Imitshato ayizizo zonke iiroses, imvula, kunye neendlela zothando ngaselunxwemeni.
Ayinamsebenzi nokuba nikunye unyaka okanye amashumi amabini eminyaka, amaqhuqhuva endleleni aqhelekile.
Kodwa ukuba ukwimeko apho umyeni wakho ukushiyile waya komnye umfazi, mhlawumbi unemibuzo emininzi ongathanda iimpendulo kuyo.
Iimpendulo yile nto siza kuzama ukuyinika eli nqaku.
Masiqale nge-biggie…
1. Undishiyeleni?
Zininzi izizathu zokuba kutheni umntu ekopa , kodwa xa iyinto egcweleyo ngaphandle komtshato, ibohla ukuya kwiinjongo ezimbini eziphambili:
Uye wathandana nomnye umfazi.
Uthando luyimvakalelo enzima kwaye enamandla. Ingenza umntu enze izinto angenakuzenza-izinto abangakhange bacinge ukuba banakho ukuzenza.
Oku akuthethi kuzithethelela ngento eyenziwe ngumyeni wakho, kodwa yingcaciso nje.
Khumbula ukuba kwakunjani ukuqala kwakho ukuthandana nomyeni wakho. Kwakunxila, akunjalo?
Ewe, nokuba usamthanda kwaye usakuthanda, loo mlilo mkhulu ngoku unokuba likhandlela elingaphezulu. Isatshisa, kodwa hayi ngokuqaqamba okufanayo okanye ubushushu.
andifuni ukukhula
Ke ukuba umyeni wakho udibana nomntu aze athande naye, uthando lwakho kufuneka lukhuphisane nothando lwabo.
Kodwa uthando lwabo lutsha kwaye, ngandlela thile, lunomdla ngakumbi. Ixesha elincinci lidlulile kubomi bemihla ngemihla ukuba neziphumo ezingenakuphepheka.
Umyeni wakho unokuziqinisekisa ukuba olu thando lutsha nenkosikazi yakhe yinto yokwenene ngaphezu kothando uziva ngalo kuwe.
Ke, ukuba uziva kufuneka enze ukhetho phakathi kothando onalo omnye komnye kunye nothando aluvayo ngeli elinye ibhinqa, unokukhetha elinye ibhinqa.
Uye waphelelwa luthando nawe.
Isizathu sesibini esingasemva kwendoda eshiya umfazi isiya komnye umntu kukuba ayisakuthandi.
Oku kunokuba nzima kakhulu ukuthatha, ngakumbi ukuba usamthanda, kodwa iimvakalelo zothando azihlali zihlala ngonaphakade.
Mhlawumbi olo thando luye lwaphuma ngaphandle, okanye mhlawumbi lwahlakazeka kuqhushumbo olukhulu okanye umsitho ngexesha elithile elidlulileyo. Nokuba yeyiphi indlela, ihambile.
Kwakhona, oku ayikuko ukuthethelela umyeni wakho nakuphi na ukungathembeki…
… Kodwa ukuba ithuba lothando olutsha lwafika kwaye wayenezizathu ezimbalwa zokubeka izinto kubudlelwane bakho, oko kungachaza isizathu sokuba akhethe omnye umfazi.
2. Ngaba iya kuhlala?
Nokuba usabambelele kwithemba lokwakha umtshato wakho, okanye ulangazelela ukwazi, kuqhelekile ukubuza ukuba ubudlelwane bakhe obutsha buza kuhlala ixesha elingakanani.
Ingxaki kukuba, awukwazi ukujonga ibhola yekristal kwaye ubone ukuba ikamva likuphatheleni.
Mhlawumbi ucinga ukuba ubudlelwane bakhe obutsha buza kutshabalala ngenxa yokuba ekushiyele umfazi omncinci ongenamdla kwaphela kwinto ende.
Okanye mhlawumbi ucinga ukuba utyhubela ingxaki yobomi basemva kwexesha kwaye obu budlelwane luphawu nje olo. Ucinga ukuba angafika ezingqondweni emva kokuba eyikhuphile le nkqubo yakhe.
Kodwa oku kukuthelekelela.
Nangona kubuhlungu nje, ungumntu wangaphandle kolu lwalamano. Awunakuva ukuba uziva njani kwaye awubazi ukuba banjani kunye njengesibini.
Amanye amadoda anokushiya abafazi bawo aye emfazini omtsha kwaye azifumane onwabile kunakuqala.
Amanye amadoda anokukhawuleza aqonde ukuba ingca ayisoloko iluhlaza kwaye bebeyiphethe kakuhle nabafazi babo.
Akukho mntu unokuxela ngokuqinisekileyo, nkqu nomyeni wakho.
3. Ngaba uza kubuya?
Ukuba obu budlelwane bakhe butsha buthathaka kwaye ungaphumeleli, unokuzimisela ukumbuyisa.
Kodwa ngaba angathanda ukuwusindisa umtshato wakho?
Oku kunokuba sisizathu sokuba akushiye kwasekuqaleni.
Ukuba uthandane nomnye lo mfazi, kodwa usakuthanda ngaxeshanye, kukho ithuba elingcono lokuba abuye.
Ukuba wawa luthando nawe, kusenokwenzeka ukuba kuya kufuneka akholelwe ukuba unako buyela eluthandweni nawe ukuba uza kubuya.
Ewe kunjalo, ikho enye into enokwenzeka. Usenokuziva engathandwa kakhulu, kodwa usafuna ukuba nawe ngenxa yezinye izizathu.
Mhlawumbi ufuna ukulungelwa nguwe ukuba umjonge, umphekele ukutya, unakekele indlu.
Mhlawumbi ubona iindleko zemali zokuqhubeka noqhawulo-mtshato kwaye akafuni ukuthatha loo ndlela ngoku enikezwe ukuba ubudlelwane bakhe obutsha abuzange busebenze.
Usenokungakunqweneli ukuba yedwa, nokuba umtshato wakho awusebenzi ngokwenyani njengoko ninokufuna njalo.
Ewe, ukuba ufuna ubuye nangaliphi na ixesha, unenkululeko yokumvumela kwakhona ebomini bakho okanye angavumeli.
4. Ngaba uya kuzisola?
Njengothando, ukuzisola yimvakalelo enzima.
Umyeni wakho unokuzisola ngesigqibo sakhe sokukushiya, kwaye oku kunokuba njalo nokuba akafuni kubuyela kuwe.
Usenokuqonda ukuba ingca ayikho eluhlaza kwelinye icala ukuba ulwalamano lwakhe olutsha aluyiyo yonke into awayenethemba layo.
Kodwa usenokucinga ukuba kushiywe lixesha ukugcina umtshato wakho ngoku.
Usenokuzisola kwanokuba wonwabile sisigqibo sakhe. Inokuba ungene kunye nenkosikazi yakhe kwaye wonwabela ubomi bakhe obutsha kunye naye, kodwa ke usenengxaki ngemeko leyo.
Angazisola ngendlela awaphatha ngayo ukwahlukana kwenu. Usenokuzisola ngentlungu akubangele yona. Ukuba unabantwana, unokuzisola ngokuba ngutata oshiye usapho.
Ukuba wayekhe wakuthanda-ukuba usakuthanda njengomntu, hayi njengeqabane- uya kuzisola.
Kodwa ukuzisola ngokwako akunakwanela ukuba abuyele kuwe.
5. Ndingamzuza njani umyeni wam?
Kubalulekile ukusuka ekukhumbuleni ukuba awuyomyeni wakho kwaye awuzange wenze njalo.
Unokucinga ukuba ulahlekelwe ngumyeni wakho kulo mfazi, kodwa yayilukhetho lwakhe kukushiya.
Ke xa ucinga 'ngokumnqoba,' kuya kufuneka ukhumbule ukuba iyakuba kukukhetha kwakhe ukubuya.
Unoko engqondweni, unokwenza ntoni?
Hlonipha isigqibo sakhe sokukushiya.
Oku kuvakala njengokuchasana, kodwa ukuba ubenza ubomi bakhe bube liphupha elibi emva kokuba ekushiyile kulo mfazi, umtyhalela kude ngakumbi.
Kulungile ukumxelela ukuba uyamthanda, kodwa yenze icace into yokuba awuzukulwa naye malunga nale nto ayifunayo.
Awuyi kukwazi ukutshintsha ingqondo yakhe.
Oku kunceda ukushiya izinto ngokwendlela elungileyo phakathi kwezi zinto zibini kubalulekile ukuba uya kuze abuye.
Ngokuqinisekileyo ungazami ukubekekisa ityala umbuyele emtshatweni wakho ngokumxelela ukuba ukukhathaze kangakanani okanye ngokuzisa abantwana kule nxaki.
Hlala unyanisekile kuwe.
Ukhetho lomyeni wakho lokukushiya usenokuba unento yokwenza nendlela nobabini ebenxibelelana ngayo.
Mhlawumbi ubukhe walwa namaqela amaninzi owavele wakhukuliseka ngokwahlukana.
Kwaye ngelixa uxanduva lwakho kwimeko yomtshato wakho, ayisiyiyo yonke into kuwe.
Ke ukwenza izithembiso ezikhulu zendlela onokutshintsha ngayo ayisiyondlela inemveliso yokusondela ekuphumeleleni umyeni wakho.
Ngokuqinisekileyo, ungalijonga igalelo lakho ekuphelisweni komtshato wakho, kwaye ungasebenza kwezinye zeempazamo zakho ukuba uyakholelwa ngokwenyani ukuba ziziphene kwaye ayisiyiyo nje imiba yobuntu bakho exutywa ngumyeni wakho.
Kodwa ukuba uyanyanzelisa ukuba ungangulo mfazi ufuna ukuba ube nguwe, awunguye kuphela eza ngokungathi unqwenela , kodwa uzicwangcisela imicimbi yexa elizayo xa usiva ukuba awungekhe uphumelele konke ukulindela anakho.
Kuya kufuneka uqonde nokuba, ukuba uthi ungatshintsha ukuze uhambisane neminqweno yakhe, ulaba ityala lokwahlukana kwakho, kwaye umhlangula kuxanduva.
Oku kwenza izinto ezimbini. Okokuqala, kuqinisekisa engqondweni yakhe ukuba awusenguye umfazi olungileyo kuye kuba umxelela ukuba nguwe ekufuneka atshintshe, hayi yena.
Okwesibini, kumenza azisole ngokungakushiyi nto leyo emenza ukuba angaziva enyanzelekile ukuba abuye, nokuba ulwalamano lwakhe olutsha alusebenzi.
Ke, ewe, zibuze ukuba ngaba zikhona iindlela ezisempilweni zokuziphucula onokuthi uzibandakanye nazo, kodwa ungalalanisi ekubeni ungubani ukuze umkholise.
Gcina umgama othile, kodwa uhlale umnandi kuye.
Kubalulekile ukunika umyeni wakho isithuba ukuba ukushiyile kwaye ngoku ulandela ubudlelwane nomnye umfazi.
Ukuba uzama ukubaphazamisa ngokujongana naye, ubeka emngciphekweni wokuba ubanike enye into abangayidibanisa - izikhalazo zabo ngawe.
Endaweni yoko, zama ukuhlala unobuhlobo nanini na xa unyanzelwa ukuba unxibelelane-mhlawumbi ngenxa yokugcina abantwana kunye okanye ezinye izinto.
Oku kubuyela ukuhlonipha isigqibo sakhe kwaye ungamenzi kude naye ngokulwa naye malunga naloo nto.
Ngamanye amaxesha, umgama omncinci unokumenza ukuba aqonde into awayenayo kunye nezinto azibeka emngciphekweni wokuphulukana nazo, ngakumbi njengoko uchulumanco lobudlelwane bakhe obutsha luphela.
Unokufumanisa ukuba into awayecinga ukuba luthando ngeli elinye ibhinqa yayiyinyani intabatheko okanye inkanuko kwaye iyaphuma emva komzuzwana.
Ukwazi ukuba awumthiyanga kushiya ucango luvulekile ukuba abuyele kuwe.
Inamba yebhola enkulu ye-2 yonyaka ka-2019
Buza ukuba ufuna ngokwenene ukuba abuye.
Ngaphandle kwento onokuyenza ukuze umyeni wakho aphinde azinikezele kuwe, kubalulekile ukuba uqwalasele ngokwenyani ukuba uyamfuna kwakhona.
Kwaye ukuba uyakwenza oko, zithini izizathu zakho?
Ukuba ubudlelwane bakhe obutsha buqale ngaphambi kokuba akuxelele ukuba ufuna ukwahlukana, kuya kufuneka ujongane nenyani yokuba ukuxokisile kwaye wakufihlela izinto ezibalulekileyo.
Ngaba le yinto onokuyixolela?
Ngaba uyafuna ukuba abuye ngenxa yokuba ubuthandile ubomi bakho ngaphambili? Ukuba kunjalo, ngaba ngokunyanisekileyo ucinga ukuba izinto zingabuyela kwindlela ebeziyiyo ngaphambili?
Ngaba uyayithiya nje imbono yokuqhawula umtshato kunye nesizungu? Ngaba ungambuyisela emva ukuze abe nenkampani ethile oqhelene nayo?
Ngaba ubuya kufuna ukuba abuye ukuba akukho namnye kuni usathandanayo kwaye ubusazi ukuba kuya kuthatha wonke umsebenzi kunye nexesha lokubuyisa olo thando?
Ezi zizinto ekuya kufuneka uziqwalasele ngaphambi kokuba uzame ukuphumelela umyeni wakho.
6. Ndingadlula njani endodeni yam indishiya komnye umntu?
Ukuba awunanjongo yokuvumela umyeni wakho ukuba abuyele ebomini bakho nasemtshatweni, ingxaki iba yeyokoyisa isiphithiphithi esibuhlungu sokukushiya kwakhe.
Ungayidibanisa njani le nto yenzekileyo kwaye uqhubele phambili nobomi bakho?
Nazi ezinye iingcebiso zokujongana nale meko engqondweni yakho.
Kuphephe ukuziva unetyala okanye ukwamkela ityala.
Kangangoko unokukholelwa ukuba kukho imiba yobuntu bakho ongathanda ukusebenza kuyo, ungazibeki tyala kwisigqibo somyeni wakho sokukushiya uye komnye umfazi.
Wenza ngokusekelwe kwiimbono zakhe, iimvakalelo kunye neminqweno yakhe. Kukuye, hayi kuwe.
Usenokuba uzame konke okusemandleni akho ukuba ngumfazi olungileyo, kodwa isenokunganeli.
Khumbula izizathu zokuba ekushiye ungasazichazanga ngaphambili. Usenokuba uwile eluthandweni nawe okanye wathandana nomnye umntu.
Ezi ziimvakalelo zakhe, hayi ezakho.
Awunanto uziva unetyala ngayo, nokuba unabantwana kunye kwaye uyazi ukuba le meko ibabangela iintlungu kunye nexhala.
Musa ukuzithelekisa nomfazi omtsha ebomini bakhe.
Kungakulinga kakhulu ukujonga kwelinye ibhinqa kwaye ucinge ukuba ungcono kunawe ngandlela thile.
Emva kwakho konke, umyeni wakho ukushiye ngenxa yakhe, ngoko kufuneka abe nento ongenayo, akunjalo?
KULUNGILE!
Sonke sinamanqaku ethu amahle kwaye sonke sinesiphene. Ezi ziyinxalenye yokuba singobani.
Ukuzama ukuqonda ukuba kutheni umyeni wakho ngoku ekhetha umxube wakhe wezinto ezilungileyo nezingalunganga kunokwakho ngumsebenzi ongenasiqhamo.
Into ekufuneka uyenzile endaweni yoko kukugxila ekwakheni ukuzithemba kwakho okungathandabuzekiyo okuthathileyo kuyo yonke le nto.
Enye yezinto eziphambili ekufuneka ujonge kuzo kukuphucula indlela othetha ngayo, ngakumbi ngokunxulumene nomtshato wakho kunye nokuxabiseka kwakho njengomfazi.
Sukuhlala ucinga okanye usithi awunguye umfazi olungileyo okanye awuthandeki.
Tshintshela kwimiyalezo ethe chatha malunga nawe nendlela ekufanele ngayo ukuthandwa nokuphathwa ngentlonipho. Ukuba uneempawu zeqabane elihle kumntu omtsha nanini na xa loo mntu enokungena ebomini bakho.
Kuya kufuneka ufumane iindlela zokwenza yamkela ulawulo onalo ebomini bakho endaweni yokuzivumela ukuba utyhudise ngolunye uhlobo lwasemva komtshato.
Ngoku lixesha lokuba ubuze ukuba inkululeko yakho efumanekayo inokukuvumela njani ukuba wenze into okhe wafuna ukuyenza okanye utshintshe indlela yobomi bakho ngokupheleleyo.
Kuxhobisa ukuqonda ulawulo onalo-obusoloko unalo- kwaye kunokwenza le meko inzima izive ilungile.
Gxila ekuxoleleni umyeni wakho, kodwa zenzele.
Xa umyeni wakho ekushiyele omnye umfazi, kuya kuba kubi kakhulu.
Ukuxolela kunokuba yinto yokugqibela engqondweni yakho.
Kodwa ukuxolelwa ayikokwakhe kungenxa yakho.
Ukuxolela akuthethi ukuba kuya kufuneka ulibale into ayenzileyo, okanye uthi kulungile. Ayibethi ngoyaba intlungu ayenzileyo, kwaye ayithethi ukuba kufuneka ulungise ubudlelwane bakho naye.
Uxolelo lumalunga nokukhulula umthwalo weemvakalelo wokushiya kwakhe kuye wakubangela.
Imalunga nokuthi, 'Oku akuyi kuphinda kundichaphazele.'
Imalunga nokuvala isahluko kwixesha lakho elidlulileyo kunye nokuqala entsha onokuba ngumbhali wayo.
Uxolelo yinto umntu anokusebenza kuyo. Nali elinye inqaku lethu elihamba kwinkqubo:
Uxolela njani umntu: 2 Iimodeli eziSekwe kwiSayensi kuXolelo
uxelele njani ubudlelwane ukuba buphelile
Yamkela ubunyani bemeko leyo.
Ukuba uthathe isigqibo uphelile umtshato wakho kwaye awuzukuphinda umthathe umyeni wakho, nokuba uzokuza egrovel, kufuneka usamkele isihogo kuloo nyaniso.
Awungekhe uqhubeke emtshatweni ukuba usabambelela kulo naliphi na ithemba-nokuba unciphile kangakanani-ukuba ungakhe uphinde ulakhe.
Usenokufumana amanqanaba osizi ngendlela obuya kwenza ngayo xa uswelekelwe ngumntu omthandayo.
Oku kulungile. Umtshato wakho ubonise into ebalulekileyo kuwe kwaye umyeni wakho ngumntu omthandayo okanye owake wamthanda.
Ezi zizinto ezinkulu ukuba ngequbuliso zimke kubomi bakho kwaye ke kuya kuthatha ixesha ukuza kuthi ga ngoku.
Ukuba kuyanceda ukwenza izinto zive ngathi kukugqibela, unokuba nguwe oza kufaka ifayile yoqhawulo mtshato kwaye ibhola iqengqeleke kulolo hlobo.
Esi sisenzo esomeleleyo sokwamkela kuba uthatha uxanduva kwimeko ukuthintela ukuba ungarhuqwa.
Qiniseka ukuba uzisusa zonke izinto zakhe ekhayeni lakho-okokuqala ngokumvumela ukuba athathe nantoni na asafuna ukuyigcina, emva koko ayilahle ngaphandle okanye ayinike isisa.
Ukuba unabantwana, qiniseka ukubahlala phantsi kwaye uxoxe ngendlela ekungekho thuba lokuba umama notata wabo baphinde babuyelane.
Ukuwathetha ngokuvakalayo loo magama kunokwenza ukuba uzive uyinyani kwaye ungowokugqibela.
Funa iingcebiso xa unengxaki.
Kunganzima kakhulu ukujongana nokuqhekeka komtshato wakho, ngakumbi njengoko kuya kufuneka wenze uninzi wedwa.
Njengokuba abahlobo bakho kunye nosapho banokuzama ukukuxhasa, nguwe oza kufuneka uhambe ngenkqubo esebenzayo kunye neemvakalelo zokwahlula ubomi bakho kubomi bomyeni wakho wangaphambili ngoku.
Kwaye kangangoko banokuzama ukuthetha izinto ezilungileyo kuwe, uninzi lwabantu alunako ukuhlala ungathathi cala. Ungabafumana bencedisa kwintlungu yakho ngokunyusa imvakalelo yakho egwenxa ngomyeni wakho ngokuthetha izinto ezoyikekayo ngaye.
Usenokuziva ungakhululekanga ukuthetha ngeemvakalelo zakho zokwenene kwabo basondeleyo kuwe.
Endaweni yoko, ngokuqinisekileyo uya kufumana umcebisi eluncedo ngakumbi ngokweengcebiso abazinikayo kunye nokukwazi kwakho ukuphalaza zonke iimvakalelo zakho ngaphandle kwesidingo sokufihla ukuba unokuba usokola kangakanani.
Ngaba awuqinisekanga ukuba wenzeni ngomyeni wakho nangomtshato? Thetha kwi-Intanethi kwingcali yobudlelwane kwi-Relationship Hero enokukunceda ufumane izinto. Ngokulula.
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