuba bangaphi abahlobo bakho inani elichanekileyo kuwe.
Inombolo kaDunbar
Emva kokufunda ubungakanani bengqondo yomntu ngeminyaka yoo-1990, ugqirha wezemvelo uGqirha Robin Dunbar wagqiba kwelokuba kukho umda kwinani labantu esinokugcina ubudlelwane obunentsingiselo nabo.
Elo nani li-148, nangona lihlala lijikelezwe ukuya kwi-150 ukuze kube lula.
Igama eliphambili apha inentsingiselo.
Ungawazi amagama kunye nobuso babantu abaninzi ngakumbi kunale, kodwa akunakulindeleka ukuba ubekhona nakowuphi na unxibelelwano lokwenyani noninzi lwabo.
Kodwa i-Dunbar sele iqhubekile ukujonga ukuba ukusondela kweemvakalelo kuyiphembelela njani indlela esinokuhlela ngayo unxibelelwano lwe-150.
Ucebisa ukuba kungenzeka ukuba ungabi nabantu abangaphezulu kwe-5 kwindawo yakho ephezulu-indawo yakho yangaphakathi yobudlelwane.
Kuxhomekeka ekubeni uphi ebomini bakho, olu luhlu lunokwenziwa ngabazali, abantakwenu, iqabane okanye abahlobo abalungileyo.
Unokuthi emva koko ube nokufikelela kunxibelelwano olusondeleyo olu-10 olukubona rhoqo kwaye obathandayo. Oku kunokuba njalo abahlobo abalungileyo okanye amalungu osapho.
Umaleko olandelayo uqukethe abantu abongezelelekileyo abangama-35 ohlala unxibelelana nabo kwaye baya kuqaphela ukumema kumsitho okhethekileyo njengosuku lwakho lokuzalwa.
Kukho abantu abayi-100 obaziyo kakuhle, kodwa ongangababoni kakhulu.
UDunbar kunye noogxa bakhe baphande ngokuchaneka kwala manani besebenzisa iindlela ezahlukeneyo kwaye babonakala befumene kwi-avareji.
xa ungazi ukuba wenzeni ngobomi bakho
Kodwa nantsi imida kwiNombolo kaDunbar: ilunge kangakanani inani eliphakathi xa umntu onjengawe ebuza ukuba bangaphi abahlobo abafuna?
Ngaba likhona ixabiso kulo maleko?
Ewe, ewe.
Yintoni ebaluleke kakhulu yile miqolo emibini yokuqala: ingcwele yakho yangaphakathi kunye nabahlobo bakho abasondeleyo.
Aba bantu bali-15 ngabo abaya kukubonelela ngobutyebi beemvakalelo obunokubudinga ebomini.
Ukufikelela kwiindawo ezahlukeneyo nakwiimeko ezahlukeneyo, aba bantu baya kukuzisela olona lonwabo lukhulu kunye nolona lonwabo.
Aba ngabantu oya kuthi ubhenele kubo ukuze ufumane inkxaso kunye nentuthuzelo xa uyidinga.
Ngabo bathetha okuthile kuwe.
Kodwa njengoko siza kuphonononga, eli nani linokuba ngaphezulu kunokuba abanye abantu befuna kwaye lingaphantsi kunabanye abantu.
Imicimbi yoBuntu bakho
Abanye abantu bathanda uxolo nenzolo.
Ezinye ziyachuma phakathi kongxamiseko.
Abanye abantu banelisekile ukuhlala nje ubekhona.
Abanye kufuneka benze into rhoqo.
Abanye abantu bathanda ixesha elinye kunye nabo basondeleyo kubo.
Abanye bakhetha ukudibanisa wonke umntu kwindibano enye enkulu.
Ngelixa ukwenza ngaphezulu, sinokwahlula aba bantu njengoko izaziso kunye neengqumbo.
Kwaye inani loqhagamshelo kwezi ntlobo zimbini zobuntu zifunekayo kuludwe lwabo ngalunye lwee-Dunbar kunokwenzeka ukuba zohluke.
Izethulo zinokonwaba ngokugqibeleleyo umntu omnye okanye ababini kwindawo yabo ephezulu, ebaluleke kakhulu.
Abaxhamli banokuthanda ezintlanu okanye ezintandathu.
Kwaye kulwahlulo ngalunye olulandelayo, izingeniso zinokwaneliseka ngabahlobo abambalwa kunokuba kucetyiswa nguDunbar, ngelixa i-extroverts isenokude yolule loo mida.
Kwinqanaba elibanzi, apho iDunbar ibona khona abantu abali-100 ngokomndilili, inokuxhomekeka kakhulu kwizinto zokuzonwabisa okanye ukuthanda umntu.
Isingeniso sakho esinokuchazwa ngokuchanekileyo sinokukhetha ukuchitha ixesha labo sifunda okanye silima, umzekelo, ngelixa i-extroverts inokuba yinxalenye yeqela lezemidlalo elizisa ngokuzenzekelayo lonke unxibelelwano.
Kwangokunjalo, ukhetho lomsebenzi lweentlobo ezahlukeneyo zobuntu lunokuba nefuthe kubungakanani besangqa sabo.
I-extrovert inokukhangela isikhundla phakathi kweqela elikhulu, mhlawumbi kwintengiso okanye kwintengiso apho bachitha ixesha elininzi benxibelelana noogxa kunye nabaxhasi.
Izethulo zingakhetha ukusebenza njengekhontraktha ezizimeleyo, zibazi abathengi bazo, ewe, kodwa zinxibelelana nabantu abambalwa ngokubanzi.
Nokuba ungumngenisi okanye umntu odlamkileyo ayisiyiyo kuphela imeko yobuntu enokuthi idlale ngokubhekisele kububanzi bezangqa zakho zentlalo.
Ingqondo evulekileyo , charisma, uvelwano, ukunyaniseka… ezi zezimbalwa zeempawu ezinokuchaphazela ukuba bangaphi abantu obatsalayo ebomini bakho.
Nkqu indlela othetha ngayo ngawe kunye nokubanakho kwakho qhubeka nencoko baya kudlala indima ekubeni bangaphi abantu abaphela kuluhlu ngalunye lokusondelelana ngokweemvakalelo.
Unokuthanda (inqaku liyaqhubeka ngezantsi):
- Iindlela ezili-10 zokwenza ubuhlobo bakho busondele ngakumbi kunangaphambili
- Andinabahlobo… Ndingenza Ntoni Ukuze Ndizenzele Abanye?
- 'Kutheni Abantu Bengandithandi?' Izizathu ezi-9 zokuba abantu abafuni ukuba ngumhlobo wakho
- Izinto ezili-16 zokuzonwabisa ozenzayo nomhlobo wakho osenyongweni
- Izinto eziNye eziNye eziNziwayo ezenziwayo eziNziwayo kwabo bangenabo abahlobo abasenyongweni
Uphi Ubomi Bakho?
Zingaphi izihlobo ozifunayo okanye ozifunayo ebomini bakho ezizakutshintsha kuxhomekeke kweliphi inqanaba lobomi okulo.
Abantwana abancinci banomama, utata, kwaye mhlawumbi noobhuti okanye oodade kwisangqa sabo sangaphakathi.
Ngelixa banezangqa ezongezelelekileyo zosapho lwabo olubanzi kunye nabanye abantwana enkulisa, ezi zincinci kwaye inqanaba lokusondelelana ngokweemvakalelo lingaphantsi kunabantu abadala.
Njengokuba abantwana bekhula, isangqa sabo sangaphakathi sinokubandakanya umhlobo osenyongweni, ngelixa ezinye izinto zanda njengoko bedibana nabantu abaninzi nangakumbi esikolweni nakwizinto zokuzonwabisa.
Umaleko wabo wesibini wabantu abali-10 unokutshintsha rhoqo kwaye babeka ixabiso ngakumbi kwaba bantu kunokuba babebancinci.
Ukuba mdala komdala xa sinesona sijikelezo sikhulu sobomi bethu (ubuncinci, ngokwentsingiselo).
Abahlobo besikolo esidala okanye beekholeji kusenokwenzeka ukuba babeyinxalenye ebalulekileyo yobomi, ngelixa oogxa bakho bejoyina ipati njengoko ungena kwihlabathi lomsebenzi.
Ke inkqubo ecothayo yokuthena izihlahla iyaqala.
Njengokuba ixesha lakho lasimahla liyancipha, unxibelelwano oluthile olukhoyo luba buthathaka kwaye abo bantu banokuhamba ukusuka kuLuhlu olunye lweDunbar ukuya kwelasezantsi.
Mhlawumbi ujolise kakhulu kwimisebenzi.
Mhlawumbi uhlala kwi ubudlelwane obuzinikeleyo kwaye baqala nosapho.
izinto ekufuneka uzenzile xa udikiwe kwaye uwedwa
Unokulufumanisa kwakhona ulwalamano kunye nabazali bakho oluye lwaphela ebusheni nasebudaleni.
Uyahambela kude nabahlobo, abantu bayemka, ubomi buyenzeka.
Rhoqo, ngelixesha ufikelela kwiminyaka yokuphakathi, inani labantu abakwiZantsi leZantsi leDunbar lingancipha.
Unabahlobo abasondeleyo abambalwa, bambalwa abahlobo abalungileyo, kwaye bambalwa obaqhelileyo.
Kwaye ngelixesha ufikelela ebudaleni bakho, kukho ithuba eliqinileyo lokuba ubuya kukhukuliseka usuka kubahlobo abaninzi kule minyaka idlulileyo.
Kwaye okwangoku, ngaphandle kwenani lethu liphela labahlobo elihlile njengoko sikhula, abantu abadala bonwabile kunabalingane babo abancinci.
Njengoko le ntetho yeTED uyacacisa:
Njengokuba sikhula […] Sityala imali kwiindawo ezibaluleke ngokwasemoyeni zobomi, kwaye ubomi buba ngcono, kungoko sonwabile mihla le.
Ngelixa le ntetho ye-TED ingayichazi ngokuthe ngqo, isigqibo esinye onokuthi usenze kukuba njengoko sikhula, sityala imali ngakumbi kulwalamano olunomdla kuthi.
Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, yintoni enokubaluleka ngokwasemphefumlweni kunabantu esibathandayo nesibakhathaleleyo?
Oku kusibuyisela kulawo mabini aphezulu e-Dunbar.
La maqela abantu, abangabona bantu babaluleke kakhulu ebomini bethu xa singabantwana, aphinde akhule ngokubaluleka.
Isifundo kuthi sonke kukuba kufuneka sinike ingqalelo enkulu kwinani elincinci lolwalamano olusondeleyo kunenani elikhulu lobudlelwane obuqhelekileyo.
Ukuqhubeka kweShift kubahlobo
Njengoko sele sichazile, abona bantu kulwalamano lwakho ngalunye luya kutshintsha ngokuhamba kwexesha.
Nokuba ukwenziwa kwesingcwele sakho sangaphakathi kungatshintsha, ngakumbi njengoko sikhula kwaye siphulukana nezizukulwana ezize phambi kwethu.
Kwaye ukuya ezantsi xa uhamba ngemaleko, kokukhona utshintsho luya kubonakala.
Oku kubuyela kweliphi inqanaba lobomi okulo kwaye zithini iimeko zakho ezichanekileyo.
Mhlawumbi ususa umgama omde ukusuka kwisiseko sakho sabahlobo. Oku ngokungathandabuzekiyo buthathaka unxibelelwano ngelixa unyanzelwa ukuba wenze ezintsha.
Aba bahlobo batsha bangaqala kumaleko asezantsi okusondelelana ngokweemvakalelo kwaye banyuke njengoko bekhula ngokubaluleka ebomini bakho.
Okanye mhlawumbi unabantwana kwaye wenze unxibelelwano olutsha nabanye oomama nootata.
Ngenxa yesibophelelo ekwabelwana ngaso onabo ngaphezu kwabantwana bakho kunye nexesha onokulichitha kunye, aba bantu banokukhawuleza babe ngamanani aphambili ebomini bakho.
Umsebenzi omtsha uthetha abahlobo abatsha bomsebenzi kwaye, rhoqo, ukutshintshwa kwabo basuka kumqeshi wakho wangaphambili ukusuka phezulu ukuya kumanqanaba asezantsi.
Ke, uyabona, kukho ukuhamba okuqhubekayo kwiimfuno zakho zobuhlobo.
Iziphumo zeMidiya yoLuntu
Ilizwe ledijithali liyitshintshile indlela esiqala ngayo ukuchaza umhlobo.
Ukusuka ku-Twitter ukuya ku-Facebook ukuya ku-Instagram nakuyo nayiphi na into ezayo, ngoku siqokelela 'abahlobo' okanye 'abalandeli' abatsha kwinqanaba lezemizi-mveliso.
Oku kubangela iingxaki ezimbini ngokubhekisele ekubeni zingaphi izihlobo esicinga ukuba kufuneka sibe nazo:
wwe royal rumble 2019 umhla
1. Siyabona ukuba bangaphi abahlobo abanye abantu abanabo. Ukuba sinabahlobo abambalwa, kunokusenza sizive singathandwa.
2. Sijonga ukuba bangaphi abahlobo esinabo kwaye bangaphi kwabo bantu sichitha naliphi na ixesha elibalulekileyo kwaye sinexhala lokuba abanye abantu bayabamkela ubuhlobo bethu kwihlabathi ledijithali, kodwa abafuni ukuba ngabahlobo bethu kwilizwe lokwenyani .
Imidiya yokuncokola yenza iingqondo zethu zikholelwe ukuba sisondele kwaba bantu kunokuba sinjalo.
Sibona uhlaziyo kunye neefoto zabo kwaye ezi zisinika iwindow kubomi babo.
Sicinga ukuba siyabazi.
Kodwa asenzi njalo. Hayi ncma.
Uninzi lwabantu esixhumene nabo kwimidiya yoluntu ngamagama nje nobuso kuthi.
Isenokungaze ibe ngaphezulu kakhulu kunoko, ewe. Kodwa banokuba babeye bahlala enye yezona zinto zibalulekileyo kulwalamano lwethu.
Into ekufuneka siyikhumbule kukuba sifumana uninzi lwentlalo-ntle yethu yeemvakalelo phakathi kweqela elincinci phezulu kwipiramidi yethu yabahlobo.
Kwaye uninzi lwabahlobo bethu ababonakalayo bakude ngokubhekisele ekusondeleni ngokweemvakalelo, kangangokuba abanakucingelwa ukuba bangabahlobo konke konke.
Ke akufuneki sivumele ukugxila kwethu ukuba kubhadule kude kwaye sikholelwe ukuba aba bantu banokunika uhlobo lonxibelelwano lomntu esilulangazelelayo.
Ukubuyela ekuValweni ngokweemvakalelo
Kweli nqaku, siphikisile ukuba iNombolo kaDunbar njenge-avareji inexabiso elincinci kumntu.
Apho sivumelene khona noDunbar kukwingcinga yokuba abantu kubomi bethu bahlala kwiindawo ezahlukeneyo ngokubaluleka.
Ezi zahlulo zonke zisekwe kufutshane nokusondela ngokweemvakalelo: indlela esidibana ngayo siziva kumntu okwinqanaba leemvakalelo.
Kwaye oku kusibuyisela kwingxelo yethu yoqobo malunga nokuba inani elifanelekileyo labahlobo linani oziva unelisekile ngalo.
Ufuna abahlobo abaninzi njengoko kufanelekile ukufezekisa iimfuno zakho zeemvakalelo.
Kwabanye, oku kuthetha ukuba bambalwa kwabantu ababalulekileyo kunye nokusasazeka kwabahlobo abalungileyo.
Abanye banokufumanisa ukuba bafuna abahlobo abaninzi ngakumbi ukubabonelela ngeemfuno zabo zeemvakalelo.
Inxalenye yayo iya kwehla ukuba uziva usondele kangakanani kuye nawuphi na umntu onikiweyo.
Ukuba wena neqabane lakho ngokwenyani zezona zihlobo zibalaseleyo, ungazityand 'igila kuzo kwaye zikunike uninzi lothando oziva uludinga, unokubatshintsha abanye abantu baphume kumanqanaba akho aphezulu baye kwelasezantsi.
Yiyo loo nto abanye abantu ‘belahleka’ xa bekumtshato. Bafumana uninzi lweemfuno zabo zeemvakalelo ezihlangatyezwe liqabane labo kangangokuba baya kuxhomekeka kancinci kubahlobo okanye kusapho lwabo ukuhlangabezana nazo ezo mfuno.
Kodwa ukuba, nangona ubathanda kakhulu, wena neqabane lakho anisondelelananga ngokweemvakalelo ngendlela othanda ngayo, unokufuna olunye unxibelelwano ukubonelela ngesidingo.
Ke, ukuqhuba inqaku ekhaya okokugqibela…
Akukho mntu unokukuxelela ukuba ufuna abahlobo abangaphi.
Akufanele uzive unyanzelekile ukuba wenze inani elichanekileyo labahlobo.
Kuya kufuneka ujolise kuphela ekwenzeni inani elifanelekileyo lonxibelelwano kwinqanaba ngalinye lamanqanaba okusondela ngokweemvakalelo ukuze uzive unelisekile kwaye uzalisekisiwe.
Umaleko wakho unokuqulatha abantu aba-2, 6, 15, kunye nama-20.
Okanye zinokuba nabantu aba-5, 12, 40, kunye ne-110.
Zombini zichanekile, kwaye akukho nto iphosakeleyo, zimele nje abantu abohlukileyo.
Fumana ubume obahlukileyo bobume bobuhlobo- Nabahlobo abaninzi ofuna.
Yeka ukuxhalaba malunga nokuzalisa isabelo esithile.
