Olona lwalamano lubalaseleyo lwakhiwe kwisiseko se unxibelelwano oluqinileyo . Unxibelelwano lokwenene lubandakanya ukukwazi ukumamela ngovelwano omnye komnye. Njengabantu abanovakalelo, sonke siyaludinga uvelwano. Yi uhlobo lothando , imbeko kunye nokuqonda okukwaziyo ukuhlakulela ubudlelwane obumangalisayo bobuqu. Ukumamela okungathandabuzekiyo kwenza ukuba incoko ibenentsingiselo, iyakhuthaza kwaye iyanelisa. Ezona nkokeli zibalaseleyo zehlabathi ngabaphulaphuli abanemfesane abaziyo ukuba kubaluleke ngakumbi ukumamela kunokuthetha.
Ngelishwa, uninzi lwabantu luthanda ukuthetha kakhulu kunokuba luphulaphule. Ngokugxila koko abanye bakuthethayo, imvakalelo kunye nokwenza kwabo, awuzivezi nje ngokukuko ngokukuko, kodwa ufunda ngakumbi. Ukumamela ngokunyanisekileyo yindlela yokumamela nokuphendula kwabanye okuphucula ukuqonda kunye nokuthemba. Ukuba ufuna ukwakha ubudlelwane obungcono neqabane lakho, abantwana bakho, umphathi wakho okanye nabani na ongomnye, ungasebenzisa ukumamela okunesidima ukuhlakulela unxibelelwano.
Kukho izitshixo ezi-4 zokuphulaphula kakuhle. Bazi:
1. Phulaphula Kunokuva
Abaphulaphuli beempathic abaphulaphuli nje incoko. Baphulaphule. Ukuphulaphula kubandakanya ukugxila kunye nokuzimisela. Ukumamela kuthetha ukujonga ibali lomnye umntu, ukusetyenziswa kolwimi, ilizwi, kunye nolwimi lomzimba. Uyazi zombini ngokuthetha kunye imiyalezo engenamlomo Ezigqithiswayo. Nangona kunjalo, ukumamela ngovelwano ayisiyonto yenziwa nje. Kuya kufuneka uhlale ubandakanyekile kwaye uyasebenza kwincoko.
USteve Covey unesicatshulwa esidumileyo esithi 'Funa kuqala ukuqonda, emva koko uqondwe' eyona njongo iphambili yokumamela. Kuya kufuneka ucinge ngomyalezo ogqithiswayo ngokwembono yesithethi, ngaphandle kokufaka ezakho izimvo kunye nezigwebo.
Uninzi lwabantu lunamandla okuva, kodwa hayi phantse uninzi banolwazi lokumamela. Abo bayenzayo, bakha ubudlelwane obomeleleyo kunye nokudibana nabanye. Xa umamela ngokwenene omnye umntu, uthumela umyalezo wokuba ubuxabisile kwaye bathini kwaye baziva njani. Ngokumamela ngovelwano kunokuba uve nje, ukhuthaza isithethi ukuba siveze izimvo zaso ngokupheleleyo ngaphandle koloyiko lokugxekwa, ukoyikiswa okanye ukuphazanyiswa. Wena ukwakha ukuthembana Esi sisiqwenga esibalulekileyo kubo bonke ubudlelwane. Unomdla wokwenene kwinto abayithethayo, kwaye awubagwebi ngokukuthetha.
indlela yokukhetha phakathi kwabafana ababini obathandayo
2. Buza imibuzo evulelekileyo
Abaphulaphuli beempathic bayawazi amandla emibuzo evulelekileyo kubudlelwane. Imibuzo evulelekileyo yenzelwe ukukhuthaza impendulo enentsingiselo evela entliziyweni nasemphefumlweni womamkeli. Impendulo ivulekile. Awuzami ukuqikelela okanye ukuyalela impendulo ethile. Endaweni yoko ufuna ukukhuthaza impendulo eyiyo. Zezi imibuzo enexabiso eliphezulu kuni nobabini. Benza amava okufunda kuwo omabini amaqela kuba kuvusa ingcinga kwaye imbonakalo . Bona phuhlisa incoko ngokukhuthaza ukungafihli. Ukuba ufuna ukufumanisa ngakumbi ngalo mntu uthetha naye, kubandakanya amaphupha abo, iimfuno zabo, iimfuno kunye neengxaki, ungakwenza oko ngokusebenzisa imibuzo evulelekileyo.
Ngokubuza imibuzo evulekileyo, uvakalisa umnqweno wonxibelelwano olunzulu kunye nomamkeli. Ungu bebonisa imbeko kunye nokuvula umnyango wentsebenziswano. Imibuzo evulelekileyo ivumela ubudlelwane ukuba bukhule kuba bayindlela yokuqonda kunye nonxibelelwano olusebenzayo. Ungasebenzisa imibuzo evulelekileyo kunye nomntu omthandayo ukuya ukwakha ulwalamano . Ungazisebenzisa kunye nomphathi ukwakha ukuthembana kunye nokubonisa umdla ekukhuleni kwemisebenzi. Izinketho azinasiphelo kuba le mibuzo sisixhobo esinamandla sokukhulisa ubudlelwane bobuqu.
Umzekelo wombuzo ovaliweyo: “uyamthanda?” - impendulo ngu-ewe okanye hayi.
Umzekelo wombuzo ongaphendulwanga: “yintoni oyithandayo okanye ongayithandiyo ngaye?” -Impendulo ifuna ukucinga kwaye kungenzeka ukuba ibe nzulu ngamathuba okuphulaphula, ukuqonda, kwaye mhlawumbi uphonononge eminye imibuzo.
Eyona nto ibalulekileyo yokufunda ngokufunda (inqaku liyaqhubeka apha ngezantsi):
- Kutheni ukungabikho kovelwano kungafunyanwa kuphela kwiiNarcissists nakwiiSociopaths
- Iimpawu ze-4 Uyi-Impathical Impath (Ayisiyiyo nje i-Empath)
- Iingcebiso ezili-17 zokuSinda kwiiMpilo kunye naBantu abaPhezulu kakhulu
- Imizabalazo yeemfazwe ezili-11 zijongana nesiseko semihla ngemihla
- Umzuzwana Uyaqonda ukuba uyi-Empath
- Kutheni umhlaba ufuna abaSebenzi bokuKhanya ngoku ngakumbi kunakuqala
3. Cinga ngomva wokuqonda
Abaphulaphuli be-Empathic bahlala besenza njengesipili-bebonakalisa into abakholelwa ukuba isithethi siyithetha kwaye baziva ukujonga ukuqonda. Ukumamela okubonakalisayo kubalulekile kuba kugcina amaqela omabini kwiphepha elinye. Umboniso uvumela isithethi ukuba siqinisekise ukuba uva ngokuchanekileyo, kwaye sivumela umphulaphuli ukuba abone ukuba isithethi siqondwa ngokupheleleyo. Ukumamela okubonakalisayo kunceda isithethi ukuba siviwe kwaye sifezekise injongo yaso kwincoko.
Ngale nto uhlobo lokuphulaphula , Unokude uncede isithethi sithathe isigqibo malunga nesenzo okanye siphonononge iimvakalelo zakhe kubunzulu obutsha. Sebenzisa olu hlobo lokumamela, emva kokuba isithethi sithethe imizuzu eliqela kwaye simile ngokwendalo, shwankathela into oyivileyo kwaye ucele ubungqina bokuba uchanekile. Umzekelo, unokuthi 'Ke ukuba ndiqonda ngokuchanekileyo, uyakhathazeka kuba ungakwazanga ukuchitha ixesha wedwa ngeempelaveki. Ngaba ndilungile? ”
Ukumamela okubonakalisayo kubalulekile kubo bonke ubudlelwane. Yenza isithethi sazi ukuba sivile kwaye saxhaswa kwaye siqondwa. Ukucamngca kunceda ukunika ingxelo kwaye kuvumela isithethi ukuba sifikelele kumanqanaba anzulu okubonisa. Ukuba uyafuna uku ukwakha ubudlelwane obunempilo kunye nokuseka ubudlelwane, ukumamela okucingayo yindlela eqinisekileyo yokufezekisa loo nto.
4. Mamela ngaphandle kokuNika ingcebiso
Ukumamela kunye nokunika iingcebiso zizicwangciso ezibini ezahlukileyo ezahlukileyo. Ukumamela kukhuthaza omnye umntu ukuba abelane ngebali labo ngokwembono yabo. Ukuba ufuna ukuba ngumphulaphuli oyinyani kwaye uhlakulele ubudlelwane obumangalisayo, kuya kufuneka ufunde ubugcisa bokumamela ngaphandle kokusombulula. Ngelixa ungaziva unyanzelekile ukuba unike iingcebiso okanye usombulule ingxaki yesithethi, le ayisiyondlela efanelekileyo yokunxibelelana ngovelwano kuba ukumamela ayikokutshintsha omnye umntu.
nini isikrweqe seminyaka engama-25
Injongo yokumamela kukunxibelelana nomntu kunye nokwakha ubudlelwane obusekwe kwintembeko. Kulucelomngeni ukumamela umntu kwaye hayi bancede ukusombulula ingxaki abathetha ngayo, kodwa ngokwenza njalo unokwakha isixa esikhulu sokuthembana. Umzekelo, unokumamela ingxaki ngokupheleleyo emva koko uthi 'Wowu, ndiyaxolisa ukuba uye wadlula kuleyo.' Ngaphandle kokuba umntu othile acele ingcebiso yakho, kungcono unganikezeli ngalo. Kwaye ukuba ukhetha ukunika ingcebiso, qiniseka ukuba umamela kuqala.
Ukumamela empathic kuphucula ukuqonda kunye nokwakha ukuthembana. Sisakhono esibalulekileyo sokufunda ukuba ufuna ukuhlakulela kunye nokugcina ubudlelwane obukhulu nabahlobo, usapho, abathandi, oogxa bakho kunye naye nabani na onxulumana naye.
Ayisiyiyo kuphela ukumamela ngovelwano nokwakha indawo ekhuselekileyo apho umntu omkhathaleleyo anokukhupha iimvakalelo zakhe ngaphandle koloyiko, kodwa ikwahambelana nokunciphisa uxinzelelo kunye noxinzelelo. Ukuba kukho umntu ebomini bakho ofuna ukwakha ubudlelwane naye, sebenza kwizakhono ezichazwe apha ngasentla zokuphulaphula. Yiba ngumntu apho anokuphalaza khona amaphupha abo, amathemba abo, kunye nexhala ngaphandle koloyiko. Nje ukuba ubusebenze obu buchule, jonga ubudlelwane bakho buqhakaza kunxibelelwano olunentsingiselo nolunzulu, olunokwenzeka kuphela ngovelwano.
