Ngaba iqabane lakho likwenza uzive umncinci, usisiyatha, ungenaxabiso?
Ngaba bayeba inkolelo yakho?
Ukuba kunjalo, mhlawumbi ujongene nokuthoba isidima kulwalamano lwakho.
Makhe sihlolisise ukuba kuthetha ukuthini ukuthotywa, indlela ebonakalisa ngayo, kunye nento onokuyenza ngayo.
Yintoni kanye kanye le ikuthobayo?
Mhlawumbi ulivile igama eliphoselwe ngaphambili, kodwa kunokuba nzima ukwazi ukuba kuthetha ntoni ukuthoba imeko yobomi bokwenyani.
Phambi kokuba siqhubeke ngemizekelo ethile yokuziphatha okuthoba isidima kunye nolwimi, masihle siye kwiintsingiselo ezingundoqo.
I-Belittling ngokuyintloko yenziwa ukuba izive ingabalulekanga. Abantu abasijongela phantsi banokusithoba kwaye basithobe (ngamanye amaxesha esidlangalaleni) ukuze basenze sizive siphantsi.
I-Belittling kukuziphatha okungenampilo kakhulu, kodwa ingaqala njengokumba okuncinci okuncinci kunye nokubeka ezantsi rhoqo. Ixesha elingaphezulu, iba yinto yesiqhelo kwaye inokucaphukisa kakhulu ukuba namava, ngakumbi kubudlelwane obuvela kwiqabane esibathandayo nesibathembayo.
Ndazi njani ukuba ndiyathotywa?
Ukuba uziva uthotywa isidima okanye ugxothiwe, kukho ithuba lokuba iqabane lakho likuthobe.
I-Belittling inokubonakalisa ngolwimi kunye nezenzo ezinje:
1. Ukuthoba isidima.
Iqabane lakho linokuphuma lize likwenze uzive okanye ujongeke usisiyatha phambi kwabanye abantu.
Oku kunokuba yiyo nantoni na ekubiza ngamagama nokuhlekisa ngawe ngokukuthuka nokujongela phantsi yonke into oyithethayo.
Izinto ezimnandi ozenza ekhaya wedwa
Mhlawumbi iqabane lakho lizama ukukwenza uzive usisiyatha ngokuthetha izinto ezithile kuwe, okanye mhlawumbi baya kwelinye inyathelo kwaye badlale ngawe.
Olu hlobo lokujongela phantsi luya kukushiya uzive uthotyiwe kwaye udidekile. Kukuziphatha okungafanelekanga kuye nakubani na, kungasathethwa ke ngoyena mntu umthandayo.
2. Ukukugxeka.
Umlingane wakho angaqala ngento ebonakala ngathi 'yingxelo' okanye ukugxeka okwakhayo, kodwa oku kunokuhla ngokukhawuleza kukuziphatha okuthobekileyo nokwenzakalisayo.
Ukuba uhlala ushiyeka uziva ungenaxabiso, uyadika, okanye ungathandeki ngenxa yendlela enza ngayo iqabane lakho, uyathotywa ngabo.
Banokwenza intetho malunga nendlela ekufuneka unxibe ngokwahlukileyo, okanye ukuba awulungelanga ngokwaneleyo ukufumana inkuthazo oyifunayo.
kutheni sohlukana sibuyelana
3. Ukunyelisa.
Iqabane lakho lingaqala ukubuza izigqibo zakho kwaye lenze amagqabantshintshi ngazo, mhlawumbi uthuke izihlobo zakho kunye nosapho kwaye likubeke phantsi ngokubakhathalele.
Banokukuphelisa kwaye bakuthobe isidima, bathethe ngokungafanelekanga ngenkangeleko yakho, umsebenzi wakho, indlela okhetha ukwenza ngayo izinto ezithile njengokucoceka okanye ukwenza imithambo.
4. Ukukugxotha.
Ungaqaphela ukuba nanini na uphakamisa umba, uyagxothwa kwangoko. Iqabane lakho linokuzama ukungazenzi iimvakalelo zakho kakhulu, okanye ukuzenza lula.
Kananjalo, unokushiyeka uziva ulilolo kwaye ulilolo, okanye wenziwe ukuba ubuze ukuba ingaba uyadlala na kwaye ufuna ukuyikhupha nje ngendlela abenze ngayo.
Phawula: Ayizizo zodwa iifom zokuthoba isidima ezinokuzibonakalisa. Kodwa ukuba wenziwa rhoqo ukuba uzive umncinci (ukuthoba = ukuba mncinci!), Iqabane lakho liyakujongela phantsi.
Le ndlela yokuziphatha ikhathaza ngokweemvakalelo kwaye ayamkelekanga.
Usenokude uqhelane nolu hlobo lokuziphatha kangangokuba awusaluboni njengoluthobayo. Olu luphawu lokuba luye lwahamba ixesha elide kakhulu ukuba luziva luqhelekile kwaye niqhelekile nobabini.
Usenokuba ukhe wazama ukuthetha neqabane lakho malunga noku ngaphambili kodwa wagxothwa okanye waziva ngathi ukhanyisiwe kwaye wenziwa ukuba ubuze ukuba ingaba awukwenzi konke oku entlokweni yakho.
Eli lixesha lokuba wenze utshintsho, kuba awufanelanga ukwenziwa uzive ngale ndlela - akukho mntu wenzayo.
Kutheni iqabane lam lindijongela phantsi?
Ngelixa kungekho sizathu solu hlobo lokuziphatha, kukho ezinye iinkcazo ezinokuthi zibe nengqondo kuwe malunga nokuba kutheni iqabane lakho liziphatha ngale ndlela.
1. Abaqinisekanga.
Kuyinto engaqhelekanga, kodwa abantu abaninzi abajongela phantsi abanye eneneni abazithembanga.
Bangcungcuthekisa abanye abantu ukuze babenze bazive bengalunganga kwaye bengabalulekanga njengoko beziva, kwaye ukukujongela phantsi yindlela yabo yokuzama ukuziva ubhetele malunga nabo ngokukuhlisa kwinqanaba labo.
2. Bafuna ukuziva belawula.
Abanye abantu banemicimbi yolawulo kwaye banokuziva ngathi amaqabane abo azimele kakhulu kubo.
Banokuba nomona ngokuba nabahlobo kunye nomsebenzi onempumelelo, kwaye bafune ukuziva belawula wena kunye nobomi bakho ukuze ungaze ubashiye.
Baza kukujongela phantsi kwaye bakugcine phantsi ukuze bakwazi ukulawula indlela oziva ngayo kwaye banokuqinisekisa ukuba uziva ubhajwe kunye nabo kolu lwalamano.
3. Isizathu asibalulekanga…
Awusoze wazi ngokuqinisekileyo ukuba kutheni iqabane lakho likujongela phantsi, kwaye ayiloxanduva lwakho ukufumanisa.
Abanye abantu benza ngeendlela zezizathu esingasoze siziqonde, kwaye kufuneka senze konke okusemandleni ethu ukufumana izisombululo kunye nabo okanye sidlulele kubo ukuba kuya kuba nzima.
umyeni wam uhlala ebonakala ukuba uyandicaphukisa
Zininzi izinto ezinokubangela ukuba umntu enze ngale ndlela, kwaye uya kuzidinisa uzama ukufumana ukuba yeyiphi.
Endaweni yokuba yamkele okwenzekayo, uqonde ukuba iimvakalelo zakho zisemthethweni kwaye zibalulekile, kwaye wenze into ekufuneka uyenzile ukuze uzive wonwabile kwaye unqabisekile.
Ndingamelana njani nokujongela phantsi ubudlelwane?
Nje ukuba uqonde ukuba iqabane lakho liyakuthoba, uya kufuna ukujongana nalo kwangoko.
Kubalulekile ukuba ucinge ngendlela yakho kuqala ukuqinisekisa ukuba akubonakali ngathi ujongene nabo okanye ubahlasela.
1. Qala ukuyivala.
Ukuba iqabane lakho liqala ukukujongela phantsi, kulungile ukuthi awuvumi okanye awuthandi xa beziphatha ngale ndlela. Uninzi lwethu lubanjiswa yindlela esivakalelwa ngayo de silibale ukuveza izimvo zethu.
Iqabane lakho likukhathalele (ngethemba!), Nokuba ngaba benza ngale ndlela, kwaye bayakukhathalela ukuba bakucaphukisile.
Ukuba indlela abaziphethe ngayo iqhubekile ngokuhamba kwexesha, kunokuziva kuyinto eqhelekileyo kuni nobabini kangangokuba kungasekho namnye kuni obuzayo.
Kananjalo, usithi kubo awuvumelani nento abayithethayo, okanye ikwenza uzive ungalunganga, iyakuba yifowuni yokuvusa kubo kwaye kufuneka imise umjikelo wetyhefu esele ikhulile ixesha elidlulele.
2. Yiba nomonde.
Siyazi, kubonakala ngathi akulunganga oko wena kufuneka ube nomonde kumntu okucaphukisayo!
Nangona kunjalo, isimilo sokuziphatha esincinci somlingane wakho esiye sakhula ngokuhamba kwexesha kwaye ayisiyonto eza kuthi shwaka ngokukhawuleza, ngelishwa.
Ukuba oku kuye kwaba kukuziphatha okugxininisiweyo kubo, banokuthatha ixesha ukuqonda ukuqonda okuyinyani kwayo kunye nexesha elingaphezulu lokuziqhelanisa nokuphuma kulo mkhwa.
Akukho mntu unokuyeka into ngobusuku kwaye alindele ukuba angabinayo iblip, ke zama ukuba nomonde kwiqabane lakho kwaye uyathemba ukuba benza iinzame zokutshintsha.
3. Nxibelelana ngokukhululekileyo.
Kwakhona, nika iqabane lakho ixesha lokuba uphume kulo mkhwa. Ungayinceda le nkqubo ngokuthembeka malunga nendlela ekwenza uzive ngayo.
Okukhona ubakhumbuza indlela oziva ngayo xa bekujongela phantsi, kokukhona baya kukhumbula ukuyeka.
inyoka ibhola iziqendu ezitsha
Ngokuqinisekileyo kufuneka bazi kwaye babe nakho ukubeka esweni indlela abaziphethe ngayo njengabantu abadala, kodwa sonke siyaludinga uncedo ngamanye amaxesha.
Qhubeka wazise iqabane lakho ukuba uziva njani kwaye ugcine usebenza kwizisombululo kunye.
Endaweni yokukhwaza okanye ukucaphuka, ungathetha izinto ezinje 'Ndiziva ndingonwabanga xa undithuka esidlangalaleni' okanye 'Nceda ungazithathi lula izinto endikhathazekile ngazo.'
Oku akuphikisani, kodwa kuyabazisa ukuba uziva njani kwaye kutheni ubacela ukuba batshintshe indlela abaziphethe ngayo.
4. Zama ukuyikhanyisa.
Eyona ndlela yokumisa abantu abangcungcuthekisa abanye kukubayekisa ukubona ukuba indlela abaziphatha ngayo iyakuchaphazela.
Xa iqabane lakho likujongela phantsi, zama ukwenza isiqhulo ngalo ukuba ucinga linganceda. Ukuqhula ngayo kukunika ulawulo ngakumbi kwaye uyivale incoko kwaye uyijike kwisimo esibi ukuya kokungathathi cala.
Ukuba bakuxelela ukuba impahla yakho iyothusa, hlekisa ngendlela onxibe ngayo xa ubheja.
Kungabonakala kusisiyatha, kodwa okukhona usiya umva ngendlela elungileyo, ehlekisayo, ngokukhawuleza baya kuqonda ukuba abakuchaphazeli ngendlela abafuna ngayo kwaye baya kubuya umva kancinci.
5. Thetha nabantu obathandayo.
Ukuzityand 'igila kubantu esibathandayo kunokunceda kwiingxaki ezininzi, kwaye ukuthothisa kubudlelwane akufani.
Khetha abantu abakhethekileyo kubahlobo bakho, hayi abo iqabane lakho linokuba nobuhlobo nabo. Oku kwenza ukuba uzive ungakhululekanga kumhlobo kwaye kuthetha ukuba unokunyaniseka ngokwenyani ngaphandle kokukhathazeka ngeqabane lakho lokufumanisa ukuba utheni.
Ukuba uziva ngathi iqabane lakho likwenza ubuze ukuba ingaba ziyenzeka okanye azenzeki izinto, kunokuba luncedo ngokwenene ukuthetha nomntu omthembileyo kwaye ufumane iingcinga zakhe.
Ngamanye amaxesha sidinga ukuva umntu esixelela ukuba iimvakalelo zethu ziyasebenza, ngakumbi ukuba iqabane lethu lisenza sizive ngathi abakho!
ukuba wenzeni xa usekhaya wedwa
Umhlobo wakho uya kuba nakho ukukunika ukuzithemba okungakumbi ukuba uqala ukubuza ukufaneleka kwakho, kwaye uya kuba khona ukukukhumbuza ukuba umkhulu kangakanani ngokungabikho kweqabane lakho.
6. Thatha ikhefu.
Kunzima ukuthatha ixesha kulo naluphi na ulwalamano, kodwa kubalulekile ukwenza okona kulungileyo kuwe. Kwaye ukuba uhlala uziva uthotyiwe okanye ugxothiwe, eyona nto ilunge kuwe mhlawumbi ikhefu elincinci.
Ingakuthatha ukuba ubuze ikhefu ukuze iqabane lakho liqonde ukuba zinobuzaza kangakanani izinto.
Singacebisa ukuzama ezinye izinto ngaphambi kwale, kuba le yeyona ndlela yokugqibela.
Ukuhamba kude neqabane, nokuba kungangeeveki ezimbalwa okanye inyanga, kunzima kakhulu - ngakumbi ukuba ubudlelwane bunetyhefu. Banokukwenza ukuba ubuze esi sigqibo kwaye bazame ukukuqinisekisa ukuba 'uyaphambana' okanye uphosakele.
Ukuqinisekisa ukuba uyalandela ngolu khetho, thetha nomntu omthandayo malunga nalo ngaphambili. Baza kukukhumbuza ukuba kutheni usenza oku ukuba iqabane lakho liqala ukukwenza ubuze, kwaye baya kuba lapho ukukugcina unenkampani kwaye bakubonise uthando ngelixesha lekhefu.
Ungayiqonda into yokuba ikhefu kufuneka lihlale ngokusisigxina, kodwa, ngokuqinisekileyo, iqabane lakho liyakuqonda ukuba likuthanda kangakanani kwaye likuxabise kangakanani, kwaye liza kubuya likulungele ukwenza iinguqu nokulungisa isimilo sabo ngendlela esempilweni.
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Ukujongelwa phantsi liqabane kunokuqala kancinci kodwa kungakha ngokulula kwaye kubenzima kakhulu ukuhlala naye.
Kukho iindlela onokuthi usebenze ngazo kunye neqabane lakho ekuziphatheni kwabo, kubandakanya ukusebenza nonyango lwezibini ezinobungcali, kodwa, ekugqibeleni, kuya kufuneka uthathe isigqibo sokuba uziva njani kwaye ufuna ukwenza ntoni-nokuba oko kubandakanya ukuhamba.
Ngaba awuqinisekanga ukuba wenzeni malunga nokujongela phantsi ubudlelwane bakho? Thetha kwi-Intanethi kwingcali yobudlelwane kwi-Relationship Hero enokukunceda ufumane izinto. Ngokulula.
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