Uziva njani xa usazi ukuba umntu othile ukuqhubisile wenza into ongafuniyo ukuyenza?
Ngaba uziva ngathi unenzondo nobutshaba? Njani ngokungcatsha? Ukudelela? Yahluke kangakanani le mvakalelo xa beye bakucenga ngokuqiqa okunyanzelekileyo, kodwa bekwahlonipha isigqibo sakho ukuba uyala?
Sonke sifunde kwasekuqaleni ebomini ukuba kufuneka silalanise nabanye abantu ngeli xesha le-rollercoaster ihlekisayo esiyibiza ngokuba bubomi. Kunqabile kakhulu ukuba abo sinxibelelana nabo baya kuba sebhodini ngokupheleleyo ngezimvo ezifanayo kunye nezikhombisi esingathanda ukuzilandela, ke sigqiba ukuzama ukubacenga ukuba babone izinto ngendlela efanayo nathi.
Ngale ndlela sifumana le nto siyifunayo, akunjalo?
ukuba ngumntu onomdla wokuthetha naye
Ukuba umntu unxibelelana nabanye ngentlonipho nangentlonelo, baya kuthi ke babeke iingxoxo zabo ngezinto ezixhasayo kunye nento, kwaye banethemba lokuba abo baya kuba namandla ngokwaneleyo okuhambisa omnye kwicala labo. Ngokulandelayo, baya kumamela iimpikiswano zomnye umntu, emva koko bafumane ulungelelwaniso oludala uxinzelelo oluncinci kangangoko kunokwenzeka.
Ukuba, nangona kunjalo, umntu akanantlonipho kwaphela kumntu abazama ukunyanzela isicwangciso sabo, baya kuzama ukulawula iimvakalelo zabo ukuze bafumane into abayifunayo nangayiphi na indlela eyimfuneko. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, ukufumana indlela yabo yeyona nto ibalulekileyo, akunjalo?
Konke Kuhla Ngeenjongo
UJonathan Fields ushwankathele izinto ngokugqibeleleyo xa esithi: Umahluko phakathi kokuphembelela nokukhohlisa uxhomekeke ikakhulu kwisizathu kunye nomnqweno wokudala isibonelelo sokwenyani.
Ngokusisiseko, xa uzama ukweyisela umntu ukuba enze into ongathanda ukuyenza, okanye ukwamkela umbono wakho, uyabonakala ekuhleni. Nobabini niyazi ukuba uthethathethwano luyaqhubeka, kwaye unyanisekile malunga nenyaniso yokuba iyenzeka.
Ngapha koko, xa uzama ukweyisela umntu, uhlala unomdla kubo: ungazi ukuba baya konwaba kumsitho ojolise ukubasa kuwo, kwaye uyazi ukuba bayathandabuza kuba iphume kwindawo yabo yokuthuthuzela. Ungazama ukubacenga ukuba bazame, kwaye ngokungathandabuzekiyo baya kudubula ... oko kuthetha ukuba nawe uyakonwaba, kwaye wonke umntu ushiya ngolonwabo ezintliziyweni zakhe.
Kwelinye icala, ubuqhetseba bunencasa encinci, kwaye injongo kukulawula omnye umntu ukuze ufezekise into oyifunayo. Iindlela zisetyenziselwa ukubadida, ukubakhohlisa, ukubakhanyisela ngegesi, nokubagculela okanye bazive benetyala, ukuba nje injongo yakho ifezekisiwe. Abayi kuziva benelisekile okanye baxhotyisiwe ekupheleni kwayo - enyanisweni, banokonakaliswa ngamava… kodwa oko akwenzeki kulowo wenza ubuqhetseba, kwaye ukuba kuyasa kubo, kubi kakhulu.
Ubundlongondlongo nje Kwaye Ukuziva Unetyala
Izinto ziqala ukuba zimbi xa umntu efuna eyakhe indawo iphambili kunokuhlonipha omnye umntu… kananjalo, njengomntu. Xa umntu egxile ngokupheleleyo ekufumaneni le nto bayifunayo, nokuba yintoni, bayeke ukucinga ngomnye umntu njengomntu ozimeleyo ofanelwe yimbeko: bangumqobo nje kwindlela yokufezekisa iinjongo zabo.
Xa oko kusenzeka, xa enye injalo uhlaziyekile ubuntu , emva koko kubonakala ngokungathi nakuphi na ukuziphatha kungumdlalo olungileyo, ngaphandle komonakalo onokubangela. 'Iziphelo zithethelela iindlela,' ukuthetha njalo.
Makhe sihlolisise imeko apho umama afuna ukuba unyana wakhe ahlale naye ekhaya kunokuba aphume nentombi yakhe entsha. Ungumntu olawulayo oqhele ukufumana indlela yakhe, kwaye akayithandi into yokuba omnye umfazi eqala ukuba nefuthe kubomi bakhe. Xa exelela umama wakhe ukuba uyokuthandana nomntwana oyintombazana, umama othandekayo akafuni ukuba… kodwa endaweni yokumcenga ukuba ahlale naye ekhaya, uya kujika enze ubuqhetseba kuba unamandla ngakumbi, nangaphezulu inokubangela ukuba afezekise injongo yakhe.
Unokuqala ngokuncwina kunye neminye imiqondiso efihlakeleyo yoxinzelelo okanye ukugula ukuzama ukufumana uvelwano, kwaye ukuba loo mizamo mincinci ayikhuthazi inyathelo kwicala lakhe, uya kuthi enze izinto inyathelo elingaphezulu. Unokuthi akaziva mnandi: angadlala kwizigulo esele zikhona ezinje ngesimo sentliziyo kwaye athi unengxaki yokuphefumla, ukubona ukuba oko kuyakumenza ahlale ekhaya.
Unokuthanda (inqaku liyaqhubeka ngezantsi):
- Kutheni le nto unyango oluthe cwaka lilingana nokuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo kunye nendlela yokuphendula
- Amabinzana ama-6 aQhele ukuSebenzisa ukuChaza indlela yokuziPhatha ye-Narcissists
- AbaLwimi beeNarcissist basebenzise ukuGweba kunye nokuKhathaza amaxhoba abo
- Iimpawu ze-8 Uxabana nge-Psychopath
- Ngaba Uyaphazama iMacaavellianism yeNarcissism?
Ukuba ayisebenzi loo nto, izinto zinokuya ngokunyuka, kunye nezimvo ezinje “Kulungile, ndiyathemba ukuba niyonwaba ngokuhlwanje. Yazi nje ukuba andiziva mnandi, ke ukuba uyaphuma uze ekhaya uzokundifumana ndifile phantsi, ungaziva unetyala malunga nokuba ubungekho apha ukusindisa ubomi bam. '
Ukuba ungunyana olungileyo kwaye uyamthanda, uya kuhlala ekhaya, akunjalo? Umama uyifumene le nto ayifunayo, nokuba esi siphumo siya kwenza ntoni kunyana wakhe. Ngalo mzuzu, ayinamsebenzi ukuba uziva enenzondo ngaye, okanye ukuba uziva emanyumnyezi ngokurhoxisa umhla wakhe, okanye ukuba intombi yakhe inokuhlukana naye: umama wakhe 'uphumelele.' Oku kwakungekho kukholisa ukuba kwakungekho sibonelelo kunyana wakhe okanye komnye umntu ngaphandle kwakhe. Usebenzise ubuqhetseba ukufezekisa iimfuno zakhe, iimfuno zakhe. Ukuphela kwe-.
Umntu ophakathi uya kothuka kwaphela ngumbono wokwenza into enjalo kumntu abathi bayamthanda, kodwa xa umntu egxile ngokupheleleyo kwinto ayifunayo, kuhlala kunzima ukuba nenjongo ngalo mzuzu: ngelixa uzama ukufezekisa injongo yabo , babeya kunyathela entanyeni yomntu ukuze benze indlela yabo. Banokuthi kamva bazive bezisola ngento abayenzileyo, kodwa ngokwenene ayikho enye indlela yokulungisa izenzo ezinjengezo, ingaba ikhona?
Luyintoni Usukelo Lakho?
Ngaba uzijonga njengomntu onobuqhetseba, okanye umntu okholisayo? Ukuba uzifumana ukwimeko apho ujonge ukutshintsha ingqondo yomntu, ngaba uyakwenza oko ngentlonipho nolwazelelelo? Okanye ngeendlela ezifihlakeleyo?
Ukuphembelela nokukhohlisa akuhlukanga ngokwendlela umntu aphela eziva ngayo kuwe ekugqibeleni: bakwahluke kakhulu ngokubhekisele kukuthembela.
ngoobani pat and jen
Nini kwaye ukuba ucenga umntu ngento ethile, ngolwazi lwabo olupheleleyo lokuba uzama ukutshintsha ingqondo, kukho inqanaba lokuthembela elilandelayo. Bayayiqonda into yokuba awuzami ukubenzakalisa, kwaye ukuba ekugqibeleni baxhamla kwinkolelo yakho, baya kuba nenqanaba eliphezulu lokuthembela kuwe ekugqibeleni.
Ukuba, endaweni yoko, bayaqonda ukuba ubasebenzisile, ayizukuziva kuphela ukuba bayasetyenziswa kwaye bangcatshwe kakhulu, kodwa akunakulindeleka ukuba baphinde bakuthembe kwixesha elizayo. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, ukuba ubasebenzisile kwaba kanye, bangakholelwa njani ngenene? Nokuba ungacela uxolo kamva kwaye uthembise ukuba awusoze uphinde, sele ubeke umzekelo, kwaye baya kubuza yonke into oyithethayo okanye oyenzayo.
Ukuba uqhekeza ipleyiti emva koko ucele uxolo kuyo, ezo ziqwenga zomeleleyo azizukuphinda zizincamathele ngomlingo. Ukuthembana kuyafana: nje ukuba yaphulwe, ayinakuze iphinde ilunge kwakhona. Cinga ngononophelo ngaphambi kokuba uqikelele nokukhohlisa umntu ukufezekisa iimfuno zakho, njengoko unokubangela umonakalo ongaphezulu kunokuba ucinga, kwaye ungaphelela ekuphulukaneni nomntu omkhathaleleyo njengesiphumo.
Ngaba ucinga ukuba eli nqaku lilungile? Ngaba injongo yeyona nto ibalulekileyo eyahlula ukukholisa ekusebenziseni ngobuqhetseba? Shiya iikhomenti ezingezantsi kunye neengcinga zakho.
