Ukuba okwangoku ubudlelwane obuphilileyo nobuzinzileyo, umtshato unokuba yinto ocinga ngayo.
Mhlawumbi iqabane lakho lizise kwincoko, okanye umakazi oluncedo.
Kodwa usenokuzibuza, 'Kutheni ndifanele nditshate?'
Ngokuqinisekileyo umtshato awunguye wonke umntu…
Ngaba ukuhlala ndawonye akwanele?
Kwaye, ewe, ngokuqinisekileyo umtshato awunyanzelekanga ukuba ube yimpumelelo kubambiswano lobomi bonke.
Ngapha koko, liyanda inani labantu abachitha ubomi babo kunye bengatshatanga.
Kodwa oko akuthethi ukuba akukho zizathu ezifanelekileyo zomtshato.
Kungenxa yokuba kukho… ezininzi zazo.
Ezinye zazo zibaluleke ngakumbi kunabanye, kwaye sizibize ezi zizathu 'eziphambili'.
Abanye banikezela ngezibonelelo kunye nezibonelelo ezingafanelekanga ukuba zenze isiseko sawo nawuphi na umtshato, kodwa zenzeka ngenxa yawo. Ezi sizibize ngokuba 'zizibini' izizathu.
Kodwa ukunika umbono olungeleleneyo, sikwajonga ezinye zezizathu ezimbi zokuba abantu bacinge ngokutshata.
Ngokwenene abanandawo kuso nasiphi na isigqibo sokubopha iqhina.
Kwaye ukuba icace gca, eli nqaku liyilo hayi kwakuthetha njengokuhlaselwa kwabo bantu bakhetha ukungatshati.
Kuthethwa nje ngokuba yintengiso elungileyo yeziko lomtshato.
ukufa kombongo othandekayo
Izizathu ezi-3 eziphambili zokutshata
Ezi zezona zizathu zibalulekileyo zokuhamba ezantsi.
Nokuba ubudlelwane bakho sele buqinile, banezizathu ezisempilweni zokukhetha umtshato.
1. Umboniso wothando nothembekileyo
Akukho mathandabuzo ngayo, esona sizathu sokuba abantu batshate kukuba ibonisa umanyano olwakhelwe kuthando kunye nokuthembana.
Umsitho, nokuba ungowenkolo okanye awuseburhulumenteni, unokubandakanya izibhengezo ezinje ngezi:
'Yonke into endiyiyo ndikunika yona, kwaye konke endinako ndabelana nawe nawe.'
Nguwe lo, uthi kwiqabane lakho, 'Yile yam le, yeyakho ngoku, kwaye ndiyathemba ukuba uyakuyinyamekela.'
Yeyiphi indlela ebalaseleyo yokuthembana ekhoyo?
Kwaye xa bethetha bephindisela, wena ngokufuziselayo (kodwa buthule) uthi, 'Ndiyabamkela ubukho bakho, obunam ngoku, kwaye ndiza kubukhathalela, rhoqo.'
Yeyiphi imbonakaliso enkulu yothando ekhoyo?
Nokuba awusoloko usithi 'Ndiyakuthanda' kubudlelwane bakho kwaye nokuba awuzange uxelele ngokuthe ngqo iqabane lakho ukuba uyabathemba, umtshato sisiqinisekiso sobabini kwezi zinto.
2. Iinkolelo Neenqobo Ezisesikweni
Ukuba inkolo idlala indima ebalulekileyo kubomi bakho neqabane lakho, kuyaqondakala ukuba unganqwenela ukutshata.
Esi sizathu sinokuhlala sithathelwa phantsi ngokungabalulekanga ngabo bangakholwayo, kodwa ukuba iinkolelo zakho zezi uthando lwabantu ababini kufuneka yamkelwe emtshatweni, sisizathu esihle kakhulu.
Ukholo lwakho lolwakho kwaye akukho mntu wumbi unokukunciphisa oko.
Oku akuthethi ukuba awungekhe wonwabe njengamaqabane okuhlala ubomi bakho bonke, kuba ukuba iziseko zomelele, unganakho.
Kodwa ukuba iinkolelo zakho kunye neenqobo zakho ezinjalo umtshato uziva ulungile kuwe, ngokuqinisekileyo lukhetho olufanelekileyo.
3. Imvakalelo yokuGqibela
Ewe abantu bayawuqhawula umtshato. Kodwa uqhawulo-mtshato asiyo njongo yomtshato.
Xa abantu betshata, kuyinkolelo eqinileyo yokuba ubudlelwane phakathi kwaba babini busisigxina.
Kwaye le meko yokugqibela sisizathu esifanelekileyo sokukhetha umtshato kunokuhlala ndawonye.
Oku kubalulekile ukuba umtshato uqhutyelwa kwiminyaka elishumi yokuqala yobudlelwane.
Ngokuqinisekileyo, ukuba anitshatanga, kodwa kunye iminyaka engama-25, mhlawumbi sele unoluvo lokuba ubudlelwane buhlala ngokusisigxina.
Kodwa kule minyaka ili-10 yokuqala, ngakumbi inikezwe ukuba imitshato emininzi yenzekile ngaphambi kolu lwalamano lubalulekileyo, kusekelwe engqondweni nasemphefumlweni ukuqinisekisa inkolelo yakho kubomi bokuzibophelela emntwini.
Umahluko obaluleke kakhulu kufuneka wenziwe apha.
Umtshato awenzelwe ukuba lunyange uxinzelelo kubudlelwane okanye ukungazithembi . Kuya kuthathelwa ingqalelo kuphela ukuba uyakholelwa ngokwenyani ukuba umanyano phakathi kwenu lomelele kwaye luya kuhlala ixesha elide.
Ukuba awukhuselekanga kubudlelwane bakho, umtshato awunakwenza mahluko kwindlela oziva ngayo.
Izizathu ezi-6 eziziisekondari zokutshata
Ukuze umtshato usebenze, kubalulekile ukuba ezinye okanye zonke ezi zizathu zingasentla ziqwalaselwe kuqala.
Kodwa zikho ezinye izizathu ezifanelekileyo zokutshata.
Oku kulandelayo ayinakuba zezona zinto zishukumisayo kubantu abaninzi, kodwa ukuba ukw ubudlelwane obuzinzileyo bexesha elide kwaye ucinga ngokutshata, banokukuqinisekisa ngokulunga kwako.
1. Ukuzibophelela
Usenokuzibuza ukuba yahluke njani le nto kwisigqibo sokugqibela esidweliswe apha ngasentla. Emveni kwakho konke, ukuzibophelela emntwini yindlela yokuthi uyababona kwikamva lakho.
Kodwa ukuzibophelela sisizathu esivakalayo sokutshata ukuba yinto oyinikayo, hayi ukuba uyakholelwa ukuba kungqina ukuba ufumana ukuzibophelela.
Isigqibo sakho sokutshata kufuneka sisekwe kwindlela oziva ngayo malunga nolwalamano.
Isigqibo seqabane lakho kufuneka sisekwe kwindlela abavakalelwa ngayo malunga nolwalamano.
Isigqibo sakho kufuneka hayi zisekwe kwindlela abavakalelwa ngayo.
Kuya kufuneka uthembe ukuba baziva bezithembile kubudlelwane bakho, kodwa unoxanduva lokuzibophelela kwakho. Awunakuba noxanduva lwabo.
Oku kubopha ukungazithembi. Akufanele ungxamele ukuzibophelela emntwini ngaphandle kwesizathu ngaphandle kokuthemba ukuba bazibophelela kuwe ngembuyekezo.
Kuya kufuneka uzive ukhuselekile kolo lwazi ngaphambi kokuba ucinge nangokubopha iqhina.
2. Isithethe
Akukho nto imbi ukuziva ukuba umtshato lukhetho olufanelekileyo ngaphezulu kokuhlala kunye ixesha elide ukuba yile nto uyibona iyinto 'elungileyo' yokwenza ngokwesiko.
Oku kunokuba sisizathu esibaluleke ngakumbi kubantu abaneentsapho ezinembali yemitshato engapheliyo.
Ukuba abazali bakho bebetshatile amashumi eminyaka, ootatomkhulu noomakhulu bakho bade, kwaye unabantakwenu abatshatileyo, kunokuvakala kulula njengokukhetha.
Ewe kunjalo, usadinga iziseko zothando kunye nokuthembana, phakathi kwezinye izinto, kodwa ukuba isiko lakho lithetha umtshato kwaye ufumana intuthuzelo kweso siko, ke ngandlela zonke yenza ukuba ibe yinxalenye yesigqibo sakho sokuthabatha.
3. Ubeka iSiseko soSapho
Ngapha koko, ubomi bentsapho obonwabisayo nobuzinzileyo abuxhomekekanga kubazali abatshatileyo.
Kodwa inokunceda.
Khumbula amanqaku ngokugqibela kunye nokuzinikela okuvela phezulu. Wena kunye neqabane lakho nenze umboniso wokugqibela wokudibana, kunokuzisa ukuzithemba kwisigqibo sokuba nomntwana.
Kwaye, kwabanye, imvakalelo yokuba 'kulungile' ukuzisa umntwana kwikhaya elitshatileyo iya kubaluleka.
4. Ukhuseleko Kwimeko Yokufa
Kuxhomekeka kwindawo ohlala kuyo kunye nemithetho ohlala kuyo, iqabane elingatshatanga linokuba selinelungelo lokufumana ilifa kunye nezibonelelo zomntu obhubhileyo.
Kodwa ukuba oku akuqinisekiswanga, umtshato unokubonelela ngomnatha wokhuseleko kwimeko enokwenzeka kakhulu.
Into yokugqibela oyifunayo ngexesha losizi kukulwa ngokusemthethweni ukuba ngubani ofumana ntoni.
ukuba makenze ntoni xa ezikude
Ngokuqinisekileyo yinto yokucinga ngayo.
5. I-inshurensi yezeMpilo
Kumazwe afana ne-United States apho ukhathalelo lwempilo lungabikho, umtshato unokunika iqabane elinye ukufikelela kwi-inshurensi yendoda okanye yomfazi.
Ngelixa oku kungangabi yinto enkulu kwabanye, kungadlala indima ebalulekileyo kwisigqibo sokuba ezinye izibini zikhethe umtshato kunokuhlalisana.
Jonga nje umgaqo-nkqubo kakuhle ukuqinisekisa ukuba uyanigubungela nina nobabini xa sele nitshatile. Oku akufuneki ukuba kuthathwe.
6. Amalungelo okundwendwela kunye nenkxaso yabantwana
Esi ayisona sizathu sokutshata kuba sithatha umngcipheko wokwahlukana okanye wokuqhawula umtshato.
Kodwa, ngoxolo lwengqondo kunye nokukhuseleka, isenokuba yinto encinci yesizathu sokuba abanye abantu batshate.
Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, awufuni kushiyeka ujonga umntwana, ungakwazi ukusebenza, kwaye ungenalungelo lokufumana inqanaba elipheleleyo lenkxaso yomntwana komnye umzali womntwana onokuba usemsebenzini.
Ngokufanayo, umtshato unokuqinisekisa ilungelo lomzali omnye lokumbona umntwana wakhe rhoqo, nokuba akasenguye umkhathaleli ophambili.
Kuxhomekeka kwindawo ohlala kuyo, ezi zinto zinokuthi okanye zingangqinelani.
Unokuthanda (inqaku liyaqhubeka ngezantsi):
- Ngaba Ukuxambulisana usempilweni kubudlelwane? (+ Ngaba Amaqabane Alwa Ngokufuthi Kangakanani?)
- Kuthetha Ntoni Ukunyaniseka Kubudlelwane?
- Yintoni Abafazi Abayifunayo Kwindoda: Izinto ezi-3 eziphambili ezenza ukuba izinto zoMyeni
Izizathu ezi-6 ezimbi zokutshata
Ngoku ukuba sijonge izizathu ezilungileyo zokutshata, masikhe siqwalasele ezona zimbi.
Ukuba uyazibuza ukuba ingaba umtshato lukhetho olufanelekileyo kuwe, sukuvumela nayiphi na kwezi zinto ukuba isitshintshe isigqibo sakho.
1. Nibe Nindawonye Ixesha Elide
Ngokwalo, ixesha sisizathu esoyikekayo sokufaka umsesane kumnwe weqabane lakho.
Ngenxa yokuba sijamelana nayo, usenokuba uchithe iminyaka kubudlelwane obungazalisekisi. Ngaba umtshato uza kuyitshintsha loo nto? Hayi ngekhe.
Ngamanye amaxesha kunokubonakala ngathi uzibophelele ixesha elininzi kangangokuba ukubheyila ubudlelwane ngoku kuthetha ukuphulukana nazo zonke ezo nyanga kunye neminyaka.
Kodwa loo minyaka ihambile, nokuba bonwabile okanye abonwabanga.
Awuyi kubabuyisa.
kutheni ndinenkani kangaka xa kuthethwa ngothando
Ke musa ukutyibilika emtshatweni kuba uhleli nomntu ixesha elide.
Imitshato eyonwabileyo ayizalwa ngenxa yokoyika ukuba wedwa okanye ubuvila obumsulwa okanye inkani.
2. Uluntu okanye usapho lwakho lulindele ukuba utshate
Ngaba uziva uxinzelelo lokuhamba ezantsi?
Ngaba amalungu osapho lwakho ahlala ekubuza ukuba uza kutshata nini?
Ngaba uziva ngathi iliso loluntu likuwe kwaye kufuneka utshate kungekudala okanye unombhalo ongaphumeleliyo?
Uyazi yintoni, ungayihoyi loo nkunkuma.
Ayinamsebenzi into yokuba abazali bakho okanye usapho okanye abantu osebenza nabo okanye iqela lecawe bacinga ntoni, nguwe kuphela onokuthatha isigqibo sokuba ufuna ukutshata nini.
Ngaphandle okulindelweyo nguwe nje-ngaphandle. Aziveli kuwe. Kwaye akufuneki wenze into kuba kulindeleke kuwe.
Yenze kuba ufuna ukuyenza.
3. Ubungafuni Ukumphoxa Umlingane Wakho
Ngamanye amagama, awungekhe uthi hayi.
Nokuba loo mntu uphakanyiswa kuye, okanye njengomntu oziva enyanzelekile ukuba uphakamise, awufuni tu ukuyeka iqabane lakho.
Masicinge ukuba uyabathanda kwaye ubona ikamva kunye, oko akuthethi ngokuzenzekelayo ukuba kuya kufuneka uvume umtshato.
Mhlawumbi ayiloxesha elifanelekileyo.
Mhlawumbi ufuna ukuhlala kunye okwethutyana.
Mhlawumbi umncinci kakhulu kwaye ucinga ukuba kungangcono nobabini ukukhula kancinci kuqala.
Kodwa ngaphandle kwezi zinto, awufuni ukubeka emngciphekweni ukungqubana okanye, okubi ngakumbi, ukwahlukana.
Ke uhambe nayo.
Ukuba kukho into ekuxelela ukuba awufanelanga ukuba utshate ngalo mzuzu kanye ngexesha, mamela elo lizwi.
4. Ucinga ukuba iyakusombulula iingxaki zakho zobudlelwane
Abanye abantu ngandlela thile bayifaka ezintlokweni zabo ukuba umtshato uza kulalisa imiba emininzi abajongana nayo kulwalamano lwabo.
Ayizukuyenza.
Uxolo ukudanisa, kodwa izifungo zomtshato ayisiyomlingo othi ngesiquphe wenze abantu ababini bathandane ngonaphakade ngonaphakade.
Abenzi yeka iingxoxo okanye usombulule izizathu ezibangela ezo mpikiswano.
Usenokufumana ikhefu elifutshane okwexeshana emva kokuba utshatile, kodwa isenokude ibe mandundu ngakumbi imeko ekuhambeni kwexesha.
Ewe, lonke ulwalamano lunamanqaku alo okuncamathela, kodwa umtshato awunakho ukubhala iphepha malunga nokuqhekeka kobudlelwane obuneentanda ezibaleka kuyo yonke.
5. Usapho lwakho luthanda iqabane lakho
Masicinge ukuba uyalithanda iqabane lakho, kodwa usenamathandabuzo. Kulungile kwaye akuqhelekanga. Uthando alusoloko lwanele ukugcina abantu ababini kunye kwixesha elide.
Kodwa yongeza kumxube into yokuba usapho lwakho luqhubana kakuhle neqabane lakho.
Kunokulinga ukubona oku njengophawu lokuba amathandabuzo akho engenasihlahla.
Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, ngubani ongafuni ukuba iqabane lakhe livane nosapho lwabo?
Kodwa oku akwanelanga kwesizathu sokucinga ngomtshato.
Umtshato wenzeka phakathi kwabantu ababini - wonke umntu uyinto nje esecaleni (mhlawumbi ngaphandle kwabantwana).
Wena, ungomnye wabo bantu babini, kufuneka uqiniseke ukuba umtshato yeyona nto ilungileyo kuwe neqabane lakho.
6. Imbuyekezo yeMali kwimeko yoKwahlukana
Ukuba ucinga ngokutshata kuphela kuba ikunika iindlela ezithile zokufumana imbuyekezo yemali kwiqabane lakho kwimeko yoqhawulo-mtshato, sukuyenza.
Ngokuqinisekileyo, umtshato unokukunika ukhuseleko kwezi meko, kodwa ukucwangcisa kwangaphambili koqhawulo-mtshato ayisosizathu esivakalayo sokutshata kwasekuqaleni.
Oku kwahluke kancinane kumalungelo okanye kumalungelo ngokubhekisele kumntwana ekwabelwana ngaye kuba oko kukukhusela umntwana kanti le nto ikukugubungela wena kuphela.
Ke… Kutheni Ufanele Utshate?
Ukuhlanganisa izinto, umtshato kufuneka ube malunga nothando kunye nokuthembana kuqala nokuphambili. Ukuba ubudlelwane bakho abunazo ezi zinto, ungatshati.
Kodwa ukuba uzama ukuthatha isigqibo phakathi komtshato kunye nokuhlala kunye, vele uhambe kwisizathu sokuqala kunye nesekondari kwaye ubuze ukuba zibaluleke kangakanani kuwe.
Ukuba uninzi lwazo lubalulekile, ukutshata kunokuba yinto efanelekileyo kuwe.
Ukuba azibalulekanga kangako, ungaqhubeka nokuhlala kunye ngokusisigxina okanye kude kube lelo xesha apho ezi zinto zibalulekileyo.
