Kwenye indawo, ngandlela thile, ubudlelwane bakho buhlasele umhlaba onamatye.
Oku kuqhelekile emtshatweni okanye kubudlelwane bexesha elide.
Kodwa ufuna ukubuyisela izinto emgceni.
Ufuna ukuvuselela ezothando.
Ufuna ukwenza kwakhona umlilo.
Ufuna ukubeka ukuthanda kwakho kwakhona nakubomi beqabane lakho.
Kodwa kanjani?
Ungalufumana njani olo lwalamano nothando emva komtshato owonakeleyo okanye ubudlelwane?
Yiloo nto esiza kubelana ngayo kweli nqaku.
Kodwa kuqala, inqaku elikhawulezayo…
Cinga ukuSinki kweKhitshi, ungatshayi umpu
Xa ubudlelwane bulahlekelwe yintlantsi, isilingo kukujonga isizathu esinye sokuba kutheni.
Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, ukuba inye kuphela ingxaki, kuya kufuneka ufumane isisombululo esinye.
Le ndlela yokuzama ukufumana 'umpu wokutshaya' kulwalamano lwakho olubi iya kuphumelela.
Ngoba?
Kungenxa yokuba alukho ulwalamano oluxabisekileyo olulula ngolo hlobo.
Njengayo okanye hayi, ubudlelwane zizinto ezinzima ezakhiwe kwizinto ezininzi zonxibelelwano.
Ngelixa ezinye izizathu zeengxaki zakho zobudlelwane zinokuba nkulu kunezinye, zonke ziyafuna ukuqwalaselwa.
Kuya kufuneka uthathe indlela 'yekhitshi lokuntywila'.
Ngamanye amagama, kuya kufuneka ujonge inkitha yeendlela zokwenza ulwalamano lwakho lube sempilweni kwaye wonwabe kwakhona.
Ukusondelana okwenyani-elinye lamatye ekona obudlelwane obuhle-alunakufunyanwa kwakhona ngokutsiba phakathi kwamashiti kuphela (nangona oko kuya kunceda, njengoko siza kuxoxa kungekudala).
Iifom zobusondeleyo kuzo zonke unxibelelwano oluncinci esinalo, lonke ukhetho esilwenzayo, zonke iingcinga esinazo, zonke izinto esabelana ngazo.
Ukuba ufuna ukufumana ubudlelwane kunye nokunxibelelana kwakhona, kuya kufuneka wenze uninzi lwezi zinto zinokwenzeka.
1. Yiba ngumzimba ngaphandle kwesondo.
Ngegama elinye: HUG.
Ukunyaniseka, ukuwola usuku kugcina amagqwetha oqhawulo mtshato esendaweni.
Ukwanga yeyona ndlela ingeyiyo eyokwabelana ngesondo ngokudibanisa umzimba neqabane lakho.
Kukho ulwalamano olusenyongweni (kukho elo gama kwakhona) ngokuvumela omnye komnye kwindawo yakho yobuqu.
Iziva izolile kwaye iyaqinisekisa ukubanjwa kwiingalo zomnye umntu.
Ewe zikho ezinye iindlela zokubonisa uthando ngaphandle kokuzibandakanya ngesondo.
Ncamisanani.
Bambani izandla.
Nika intombazana yokuphumla emva kosuku olunzima.
Babetha iinwele zabo.
Dlala i-footsie phantsi kwetafile njengoko usitya isidlo sakho sangokuhlwa.
Beka esofeni kunye kunye njengoko ujonge phantsi phambi kweTV.
Ezi zinto zihlala zinyamalala kubudlelwane okanye emtshatweni njengoko iminyaka idlula, kodwa akukho mfuneko.
Ukuba kudala, phinda ubazise kancinci kancinci de babe ngumkhwa.
Ukufa komhlobo imibongo ezikhuthazayo
2. Ukwabelana ngesondo.
Yintoni eza kuqala: uthando okanye isondo?
Hayi, asihlekisi, kodwa umbuzo osenokuba uzibuze wona.
Inyani yile, ezi zinto zimbini ziyinxalenye yesangqa esilungileyo.
Ngamanye amagama, isini singakhokelela kwinkanuko enokukhokelela kwisini njalo njalo njalo njalo.
Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, ukuba ukwangana kuyindlela entle yokudibanisa ngokwasemzimbeni, isini sibhetele nangakumbi.
Kwaye, hayi, awudingi ukwenza iziqholo kwizinto kwigumbi lokulala ngalo lonke ixesha, nokuba ungafunda ntoni na.
Ukwabelana ngesondo rhoqo, nanjengenxalenye yesiqhelo, kunokuba kukuthandana kwaye kuyathandeka.
Isitshixo kukuyigcina rhoqo apho kunokwenzeka khona.
Okukhona uhamba ungabelani ngesondo, kokukhona iya isiba sesona siganeko, ukuya kwinqanaba apho uxinzelelo kwesi senzo silula, sendalo siyenza ukuba isondele kakhulu kunokuba kufanelekile.
Ukwabelana ngesondo ukuba kuluncedo lokwenyani, kufanelekile ukuba kube mnandi kuwo omabini amaqela.
3. Yamkela ifuthe elibi lezinto zangaphandle.
Iinxalenye ezahlukeneyo zobomi bethu zaphuma zangena egazini.
Rhoqo, ubunzima esijamelana nabo kwindawo enye bunokuba nefuthe elibi kubudlelwane bethu.
Umsebenzi, ubomi bosapho, impilo, ezemali-ezi zezinye zezinto ezinokubangela uxinzelelo kunye noxinzelelo.
Kwaye xa sixinezelekile okanye sixhalabile, asifane siphathe iqabane lethu kunye nobudlelwane ngononophelo olubafaneleyo.
Sivumela iinkxalabo zangaphandle ukuba zichaphazele indlela esiziphatha ngayo ngeendlela ezinokuthi zityhale isoka, intombi okanye iqabane.
Kodwa ukuqonda le nyaniso kunokunceda ngeendlela ezimbini.
Okokuqala, singachonga iimeko apho sithwala izinto ezingalunganga kubudlelwane bethu kwaye sisebenzela ukunciphisa ifuthe abanalo.
Umzekelo, ngokuqonda nje ukuba ukucaphuka kwakho kunye neqabane lakho kuvela phi, ungathintela ukuba kungaphumi kuphele umsindo okanye ukucaphuka.
Uya kubona ukuba ayililo iqabane lakho olicaphukisayo, kodwa luxinzelelo lwenye into oyalathisa kubo.
Kwaye oku kukuqonda, unokulawula iimvakalelo zakho kwaye ukhethe impendulo enobubele.
Okwesibini, sinokuqonda ngcono xa iqabane lethu lisiphatha ngendlela esingayithandiyo.
Ukuba uyazi ukuba baphantsi koxinzelelo olukhulu ngenxa yongquzulwano kunye nelungu losapho, uyakwazi ukulawula indlela ophendula ngayo kwiimvakalelo zabo.
Akunyanzelekanga ukuba ukhuthaze indlela abaziphethe ngayo okanye uyamkele, kodwa uyabona ukuba ivela phi kwaye ukhethe impendulo ethe xhaxhe.
Uninzi lweengxaki zobudlelwane zineengcambu ngaphandle kobudlelwane eziye zavunyelwa ukuba zikhule zibe yinto enkulu kakhulu.
Ungakuthintela oku kungenzeki ngokwazi ezi zinto zangaphandle nokuzilungelelanisa nazo.
Chitha ixesha usenza umsebenzi owabelana ngawo.
Kwaye, hayi, asithethi ixesha elichithwe ukwenza izitya okanye ukudlala nabantwana (nangona ixesha lilusapho liyinto entle).
Kubudlelwane obusekwe kakuhle, kulula ukuwela kwipateni okanye yesiqhelo ebandakanya ixesha elincinci kakhulu lomgangatho kunye.
Ixesha olichitha kunye likhulu liqukethe imisebenzi yemihla ngemihla.
Kodwa ukusondelelana (okukhawuleza kube ligama eliyi-buzzword yeli nqaku) kuvela kumava ekwabelwana ngawo ohlobo oluthile.
Imisebenzi eniyonwabelayo nobabini ikunika amaxesha okonwaba kwaye oku kukhokelela kunxibelelwano oluhlala ixesha elide.
Ke nokuba ikhempishe ngaphandle kakhulu, ibetha igalari, okanye enye yezinye ezingenakubalwa zokuzonwabisa izibini , kubalulekile ukufumana ixesha labo kwishedyuli yakho.
5. Gxila kukonwaba kancinci, hayi ukucaphukisa okuncinci.
Umcimbi oqhelekileyo kubudlelwane obuninzi kukuthanda ukuba omabini amaqabane aqwalasele ngakumbi zonke izinto ezincinci ezenziwa liqabane labo ezibacaphukisayo kunalezo bazenzayo zibenza bancume.
Xa umbono wakho weqabane lakho ungalinganiyo kwicala elingalunganga, iimvakalelo zenzondo okanye ukukhathazeka kunokukhula ngokukhawuleza.
Kufana nokuva kuphela ubungqina bomtshutshisi kwityala-ewe uza kufumana iqabane lakho linetyala.
Kodwa ukuba ujolisa kwizinto ezizisa uncumo ebusweni bakho okanye imvakalelo efudumeleyo entliziyweni yakho, uyakuqonda ukuba kuninzi onokubulela ngako.
Ke endaweni yokumamela ubungqina bomtshutshisi, yiba ligqwetha lezokukhusela iqabane lakho kwaye wenze ityala ngawo onke amanqaku abo alungileyo.
Oku kuyakwenza ukuba uzixolele ngakumbi iziphene zabo (kuba SONKE sineziphene) kwaye ungayeka ukuba nomsindo okanye ukucaphuka.
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6. Yamkela ukusikelwa umda komnye nomnye.
Ukulandela ukusuka kwinqanaba elidlulileyo, kubalulekile ukwamkela ukuba iqabane lakho aligqibekanga kwaye baya kwenza iimpazamo okanye benze izinto ngokwahlukileyo kuwe.
Isitshixo kulo mzekelo kukuzijonga esipilini kwaye unyaniseke ngokukhohlakeleyo malunga neempazamo zakho kunye nokungafezeki.
Ngoku buza ukuba ungathanda ukuba abanye bakuphathe njani ngaphandle kwezi mpazamo.
Ufuna ukuba bakwamkele ukuba ungubani, iintsumpa nazo zonke, akunjalo?
Ewe, ukuba le yindlela ofuna abanye bakuphathe ngayo, ngokuqinisekileyo kuya kuba yile ndlela ubaphatha ngayo abanye - ngakumbi iqabane lakho.
Kuyahlawula ukulindela okunokwenzeka kwiqabane lakho kunye nolwalamano lwakho.
Uya kuxabana ngamanye amaxesha. Uya kuba nokungafani kwezimvo. Uya kufuna ukwenza izinto ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo.
Kwaye kulungile.
Zama ukukhumbula ingcebiso yangaphambili malunga nokujonga zonke izinto ezilungileyo zeqabane lakho.
Sukuzama ukuzitshintsha. Musa ukuxhomekeka kubo ulonwabo lwakho. Musa ukulindela ukuba baziphathe ngendlela ofuna baziphathe ngayo ngalo lonke ixesha.
Sonke siyizidalwa ezinesiphene. Sonke sineendlela zethu zokwenza izinto. Ukwamkela oku kuphakamisa umthwalo omkhulu engqondweni yakho.
7. Thetha ngendlela ongathanda ukuziphucula ngayo.
Xa ufuna ukubuyisela ulwalamano lwakho kwindlela ebelunjalo ngaphambili, kuhlawula ukulungela ukusebenza kwiimpazamo zakho.
Isiphithiphithi sobudlelwane bamatye sisizathu esivakalayo sokujonga kakuhle ukuba ungubani kwaye ungakhula njani.
Emva kwakho konke, xa izinto zihamba kakuhle, mhlawumbi awunandaba nokuziphucula.
Ke thetha neqabane lakho kwaye uthembeke malunga neendawo ocinga ukuba kufuneka usebenze kuzo.
Mhlawumbi kufuneka ube nomonde ngakumbi. Okanye mhlawumbi unexabiso eliphantsi elichaphazela ukudibana kwakho nobabini.
Nokuba yeyiphi na, ngokujolisa kuwe, uyakuphepha ukwalatha umnwe kunye nokubeka ityala ezinyaweni zeqabane lakho.
Baya kubona ukuba uzimisele kangakanani ukuya ekubeni ngumntu kunye neqabane elingcono kwaye baya kunqwenela ukuphindisela.
Bobabini bethembisa ukusebenza ngokwenu, ninokukhuthazana kwaye nithandane ngobunono xa nishiya indlela yokukhula.
8. Bonisa ukuba sesichengeni.
Enye indlela yokubuyisela uthando emtshatweni wakho okanye kubudlelwane kukuba sesichengeni kunye.
Inqaku elingentla ngumzekelo olungileyo njengoko kufuneka uvume iziphene zakho.
Kodwa iya ngaphaya koko ukuya kwinqanaba apho uzimisele ukuthetha malunga nemicimbi yakho kunye neengxaki zobudlelwane ngokuvulekileyo nangokunyanisekileyo.
Ithatha ukuba ukufumaneka ngokwasemphefumlweni kwaye uzimisele ukubonisa zombini iimvakalelo ezimbi kunye neqabane lakho.
Ukutyhubela iminyaka sikunye, ungaphulukana nentumekelelo yoku bonisa ukuba sesichengeni njengoko amanqanaba akho okusondelelana ngokweemvakalelo nangokomzimba esihla.
Uyavalelana kwaye uziqinise kwiimvakalelo ohlangabezana nazo.
Kodwa ukuba sesichengeni yindlela elungileyo yokukhumbuzana ukuba ukhathala kangakanani.
Cinga ukuba ubungaphendula uthini xa iqabane lakho lingakhala phambi kwakho okanye lithulule intliziyo yalo.
Amathuba okuba ungaziva unovelwano kunye nomnqweno wokubathuthuzela.
Le mfesane inokulawula uthando lwakho kunye nomnqweno wakho. Inokukukhumbuza ukuba iqabane lakho ngomnye umntu onesifo esifana nawe, hayi irobhothi ebandayo.
Ukuba sesichengeni yenye yezinto apho umntu omnye kufuneka ahambe kuqala kwaye omnye alandele rhoqo.
Kunokuba nzima ukuba ube ngowokuqala ukuya, kodwa ukuba ufunda le nto, thatha le ntswahla yokholo kwaye wazi ukuba iqabane lakho kufuneka liphendule ngethemba.
9. Beka ubudlelwane bakho kuqala (ngaphakathi kwesizathu).
Ukuba ufuna ukubeka umtsalane kumtshato owaphukileyo okanye ubudlelwane, kuyahlawula ukwenza olo lwalamano lube yinto ephambili ebomini bakho.
Awunakuthatha into ngokungakhathali ngenxa yokuba ibinjalo iminyaka emininzi.
Kangangexesha onokuthi uchithe ixesha elithile usenza izinto ozithandayo, ezi zinto akufuneki zisebenzise lonke ixesha lakho.
Iqabane lakho lifanelwe kukuqwalaselwa. Kwaye ubafanele.
Ukuba ufikelele kwinqanaba lokuba ufane neenqanawa ezidlula ebusuku, akumangalisi ukuba umlilo ucimile.
Kuyinto engenakwenzeka ukuhlala usondelene ngokweemvakalelo omnye komnye ukuba aniboni ngokwaneleyo omnye komnye.
Ezo zinto zabelwayo esithe sathetha ngazo ngaphambili zibalulekile, kodwa kunjalo ke kukuhlala sikunye.
Ngaphezulu, ukuba ithuba livela, beka iimfuno neemfuno zeqabane lakho ngaphambi kwezakho ngamaxesha athile .
Yiba nesidlo abasithandayo, bukela umboniso abawukhethayo, ndwendwela ukhetho lwabo lomtsalane.
Ayililo lonke ixesha, kodwa ngamanye amaxesha.
Kwaye vumela iqabane lakho ukuba lenze nembeko efanayo.
10. Thetha ngaphezu kokuba belunjani usuku lwakho.
Xa utshatile okanye kubudlelwane ixesha elide, enye yezona zinto zixhaphakileyo kwingxoxo kukuba 'belunjani usuku lwakho?'
Kwaye, ewe, kulungile ukwazi ukuba kuqhubeka ntoni kubomi beqabane lakho.
Kodwa kuninzi okunokuthetha ngako.
Xa uthe wanosuku lomlingane wakho, sukucinga ukuba incoko kufuneka iphele.
Babuze ukuba baziva njani. Thetha ngemicimbi yangoku. Ncokola nzulu ngobomi kunye nomhlaba.
Yabelana ngezimvo kwaye ngokwenene mamela xa omnye umntu ethetha.
Ukuziva umamele yeyona ndlela yokunyusa iimvakalelo zakho ezilungileyo onazo omnye komnye.
Ikhuthaza ukuba semngciphekweni. Inokukunceda ufumane isisombululo kwizinto ezingalunganga zangaphandle kubomi bakho.
Ingangumthombo wentuthuzelo enkulu ukwazi ukuba iqabane lakho likubonisa imbeko yokumamela izimvo zakho.
Abantu bakhulise ulwimi njengolunye uhlobo. Musa ukuchitha esi sipho. Vulani imilomo yenu nithethe omnye nomnye.
11. Indlela yongquzulwano nokukhula.
Wena neqabane lakho anizukuvumelana ngezinto.
Ngamanye amaxesha, oku kungavisisani kuya kukhula kube yingxabano.
Ezi mpikiswano zinokuphelisa ngokukhawuleza ukusondelelana kunye nomnqweno kubudlelwane.
Kodwa oku akufuneki kube njalo.
Kuyenzeka ukuba uxabane ngentlonelo nangokukhula ukuze iimvakalelo onazo omnye komnye zingonakali.
Ngamafutshane, oku kuthetha ukungaphakamisi amazwi akho, ukumamela nokuzama ukuqonda uluvo lomnye nomnye, kwaye ukulungele ukulalanisa apho kufanelekileyo.
Uya kudinga ukuyamkela loo nto, rhoqo, ayisiyiyo imeko yomntu omnye olungileyo kunye nomnye ongalunganga. Ngumba nje wezimvo.
Kwaye akukho luvo lomntu ekufuneka luthathwe njengolusemthethweni kunolunye.
Ngamanye amaxesha kunokunceda ukujonga ukungaboni ngasonye njengothetha-thethwano oluninzi. Omabini la macala anokufuna ukunika indlela encinci ukufikelela kwinqanaba apho omabini amaqela anelisekile ngokufanelekileyo.
Oku kubhetele kakhulu kunokukujonga njengedabi apho koyiswa umntu omnye.
indlela yokugqitha kwixesha elidlulileyo
12. Thuthuzeleka ngentuthuzelo.
Into esithetha ngayo yile yokuba akufuneki ulichithe ixabiso lokuba nolwalamano olukhuselekileyo nolonwabisayo.
Xa sizama ukubuyisela intlantsi kubudlelwane, kulula ukungahoyi iimpawu zayo eziqhelekileyo.
Kodwa ukhuseleko kunye nokuzinza kufanelekile kakhulu.
Usenokuba wakha wazixabisa ezi ngaphezu kokuba uzenza ngoku, kodwa ngenxa yokuba uzama ukubeka ezothando okanye isondo kwakhona kwizinto, awusaziboni zanele.
Kwaye, ewe, abonelanga ngokwabo ukwenza umtshato wonwabe kwaye usempilweni, kodwa oku akuthethi ukuba ungakuhoyi ukubaluleka kwabo.
Abantu abaninzi banokunika kakhulu ukuba nezo mpawu kubudlelwane babo.
13. Yenza izicwangciso ngekamva.
Ubudlelwane obumiselweyo okanye umtshato ngamanye amaxesha ungaqala ukuziva umile kancinci.
Oku kuhlala kwenzeka xa singasenazo iinjongo ezifanayo okanye izicwangciso zekamva.
Asinanto ibalulekileyo ekufuneka sijonge phambili kuyo.
Ngoku, ngelixa ukonwaba kwakho kunye nolwalamano lwakho nempilo kufuneka luxhomekeke kwisiganeko esithile esizayo, kulungile ukwazi ukuba usiya kwinto ethile kunye neqabane lakho.
Yenza izicwangciso zexesha elifutshane, eliphakathi nelide. Cwangcisa iinjongo onqwenela ukuziphumeza kunye.
Njengoko usebenza kwezi zinto, niza kuchitha ixesha elininzi kunye, wonwabe, woyise imiqobo, kwaye wakhe ulwalamano olukhulu.
14. Hlukana nenqala.
Amagqubu ayityhefu xa kufikwa kwinkanuko, uthando kunye nomnqweno.
Ukubambelela kwisikhalazo esithile kukwenza ulicaphukele iqabane lakho.
Ukuxolela umntu kuphela kwendlela yokudlulela ngaphaya kwenqala.
Kuyanceda ukukhumbula amanqaku ama-5 kunye nama-6 apha ngasentla: gxila kwizinto ezintle malunga neqabane lakho kwaye wamkele ukuba abafezekanga.
Ukuba ufuna ukubuyela umva kulwalamano lwakho, kuya kufuneka ujonge iqabane lakho ngamehlo aqinisekileyo, hayi lawo asaphambeneyo ngeziphoso ezidlulileyo.
Khawufane ucinge ukuba ingqumbo yakho ingamafu esichotho. Akukho mlilo unokutsha ukuba loo mafu ahlala eqhubeka ukunetha kwiimvakalelo zakho.
15. Bambisa abantwana okwethutyana.
Ukuba unabantwana kubudlelwane bakho, uya kwazi ukuba bangasebenza kangakanani.
Kuya kufuneka ubondle, ubanxibe, ubonwabise, ubathathe baye kwiiklabhu zekharityhulamu ezingaphaya, kwaye ujonge kubo ngokubanzi.
Kwaye oku kunciphisa inani lexesha elisemgangathweni onokulichitha kunye neqabane lakho.
Ke, ukuba unako, zama ukuba nexesha elithile kude nabantwana rhoqo rhoqo.
Mhlawumbi ucenga ilungu losapho ukuba libaholele usuku. Okanye uthathe ithuba lokuhamba ngobusuku esikolweni.
Nantoni na oyenzayo, xa ninethuba kunye, nikhululekile ebantwaneni, lisebenzise ngokupheleleyo.
Njengoko besitshilo ngentla, yenza into kunye, yabelana ngomsebenzi, kwaye ungalibali ukonwabela isondo esithile usazi ukuba awuyi kuphazanyiswa okanye kuya kufuneka ucofe emva kosuku olude, olunoxinzelelo.
16. Beka umgudu.
Ukubuyisela ulwalamano lwakho emgceni akuyi kwenzeka ngeliza lomlingo womlingo.
Nokuba ungathetha kangakanani na, zezona zinto zibalulekileyo ozenzayo.
Kuya kufuneka utyale imali kulwalamano lwakho okanye emtshatweni wakho ukuba ufuna ukubona ukubuya ngohlobo lothando olukhulu, uthando kunye nokusondelelana.
Kuya kufuneka ulandele izithembiso kunye nokuzibophelela kwakho.
Kuya kufuneka ubonisane ukuba uyakhathala.
Kufuneka uthathe ingqalelo omnye komnye ngayo yonke into oyenzayo.
Emuva xa ubudlelwane bakho bebusemtsha, mhlawumbi ubuzenza zonke ezi zinto ngaphandle kokucinga ngazo.
Kuza ngokwendalo ekuqaleni.
Kodwa ngokuhamba kwexesha, uyonwaba ulibale ukuba uyakuphuma oko ukufakayo.
Le nzame ifuna ukuhlangana. Ubudlelwane obunamacala amabini ayisiyondawo ilungileyo yokuba loo ntlantsi yokwenene ivuseleleke.
Ke ukuba awukenzi njalo, kunokuba kufanelekile ukuthumela eli nqaku kwisoka lakho, intombi yakho, indoda yakho, okanye inkosikazi yakho ukuze bayifunde nabo.
Ngale ndlela, baya kuba ngaphezulu ebhodini ukubeka imizamo eyimfuneko yokubuyisela izinto ngendlela ezazifudula zikhona.
Ngaba awuqinisekanga ukuba ubuyisela njani ubudlelwane bakho kumkhondo? Thetha kwi-Intanethi kwingcali yobudlelwane kwi-Relationship Hero enokukunceda ufumane izinto. Ngokulula.
