Ubomi abuzange bunyuke ngaphandle kwakho kholwa ibe.
Andizukunika iminyaka yam, kodwa into endizakuyithetha kukuba andiyiyo inkukhu yasentwasahlobo. Ndihlala ndizibuza, xa ndiza kwenza into entsha: “Ndimdala ngale nto?”
Njengoko ndiguga, kukho ukuthandabuza okukhulayo ukuzama izinto ezintsha kuba ndisiva elo lizwi ligingqizayo emva kwentloko yam lisithi, “Umdala kakhulu, akukho sizathu sokuba uqale ngoku, kuya kufuneka ubeneminyaka engama-20 ukuze ufumane ithuba kuyo. ”Kuthatha umgudu omninzi ukulityhalela ezantsi usuku ngalunye, kodwa ndiyayenza.
Ngoba?
Ndikwenza oko kuba ukuphila ubomi bam obugqwesileyo ayikokuba 'kubudala obufanelekileyo,' kungokwenyani Ubomi obuphilayo ngokupheleleyo kwaye ndenza le nto ndifuna ukuyenza kobu bomi, kuba konke endinako ngoku . Ndinokuba namaninzi ngomso, ndinokuba nalo-ke elona nyathelo lilungileyo kukwenza into endizisela uvuyo namhlanje.
Ubudala buhlobene. Ngaba unokuba yi-supermodel kwi-70? Mhlawumbi akunjalo. Kwiminyaka engama-50, ngaba ungaqala uqeqesho lweMidlalo yeOlimpiki kwimidlalo ongazange uzame ngaphambili? Eyona mpendulo inyanisekileyo nguhayi. Kukho imida, kodwa kwakhona, ngelixa usenokungabi nguMichael Phelps olandelayo okanye uGiGi Hadid, oko akuthethi ukuba awunako ukulandela amaphupha akho kuba akusekho kuluntu 'ubudala obufanelekileyo.'
Ndiyalicekisa elo xesha, “Ubudala obufanelekileyo.” Nguye kuphela umhlwayeli omkhulu wamathandabuzo kunye nombulali wamaphupha. Njengolunye uhlobo lweeGoldilocks ezizama eso sitya sokugqibela sesidudu, sime kwimeko yokuba sikholelwe ukuba kukho ubudala obulungile. Kunye nolo luvo, kuza 'imigaqo' kumdlalo wobomi:
Kuya kufuneka utshate xa sele ufike kwiminyaka yamashumi amabini, hayi kwangoko kakhulu, kodwa hayi emva kwexesha kakhulu ukuba uphoswe kunene umntu uhlala ejikeleze i-27-30, emdala ngokwaneleyo ukuba yenza isigqibo sobulumko , kodwa bancinci ngokwaneleyo ukuba bangahlekiswa ngathi bakhetha kakhulu ukulinda ixesha elide.
Abasetyhini kufuneka babe nabantwana nge-35 yobudala okanye uThixo angavumeli, izinto ezimbi ziya kwenzeka kubo. Bahlala behlaselwa ngesoyikiso seengxaki zempilo ezinokubakho kunye neziphene zokuzalwa. Ukuba banabantwana, bamakwe ngokuhlekisayo 'umama okhulileyo' ebaleni lokudlala, bebhengezwe ngabazali abancinci bebuza imibuzo engathandekiyo, okanye benika amagqabantshintshi angacelwanga kwaye abuhlungu njengokuthi, “Andazi ukuba ukwenze njani xa uneminyaka engama-40. Ukuba nabantwana emva kweminyaka engama-30, oko kuyingozi kakhulu. ”
Enye into endiyithandayo yeyokuba xa uneminyaka engama-30, kulindeleke ukuba ube nomsebenzi ozinzileyo, umvuzo ofanelekileyo, ube negalelo kwipenshini, kwaye ujonge ukuthenga indlu (ngokunokwenzeka nomntu owatshata naye “kwiminyaka egqibeleleyo” engama-27. ).
umfana wam akafuni kutshata
Ubomi bucacisiwe kakuhle kuthotho lweziganeko ezilandelelanayo ekufuneka sizibethe ngathi ngabatoli babetha inkohliso. Akumangalisi ke ukuba abantu bazive ngathi bafikelele kubudala obuthile, ukuba eyona minyaka yabo ilungileyo isemva kwabo, kwaye 'abakwazi' kuba umhla welayisensi yabo yokuqhuba uthi badala kakhulu ukuba bangadada, thatha i-ballet, qalisa ukucula, ujoyine iqela lokumatsha, ufundise, njl.
Ndineendaba zakho: ayinguye wonke umdlali weqonga, umbhali, imvumi, okanye iimbaleki eziqale ikhondo labo besebancinci. Uninzi luye lwahluthwa nje kwaye luqhubeka lusenza oko luthandayo lade lafika ikhefu elinethamsanqa. Baninzi abantu abaye bayaphula imiqobo yobudala kwaye boyisa ukungangqinelani, beza kweyona ndawo intle yobomi babo ngaphaya kwama-20, 30s nama-40.
UCharles Darwin wayeneminyaka engama-50 xa wayebhala Kwimvelaphi yeeNdidi ngo-1859. Umyili wefashoni odumileyo, uVera Wang, akazange aqale ukuyila iilokhwe zomtshato de wabetha i-40. Intsomi yencwadi yamahlaya uStan Lee wayeneminyaka engama-39 xa wayebhala uSigcawu-Mntu. USamuel L. Jackson wayeneminyaka engama-46 xa waba ligama lekhaya kunye Ipulp engeyonyani , kunye nompheki odumileyo uJulia Childs wenza umboniso wakhe, Umpheki waseFrance, kwiminyaka ecacileyo engama-51. Le yincam yomkhenkce, uluhlu luphelele.
Unokuthanda (inqaku liyaqhubeka ngezantsi):
- Ukuba uyoyika ukulandela amaphupha akho, funda oku
- Izinto eziyi-8 uninzi lwabantu oluthatha ixesha lokuphila ukuze uzifunde
- Izicatshulwa ezili-15 zokuKhumbula xa uziva ulahlekile ebomini
- Inyaniso Embi Ngobomi ekungekho mntu ufuna ukukuxelela yona
- Isizathu esiyiyo sokuba woyike ukusilela (kwaye kufuneka wenze ntoni ngayo)
- Kutheni ufuna iSicwangciso soPhuculo lwaBantu (kunye nezinto ezisi-7 ekufuneka ukuba unazo)
Kwinqaku lobuqu, kufuneka ndibongele umakhulu ngokunyamezela kwam. Umakhulu wam wafuduka ePoland esiya eKhanada xa wayeneminyaka engama-50. Akuyondlwan 'iyanetha ukwenza lo mqobo kulwimi, kunye nobudala. Andazi abantu abaninzi kakhulu abanokuthi ngokuzithandela bashiye yonke into kwaye bafudukele kwelinye ilizwe ukuze baqale ubomi kwakhona, benze isangqa esitsha sabahlobo, kwaye bafune umsebenzi ngelixa bejamelene nobudala obunokubakho.
Engoyiki kuko konke oko, wanyamezela, wafunda isiNgesi, wabhalisa kwikholeji, kwaye waba ngutitshala wenkulisa. Khange ayivumele le ngcinga yokuba umdala kakhulu ukuba angaqala ukufunda ulwimi olutsha, ukuya kwikholeji, ukuba ngutitshala, okanye ukwenza abahlobo abatsha, ukumnqanda ekuthatheni intshontsho. Uyenzile nje.
Ukukhawuleza phambili kwiminyaka emininzi kamva. Xa ndafudukela eNgilani ndineminyaka engaphaya kwama-30, kwaye bendihamba namaza okukhumbula ekhaya, kwaye ndiziva ndindodwa ndedwa, bendisoloko ndicinga ngomakhulu kwaye ndathi ngaphakathi, 'Ukuba angayenza eneminyaka engama-50, ndingayenza nam.' Ndizikhumbuze ukuba ayingomntu mdala kuphela, kodwa wayenexesha elinzima ngakumbi ngenxa yomqobo wokuqala wolwimi.
Ndikhuphe iphepha kwincwadi yakhe, ndanyamezela, ndaziphosa ekwakheni ubomi endandifuna ukubanabo. Ndenze isangqa esondeleleneyo sabahlobo, kwaye ekugqibeleni ndawufumana umsebenzi kwindawo endiyikhethileyo. Khange ndiyivumele into yokuba ndimdala xa ndifudukele kwelinye ilizwe ndedwa undilahle kumdlalo wam. Ndayithatha kwinqanaba lam. Kwakoyikisa, kunzima, kodwa kufanelekile.
Ke kutheni le nto le mvakalelo yokufikelela kwinqanaba elithile ixhaphake kakhulu phakathi kwethu?
Ingxaki ilele ngendlela yobudala eboniswa ngayo kumajelo eendaba. I-Ageism iyaphila kwaye iphilile. Sijonge imifanekiso yabantu abancinci, abashushu, abahle, besenza izinto ezintle, kwaye bephila ubomi obonwabisayo. Xa abantu abadala besenza izinto ezibalaseleyo sijonga kancinci ukuba baphumeze okuthile. Kunqabile ukuba sibhiyozele abantu abadala njengoko kufanele ukubhiyozelwa. Amajelo osasazo abenza ukuba baphumelele, okanye bawahlambe njengezinto ezinqabileyo ezinqabileyo ezinqabileyo ezingaqhelekanga.
Nantsi into - bubuxoki obo. Thina 'singabantu abaqhelekileyo,' amaqhuma, amaqhuma, imibimbi konke, sisona sikhulu. Le mizimba ishushu, incinci (ihlala igcwele umoya) yimizimba embalwa. Siye saqiniswa ukuba sikholwe ngokuchaseneyo. Sikhokelwa ekubeni sikholelwe ukuba sakuba sifikile 'kubudala obuphakamileyo' kwaye sawela uluntu olucingayo olusibekele lona, asibonakali.
Kulapho ke luqala khona uluvo olukhohlisayo lokuba sifikelele kwincopho yethu ebomini, kwaye apho kumnandi, kwaye siphila ubomi ngokupheleleyo. Sifuna abeendaba ukuba benyukele phezulu kwaye baqale ukubhiyozela impumelelo yabantu abadala njengesiqhelo, hayi njengesiqhelo. Kufuneka sibhiyozele ubulumko kunye namava, hayi ukukhonza kuphela ukujonga kunye nolutsha.
Umbutho ujike iminyaka yobudala ibe yinto ebonakalisa zonke izigqibo zethu, ngokuzazi, nangokuqonda. Ngaba thina? Akufanelekanga? Izokundenza njani ukuba ndijonge iminyaka yam? Yeka ukwenza oku. Yeka ukuzilimaza. Akukho 'ncopho' - ikhona namhlanje. Kukho ukukhanya kwelanga, kukho ukuthandana, kukho ukukhathazeka, ukumangaliswa, ukuhleka, ingoma, kunye nezinto ezingenakuchazwa onokukhetha ukuzenza ngobomi bakho, okanye kuhleli ekhaya uvumele ubomi budlule kuwe ngoba umntu uthe umdala kakhulu ukuba ungazama.
Thatha ukhetho lwakho.
Ndiyayifumana, akukho lula ukuphinda uhlengahlengise amazwi amabi kwiintloko zethu, ukucima, okanye ukungawahoyi ngalo lonke ixesha. Kuthatha umsebenzi onzima kunye nokuziqhelanisa nokutyhala loo mazwi, kodwa yenze.
Sonke siyaguga, akunakuphepheka ukuba sonke siyakuba badala ngenye imini. Asiyi kuba nama-25 ngonaphakade. Ke kutheni sinyanzelisa ukuba sizibambe kumgangatho ongenakwenzeka ebomini bethu bonke? Isitshixo kukuba qhubeka usenza into oyenzayo ukuba uyayonwabela, kwaye vumela abo bathandanayo baphele ngasemva.
Khumbula: ubomi buphezulu kuphela ukuba uyakholelwa ibe.
Ngaba oku kuyavakala nakuwe? Ngaba ukhe wagxeka abagxeki kunye nabathandabuzayo-ngaphakathi nangaphandle- kwaye walandela iphupha okanye injongo edlulileyo 'incopho' yeminyaka uluntu oluchaza yona kuthi? Shiya iikhomenti ezingezantsi kwaye wabelane ngebali lakho nabanye abafundi.
