Ngaba uyasokola ukufumana uxolo nolonwabo?
Bambalwa abantu abayenzayo.
Umhlaba uzele ngabantu abangonwabanga ngokunzulu kwaye bahlala befuna indlela yokuzisa ukukhanya ebomini babo.
Iindaba kunye nemithombo yeendaba zentlalo zonyusa amacala amnyama nawesoyikekayo oluntu kwaye ubomi bunzima kubantu abaninzi.
Inxalenye ebalulekileyo ye- ukufumana uxolo lwakho kwaye ukonwaba kukuqonda ukuba kutheni uziva ngale ndlela wenza ngayo kwaye ufunda ukulawula indlela ophendula ngayo kwihlabathi.
Abantu abaninzi bachitha ixesha labo bekhathazekile ngenxa yezinto ezingaphaya kolawulo lwabo. Okanye, njengoko uEpictetus ebeka ngokutyibilikayo…
Abantu abaphazanyiswa zizinto, kodwa ziimbono abazithathayo.
Ulwimi oluqhelekileyo ngoku olusetyenziselwa ukubhekisa kuso nasiphi na isiganeko esivelisa imvakalelo 'kukuvuselela iimvakalelo' okanye 'ukubangela' - kwaye ngelishwa.
Kulusizi kuba igama eliqala, kwimeko yempilo yengqondo kunye neemvakalelo, lalidla ngokubhekisa kwimeko okanye kwimeko enokubangela isiganeko esiphazamisayo kakhulu kumntu onesifo sengqondo, ukuphazamiseka, okanye okunye ukungasebenzi.
Endaweni yoko, kuye kwakhethwa luluntu oluqhelekileyo ukubhekisa kuzo naziphi na iimvakalelo ezingonwabanga umntu anokuhlangabezana nazo.
Oku kwenza ukuba kube nzima kakhulu kubantu abaneengxaki zokuxhalaba, ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo, i-PTSD, kunye nezinye izifo zengqondo okanye ukungasebenzi kakuhle okubangela ukuba kuthathwe ngokungathí sina.
Mhlawumbi wakhe weva umntu esithi, 'Kutheni ushukunyiswa kangaka?' ukuphendula ukuba nomsindo.
Makhe sijonge inkqubo elula, kodwa ayilulanga, yokuchonga, ukuqonda, kunye nokoyisa okubangela.
1. Uya kufuna incwadi yokubhalela okanye ijenali oza kusebenza kuyo.
Inyathelo lokuqala kukufumana incwadana okanye incwadana. Kuhlala kungumbono ongcono ukubhala ngesandla xa Ijenali yezempilo yengqondo kuba ibonelela ngonyango olungcono kunokuchwetheza.
Isenzo sokubhala sihamba kancinci, esikunika ixesha elininzi lokucinga kunye nokusebenza njengoko usebenza bonisa indlela oziva ngayo ngoba kutheni.
Uya kubuyela umva kwaye ungeze kwijenali yakho njengoko ixesha liqhubeka kwaye usebenza ngezinto. Qiniseka ukuba ikwindawo ekhuselekileyo okanye ukuba abantu abangayihloniphiyo imfihlo yakho abanakuyifumana.
2. Chonga izinto ezibangela iimvakalelo ngokujonga kumaxesha anqabileyo ebomini bakho.
Eyona ndawo onokuthi uqale kuyo ukukhangela izinto ezibangela iimvakalelo kujikeleze eyona inzima, inzima, kwaye Kubuhlungu amaxesha obomi bakho.
Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, iimvakalelo ezinxulunyaniswa nezo meko zihlala zithwelwe ngumsitho oye wahlangabezana nawo.
Xa ubalisa isiganeko kuwe, uya kufuna ukwenza amanqaku malunga neemvakalelo owawuziva ngaphambili, ngexesha, nasemva komsitho.
Inkqubo efanayo inokusebenza ngokulinganayo ekujongeni izinto ezibangela ukugula ngengqondo.
3. Chonga iinkolelo okanye iminqweno yakho oyithandayo.
Phuhlisa uluhlu lweenkolelo zakho kunye neenjongo zakho, emva koko ujonge ukuphendula ukuba kutheni ungaphaya kwezo mvakalelo.
Kutheni uyikholelwa into oyenzayo? Kutheni uziva lento uyenzayo?
Impendulo ethi, 'Ewe, yile nto ndiyakholelwayo' ayiloncedo okanye into oyifunayo.
Iinkolelo kunye neenjongo zihlala ziqhutywa yimvakalelo okanye imeko, njengezimvo zopolitiko ezenziwa ngendlela umntu avakalelwa ngayo kwaye uziva ngobomi.
Ukuchaza ukuba kutheni uziva ngale ndlela uyenzayo kuya kukunika ukucaca ngakumbi kwimeko yakho yeemvakalelo kunye nokuqonda ngakumbi kwizinto ezibangela iimvakalelo zakho.
Unokuthanda (inqaku liyaqhubeka ngezantsi):
- Ungazilawula njani iimvakalelo zakho kwiimeko ezifuna iNtloko epholileyo
- Izinto ezili-12 ekufuneka uzenzile xa uziva unomsindo
- Ungayiphelisa njani iDrama kubomi bakho
- Ungayiyeka Njani Intukuthelo: Amanqanaba asixhenxe ukusuka kwiRage ukuya kuKhululwa
- Iindlela ezi-6 zokuSondela kwiXabiso leQabane lakho leQabane
4. Chonga uze uchaze iinkolelo ezingephi onazo.
Yintoni ekucaphukisayo? Yintoni ekuzisela ulwaneliseko ? Ukhathazwa yintoni? Yintoni ekuzisela ulonwabo?
Ujoliso kweli candelo kukuchonga kunye nokuphonononga iimvakalelo ezincinci ezinokukwenza ukuba ungubani ukuze ukwazi ukuphuhlisa umfanekiso ocacileyo, oquka imeko yeemvakalelo zakho.
Ukuqonda ezo zinto zincinci, unokufumanisa ukuba ziyanceda ukondla umbono wakho ngokubanzi kunye nokuphendula ngokweemvakalelo kwimeko ethile.
5. Qalisa ukuzibuza ukuba 'kutheni' xa usiva uvakalelo.
Ukuqwalaselwa okunomdla malunga noluntu kukuba abantu ngokubanzi banelisekile kukuziva nje nantoni na ukuba yingqondo yabo izama ukubenza bazive. Abazi nyani okanye bangakhathali ukuba kutheni beziva ngendlela ethile, bayazi nje ukuba yile nto baziva ngayo kwaye ingaphezulu kokufanelekileyo kubo.
Ukuchonga izizathu zangaphambili lakho kuya kukunceda uzibone ngoku kwaye uzulazule ngokufanelekileyo kwikamva lakho.
Ukuba uyazi okomzuzwana kukukhathaze kakhulu, ungafumana eyona ndlela ingcono yokuhamba kuyo ukuba uyayiva kwikamva lakho.
Oko ayikukucebisa ukuba kufuneka uthathe isimo sokuphepha. Kukho abantu abanokuthatha olo lwazi kwaye balusebenzise ukwenza okusemandleni abo ukuhlala kude nezinto ezibaphazamisayo okanye ezibaphazamisayo, kodwa leyo yindlela embi kuba inokuqinisa iimvakalelo ezimbi.
Ukukwazi ukuziva iimvakalelo zakho kunye nokuhamba kuzo kubalulekile, kuba awuyi kuhlala ukhetha ukuziphepha.
6. Qinisekisa ukuba kutheni yakho ibonisa ubunyani.
Baninzi abadali besiqulatho, iindawo zeendaba, kunye neendawo zosasazo zasekuhlaleni ezisebenzisa uloyiko kunye nomsindo njengeendlela zokugcina abaphulaphuli babo bethembekile kwaye belandela.
Basebenzisa uloyiko lwakho, umsindo, kunye nokungazithembi ukukhulisa iingxaki ngendlela eya kukugcina ubuya uzokubukela usasazo lwabo, ufunde amagama abo, okanye uthenge iimveliso zabo. Oko kubandakanya ukusebenzisa ubugqwetha obuwela kwindawo engwevu, ye-quasi-ethical.
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Zininzi iindlela zokuthetha inyani ngokuxhomekeke kumagama owakhethayo. Ezinye iintetho zikhohlisa ngakumbi kunezinye.
Kufanelekile ukuphinda ujonge izixhobo kunye nokusetyenziswa inkqubo yokucinga nzulu Ukuqinisekisa ukuba naliphi na ibango okanye isenzo esikhuthaza imvakalelo kuwe siyinyani kwaye sinyanisekile. Ungafumanisa ukuba ayisiyiyo imbonakalo ethembekileyo yezibakala.
Oko kunokwahluka kwizinto ezikuxelelwa ngumhlobo wakho, kwiimemes ezabiweyo kwimidiya yoluntu, kwindlela umphathi wakho ekugxeka ngayo, kule nto i-anchor yeendaba ikuxelela yona.
7. Yiba nomonde kwaye uqhubeke nokusebenza kule ngxaki.
Ingxaki ebalulekileyo kule ndlela ngumonde. Ihlabathi yindawo ehamba ngokukhawuleza kwaye abantu banomonde omncinci nangaphantsi ngemini.
Ngelishwa, loo nto ayihambelani nokusebenza kwempilo yakho yengqondo kunye neemvakalelo. Yinkqubo yexesha elide enokuthatha iinyanga okanye iminyaka yomzamo ukuze ifike kwiziqhamo.
Yinto ekufuneka uyenze rhoqo kwaye uziqhelanise nayo ukuze uncede ukhululeke kwaye uthobe iimeko zobomi ezibangela ukuba uzenze.
Kubantu abanezigulo zengqondo, ezo nzame zingadinga ukwenzeka ngokudibeneyo nonyango okanye amayeza. Awunakho ukucinga ngaphandle kwengqondo okanye impilo yomzimba.
8. Ziveze ngokwakho kwiimeko ezinokubangela kwiidosi ezincinci.
Ngaba uziphosa ngqo kwibhafu eshushu? Hayi ngokubanzi.
Endaweni yoko, ungena ngenyawo elinye, ungenise olunye unyawo, kwaye ungene kancinci ebhafini ukuze unike umzimba wakho ixesha lokuziqhelanisa notshintsho kubushushu.
Ukusebenza ngokuphembelela komntu kuyafana.
Nje ukuba uyiqonde into oziva ngayo, kutheni uyiva, kwaye ungayilinganisela njani, uya kufuna ukubeka unyawo lwakho emanzini amaxesha ngamaxesha ukuze ukwazi ukukhululeka kunye nokudambisa ezo mvakalelo ukuze ungasekho ilawulwa ngabo.
Njengomntu oneBipolar Disorder noDandatheko olukhulu, ezi zizinto endizifundileyo kunye neenkqubo endizilandeleyo ekusebenzeni ukuze ndizikhulule.
Andifuni mntu, mfazi, imeko, okanye izigulo zengqondo zam zibe namandla okuphazamisa uxolo lwam. Kuyavunywa, ayizizo zonke iinjongo okanye akukho nto. Nokuba wenze utshintsho oluncinci kunokuluphucula kakhulu uxolo lwakho lwengqondo kunye nomgangatho wobomi.
Sukuba nexhala ngokulufumana lufezekile. Akukho mntu uyenzayo.
