Ubudlelwane obusempilweni bufuna ukuzincama kunye nokulalanisa ngamanye amaxesha.
Unokuba ujonge ubusuku bodwa, kodwa nyuka uyeke umntwana weqabane lakho kuba kukho imeko yongxamiseko yosapho.
Kwangokunjalo, iqabane lakho linokuphela lidiniwe kwaye akufuneki nto ingaphaya kokubamba umboniso wabo abawuthandayo, kodwa bachitha iyure okanye bathatha iinkuni ukuze indlu ifudumale xa ufika ekhaya.
Ukuncama izinto ezintle omnye komnye kuyindlela elungileyo yokuqinisa ubudlelwane.
Oko kwathiwa, xa elinye iqabane lenza itoni yokuzincama kwaye elinye alikho, oko kudala ukungalingani okukhulu.
Umzekelo woku inokuba liqabane lakho linyanzelisa ukuba usoloko undwendwela usapho lwabo ngexesha leeholide, kodwa ungavumi ukutyelela eyakho nayo. Okanye bafuna ukutya uhlobo olunye kuphela lokutya, kwaye bacaphuke okanye bacaphuke ukuba ufuna into eyahlukileyo.
Le yimizekelo nje embalwa, ewe. Zininzi iindidi ezahlukeneyo zedini kunye nokulalanisa, kwaye indlela elula kakhulu yokufumanisa umahluko phakathi kokulungileyo nokubi.
Ungahlula njani phakathi kwedini elungileyo nelibi?
Ngamagama alula? Ngendlela oziva ngayo emva koko.
Masithi unomdla wokuzonwabisa okanye usukelo onomdla kulo, kodwa uyalusebenzisa ukuze uzuze iqabane lakho. Umzekelo, mhlawumbi banokutya abakuthandayo okubiza kakhulu ukukugcina, ukuze ungazithengi izinto ozithandayo ukuze batye ngendlela abafuna ngayo.
Unokuziva ngathi unobubele kwaye uyabaxhasa impilo yabo, kodwa uyasokola ngenxa yeli dini. Ngapha koko, ukuba abayixabisi ngokwenyani into oyincamileyo, okanye abazincami ngenxa yempilo-ntle yakho, usenokuphela uziva unomsindo omkhulu.
Ke xa sele uzincamile, zibuze ukuba uziva njani ngesigqibo sakho. Ngelixa ukuzisola okuncinci kunokuphela ngokukhawuleza, ukuba uyazisola ngokuzincama ngendlela enkulu, uya kwazi ukuba kukuzincama okungalunganga.
Ukuba ucinga ngokuncama iqabane lakho - ukufudukela kwesinye isixeko ngomsebenzi wabo omtsha, umzekelo-zenzele umfanekiso kuyo nayiphi na imeko okuyo kwaye uthembeke kabuhlungu kuwe malunga nendlela oza kuziva ngayo.
Ukuba uyakubona okuhle kwaye uyazi ukuba izinto ezimbi zinokoyiswa, unokuziva ukwazi kwaye uzimisele ukuzincama. Ukuba awukwazi, kuya kufuneka uxelele iqabane lakho kwaye nibe nengxoxo enzulu malunga nokuba eli lidini oziva likwazi ukwenza.
Kutheni ndikonwabela ukuba ndedwa?
Ewe kunjalo, ukuba awukulungelanga ukuzincama, oko kuthetha ukuba iqabane lakho kuyakufuneka endaweni yalo. Ukuba awufuni kushukunyiselwa ukuba bathathe lo msebenzi mtsha, kuya kufuneka bawukhanyele.
Lowo ngumbingelelo abaya kuwenza, kwaye kubalulekile ukuba uyiqonde le nyaniso. Sukuyicekisa nje ngandlela ithile ingaphantsi kwedini obekufanele ukuba uyenzile ngenxa yokuba imeko entsha ibingekenzeki, kodwa ibe yinto enokwenzeka, ngelixa ubunikezela inyani yakho yangoku ukuze wenze indlela yoku inyani.
Yintoni eyenza ukuzincama okuhle?
Ukuba ucinga ngako, abantu bazincama kancinci ngenxa yabanye abantu rhoqo. Kodwa yintoni eyenza ukuba bazincame 'ngokulungileyo'?
Xa loo mibingelelo yamkelwe.
Ukwenza amadini kwiqabane lakho kunokunceda ekuqiniseni nasekuqiniseni ubudlelwane, okoko nje loo madini abonwayo kwaye avunyiweyo.
Umzekelo, iqabane elinemicimbi yokuthemba kwangoko kubudlelwane linokubona ukuzincama kwesithandwa sabo njengobungqina bokuba banyanisekile. Banokuthenjwa.
Ngenxa yoko, banokuziva bezithembile ukuvula kunye nokuvumela omnye umntu ukuba angene ngakumbi. Kwaye ngokungathandabuzekiyo baya kuzincama ngenxa yalowo bamthandayo ngokulandelelana.
Oku kuyakukhokelela ekubeni omabini amaqela abone oko omnye anikezela ngako ukuze bafumane inzuzo, kwaye emva koko baqiniseke ukuba ezo zenzo ziyavunywa kwaye ziyabuyiselwa.
Uyabona ukuba le vili lokupha liqhubeka lijikeleza njani?
Kukho izinto ezimbalwa ezifudumezayo kwaye ezizalisekisayo kunokuba xa iqabane lihleli phantsi kwaye likuxelela ukuba bakuxabise kangakanani konke okwenzela bona. Ukuba bayayibona imibingelelo yakho, kwaye bafuna ukuqiniseka ukuba uyahlonitshwa, uyahlonitshwa, kwaye uxhaswe ngokulandelelana.
Xa wonwabile ukuba iqabane lakho liyavuya.
Umzekelo, sisenokugoba kumnqweno weqabane lethu lokuba sibukele imovie esingenamdla kuyo, kunokuba sinyanzelise leyo besiyifuna, kuba nje iza kubonwabisa. Kuyafana nokuvumela omnye ukuba akhethe indawo yokutyela ubusuku bonke kunye.
Xa ubudlelwane bulungelelene kwaye busempilweni, omabini amaqabane aya kuzenza ezi zinto zodwa. Amaxesha amaninzi abanye bayancwina kwaye bayadlala, kodwa baya kukwenza oko.
Bangakonwabela nokubona ukonwaba komnye umntu xa besenza into abayithandayo, nangona kungonwabisi kubo.
Njengomzekelo, uya kwazi ukuba iqabane lakho liyakuthanda xa likukhapha ukuya kwindibano yesifundo esingenamdla kwaphela, ukuxhasa nje.
Kwangokunjalo, baya kuyazi indlela okhathala ngayo xa ubathengela isipho ongenakuma kwaye ungafuni ukuphinda usibone, kuba sele beyikhankanyile kaninzi kwaye uzibekisile iisayithi abakuthumelele zona ngayo.
Isitshixo apha kukuba ukuzincama okwenzela iqabane lakho ayisiyiyo into echaphazela impilo-ntle yakho nangayiphi na indlela ephambili. Ukuba ubeka ulonwabo lweqabane lakho ngaphambi kweyakho kwaye uya kusokola kakhulu ngenxa yokuzincama, ngumba owahlukileyo ngokupheleleyo lowo.
Xa inceda ukugcina ubudlelwane phakathi kwamaqabane.
Ukunikezela ngexesha lakho wedwa lokuchitha ixesha kunye ngumzekelo olungileyo woku. Ngethuba nje le nto iyonke, kwaye iyanconywa kakhulu, ingaba luhlobo, uhlobo oluhle lokuzincama.
Sonke sinesigidi sokwenza yonke imihla, kwaye uninzi lwethu lukufumanisa kunzima ukufumana ixesha elininzi kuthi, ukuba likho.
Masithi wena kunye neqabane lakho nobabini nisebenze iiyure ezinde, kwaye nisebenza kunye ukuze nilale abantwana. Ngoku kusebusuku kakhulu, kwaye ungathanda ukucwina ebhafini kangangeyure, kwaye bayafa kukusebenza kwiprojekthi yoyilo ngoxolo. Endaweni yoko, nina nobabini nigqibe kwelokuba nisonge esofeni nize nifunde kunye cwaka, imilenze ilala ngaphezulu.
Akukho namnye kuni owenza kanye le nto nibe nifuna ukuyenza ngorhatya, kodwa niyalalanisa ukuze nibonakalise uthando kunye noxabiso komnye. Oku kunempilo kwaye 'kulungile,' kuba yinto edibeneyo. Nobabini nizincama ngenxa yomnye umntu, ngokulinganayo, oko kudala ulungelelwano oluhambelanayo.
Yintoni eyenza umbingelelo ombi?
Ngokuchaseneyo, njengokuba kukho izinto ezilungileyo, ezihambelanayo zokuzincama ezinokuxhamla ubudlelwane, kukwakho nezinto ezimbi ezinokuzonakalisa ngokungathandabuzekiyo.
Xa ukuzincama kwakho kulindeleke.
Masithi wenza isidlo sangokuhlwa rhoqo ngasebusuku enye kangangenyanga, emva koko ungapheki phezolo. Umlingane wakho ongakuxabisiyo unokuzilibala ngokufanelekileyo ezo 29 okanye 30 izidlo ezimangalisayo ozenzileyo. Endaweni yoko, baya kugxila kwilixa elinye apho 'ubenzele khona.'
Baya kuthi baqhelane nolo hlobo lokuziphatha oluvela kuwe, kwaye ngenxa yoko, baya kufumana ukungonwabi kunye nokuphazamiseka xa kungenzeki.
Endaweni yokuyibona njengesenzo sothando nobubele- kwaye, ewe, ukuncama ixesha lakho namandla-baya kuyibona nje ngokuba 'zinjani izinto.' Kutheni beza kuphinda babuyisele into xa injalo wena yenza?
Isenokungaze yenzeke kubo ukuba banikele ngokwenza isidlo sangokuhlwa kwaye bakunike ikhefu langokuhlwa. Kwaye kutheni? Le yinto yesiqhelo abaziva bekhululekile ngayo: ngoku kulindelwe, ayisiyiyo into enokuxatyiswa.
Yabantu abane ulwimi lothando yiZenzo zeNkonzo , ukuzincama nokuhamba ngaphezulu nangaphaya kwamaqabane abo kunokuba yeyona ndlela ingcono yokubonisa uthando lwabo kunye nokuzinikela kwabo. Ewe kunjalo, baya kufuna ezi ntlobo zezenzo zokubuyiselwa, kungenjalo baya kugqibela beziva bengaxatyiswanga kwaye besetyenziswa.
Xa benetyala bakukhubekisa wenze idini.
Nawuphi na umbingelelo owenzayo kufuneka ube lolunye ukhetho lwakho. Kuya kufuneka kusekelwe kwinkolelo yakho yokuba umbingelelo ufanelekile ngezibonelelo ezizisa kuwe, kwiqabane lakho, okanye kubudlelwane bakho.
Kodwa ukuba iqabane lakho lizama ukuziva unetyala ngokwenza into ongafuni ukuyenza, ayilunganga.
Banokukwenza uzive ungonwabanga ukuba uzama ukubakhanyela into abayifunayo. Banokukhalaza ngokuba ubabambile okanye ubenza bangonwabi.
Banokude bazise imihlatshelo yexesha elidlulileyo abayenzele wena ukuzama ukukushukumisa.
Kodwa ukuba ufile ngokuchasene nombingelelo othile abacela ukuba uwenze, akufuneki uzive unyanzelekile kuwo ngenxa nje yento abanokuyenza ngaphambili.
Xa bezama ukwenza ukuba uhambe ngokuchasene neenqobo zakho.
Kukho izinto esizenzayo okanye esingazenziyo ngenxa yokuba zihambelana ngamandla nobuntu bethu bangaphakathi. Oku kukuxabiseka kwethu kunye nokuziphatha kunye neenkolelo zethu, nangona mhlawumbi zingabekwanga ematyeni, zibaluleke kakhulu kuthi.
Ukuba ucinga ngokwenza umbingelelo ochasene nala maxabiso, ngokuqinisekileyo yinto embi ukuyenza.
Njengakwiihambo zokuziva unetyala, akufuneki uzive unyanzelekile ukuba wenze into kuba iqabane lakho lifuna ukuba wenze njalo.
Ukuba banentlonipho kuwe, baya kuqonda ukuba ayamkelekanga ukukucela ukuba uhambe ngokuchasene neenkolelo ezibalulekileyo kuwe.
Ukuba bayaqhubeka nokuba uziva njani, kuya kufuneka ubuze ngokungathandabuzekiyo ubudlelwane kunye nokuzinikela kweqabane lakho kulo nakuwe.
Xa unqatshelwe ixesha kunye nendawo kuwe.
Wonke umntu kufuneka abenexesha lakhe. Xa unexesha elixabisekileyo wedwa, kwaye iqabane lakho lenza iimfuno ezingenangqondo kuwe ngelo xesha (ngakumbi xa besazi ukuba ufuna ukudodobala kwaye wenze into yakho), zininzi izinto ezingafanelekanga.
Oku kuyathandeka ngakumbi xa besenza ezi mfuno kuwe, kodwa baya kucaca ukuba wenze into efanayo kubo.
Amanye amaqabane angakhuselekanga kakhulu awathandi amaqabane abo ukuba abe nexesha lodwa ngenxa yemicimbi yabo yokuthembana. Baza kucinga ukuba uthetha nomnye umntu, okanye baya kuthatha umnqweno wakho wokuba wedwa: ungalindela njani ukuba ube wedwa kunokuchitha ixesha elisemgangathweni kunye nabo?!
Xa usiba yindawo yokulahla intsholongwane ngokweemvakalelo.
Inokukhathaza kakhulu xa iqabane lisoloko likusebenzisa njengebhodi enesandi sokusebenza ngeemvakalelo zalo ezinzima. Izinto ziye zixhalabise ngakumbi kwaye zingonwabi xa begabha umthwalo wabo weemvakalelo ethangeni lakho emva koko bahambe.
Baza kuziva bekhulu kuba baphungule ithoni yeengxaki zabo. Ngeli xesha, usindwe ngokupheleleyo yiyo yonke idrama yabo, ubenzela umsebenzi wabo weemvakalelo. Uzincama ngokoqobo ngentlalo-ntle yakho ngokweemvakalelo ngenxa yabo.
Ayisoze yalunga le nto, ngakumbi ukuba kwaye naxa ningahlali kunye. Abantu abaninzi bafumanisa ukuba baya kuncama ixesha labo elinqabileyo lokumamela zonke iingxaki zamaqabane abo, kuphela ukuba baxhonywe kwangoko nje emva kokuba umthandi wabo egqibile ukuvota.
Eyona nto ibalulekileyo, oyena mntu unengxaki usebenzisa iqabane lakhe njengonyango, emva koko ahambe. Njengokulahla ingxowa enkulu yenkunkuma emgqomeni emva koko uhlambe izandla zakho. 'Ndonwabile ukuba ihambile: omnye umntu angamelana nayo ngoku.'
Ukuba le yinto iqabane lakho lisenza kuwe rhoqo, kufuneka ubabize ngayo.
Xa inkuthazo yedini kukuphepha ungquzulwano.
Abantu abaqhubeka bezincama kunye neemfuno zabo kubudlelwane babo baphela bengonwabanga.
Baqhubeka nokucinezela iimvakalelo zabo ngenxa yokugcina imvisiswano, kwaye babekela bucala iimfuno zabo kunye neminqweno yabo yokunceda amaqabane abo.
Le ntshukumisa yemvisiswano xa ujongene namadini angathandekiyo ayinempilo kwaphela. Ukuba uziva ungazibandakanyi nakuluphi na uhlobo lwempixano neqabane lakho kwaye ke ugobe kwintando yabo ngalo lonke ixesha, uya kuncama kakhulu into oyithandayo kwaye uyonwabele.
Kuba awufumani nkathalo, ukuzinikela, kunye nokunikela komnye umntu, oku kuphelela ekubeni namandla angenakulinganiswa. Omnye umntu uyapha anike, omnye athabathe athathe. Emva kwethutyana, ukuba ukuphiwa akubuyiswanga, elo qula lizakuphela.
Ngapha koko, ayizukuvele yome nje: iya kugcwalisa uthuli, kwaye iintsalela zobudlelwane ziya kuqengqeleka zii-tumbleweeds.
Kuyaqondakala ukuba ngamanye amaxesha abantu 'bakhetha amadabi abo' kwaye bakhethe ngobulumko ukuba bavakalise iimfuno zabo kunye nokukhathazeka. Umzekelo, nokuba ungakhalazi okanye ungakhalazi xa iqabane labo lingayenzi le nto bacele ukuba bayenze.
Kodwa xa ungaze ukhethe nakuphi na ukulwa, unxibelelana neqabane lakho ukuba banokuba nakho oko bakufunayo ngalo lonke ixesha kwaye benze nantoni na abayifunayo ngaphandle kokubuyela umva.
Oku kusikhokelela kwenye indlela ebalaseleyo yokuxela ukuba iintlobo zeedini ozenzayo kubudlelwane bakho 'zilungile' okanye 'zimbi'. Khawuzibuze lo mbuzo mnye:
Ngaba iqabane lakho lingakwenza okufanayo nakuwe?
Ukuba impendulo nguewe, ke olu hlobo lokuzincama lunokwenzeka kwicala elisempilweni.
Ngokwahlukileyo koko, ukuba impendulo kuloo nto ithi 'oh hell no,' ke unayo impendulo yakho.
Ngaba awuqinisekanga nokuba ukuzincama okwenzayo kubudlelwane bakho kusempilweni okanye akunampilo? Thetha kwi-Intanethi kwingcali yobudlelwane kwi-Relationship Hero enokukunceda ufumane izinto. Ngokulula.
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