Inye inyani engenakuphepheka yokuba kubudlelwane bezothando kukuba ukuthandabuza kuya kuphakamisa iintloko zayo ezimbi ngaxa lithile.
Nokuba ungazama kangakanani ukungahoyi, elo lizwi liphikisayo liya kuba sentlokweni yakho, lihlebeza ukungavisisani xa yonke into oyifunayo yimvisiswano.
Nokuba unika indawo yentloko kumathandabuzo akho ngelixa usiya kulala, eshaweni, okanye uqhuba uye emsebenzini uziva ngathi kukungcatshwa ngumntu omthandayo.
Kwaye ngoku, cinga ngabo kufuneka. Ukuba awukwenzi njalo, baya kukudla kancinci kunye nolonwabo lwakho olunzima.
Mhlawumbi unenkxalabo engathandekiyo yokuba iqabane lakho alibuyisi uthando lwakho ngomlinganiso olinganayo.
Mhlawumbi uyazibuza ukuba ingaba ubudlelwane bakho bomelele ngokwaneleyo kusini na kukuzibophelela kwexesha elide.
Kude kube nini ibhola yebhola enkulu
Mhlawumbi une-inkling yokuba iqabane lakho alithembekanga njengokuba ucinga.
Xa kufikwa kumathandabuzo obudlelwane, iqhinga kukwahlula phakathi kokungaqiniseki okulula okuvela kukungaqondi kakuhle kunye nokungaqondani, kunye neenkxalabo eziyinyani ekufuneka zikukhombe kwicala lokuphuma.
Imibuzo, Imibuzo…
Njengoko usihla ezantsi kwinkanuko kwaye uqaphela ukuba uyathandana, imibuzo iqala ngokungenelela.
Ngaba zilungile kakhulu ukuba zinganyani? Ngaba ndingenza ngcono? Kutheni bengenamabhongo ngakumbi? Ngaba baya kuba ngutata / umama olungileyo? Ngaba ndiyakufuna ngokwenene oku kuzinikela ngoku? Kwaye ke ...
Ukungathandabuzeki okusoyikisayo kunokoyikisa xa kuqala ukuvela, ngakumbi xa ucinga ukuba izinto zihambe kakuhle kakhulu.
Kutheni le nto ukuzivavanya kwengqondo kuqala ngoku?
Ewe, kuba ngoku lixesha lokuba uzikhumbuze ukuba ningohluka kakhulu, hlukanisa abantu ixesha lokuvavanya ukuba ngaba ungamaqabane afanelekileyo kanaphakade.
Kwaye ekuphela kwendlela yokumisela oko kungokubuza imibuzo. Ke i-psyche yakho iyakwenzela ubabalo, ikunceda kwi-maze yezinto eziguquguqukayo ukuya (ngethemba) kwisiphelo esifanelekileyo.
Iindaba Ezilungileyo Ngokuthandabuza
Ukungazinzisi nangona ezi ngcinga kunye neemvakalelo zikwaluphawu lokuba ubudlelwane bakho butshintshela kwelinye inqanaba, apho unokuvavanya ngokunyanisekileyo umahluko wakho (kunye nokuhambelana kwakho).
Ukusebenza ngokungathandabuzeki yinxalenye yenkqubo yokwandisa kunye nokomeleza unxibelelwano neqabane lakho elitsha.
Ke zama ukubeka i-spin efanelekileyo kumathandabuzo akho. Thuthuzela kwisazi ngengqondo, uRollo May, ocebisa ukuba:
Ubudlelwane phakathi kokuzibophelela nokungathandabuzeki ayisiyiyo inkcaso. Ukuzibophelela kunempilo xa kungekho ngaphandle kokungathandabuzeki kodwa nangona ungathandabuzeki.
Ukuthetha ngokwasengqondweni, ukuthandabuza umntu esimthandayo yindlela yethu yemvelo yokuphatha utshintsho kwimeko yanamhlanje njengoko umntu esiba babini. Ilizwi elingaphakathi elingena ngaphakathi likhona ukunceda, hayi ukuthintela.
Izizathu ezi-5 zokuba ukuthandabuza kobudlelwane kuvele
Kuba iyakuba lihlazo ukuncama olona lonwabo lwethu lokugqibela kunye neqabane elinokubakho lobomi kwisibingelelo sokuthandabuza, masiqwalasele izizathu zokuba kutheni le mibuzo iqhubekayo.
1. Unqabile ukutshintsha.
Sonke siqhelana nengxoxo yemibuzo yangaphakathi eziswe lutshintsho olukhulu - ithemba lomsebenzi omtsha okanye ukuhambela kwindawo entsha, umzekelo.
Kwangokunjalo, xa ubudlelwane buphumelela kwimincili yokuqhelana nokwazi kwaye Amanqanaba okuwa eluthandweni kubukho be ukuhamba kunye okanye nokutshata, ayothusi into yokuba kufuneka kuqale ingxolo yokungaqiniseki.
Kufanelekile ukukhumbula ukuba i-psyche yomntu ayivelanga ivele kuleyo yookhokho bethu ababehlala emiqolombeni. Kubo, naluphi na utshintsho lubonisa ubungozi obunokubakho, kungoko kuyamangalisa ukuba sisoyika iziphumo zotshintsho.
2. Usabela kuxinzelelo.
Omnye unobangela osisiseko wengqondo wokuthandabuza yimpendulo yoxinzelelo.
Ukungathandabuzeki kuhlala kuvela xa ujongene nemiceli mngeni emitsha kwaye, masijongane nayo, kukho imiceli mngeni emikhulu ebomini kunothando oluqhubekayo nolunzulu.
Ilizwi lethu langaphakathi liza kuphakamisa imibuzo elikhulu: 'Ingaba nguYe?' 'Ngaba ngokwenene sicofa i-100% ebhedini?' 'Ngaba kunyanzelekile ukuba ndibanyamezele abahlobo bakhe abacaphukisayo?' Kwaye ke ukuqhubeka nokuncinwa kuyaqhubeka.
3. Uphendula uloyiko lwakho.
Ukoyika ukuzibophelela unakho ukuvutha amadangatye okuthandabuza kubudlelwane. Kule meko, ayisixhala malunga nexabiso eligcinwe liqabane lakho okanye nantoni na abayenzileyo konke malunga nesimo sakho sengqondo malunga nokuzibophelela okukhula imihla ngemihla.
Amathandabuzo malunga nokulungela kwakho ukudibana ebomini awunakuhoywa. Ukuthetha nabo kunye neqabane lakho kungenza ubuqhetseba-usenokude ufumanise ukuba babelana ngokoyika kwakho, kukhokelela kwingxoxo ethembekileyo malunga nekamva lakho kunye.
Ukuba uziva ngathi ingxaki isecaleni linye, iincwadi zokuzinceda okanye inokukunceda uqonde kwaye uqhubekise inkxalabo yakho.
4. Uyazitshabalalisa.
Odd njengoko kubonakala ngathi, uloyiko lokuzibophelela oluchazwe apha ngasentla lunokuvumela i-subconscious yakho ukuba yenze kwaye ijolise kumathandabuzo anokuthi okanye angabinaso isiseko sokwenyani.
Iziphumo zoku kuya kuba kukuqhuba umda phakathi kwakho nomntu omthandayo. Ubudlelwane buphelile, akukho ukuzibophelela okuyimfuneko-iziphumo!
Ngaphandle koko, ewe, ukuzibophelela-i-phobes mhlawumbi ayizizo ezona zinto zizalisekisiweyo kwaye zinelisekile. Ngaba leyo yindlela ngokwenene olibona ngayo ikamva lakho?
Ukuba la mathandabuzo okuzenzakalisa anokubonwa yile nto eyiyo, unokusebenza ngezizathu ezibambiseneyo njengentsebenziswano. Ukunyaniseka kunye nokuvuleleka kuya kusebenza kuphela ekuqiniseni nasekuqiniseni ubudlelwane bakho bokugqibela.
5. Uyaphendula kumava adlulileyo.
Akunakulindeleka ukuba kwenzeke kuthi xa kuvela amathandabuzo malunga nolwalamano lwethu lwangoku lokuba zibangelwe ngamava angonwabanga adlulileyo.
Sinokwenza uqikelelo ngokusekwe kukuziphatha okulimazayo kweqabane langaphambili, ekusenokwenzeka ukuba laqhatha okanye alikwazanga okanye alizimisele ukuzibophelela, likhokelela ekungaqiniseki apha nangoku.
Kungokwemvelo ukuba namathandabuzo malunga nobunzulu beemvakalelo zeqabane lakho xa ukukwazi kwakho ukuthembela kuye kwaphazamiseka kwaye usenazo iziva.
Kodwa sukuvumela ezi ntlungu zangaphambili zibe sisikhubekiso phakathi kwakho nolonwabo lwakho lokugqibela.
Vumela iqabane lakho onothando likuxhase njengoko ufumanisa ukuba intliziyo yakho ethambileyo ikhuselekile ezandleni zabo. Kwakhona, kunokunceda ukuseta umva kwakhona.
Amathandabuzo obuDlelwane anokuPhakamisa iflegi ebomvu
Emva kokumisela ukuba ubudlelwane bezinto eziyinxalenye yendalo yomanyano osaphuhlayo, makhe sijonge eminye imiba enzulu engalungiswanga njengoko wena nentanda yakho ninyathela indlela yolonwabo eya kulonwabo lwanaphakade.
Ukuba iinkxalabo zakho ziqala ngokungathandabuzeki kwaye zingene nzulu kwinto ebakhathaza ngakumbi, ke ukubhala kuseludongeni: mhlawumbi eli ayiloqabane lamaphupha akho emva kwayo yonke loo nto.
Ngaba ukungathandabuzeki kwakho kubangelwa kukukhathazeka malunga nokuziphatha kweqabane lakho kuwe okanye kwisimo sabo ngokubanzi, mhlawumbi? Okanye ngaba kukho umahluko osisiseko ongahlali kakuhle kuwe?
Nazi ezinye zeenkxalabo ezinzulu ezinokubakho ukujongana nabaphuli kubudlelwane bakho ...
1. Unamaxabiso asisiseko ahlukeneyo.
Ziinkolelo zethu ezisisiseko eziyalela indlela esixoxa ngayo kwindlela yethu yobomi. Ke kubalulekile ukuba la maxabiso abanjelwe ngokunzulu ayahambelana nakweyiphi na intsebenziswano yothando olusisigxina.
Ukuba elinye iqabane libeka ixabiso eliphezulu kwizinto eziphathekayo, umzekelo, ngelixa elinye linelisekile ngendlela elula yokuphila, kukho ukucima okucacileyo.
Ukugqitha ngaphaya kokuvalwa kwendlela, kuya kufuneka ujonge ukubaluleka kwayo kwaye unqume ukuba ungoneliseka yile mpazamo kwaye ingaba inokuba nefuthe njani kolunye ubudlelwane obubalulekileyo.
Iziphumo zolu vavanyo ziya kukuxelela ukuba ngaba ngumahluko onokulawuleka okanye umqobo ongenakoyiswa kubudlelwane bakho.
2. Ubuza ukunyaniseka kwabo.
Ukuba ufumanisa ukuba ubuza ukuthembeka kweqabane lakho wakuba uvumile ukuba ulwalamano lwakho lukhethekile, iyavakala loo nto hamba nethuku lakho lesisu .
Ukujika iliso elingaboniyo kunokwenzeka ukuba kuphele nawe wenzakele. Jonga ngononophelo ukuba kutheni uziva ngolu hlobo kwaye yintoni ebangele ukuba ukrokre. Ngaba sikho ngokwenene isizathu sokuxhalaba?
Ukuba uziva ngathi kukho into engahambi kakuhle, umhlobo osenyongweni okanye isalamane sinokukunceda ulungise iingxaki zakho.
Ekugqibeleni, nangona kunjalo, kuya kufuneka ujongane nexhala lakho kunye neqabane lakho.
Ukuthatha indlela ethe ngqo kodwa engamangaleli yeyona ilungileyo. Isalathi esifanelekileyo sokuba urhano lwakho luchanekile iyakuba yimpendulo enomsindo okanye ukuzama ukubuyisela isityholo kuwe ukuzama ukukuphazamisa kwinyaniso.
Kuba ukuthembana kubalulekile kubudlelwane bexesha elide, nakuphi na ukuthandabuza malunga nokunyaniseka akufuneki kutyeshelwe.
3. Uyakuthandabuza ukunyaniseka kwakho.
Sonke sibuthathaka kwaye siyasilela ebantwini, ke ukuba nomnqweno ongaqhelekanga malunga neqabane elahlukileyo, ngakumbi ongafikelelekiyo njengophawu lodumo, kuvumelekile kwaye kuyinto eqhelekileyo.
Kuya kuba ngunobangela wokukhathazeka, nangona kunjalo, ukuba awukwazi ukuyeka iingcinga zakho zijolise ekubeni usondele komnye umntu xa kufuneka ujolise kwiqabane lakho.
Ukuba kunjalo, ixesha lisenokungakulungeli ukuba ube kubudlelwane obukhethekileyo, obunomfazi omnye, okanye ubuncinci ungabi nalo mntu ukunye naye ngoku.
Thatha ixesha lokuhlalutya iimvakalelo zakho zokwenyani ukuba uziva ngolu hlobo. Ukuvuleleka malunga nesihloko esinokubangela umlilo neqabane lakho kunokuba nzima.
Mhlawumbi ukuthetha ngeengxaki zakho nomntu osenyongweni kuwe okanye ugqirha oza kukunceda uye kummanya nonobangela wokungathembeki kwengqondo yakho kwaye akuvumele ushiye iingcinga zakho ezonakalisayo ngasemva.
4. Uziva unciphile.
Ukwenza uzive umncinci, ungonelanga, okanye ungenanto akulunganga. Iqabane elihlala lisusa ukuzithemba kwakho ngamagqabantshintshi libonisa ukuba ubudlelwane bakho bunetyhefu kunethenda.
Oku kugrumba kunokuba kungacacanga kodwa kuqhubeke, kwaye kuhlala kuhanjiswa ngoncumo, ukuxhasa uncumo olwenza umonakalo. Ixesha elingaphezulu, kancinci kancinci, imvakalelo yokuzixabisa iyancitshiswa.
Kukho ithuba lokuba iqabane lakho lingaliqondi ifuthe lale ndlela uziphethe ngayo, ke kufanelekile ukuba ubabizele kuyo kwaye ubonise indlela ekwenza uzive ngayo.
Kodwa ukuba oku kuwela ezindlebeni ezingevayo, kuya kufuneka uthathele ingqalelo ukufuna uncedo komnye umntu omthembileyo okanye kumcebisi njengoko indlela yokuziphatha inje kukuhlukumeza ngokweemvakalelo.
Okokugqibela, eyona ndlela yokuzikhusela engozini inokubangelwa kukushiya ubudlelwane.
5. Uziva uthotyiwe.
Ukuba iqabane lakho linomkhwa wokungafaneleki eluntwini rhoqo kunokuba kunjalo, ukuya kuthi ga kwinqanaba lokuhlazeka uneentloni, ke kuya kufuneka ukwenze oku.
Kungenzeka ukuba izinto ezingafanelekanga abazithethayo okanye abazenzayo azithandeki kangangokuba abahlobo bakho baqala ukuphepha ukunxibelelana nani nobabini.
Kodwa abanye bakho abalulekileyo abanakuziqonda ngokuqinisekileyo iimpembelelo zamazwi okanye izenzo zabo ezigwetyiweyo, ke ukubonisa ezi kuya kubanika ithuba lokulungisa iindlela zabo.
Ukuba ukuxubana kusenzeka rhoqo, nangona kunjalo, oku kunokuba sisalathiso sokuba lo mntu akakulungelanga.
6. Iinjongo zakho zexesha elizayo azihambelani.
Kuba usiya kwintsebenziswano yobomi bonke, kubalulekile ukuba iinjongo ozicwangcisele ikamva lakho zikumdlalo olungileyo weqabane lakho.
Ukuba unamathandabuzo okuba iinjongo zakho zokugqibela zilungelelaniswe, ayisiyonto yokungahoywa.
Sukuyibrasha nje phantsi kwetyali, yenza izizathu, okanye ukulalanisa ukugcina nje ulwalamano lwakho lusendleleni.
Ekugqibeleni, unxibelelwano olululo sisitshixo kubudlelwane obuzalisekayo, ke thetha izinto ezikuxhalabisayo kwaye ufumanise ukuba iinjongo zakho zekamva ziqelelene kangakanani na.
Ukuba ukungahambelani kakuhle kukhulu kakhulu, ukuphelisa ubudlelwane kukhetha ukuchitha ubomi bakho bonke ukwimeko yokulalanisa kunye nokudana ekugqibeleni.
Ngaba awuqinisekanga ukuba wenzeni malunga nokuthandabuza okusengqondweni yakho? Thetha kwi-Intanethi kwingcali yobudlelwane kwi-Relationship Hero enokukunceda ufumane izinto. Ngokulula.
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