Yiba nomfanekiso ngqondweni wale meko: udibana nendoda emangalisayo, une-chemistry ekhawulezileyo, kwaye ulahlekile kwincoko evuyisayo yeeyure.
Uyahlekisa kwaye uyadlamka, isini asikholeleki, kwaye wonwaba ngakumbi kunangaphambili.
… Ingxaki kukuba, bambalwa (okanye ngaphezulu kunambalwa!) Iminyaka emncinci kunawe, kwaye awazi ukuba uziva njani ngalonto.
Abanye benu banokuba sele bekule meko, ngelixa abanye benokoyika xa bejongana neli themba.
Kodwa kutheni le nto ibonwa njenge 'ngxaki'?
Kutheni le nto sixhonyiwe kwimbono yokuba abantu basetyhini bafanele ukuthandana namadoda amadala (okanye ukuba amadoda afanele / anokutsalwa kuphela ngabafazi abancinci)?
Kutheni ungathandani nomfana oselula?
Imigangatho ephindiweyo yentlalo ingaphezulu kokuhlekisa kancinci, akunjalo?
Umzekelo, bambalwa abantu abade bacinge kabini malunga nendoda eyaziwayo ethandana nomntu obhinqileyo oneminyaka eli-15, engama-20, okanye engama-25 ubudala, kodwa uyala ukuba iqabane lomfazi elidumileyo lide libe lide kunaye kwiminyaka emihlanu.
UJohnny Depp wayeneminyaka engama-22 emdala kuno-Amber Heard xa babetshata, kwaye intombi kaLeonardo DiCaprio ingama-23 iminyaka yakhe.
Kodwa emva koko, indoda enkulu + ibhinqa eliselula ibonakala yamkelwe njengesiqhelo.
Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, amabhinqa amancinci athathelwa ingqalelo njengonqwenelekayo kuba azele bubutsha, ungasathethi ke ngokuzala. Ziyabanjwa, akunjalo?
Njengabafazi abaqolileyo, sidla ngokujongwa njengoomama kunokuba sinqweneleke, nokuba sinabo na abantwana okanye akunjalo.
Umfazi osele ekhulile + indoda encinci ayiqondwa ngokulula.
Ukudityaniswa kuhlala kubonwa njengokungaqhelekanga, ngokuchasene nebhayoloji esisiseko. Ukuphelelwa lithemba, nkqu.
Igama elithi 'cougar' lihlala lisetyenziselwa ukuchaza ezi zibini, zithetha ukuba umfazi osele ekhulile ngumzingeli oza kuzingela umfana omsulwa.
Inyani yile yokuba ubudlelwane nendoda esencinci abufani kangako kunobuhlobo nomntu okule ntanga yakho, okanye ngaphezulu.
Ngokuqinisekileyo, kuyakubakho imicimbi yokuhamba, kodwa kunjalo kwinqanaba lekhosi kulo naluphi na uhlobo lobambiswano, akunjalo?
Ngaba ukhe wadibana nendoda encinci, kodwa ukhathazekile malunga nobubi kunye nolwalamano lobuhlobo naye?
Makhe singene kwiingcebiso ezimbalwa ezinokukunceda kunye.
1. Khumbula ukuba ukukhula akunyanzelwanga bubudala.
Kutshanje ndicebise umhlobo wam ngengxaki yobudlelwane eyamshiya ethe tyaba.
Umfana athandana naye wayemjongela into engenamsebenzi kwaye wagqogqa ngaphandle kwendlu, embakraza ucango emva kwakhe.
Emva koko waqhawula ubudlelwane ngombhalo, kwaye wanyanzelisa ukuba aphume endlwini ukuze aqokelele izinto zakhe ngaphandle kokujongana nokujongana nayo.
Kuvakala ngathi umba obhinqileyo uya kuba neqabane elincinane kakhulu, akunjalo?
Ngelishwa, le ndoda kuthethwa ngayo ikwiminyaka yayo yama-50, ebonisa ukuba ukukhula ngokweemvakalelo akunanto yakwenza nexesha lokulandelelana komntu.
Phinda loo nto kuwe: ukukhula akunanto yakwenza kangako nobudala.
Umfazi ophakathi kwiminyaka yakhe yama-30 usenokuba uxakekile ngumsebenzi wakhe, okanye usenokuba uhlala ekhaya, uzama ukuzifumana.
Unokuba ngumama wabane, okanye i-skateboarder enomdla.
Ukuba uye waphila ubomi obukhuselekileyo, usenokungakhuli ngokweemvakalelo, xa kuthelekiswa nebhinqa elihlala lodwa ukusukela kwiminyaka yalo yokufikisa.
Kwangokunjalo, umntu ohambe kakhulu ebomini bakhe unokuba ngu okuninzi ukukhula ngokweemvakalelo kwaye unokuthenjwa kunomntu ophindwe kabini kuneminyaka yakhe.
Ngokuchaseneyo, indoda esele ikhulile ebotshiwe kwaye ikhowudiwe kubo bonke ubomi bayo inokuba nayo ukukhula okupheleleyo komntu ofikisayo.
Nditshilo…
2.Qiniseka ukuba indoda yakho ayikhangeli mama 2.0.
Ngumbono olungileyo ukumisela kwangoko ukuba iqabane lakho, eneneni, likhangela umntu oza kungena endaweni kamama.
Uninzi lwamadoda amancinci atsaleleka kubafazi abadala kuba bayathanda ukuba nomntu oza kubanyamekela.
Aba bantu bathanda ukuba ngabo bashiye ikhaya emva kwexesha, kwaye babenoomama ababenzela yonke into ngelixa behlala ekhaya.
Oomama babo ngebebenze yonke into ngokwenza iwashing kunye nokuhlengahlengisa imali zabo, ukupheka nokucoca ngelixa bedlala imidlalo yevidiyo.
La madoda anokungabinayo Isifo sikaPeter Pan ngomntu ngamnye, kodwa bahlala benotyekelo lokuyeka uxanduva lomntu.
ngubani cole sprouse ukuthandana
Kulula kakhulu, bafundile ukulindela ukuba omnye umntu uza kunyuka anyamekele izinto, ngenxa yoko akufuneki.
Ukuba ufumanisa ukuba ubandakanyeka kumfana onje, sukulindela ukuba ukwazi ukumtshintsha.
Ungazama ukumnyanzela ukuba anyuke kwaye abe noxanduva kuye, kodwa uya kuphelela ekucaphukele oko.
Uya kuphelisa ubudlelwane kwaye afumane omnye umfazi oza kumgcina, okanye athandane nentombazana encinci kakhulu engazami ukumenza nantoni na.
Iimpawu zokujonga:
Abantu bayathobela ukugada kwaye benze ngokunyanisekileyo ngokuhamba kwexesha, ke qaphela naziphi na iindlela zokuziphatha eziseta iiflegi ezibomvu.
- Ngaba indawo yakhe ihlala inobundlobongela?
- Uyaziphekela, okanye ngaba udla ngokuthatha / athathe iodolo yakhe?
- Ngaba ufumanisa ukuba ucela uncedo kwizinto anokukwazi ukuzenza ngokwakhe?
Kwangolo hlobo lunye ...
3. Musa ukuwela kwindima 'katitshala'.
Le yindlela eqinisekileyo yomlilo yokuguqula ubudlelwane bakho bangoku bendawo yothando lube yindawo yomhlobo weplatonic.
Umfana omncinci othandana naye usenokungabi namava obomi amaninzi njengawe, kodwa oko akuthethi ukuba kufuneka umnike zonke iimpendulo azifunayo.
Kwaye akufuneki ulindelwe ukuba umbonise izinto zakhe.
Ukuba ufumanisa ukuba ubudlelwane bakho buhamba ngale ndlela, setha imida ethile.
Angaziva ekhululekile ukukucela isikhokelo, kwaye kulungile… ngamanye amaxesha.
Kodwa ukuba uhlala ubekwa kuloo ndima, ubudlelwane obunamandla buza kutshintsha ngokukhawuleza.
Ngaphambi kokuba uyazi, uya kukubona njengegunya okanye umgcini weentlobo ezikhoyo ukukhokela nokukhusela.
Ngokunjalo, iimbono zakho ngaye ziya kutshintshela kwenye into engaphezulu lee… kokubeleka.
Ngaphandle kokuba ungene kwi-Oedipal dynamics, ayisiyiyo indlela ofuna ukwehla ngayo.
Ukuba uziva ukuba ufuna / ufuna umfazi okhulileyo ebomini bakhe ukuba amnike iingcebiso kunye nesikhokelo, cebisa ukuba afumane i-Therapist okanye umcebisi onokuthi amlungiselele loo ndima.
Nobabini anifanelanga ukuba yinto yonke omnye komnye, ke gcinani loo mida isempilweni, nokuba kufuneka niqine maxa wambi ukuzigcina zikwindawo.
Unokuthanda (inqaku liyaqhubeka ngezantsi):
- Unokuba kanjani noBudlelwane obuPhumeleleyo neManolescent
- Codependency Vs Ukukhathalela: Ukwahlula phakathi kweNgozi kunye neLuncedo
- Kutheni abantu beshenxisa bemke?
- Ixesha elide leHoneymoon lihlala ixesha elingakanani?
- Iimpawu ezilumkisayo ezi-17 zokuba ukuGqithisela ingqalelo kuyabonakalisa ubudlelwane bakho
- 7 Ulindelo olungeyonyani lokuPhepha xa ungena kubudlelwane obutsha
4. Yamkela into yokuba unamazinga ohlukeneyo emandla.
Ukuba kukho umsantsa wobudala obungaphezulu kweminyaka emihlanu, unokufumanisa ukuba iqabane lakho linamandla amakhulu ngakumbi kunawe.
Oku kuyinyani ngakumbi ukuba uqhubeka nomsebenzi wakho kunaye, okanye ukuba unabantwana abavela kubudlelwane bangaphambili.
Inokuba ingumbono wokuya kusela ngobusuku bangoMgqibelo kwaye ungarhubuluzi ekhaya de kube yintsasa yangeCawa, ngelixa uzikhethele iNetflix kunye nebhotile ethandekayo yeCabernet Sauvignon.
Kulapho unxibelelwano kunye nolungelelwaniso lungena khona: ungaphatha amaxesha aphelileyo ebusuku, kwaye angonwabela ubusuku obunje.
Xa ungenawo amandla okuba yiyo yonke 'WOOOOOO !!' kude kube ngesifingo, umthume kunye namaqabane akhe. Banokuya kwindawo yentselo kwaye angakuxelela ngayo yonke into malunga ne-brunch yasemva kwexesha ngeCawa.
Ngokufanayo, xa ehamba nabafana, chitha ixesha kunye nezintombi zakho, okanye wonwabele ingokuhlwa efuneka kakhulu wedwa.
Xa kuziwa kwimisebenzi yomzimba, ukuba nomfana omncinci ebomini bakho kunokukugcina usebenza ngakumbi kunokuba ubuya kuba njalo.
Ukuba ufumana imisebenzi yomzimba onokuyonwabela nobabini, kulungile! Iya kuba yindlela entle ukuba nina nobabini nichithe ixesha kunye, ngelixa ugcina ulungile kwaye usebenza.
Kuyafana nokwabelana ngesondo: i-libido yakhe inokuba phezulu kakhulu kunale yakho, yiyo loo nto uyakufuna ukuyilungisa ngobuchule.
Isenokungabi nawo amandla okuba umntu omkhulu angaziqhayisa, kodwa angayilungisa loo nto ngokulungela ukuhamba amatyeli aliqela ngobusuku.
Njengebhonasi eyongeziweyo, uninzi lwabasetyhini lufumanisa ukuba ukuqhuba kwabo ngokwesondo kuya kuba phezulu kakhulu emva kweminyaka engama-35.
Ukuba ubandakanyeka kwindoda esencinci, kunokwenzeka ukuba ungadibana kakuhle kunokuba udinwe.
5. Yamkela iingcinga namava amatsha.
Oku kunokuhamba ngebhodi, inene.
Unokuba netoni yezinto ngokufanayo, kodwa kunokwenzeka ukuba uya kuba nomnwe wakhe ekubetheni kwezinye izinto ongazange uve ngazo, kwaye ngokufanayo!
Umzekelo, umahluko nje weminyaka embalwa yobudala wanele ukuba nina nobabini nibe noluhlu olubanzi lwezinto ezinomdla zomculo omnye angazange ave ngazo. Eli lithuba elihle lokuba nobabini nifumane iqela lamaqela “amatsha”.
Kuyafana noncwadi, ifilimu, iinkqubo zeTV, imidlalo, ubugcisa… uyayibiza ngegama.
Ukuba awuzange udlale umdlalo wevidiyo ngaphambili, usenokungavumelani nombono wokwenza njalo kuba ucinga ukuba ulutsha.
ungazi njani ukuba mhle
Kodwa licebo elihle ukuzama into ngaphambi kokuba ujike impumlo yakho kuyo: unokufumanisa ukuba uyayonwabela imidlalo.
Ngaphambi kokuba uyazi, uya kube uzimanya kunye nemihla yasebusuku yeSkyrim kwaye uqhushumbe ngelixa usenza njalo.
6. Qonda ukuba kulungile ukuba nemidla eyahlukeneyo.
Iqabane lam lincinci kunam, kwaye sisebenza kakuhle kunye kumanqanaba amaninzi.
Oko kwathethi, nangona umahluko wobudala ungekho mkhulu, ubanzi ngokwaneleyo ukuba sinokuthambeka okwahlukileyo xa kufikwa kumba wokuzonwabisa kunye nezinto zobuqu.
Ngokuqinisekileyo, uyandingcikiva ngobunono ngento yokuba ndiyakuthanda ukunitha, kwaye ndiqengqa amehlo am ngokudlala xa echitha iiyure ecinga ngomdlalo wevidiyo, kodwa konke kumnandi.
Ngapha koko, umdla wethu usinika ixesha kunye nendawo yodwa yokwenza izinto zethu, okanye xa sikunye nabanye abahlobo.
Awudingi ukuba nayo yonke into oyithandayo kunye nokulandela ngokufanayo neqabane lakho. Ngapha koko, kunempilo ukuba awunjalo!
Kubaluleke kakhulu ukuba nobabini nibe nezinto zokuzonwabisa ezahlukeneyo eninomdla kuzo ngexesha lenu.
Abantu abaninzi babonakala ngathi bacinga ukuba kufuneka benze yonke into namaqabane abo, kodwa inyani kukuba ukumanyana kakhulu kunokuba yingozi.
Kwangokunjalo, kubalulekile kuwe ukuba ujonge kunye nabahlobo ngokuzimeleyo, nokuba kukuhlanganisana kwindawo yokutyela, okanye iqela lezemidlalo, okanye ukuphuma kwigalari yobugcisa… nokuba ungubani na. Ixesha elikude omnye nomnye, nabantu abahle obakhathaleleyo.
Ngaba uqhelene neqhalo elithi 'ukuqhelana kuzala indelelo'?
Ngamagama alula, ixesha elininzi kunye linokwenza ukuba uthambise imithambo-luvo yomnye nomnye. Oku kuyinyani ngakumbi ukuba kukho ukungafani okuqwalaselweyo kwimidla yakho.
Umzekelo, unokufuna ukuba inkampani iye kumsitho ongenamdla wokwenene kuwo.
Unokuhamba naye ngaphandle kwesibophelelo, kodwa ube nexesha elibi.
Uya kuyicaphukisa into yokuba ungazonwabisi, uya konwaba kancinci, kwaye ungaphela ungaphikisana ngako.
Okanye kungenjalo.
Mkhuthaze ukuba abe nesangqa sakhe ekuhlaleni, kwaye nawe uhlakulele esakho.
Ayizukuphela ukuba nobabini nenze izinto enizithandayo nabantu aboyikekayo, uya kuba namabali amatsha oza kwabelana ngawo xa ubuya.
7. Yiyeke nakuphi na ukungazithembi.
Abanye abantu basetyhini bathe bayoyika ukuthandana nomntu omncinci kuba uya 'kuthi' ashiye omnye umfazi - ngakumbi abo bacinga ukuba mhle / ulungile / unomdla ngakumbi kunaye.
Darling, ukuba ufuna ukuhlala nomnye umntu, uya kuba njalo.
Unani kuba efuna ukuba njalo, kuba niyamangalisa. Ukuphela kwe-.
Abasetyhini bafundiswe ukuba bakhuphisane rhoqo, kunye nenkolo yolutsha efuna ukuba sizame ukukhangeleka sibancinci kangangoko sinako, ixesha elide.
Ngokwenyani, wonke umntu utsaleleka kwiimpawu ezahlukeneyo, kwaye uninzi lwamadoda lukhetha abafazi abadala ngezizathu ezahlukeneyo.
Enye yezi zinto kukuba umntu okhule ngakumbi ngokweemvakalelo akunakufane adlale imidlalo.
Kwakhona, sonke sikhula ngokwemilinganiselo eyahlukeneyo, izinto ezisusela kwimfuza ukuya kumava obuqu kunye nobunzima konke kuthathelwa ingqalelo.
Igumbi eligcwele abantu abangama-35 abaneminyaka engama-35 ubudala liya kubonisa uluhlu olubanzi kakhulu lwabantu. Abanye baya kujongeka bebancinci, abanye baya kujongeka ngathi badala.
Kuya kubakho amanqanaba okomelela kunye namandla, iinwele ezingwevu (okanye ukunqongophala kwawo), kunye nezinto ezinomdla ukusuka kwisibhakabhaka ukuya kwiAgatha Christie TV marathons.
Ukuba uluhlobo lomntu obhinqileyo obambe umdla - kunye nentliziyo - yendoda encinci, kungenxa yokuba uyamangalisa ngokupheleleyo emehlweni akhe.
Yeyakho.
8. Khumbula ukunxibelelana.
Oku kubaluleke kakhulu kulo naluphi na ulwalamano, kodwa kubaluleke ngakumbi xa kuvalwa umsantsa wobudala.
Ukufunda indlela yokunxibelelana ngokufanelekileyo kuthatha ixesha, kwaye ukuba uneminyaka eliqela ukhulile kuneqabane lakho, unaleyo minyaka ingaphezulu yamava ufunda indlela yokuthetha, kunye nendlela yokumamela ngokukuko nangengqwalaselo.
Kusenokwenzeka ukuba uye wafunda nendlela yokuva ukuba omnye umntu uthini ngaphandle kokuthatha izinto ngokwakhe, okanye kwangoko ukutsiba emqaleni.
Iqabane lakho lisenokungaziphuhlisi zonke ezi zakhono okwangoku, kwaye kuya kufuneka ube nomonde kuloo nto.
Ngapha koko, unokufunda kumzekelo wakho kwaye aphuhlise izakhono zonxibelelwano ezisebenzayo ngokukhawuleza okukhulu, kodwa licebo elihle ukuba uzilungiselele ukuqhuma okwenzeka ngamanye amaxesha okungahambelani kwinqanaba lakho lokukhula.
Ukuba kwaye xa ezi ngxabano zisenzeka, licebo elihle ukuba uzikhombe kwiqabane lakho endaweni yokuba ungazihoyi.
Ukukhula kunye notshintsho akwenzeki xa sigcina imeko ekuyo ngenxa yoxolo.
Xa izinto sele zizolile, chaza icala lakho lezinto kuye, kwaye wenze iingcebiso malunga nendlela onokunxibelelana ngayo ngokucacileyo kwixesha elizayo.
Kwindlela efanayo, zama ukungazithobi okanye ukhubeke xa ucaphukile.
Uninzi lwamadoda aselula anokuhlupheka ngenxa ye 'foot-in-mouth syndrome' ukuba abakafundi ukuba nobuchule kunokuba baphazamise nantoni na esezingqondweni zabo, xa kuvela.
Indlela osabela ngayo xa usenzakaliswa ngamazwi ahlabayo inokuba kukumenzakalisa kwakhona, kodwa zama ukubuyela umva kwaye ubone lonke utshintsho ngaphandle kokubandakanyeka ngokweemvakalelo.
Ngaba wayebonakala ngathi uzimisele ukwenzakalisa?
Okanye ngaba uthethile nje into ethe qatha entlokweni yakhe ngomzuzu ongafanelekanga?
Cinga ngethoni yelizwi lakhe, ulwimi lomzimba wakhe, njl.njl. Ngaba wayekhohlakele, okanye engahoyi?
Ezi zizinto onokujongana nazo neqabane eliselula ade afunde ukuba nolwazi ngakumbi ngemeko yeemvakalelo zabanye abantu kunye nengqondo. Kusenokufuneka afunde ngakumbi ngemida.
Kwangokunjalo, ukuba usesimeni apho anokuzixakekisa ngokwenyani, kungafuneka ungenise loo nto kuye ngendlela ethambileyo, engagwebanga.
Ukucebisa ukuba nobabini nichithe ixesha elininzi nisenza izinto zokuzonwabisa kunye yindlela elungileyo.
Ukumngxolisa ukuba ayeke ukuphatha njengefanitshala ngelixa edlala imidlalo kwifowuni yakhe akusebenzi kangako.
9. Ungajongana njani nezimvo zabanye abantu malunga nolwalamano lwakho.
Ukukhangela ngokukhawuleza kwe-intanethi malunga 'nexhegokazi, indoda encinci' izibini ziya kukubonisa eyona nto imbi kakhulu ekuhlaleni.
Hlala kude nantoni na ethunyelwe kwi-Twitter, kwaye uphephe icandelo lamagqabaza nakweyiphi na indawo yokuhleba.
Ngaphandle koko, uya kugagana nabantu abagxekayo.
Ngokwahlukileyo koko, xa ujonge into ethethwa ngamadoda amancinci malunga namaqabane / nabafazi babo abadala, bathetha malunga nokuba bakhula kangakanani ngothando olungenamiqathango kunye nenkxaso abayifumanayo.
Ngelixa uninzi lwabasetyhini abancinci bejikela kumadoda amadala ukuze bazive bekhuselekile, abafazi abadala bayazithemba kwaye bayazithemba ngokwabo.
Abasetyhini abangadingi kuqinisekiswa rhoqo banomtsalane omkhulu emadodeni, ngakumbi abancinci abadiniweyo ngabasweleyo, Amantombazana anamathele abafuna yonke ingqalelo yabo.
Abafazi abadala banomdla wabo, kwaye bayayixabisa indawo yabo, kwaye emva koko, bakhuthaze amaqabane abo ukuba akhule njengabantu-ayisiyiyo nje ngokwandiswa kwabo.
Kuza kubakho abantu abangabuhloniphiyo ubudlelwane bakho, ngokuqinisekileyo… kodwa emva koko, ezo ntlobo zabantu zinokufumana isiphoso malunga nayo nayiphi na intsebenziswano.
Ayinanto yakwenza nawe, nayo yonke into enokwenza nemicimbi yabo yobuqu.
Eyona nto iphambili yile: abantu bazokucinga nantoni na abayithandayo, kwaye kukuwe ukumisela ukuba ingaba izimvo zabo zibalulekile kuwe okanye akunjalo.
Ekugqibeleni, ubudala ngenene linani, kwaye uthando ligqitha kwimida yabantu.
Ukuba niyathandana, kwaye ninoyolo, yiyo yonke loo nto ibalulekileyo.
Yibani nokulunga omnye komnye, nizonwabele, kwaye musani ukuzivumela ukuba ninyanzelwe yinkohliso yexesha.
Ngaba awuqinisekanga malunga nokungena nokuphuma kwendoda encinci kuwe? Thetha kwi-Intanethi kwingcali yobudlelwane kwi-Relationship Hero enokukunceda ufumane izinto. Ngokulula.
