Kwiincwadi ezininzi nakwiimuvi, iincoko zihamba ngokulula, ngobukrelekrele, kwaye zihlala ziqonda ngokupheleleyo phakathi komntu ngamnye obandakanyekayo.
Kubomi bokwenyani, iincoko ziyaphazanyiswa phakathi kokuhamba-hamba kwaye ziphinde ziqale kwindawo engamiselwanga kamva.
Kubomi bokwenyani, abantu abanalo nofifi ngento abayithethayo, kodwa bazi ngokunzulu kwaye ngokunganyanzelekanga ukuba banento ngaphakathi ekufuneka iphume.
Kubomi bokwenyani, rhoqo-rhoqo-abantu ababini banokucinga ukuba baxoxa ngesihloko esinye, kodwa umntu ngamnye unoluvo olwahlukileyo malunga nokuba siyintoni na eso sihloko.
Inqaku ekulungiseleleni ngokwengqondo, ukudinwa ngokwasemzimbeni, ixesha, indawo, imeko, uthelekiso oludlulileyo, ifuthe kwikamva, inqanaba lobudlelwane, kunye nezinye izinto ezininzi kakhulu ukuba zingabizwa, kwaye isiphumo asinakuphikiswa: kuninzi okuthethwa kweli hlabathi lethu, kodwa kuqondwa kangakanani?
Le yi-8 nje yezithintelo emi kwindlela yonxibelelwano olusebenzayo.
1. Ukunganikeli Ngqalelo
Oku kubonakala kungoyena mqobo ubonakalayo phakathi kwamaqela akwazi ukunxibelelana.
Ukuze kunxibelelwane ngokukuko, isithethi kunye nomphulaphuli kufuneka banike ingqalelo omnye komnye. Oku kubandakanya ingqalelo kumxholo osondeleyo, ulwazi ngemikhondo yomzimba, kunye nokwazisa ngokweemvakalelo.
Nangona kunjalo, uninzi lwabantu lujonga iincoko njengemidlalo engahambelaniyo, inika ingqalelo encinci kwizikhokelo okanye ezinye izimvo.
Okanye bathetha ngezinto abangazaziyo kangako, bengakhange bahoye ukufumana ulwazi oluyimfuneko.
Ukunikela ingqalelo kungcono ngaphambi kokuba uvule umlomo. Yindlela yokufuna ukwazi ngokwaneleyo ukuba ufuna ukwazi izinto malunga nehlabathi.
Abantu abanomdla kwaye banomdla bayathanda ukuba ziincoko. Ukuba banolwazelelelo nakumanqanaba okuthuthuzela abo babangqongileyo, banokuba zizincoko ezizodwa.
Umzekelo, ukuba ngexesha lencoko enomdla uMntu A uqaphele ukuqonda kwengqondo yoMntu B (kungqinwa, mhlawumbi, nguMntu B efuna ukuphindwaphindwa kwezinto), kwaye aqhubeke abhale ukuba uMntu B akabhaduli okanye aqhwanyaze ngendlela engaphaya kwesiqhelo, incoko ingalawulwa ukumisa umngxuma wezwi, kushiya uMntu B eziva ekhululekile kwaye eqinisekile ukuba incoko iya kuqhubeka apho iphele khona.
2. Abathethi Ngokuzithemba
Xa sibancinci, sisebenzisa 'ngathi' amaxesha alikhulu kwimizuzu emibini, okanye 'um' kunye 'uh-huh.' Imilomo emincinci ayinakho ukuzithemba ukuthatha ixesha lokudibanisa iingcinga zabo kumagama abo.
Iindlebe ezindala, nangona kunjalo, zifumanisa ukuba abo bagcina indawo bezwi ukuba babe ziindawo ezikhawulezayo kwiindlela zencoko.
Xa amagama esibaleka ngencoko, kufuneka sizithembe ngokwaneleyo ukuba singatsho njalo. Ukoyika ukumisa incoko kukoyika okungekho ngqiqweni okuthintele uninzi lotshintshiselwano olunokubangela umdla.
Kwaye abo bathetha ngokungathi ingxelo nganye ingumbuzo, baguqula ikhondo lengqondo kwaye ungumnikazi wamazwi akho uya kufumana iimpendulo ezimbalwa ezicaphukisayo, eziqinisekisiweyo.
Ukucela imvume yokuthetha iingcinga zakho ayisiyiyo injongo yencoko yokwabelana ukuba singobani, yintoni esiyaziyo, kwaye (kubaluleke kakhulu) into esingathanda ukuyazi, yile.
3. Ukungaziphathi Ngokuzithemba
Abanye abantu baya kujonga ngabom naphi na kodwa kulo mntu bathetha naye, kwaye kulungile ukubheja abo bantu baye bazibuze ukuba kutheni ukuhoywa ngokukhawuleza kule nto bayithethayo.
Abantu banxibelelana ngokubonakalayo ngokuthetha nje. Ukwengeza kwi impawu zomzimba , ukujonga emehlweni kubaluleke kakhulu kwingxoxo esebenzayo.
Oku akuthethi ukuziqhelanisa nokugqobhoza. Ngeyona nto ilula, oko kuthetha ukujonga omnye umntu njengomntu ovumelekileyo kwisithuba sangaphakathi esifunekayo kwincoko yokwenyani.
Jonga amehlo abo, intetho yabo, kwaye uqaphele iimpahla zabo (umntu onxibe iimpahla ezintle nezihlangu ngumntu olungele ukuthetha).
Ukuphepha ukudibana kwamehlo iyakuhlala isenza 'ujonge' ukutshintsha, ukungonwabi, okanye-nokuba kubi kakhulu-ukungabinamdla, okukhokelela ekuncamiseni incoko yokufa.
4. Ukuziphatha kakubi
Chaziwe: 'Uphawu lokuba nzima ukululawula okanye ukuloyisa.'
Lo ngomnye wemiqobo emikhulu kunxibelelwano. Kwimizamo yayo yokukhuthaza, inkani ihlwayela ukungonwabi phakathi kwabo bonke ababandakanyekayo.
Sonke siyabazi abantu esele benze isigqibo sento kwaye abayi kushukunyiswa ziinyani okanye ingxoxo esengqiqweni.
Esi simo sengqondo 'sokuma simi' sikhokelela abanye ukuba bacinge ngabantu abanje 'Kutheni usokolisa?' amatyala.
Kutheni uzikhathaza ngokuzama ukuba nencoko xa kungekho nto ithethwayo iya kuba yinto kubantu abanjalo?
Akukho mandla endalo ekubeni nenkani. Ukuthetha ngokungaginyisi mathe, amatyeli alithoba kwalishumi, inye ivela nje njengejezi yokugqibezela.
Unokuthanda (inqaku liyaqhubeka ngezantsi):
- Iindlela ezi-8 Amadoda nabafazi abaNxibelelana ngokwahlukeneyo
- Iimfihlo ezisi-8 zoNxibelelwano oluSebenzayo
- AmaNqaku angama-45 oNxibelelwano azisa uHarmony kubathandi, izihlobo, usapho kunye nabalingane
- Ungaphikisana njani ngokunzulu, izihloko ezinobunzima ngaphandle kokuba zibe yingxabano eshushu
- Uthetha Njani Ngokucacileyo, Yeka ukuMmumba, kwaye uve amaxesha onke
- Amagama ali-18 anomdla wokongeza kwisichazi-magama sakho sengqondo
5. Izibophelelo
Ngamanye amaxesha, ngokungathi baneenkani, abantu bakhetha amacala esekwe kwezona zizathu zibalulekileyo, emva koko bazive benyanzelekile ukuba bakhusele ukuthembeka kwabo koloyiko lonxibelelwano lokwenyani.
Ezi ntembeko zinokuba zezopolitiko, ezenkolo, ezobuqu - ayinamsebenzi. Yintoni ebalulekileyo kukuqonda ukuba ukunyaniseka okungachazwanga kungumgibe ngaphezu kokuthuthuzela.
Ukuba incoko iza kuba nokubaluleka, ayinakuba luthotho lwamanqaku okuthetha ngentloko, i-bluster, okanye ukungathobeli ukungathobeli.
6. Uthando
Masibe ngokuchaseneyo okomzuzwana. Uthando lumele ukuba lulo luVulekileyo lweMiphefumlo, kodwa ndicebisa ukuba abantu abaninzi basebenzise 'uthando' njengendlela yokubaleka incoko apho banokujamelana nokuzityhila.
Ubunzima buhle kakhulu ukuba ngaxa lithile sive isithandwa sisithi 'Asidingi mazwi,' kuba i-LOO-V-E.
Kwaye abanye bethu, iyasebenza. Abanye bethu banjalo zihambelana kakuhle nezithandane zethu amagama ngamanye amaxesha angena endleleni.
Uninzi lwethu, nangona kunjalo, siyawafuna amazwi ethu. Sifuna ngamandla amagama.
Ukuthetha akufuneki kube ngumsebenzi ophakathi kweentliziyo, kufanele ukuba kujongelwe phambili njengesini okanye ngokuhlwa kuthule ekhaya.
Uthando kufuneka luhlale luvuselela incoko, ungaze ubacime.
7. Umdibanisi
Ukuthetha ngokubanjiswa, akukho ndlela yokuziva ungabanjwanga xa uthetha nomntu oqaqambileyo.
Lo ngumntu 'Ewe, ngokwenene' ebomini bakho. Lo ngulo mntu une-dissertation elungele ukuwisa ezindlebeni zakho nakoyena mntu ucaphukisayo.
Ikwangulo mntu uyazibuza ukuba kutheni abantu abaninzi befanele ukuba kwenye indawo xa evula umlomo.
Incoko imele ukuba yeendlela-ezimbini zokunika kunye nokutshintshiselana, hayi izifundo zokuhamba.
Okwangoku baninzi bazithathela kubo ukuba ngubani-ngubani-nini-phi-kutheni-kwaye kutheni abantu ukuba ngaphakathi kwe-intshi yabo bantu banyamezele.
Ngamanye amaxesha oku kuvavanywa komonde kwenziwa ngabom, ngamanye amaxesha kusisiphumo sokungazi, kodwa isiphelo sisoloko sicaphukisa abo bakufumanayo.
Ukuziva ngathi kunyanzelekile ukuba uthethe yonke into ngawo onke amaxesha i-belies ngaphezulu kokuchukumisa kancinci ukungazithembi , kwaye ngokwenza njalo ucela abanye ukuba bahlale ngokuzolileyo kude kube kugqityiwe ukubhalwa, emva kwexesha banokuthi bavume ukungazi kwabo kwaye babulele ubulumko obuyekileyo.
Oku kuyakuhlala kushiya isithethi sokuncokola sinesithukuthezi.
Ujeff bezos umfazi nabantwana
8. Ukungakhathali
Oku kuyafana nokuthathela ingqalelo, kodwa kwahlukile ekubeni umntu ongakhathaliyo uhlala engena kwizinto eziqwalaselweyo ukuze azisebenzise kulwazelelelo oluthile (kunye nezohlwayo).
Xa sisiva umntu esithi 'Njengommeli kamtyholi,' siyazi ukuba kunokwenzeka ukuba sinikwe inqwaba yokungakhathali njengombono ovulekileyo.
Xa sisiva umntu esithi 'Ke le nto uyithethayo yile,' siyazi ukuba sele sizokungaqondwa kakuhle ukuze umntu ongenalwazelelelo asijonge.
Xa sisiva umntu esithi 'Ngokucacileyo ngekhe uthathe ihlaya,' asazi ukuba akukho nto ihlekisayo iqhakazileyo.
Abangakhathaliyo abakhangeli unxibelelwano olusebenzayo, bajonge parry, lunge, kwaye thrust.
Ukuthula Kuyigolide
Sonke sifuna ukuviwa, kodwa oko akufanele kufike kwiindleko ngokwenene ukumamela abanye .
Unxibelelwano olusebenzayo luthetha, ubukhulu becala, 'Ubuntu bomntu: Ndiyakubona.'
Isakhono sokunxibelelana omnye nomnye sesona sipho sikhulu sinaso, kuba ngayo siyabanzi, asinyanzelekanga ukuba sidityanisiwe, asihlukaniswanga.
Ke, ngamanye amaxesha owona mqobo mkhulu ekuveni omnye umntu engqondweni, emzimbeni nasemphefumlweni, uyalibala ukuba, ngelixa imilomo yethu ivulekile ngokwenene, banokuvala ngokulula xa kufuneka njalo.
