Uchaza njani ukuba uziva njani ukudakumba kumntu ongazange abe nawo?
Qala ngokucacileyo.
Igama “Ukudakumba” yokoqobo. Icinezela amandla omntu okusebenza kwaye uzive umva opheleleyo weemvakalelo, ukuqala ngokulungileyo kunye nokusebenza phantsi kokubi.
Abantu abangakhange bafumane uxinzelelo bathambekele ekwenzeni impazamo ngokudana, kodwa akunjalo.
Usizi lunokuba luphawu loxinzelelo, kodwa kunjalo nokungakhathali, ukungakhathali, isizungu, ukuzithemba okuphantsi, umsindo, iintlungu zomzimba, nokunye okuninzi.
Uxinzelelo lubonakala njengegama elilula ngaphezulu, kodwa kukho iintlobo ezahlukeneyo kunye nemeko yokudakumba.
Umntu ophilileyo ngenye indlela unokufumana uxinzelelo ngenxa yeemeko zokusingqongileyo okanye zentlalo ebomini babo.
Mhlawumbi bahlangabezana nokusweleka komntu abamthandayo, banomsebenzi orhafisayo ukubatyhafisa ngamandla abo engqondo kunye neemvakalelo , okanye khange usebenze kwaye uqhawule ixesha elide.
Ezi zinto zinokubangela ukuba umntu osempilweni axinezeleke, onokulungiswa ngokusebenza kwezo meko okanye ukufumana uncedo ngonyango okanye amayeza.
Umntu unokufumana uxinzelelo njengesifo esinganyangekiyo sengqondo, apho anokufunyanwa ukuba unengxaki yokuphindaphindeka ekufuneka eyijongile ixesha elide.
Ngamanye amaxesha kuyimpembelelo yobuchwephesha bobuchopho obubi, ngamanye amaxesha sisiphumo seminye imiba yezonyango umntu anokuba nayo ukusukela kwizigulo zomzimba ukuya kumava abuhlungu anganyangekiyo.
Akuqhelekanga kubantu abanezifo ezingapheliyo zomzimba ukuba bahlakulele ukudakumba njengomphumo wecala lokugula kwabo.
Kodwa, zonke ezi zivakalelwa ngathi zifana nolwazi olungenanto ongayifumana kuyo nayiphi na iwebhusayithi yezobugcisa, akunjalo?
Ayichazi ngokwenene ukuba yintoni uxinzelelo uziva njenge.
Ndifuna ukugxininisa ukuba le nkcazo ilandelayo ngumbono omnye. Abantu bafumana izigulo ezifanayo zengqondo ngeendlela ezininzi ezahlukeneyo kuba iimpawu zinokubonakalisa kwaye zibukeke zahlukile kumntu kumntu.
Abanye abantu banokuziva ukuba le yinkcazo entle ngelixa abanye bengenako kuba yinto enjalo.
Ayikho enye indlela ecacileyo yokuyichaza ukuba wonke umntu onoxinzelelo uya kuthi, 'Ewe, kunjalo.'
Kodwa nantsi iya…
Thatha umzuzwana ucinge emva kwexesha lokugqibela ubenomkhuhlane ombi okanye umkhuhlane.
Waziva njani ngengqondo ngelixa ugula? Ngaba wawukhupha kwaye uqhuba? Ngaba ubuphuma kwaye wonwabile? Ngaba wawunamandla kwaye unqwenela ukuhamba?
Mhlawumbi akunjalo.
Ndiyazi xa ndigula ndiziva ndingenathemba, ndingenamdla, kwaye ndifuna nje ukulala ithutyana ukuze ndizive ngcono xa ndiphinde ndavuka.
Ewe, andinakukwazi ukulubaleka uxanduva lobomi kuba ndiyagula…
Kukho itheko lokuzalwa ekufuneka ndiye kulo! Kufuneka ndiye emsebenzini! Usapho lwam luxhomekeke kum ukubanceda ndibanyamekele! Abanye abantu bathembele kum ukuba ndibekho kwaye ndikwazi ukufezekisa nayiphi na indima endiyidlalayo ebomini!
Ke ndiye kuloo msitho wokuzalwa kwaye ndizame ukuzigcina ndedwa ukuze kungabikho namnye umntu ogulayo.
Andonwabanga okanye ndiziva ndiphilile, kodwa ndiyaqhubeka ndibeka uncumo kwaye ndizama ukuhlekisa nabantu njengoko bonwabile kwaye andifuni kuhlisa mntu kuba andiziva mnandi.
Ndizama ukunqanda ukutsalwa kwizinto ezininzi kakhulu, kodwa ndiziva ngathi ndidiniwe kukugula kangangokuba ndifuna ukubuyela ekhaya ebhedini yam, ndalala, ndilale oku kugula.
Kodwa andinakuyenza loo nto.
Abantwana bafuna ukukhwela kwimisetyenzana yabo yangaphandle kwaye iimfuno zosapho zondliwe.
Ke, ndisiya kwivenkile ethengisa ukutya, ndizama ukunqanda abantu ukuze ndingazenzi intlalontle okanye ndigulise omnye umntu.
Kufuneka ndifumane ezi zinto zithengwayo, ndibase ekhaya, ndiqokelele abantwana kwaye bafumba emotweni ukuze ndibase kwimisebenzi yabo.
Ndandihamba ndisiya evenkileni kwaye abantu babhadula badlula, baphulukana nobomi babo kwaye abakuqapheli ukugula kwam.
Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, andikhangeleki ndigula. Ndidiniwe kwaye ndifuna ukwenza ezi zinto ukuze ndingene ebhedini kwaye ngethemba lokulala oku.
Kodwa andikwazi. Kuya kufuneka ndise abantwana kwimisebenzi yabo yangaphandle.
Ndizifumana apho, kodwa ndiphelile nje.
Ndihlala ndedwa kwii-bleachers, kwakhona, ke akufuneki ndenze ulonwabo lokuzenzisa okanye ndizenze intlalontle kuba ndiyagula.
Kodwa abantwana bam abaguli. Bayancuma, bonwabile kwaye bayonwaba.
Bayangxola kwaye batshangatshangise kum, ke ndinyanzela uncumo kwaye ndibuye ndibuyise umva ukuze bazive bekhuthazekile kwaye banokonwaba!
ungaweli mfo njani
Kutheni le nto ndingafuna ukuba ukugula kwam kube ngumthwalo ebantwini abandithandayo? Ndiyakuthanda?
Hayi, andizukuyenza lonto. Ndizokubeka uncumo kwaye ndiyigqibe le nto. Emva koko ndingaya ekhaya kwaye ekugqibeleni ndiyokulala.
Kwaye ekugqibeleni sizirhuqa sigoduke, ndiyabondla kwaye ndibahoye, kwaye ngoku, ngoku ndingalala ngaphambi kokuphangela ngomso.
Mhlawumbi ndizakuva ngcono xa ndivuka.
Kodwa andenzi njalo.
Ndiziva kanye ngendlela endandivakalelwa ngayo izolo. Ngosuku olungaphambi kwalolo. Ngosuku olungaphambi kwalolo. Ngosuku olungaphambi kwalolo. Kwaye kwiveki engaphambi koko. Kwaye inyanga ngaphambi koko. Kunyaka ongaphambi kwalowo.
Ezinye izixhobo eziluncedo (inqaku liyaqhubeka apha ngezantsi):
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- Kutheni Ndizicaphukela Kangaka?
- Ukoyisa njani Ukuziva Ungento Yanto
- Ungalucela njani uncedo ngaphandle kokuziva ungonwabanga okanye unzima
- Izizathu ezi-8 zokuba uzive ngathi awuhlali naphi na
Ndizirhuqa ebhedini, ndizinyanzela ukuba ndihlambe, ndihoye abantwana ndize ndiye esikolweni, emva koko kufuneka ndiye emsebenzini.
Ndizama ukwenza umsebenzi wam, kodwa ubuchopho bam buziva buxakekile kwaye ngekhe buqhubekeke nezinto ezinje ndiyazi ukuba kufanelekile.
Olunye uphawu loxinzelelo oludla ngokungahoywa kwingxoxo yeempawu kukuba kunciphisa amandla okucinga okuqonda okukwazi ukusombulula ingxaki.
Ndingakwazi ukuyenza emva kwexesha elithile, kodwa ingqondo yam ayidibanisi ezo ngcinga ngokuchanekileyo kuba ndiziva ngathi ndidiniwe kwaye ndimoshe amandla.
Kodwa umphathi wam kunye nabantu endisebenza nabo abayikhathalelanga loo nto. Ndinomsindo kwaye ndikhathazekile kuba andikwazi ukusebenza ngokwamandla endiwaziyo ukuba ndinako.
Kuya kufuneka ndincwine kwaye ndinyamezele, ndenze lo msebenzi, kwaye ndigqibe ngemini yomsebenzi wam ukuze ngethemba lokuba ndigoduke, ndilale ngakumbi, kwaye ndibone ukuba ndingasikhaba na esi sifo ekugqibeleni.
Ndiphume emsebenzini, ndigoduke ndiye kukhathalela abantwana ukuphuma kwesikolo, ndibabalekisele komnye umsebenzi weqonga, apho ndiphinda ndibaphepha khona abantu, ndizama ukubonwabisa abantwana, kwaye ndibakhuthaze ukuba bonwabe.
Andinakonwaba, kodwa ubuncinci banako de baqale ukuziva iimpazamo zobomi. Ndiyathemba ukuba ayiloxesha elikhawulezileyo elo.
Ngokuqinisekileyo andifuni bagule njengam, mhlawumbi xa ndinokuthintela ukubhencwa kwam kubo ukugula kwam akusayi kubachaphazela? Ingayiyo.
Ndifuna nje ukugoduka ndilale ithutyana. Ndiziva ndiphelelwe ngamandla. Yonke into endiziva ukuba ithulisiwe kwaye incinci kakhulu kunokuba kufanelekile.
Abantu zizidalwa ezinemvakalelo. Yonke into ebomini esiyenzayo ichukunyiswa ngandlela thile ziimvakalelo zethu-imvakalelo yokuziva sinyanzelekile, uthando, isidingo, ukonwaba, ukufezekisa, ukuzingca, isidima, usizi, umsindo, ubulungisa, ukukhanya, ubushushu.
Kodwa zonke ezo mvakalelo zizinto nje ekufanele ukuba ziyile, ziphazanyiswe kwaye zikrwitshwe kukudinwa kokugula.
Ndishiye ndodwa ndizokulala okwethutyana. Mhlawumbi ndizakuva ngcono xa ndivuka.
Kwaye ke ndiyalala kwakhona ngokuhlwanje, ndicinga ukuba mhlawumbi ngomso iyakuba lusuku olungcono kwaye andisayi kuphinda ndizive ndigula kwaye ndidiniwe, kodwa ndiyaxoka ngoku. Sele kudlule amashumi eminyaka.
Kwaye ngaphezulu kokudinwa yintlungu evela kwiintlekele zobomi, ukuphulukana nabantu endibakhathaleleyo njengoko sikhula kumacala ahlukeneyo okanye abantu besifa, imisebenzi ilahleka, kwaye ndijongane nekamva elingaqinisekanga.
Ugqirha uthi la mayeza aza kundinceda ekuguleni kwam, andenze ndidinwe ndingade ndiphulukane nam!
Kodwa, yile nto ayithethileyo kumayeza asixhenxe okugqibela angasebenziyo.
Kodwa ndiza kuyithatha, kuba yenza umahluko mni ukuba iyasebenza okanye ayisebenzi kweli nqanaba?
Nokuba iyasebenza kwaye olovakalelo lokudinwa kunye nokungabinanto luyadlula, okanye alusebenzi kwaye ubomi buqhubeka njengoko buye.
Kwaye ngalo lonke elo xesha apho iimvakalelo zakho ziyakrwitshwa kwaye ziphazanyiswe, isigulo sandisa ezinye izenzo kunye neengcinga ezimbi.
Zenzakalise, tshaya loo nto, rhabula loo nto, dubula loo nto, usele loo nto, ulale nabo ukuze uzive wahlukile kancinci, enye into encinci ngaphandle kokuba ndindisholo okwethutyana.
Kodwa loo nto iyaphulukana nobukhazikhazi bayo njengoko ezo zinto ziyadika kwaye zithandeka kuba zingancedi.
Kukubaleka nje okufutshane kweekhemikhali ezintle ezinobunkunkqele kunye neziphumo ebezingalindelekanga ezihlala zisenza mandundu ukudakumba, kundithumela kumoya ongalunganga.
Akukho kukhanya. Kwaye abantu abasafuni ukuthetha nam kuba ukugula kuyabakhupha.
Bakholelwa ukuba ukugula akuyonyani, okanye kukuba konke kusentloko yomntu. Abantu bayeke ukukhathalela kunye nokuba nomonde emva kwexesha.
Andibagxeki. Ndaphelelwa ngumonde ngayo kwiminyaka eyadlulayo.
Ukuzibulala akuyiyo inketho nangona. Hayi xa sele uyibonile into eyenzayo kubantu abashiye ngasemva. Kwaye ndikhe ndaziva ukuba yenze ntoni xa umntu endimthandayo kwaye endikhathaleleyo ekugqibeleni ethe wahlaselwa sisifo, ukudinwa, kwaye bakhetha ukuthatha ubomi babo.
Abantu abaninzi abagqibe ukuzibulala abakwenzi oko kuba befuna ukufa. Into abayifunayo kukuphuma kwisigulo ekubonakala ngathi asinakuphuncuka xa urhaxwa kuso.
Abantu abaninzi bajonge amagama okuchaza ngokuchanekileyo uxinzelelo, kodwa ungakuchaza njani ukuba akukho nto, akukho nto, lilize?
Ubudlulisela njani ubunzulu bento engekhoyo komnye umntu ongazange abe namava ngendlela yokuba abenokuqonda ubungakanani obupheleleyo kunye nomxhuzulane waloo magama?
Andazi ukuba oko kunokwenzeka ngokupheleleyo.
Into endiyaziyo kukuba baninzi abantu abaye bayikhohlisa indlela yabo yokudinwa kunye nokungakhathali ukufumana uxolo nolonwabo.
Abanye abantu yayilunyango lwengqondo ukujongana neentlekele kunye neentlungu abazifumanayo, kwabanye yayilamayeza okulungisa ukungalingani kwemichiza, kwaye kubantu abaninzi yayiyindibaniselwano yezo zinto.
Inxalenye enomdla wokugqibela ukufumana iimvakalelo zokwenyani emva kweshumi leminyaka loxinzelelo kukufunda ukusebenza emhlabeni ngelixa unemvakalelo malunga nezinto. Ingumbono welinye ilizwe xa ungakhange uve nantoni na ixesha elide.
Uxinzelelo kunzima, kodwa ayisosiphelo.
Unamandla kunye namandla ngaphezu kokuba unokuqonda, ngakumbi ukuba ukudakumba bekuyisusa loo mvakalelo ixesha elide.
Kwaye nangona kunokuba nzima ukufumana amagama afanelekileyo okuchaza ukuba lunjani uxinzelelo kwindlela umntu anokuyiqonda kwaye adibane nayo, ukwabelana ngeli nqaku nomntu kunokuba linyathelo lokuqala lokubanceda baqonde ngcono.
ndingenza ntoni xa ndidikiwe ekhaya
Ngolwazi oluthe kratya, ndwendwela le mithombo yolwazi:
https://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/conditions/depression
https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/depression
https://the somandla.com/topic/depression/
https://www.nami.org/Learn-More/Mental-Health-Conditions/Uxinzelelo
