Xa uqala ukwazi imeko yokuhlukumeza ubudlelwane bomhlobo, kunokuba nzima ukwazi ukuba wenzeni kwaye ungabanceda njani. Nokuba bangaphathwa gadalala kangakanani na, kufuneka unyathele ngononophelo ukuze ubaxhase ngaphandle kokubeka emngciphekweni ukunyuka nokuziphindezela kumaqabane abo.
Ukuba ukule meko kwaye awuqinisekanga ngamanyathelo afanelekileyo oza kuwathatha, le ngcebiso ilandelayo inokuba luncedo.
* Nceda uqaphele ukuba eli nqaku lisebenzisa izimelabizo zobufazi yena kunye naye ukwenza lula ukufunda, kodwa amadoda anokuba kwaye angamaxhoba okuphathwa gadalala nawo.
1. Kholelwa kuye!
Ubudlelwane obuxhaphazayo abusoloko bubonakala kwangoko kumntu ongaphandle, kwaye kusenokwenzeka ukuba umhlobo wakho ukhetha ukuzityand 'igila kuwe xa eziva ekulungele.
Ukuba uyafuna ukuthetha nawe malunga nokuphathwa gadalala, ngenxa yezulu mkholelwe! Ukuba awuzange ukhe uphathwe gadalala, kunokuba lula ukubeka intandabuzo malunga nale nto uyixelelwayo.
Usenokuba uhlala ufumanisa iqabane labo ukuba lilungile kwaye linobuntu, kodwa oku akuthethi ukuba abakhohlakali nakwezeminyango zivaliweyo. Ngamanye amaxesha, iqabane liya kubamba umsebenzi olungileyo, libe nabahlobo abaninzi, kwaye libonakalise ulonwabo ngaphandle, kodwa abakhohlisi ziinkosi zokuzifihla kwicala labo elinobundlongondlongo.
Ke sukuzigxotha izinto ezixhalabisa umhlobo wakho ngokuthi ‘u-ethe-ethe’ okanye ‘akanakuze enze into enjalo,’ kuba ebengayi kuba ethetha nawe xa engaziva esongelwa.
usifumana njani isazisi sakho
2. Mxelele ukuba ukhathazekile.
Ukuba umhlobo wakho akathethi nawe malunga nayo kuqala, kodwa kukho imiqondiso ecacileyo yobudlelwane obuhlukumezayo, kungafuneka uphakamise isihloko naye.
Isenokungazicingeli njengexhoba lokuxhatshazwa, ngenxa yoko awunako ukuya kuyo yonke imipu evuthayo. Kufuneka uhlale phantsi ngokuzolileyo umazise ukuba unenkxalabo ngempilo yakhe.
Mxelele ngento oyibonileyo nokuba kutheni ikukhathaza, kodwa yigcine iyinyani kwaye inenjongo kangangoko. Sukuvumela uluvo lwakho lweqabane lakhe lukuhende ekubaxeni okanye ekuyileni iziganeko ukunceda ukwenza ityala lakho. Yigcine imfutshane kwaye inobuhlobo.
3. Yenza indawo ekhuselekileyo apho angathetha ngokuphandle kwaye angabikho ekugwebeni.
Xa umhlobo wakho ekulungele ukuthetha nawe ngemeko yakhe, kubalulekile ukuba wenze indawo (emzimbeni nasengqondweni / ngokweemvakalelo) azive ekhuselekile kwaye ekhululekile kuyo.
Eyona nto ibaluleke kakhulu kukumamela le ayithethayo kwaye ususe sonke isigwebo kwimpendulo yakho nakwindlela oziphethe ngayo. Uya kuthi azive ehlazekile malunga nokuba ubudlelwane bakhe buphele njani, kwaye kungumsebenzi wakho ukuzama ukunciphisa eli hlazo, HAYI ukuyandisa.
Sukuya kumbuza ukuba angayenza njani ‘lento yenzeke,’ kwaye uphephe nawaphi na amaxesha ‘okuxelele’ ukuba ubumlumkisile ngaphambili ngeqabane lakhe. Ufuna ukuziva uthando nenkxaso yakho, hayi ukuphoxeka kwakho.
Khumbula, kwanesenzo sokuthetha sisoyiso uqobo, kwaye kuya kufuneka wenze yonke into esemandleni akho ukuyenza ibe ngamava aqinisekileyo ukuze azive ekwazi ukuzityand 'igila kuwe kwakhona.
Mqinisekise ukuba ukuxhatshazwa ayilotyala lakhe.
Enye yeendlela eziphambili zokuba abaphathe gadalala baxhaphaze amaxhoba abo kukubaqinisekisa ukuba banetyala ngokwenzekayo. Basebenzisa iingcinga ezijijekileyo ukwahlula ityala kwixhoba kuba abanako kwaphela ukwamkela uxanduva ngezenzo zabo.
Unale nto engqondweni, kubalulekile ukuba umqinisekise kaninzi umhlobo wakho ukuba uxhatshazo olo aluphethwe lilo. Unokunyanzelisa ukuba amkele ityala, ukuba ayingabo bonke, kwaye anike izizathu zokuba iqabane lakhe linokuziphatha ngendlela abaziphatha ngayo.
Kuya kufuneka ulwe nale ntetho kwaye uxele urhulumente ngokucacileyo ukuba impatho-mbi ayisoloko iyimpendulo eyamkelekileyo kuyo nantoni na ayenzileyo.
5. Sebenzisa ulwimi olungathath'icala, ngakumbi xa uthetha ngomxhaphazi.
Xa uxoxa ngale meko kunye nomhlobo wakho, kubalulekile ukuba uyeke ukusebenzisa ulwimi anokulufumana luvusa inkanuko. Oku kubaluleke ngakumbi xa uthetha ngeqabane lakhe.
Unokwazi ukuyibona into ayiyo, kodwa uya kuhlala eneemvakalelo ezinamandla zothando kunye nokumdumisa. Ukuba uyamcaphukisa uze umtyibilikise ngendlela amphathe ngayo, unokuzama ukumthethelela kunye nezenzo zakhe. Oku kuyakuba yinto engenabungozi kubo bobabini ubuhlobo bakho kunye nokwahlukana kwakhe ekugqibeleni neqabane lakhe.
Kangangoko kunokwenzeka, incoko kufuneka ihlale ijolise kuye kwaye uziva njani, ngelixa uthintela ingxoxo ethe ngqo malunga neqabane lakhe. Ngokucacileyo uya kufuna ukwazi iinkcukacha, kodwa zama ukunqanda ukuthetha kakhulu ngaye ngenxa yezizathu ezichazwe apha ngasentla.
6.Mxelele ukuba akayedwa.
Amaxhoba empatho-gadalala ahlala eziva yedwa, kwaye esoyika ukuvula ubungakanani beengxaki zawo. Kukho ukubekwa ibala okungaxelwanga ekuxhatshazweni kwaye oku kungakhokelela kwinqanaba lokuziva lihlazo ngabo bakufumanayo.
Njengomhlobo wakhe, kuya kufuneka uyicacise kwasekuqaleni ukuba akananto anokuziva eneentloni ngayo. Kuya kufuneka umazise ukuba akayedwa kwingxaki yakhe, kwaye baninzi abantu abaye baphathwa gadalala kwaye baphumelela kuyo.
Ulwazi nje lokuba akufuneki ahlupheke yedwa lunokuba yintuthuzelo enkulu kuye. Ngenkxaso yabahlobo abanjengawe, uya kuba nakho ukusinda kubudlelwane bakhe obuhlukumezayo kwaye aqale inkqubo yokuphilisa.
7. Mxelele ukuba uyakuhlala ukulungele ukumnceda.
Ukuze inkxaso yakho isebenze, kufuneka inyaniseke kwaye ingaguquguquki. Umhlobo wakho kufuneka ayazi loo nto, nokuba kwenzeka ntoni kwixesha elizayo, uya kuba lapho xa ekufuna.
Kuza kubakho amaxesha apho uya kunikina intloko ungakholelwa kwizenzo zakhe, kwaye kufuneka uzilungiselele xa esenza ngokuchasene nengcebiso omnike yona. Kuthatha isibindi sokuzisusa kubudlelwane obufana nale, ke sukucinga ukuba iincoko ezimbalwa ziya kwanela ukumenza abone ukuqonda.
Ukuba uyazi ukuba uya kuma ngakuye nantoni na, uya kuhlala eziva ekhululekile ukuthetha ngeengxaki zakhe nawe. Ukuba akaqinisekanga ngokuzibophelela kwakho, angangxama kwaye athandabuze ukuza kuwe xa efuna uncedo.
8. Mnike ixesha lokwenza eyakhe indlela aphume kubudlelwane.
Ukuba ufuna ukuba ngumhlobo wenene kumntu onobundlobongela, kufuneka ube nomonde. Ukushiya enye kunqabile ukuba kube yinkqubo ethe ngqo, ngakumbi ukuba kukho izinto ezinje ngabantwana ekufuneka ziqwalaselwe. Kuthatha ixesha kwaye, amaxesha amaninzi kuninzi, iinzame ezininzi ezingaphumelelanga zokubaleka ngaphambi kokuba inamathele.
Umhlobo wakho unokuba neenjongo ezintle zokuphuma kubudlelwane bakhe, kodwa usenokuzabalaza nenyani yokwenza oko kanye. Zininzi izizathu Kutheni abantu behlala kubudlelwane obuhlukumezayo , kubandakanya uxanduva lwezezimali, uloyiko, ukuzithemba okuphantsi, kunye nolindelo lwenkcubeko.
Ukuba uziva engenakho ukumshiya, uyakukunyamezela ukuxhatshazwa kude kufike ixesha apho efumana isibindi sokwenza njalo. Khumbula, amaqabane axhaphazayo aqhelekile ukuphatha abo banokuthi balawule indlela abaziphethe ngayo kangangeminyaka okanye nangaphezulu koku kungaze kube lula.
9. Zama ukuqonda izizathu zakhe zokuhlala.
Ukuze uhlale ungumhlobo ozinikeleyo ixesha elide, kufuneka uzame ukuzibeka ezihlangwini zakhe. Banokubonakala bengekho ngqiqweni kuwe ngelo xesha, kodwa ukuba ungazama ukuqonda izizathu zakhe zokuhlala kubudlelwane, uya kuba nakho ukulungela ukumnceda nokumxhasa.
Uya kuzabalaza uvelane naye ukuba awunako ukwemba ngaphantsi komphezulu ukuze utyhile ubudlelwane obunamandla obumenza abuyele kwiqabane lakhe. Yeka ukujonga izinto ngokwembono yakho kwaye uzame ukuzibona ngamehlo akhe.
Zama ukuziva uthando asenalo, uloyiko olumkhubazayo, ukungabi nathemba okwenza umbono wakhe ungathandabuzeki, kunye nentandabuzo ebeka isithunzi engqondweni yakhe. Ukufezekisa oku kwaye uya kufumana inkuthazo yokugcina umnika uthando, inkathalo kunye nobuhlobo.
Izithuba ezihambelanayo (inqaku liyaqhubeka ngezantsi):
- AbaLwimi beeNarcissist basebenzise ukuGweba kunye nokuKhathaza amaxhoba abo
- Uthando lweBhombu: Umqondiso osisilumkiso kwangethuba wokuba uthandana neNarcissist
- Indlela yokujongana neNarcissist: Ekuphela kwendlela eQinisekisiweyo yokuSebenza
- Iindlela zokuKopa xa ushiya iqabane laseNarcissistic ngasemva
10. Sihlonele nanini na isigqibo asenzayo.
Umhlobo wakho uya kuthatha izigqibo ezikudidayo ngokupheleleyo kwaye ongavumelani kwaphela nazo, kodwa nokuba kunjalo, kufuneka ulihloniphe ilungelo lakhe lokuzikhethela.
Nokuba kunzima kangakanani ukuzibamba, musa ukubonisa ukuphoxeka xa esenza into owaziyo ukuba iza kumzisela iintlungu (njengokuhlala naye, okanye ukubuyela kwiqabane lakhe). Sebenzisa ukuqonda okufumene kwinqanaba elidlulileyo ukuhambisa iimvakalelo zakho zibe yinto entle ngakumbi.
Mxelele ukuba uyasamkela ngokupheleleyo isigqibo sakhe, kwaye awugwebi sisigqibo asenzileyo. Mxelele ukuba uyayiqonda indlela ekunzima ngayo ukuba zizo izinto kuye, kwaye umnqwenelela okuhle kodwa.
11. Mnike amandla, musa ukuwathatha amandla akhe.
Kunokulinga kakhulu ukuzama ukungenelela kwaye ulawule imeko ngokumxelela into ekufuneka eyenzile. Ngelishwa, unokuyibona ngendlela eyahluke mpela.
Ukuba ubandakanyeka kwishishini lakhe buqu, unokukucaphukela. Njengexhoba lokuxhatshazwa, uya kubanjwa amandla akhe kuye amaxesha ngamaxesha ukuze akubone ngokufanayo ukuba uzama ukuthatha ubomi bakhe.
Endaweni yoko, kufuneka uzame ukwakha ukuzithemba anakho ekupheliseni ukuxhatshazwa kunye nokushiya ubudlelwane. Khumbula, usenokungakulungeli ngokupheleleyo ukujongana nokuxhatshazwa ekuqaleni, yiyo loo nto umonde okhankanywe apha ngasentla ubaluleke kakhulu.
Ungazami ukumnyanzela kuyo nantoni na, kodwa mkhumbuze ukuba unamandla okutshintsha ikhondo lebali lakhe xa sele elungele oko. Qhubeka uqinisa lo myalezo uqinisekileyo nanini na xa ubona okanye uthetha naye ukuze aqale ukutshintsha indlela yakhe yokucinga.
12. Khumbula ukuba awukho ukumhlangula.
Ukulandela ukusuka kwinqanaba elidlulileyo, kubalulekile ukuba uqonde ukuba yeyiphi indima yakho kwimeko. Awunguye umsindisi wakhe awunakumhlangula kwaye akufuneki uzame (ngaphandle kokuba inqaku 15 lidlala). Uya kuzihlangula xa eziva ekulungele.
Ungumntu obalulekileyo ebomini bakhe, omnceda ukuba abone ikamva eliqaqambileyo. Uyindlebe yokuthetha, igxalaba lokulilela, kunye neengalo ezifunekayo ukubamba ukuwola okuthuthuzelayo. Ezi zinto zibalulekile kuye ukuze afumaneke kwaye kuya kufuneka ulazi ixabiso azizisayo.
13.Mazise ukuba wonke umntu ufanelwe bubudlelwane obunempilo nobunothando.
Akuqhelekanga ukuba ixhoba lokuxhatshazwa likholelwe ukuba lifanelwe unyango olunjalo, kwaye yile ndlela ubudlelwane obukhoyo. Ukuba umhlobo wakho akalwazanga uhlobo lwempilo entle, enothando olonwabileyo ebomini bakho, usenokungayiqondi ukuba imeko yakhe ayiqhelekanga.
Kuya kufuneka umfundise ukuba ubudlelwane obukhathalayo ngokwenene bukhangeleka njani ukuze aqale ukuqonda ukuba bunjani impilo yakhe. Ngaphaya koko, akube azi ukuba zikhangeleka njani, kufuneka umqinisekise ukuba wonke umntu kweli hlabathi ufanelwe kukuthandwa ngale ndlela.
14. Mqondise kwiinkonzo ezikhethekileyo… xa sele ekulungele.
Njengomhlobo, uya kuba yinxalenye ebalulekileyo yokubaleka kubudlelwane bakhe obuhlukumezayo, kodwa kuya kubakho izinto ongenakumenzela zona. Unokufuna iinkonzo zenkxaso ezizodwa zombutho ozinikeleyo ukumnceda enze into eyenzekileyo kwaye umnike izixhobo azidingayo ukuze abuyele kwimeko yakhe.
Unokufuna ukukhankanya ezo nkonzo kuye xa uxoxa ngobudlelwane bakhe, kodwa ungangqinelani nayo. Ukufuna olu hlobo lwenkxaso linyathelo elikhulu kakhulu kunokuzithemba kumhlobo anokufuna ixesha ngaphambi kokuba akulungele ukunxibelelana nabo. Zilungiselele iinkcukacha xa ekugqibeleni ezifuna.
15. Ukuba ungqina ubundlobongela, phuma uye ubize amapolisa.
Ngelishwa, kunokwenzeka ukuba ungazibonela izenzo zobundlobongela kumhlobo wakho, kwaye inye kuphela inyathelo lokuthatha xa kusenzeka oku: zisuse kwimeko leyo kwaye utsalele amapolisa kwangoko.
Ukuba ungamkhupha umhlobo wakho naye, yenza njalo, kodwa ungaze uzifake engozini. Nokuba uziva ufuna ukuzama ukunceda, kungcono ungabeki impilo yakho emngciphekweni. Fowunela amapolisa ubacacisele ukuba isenzo sobundlobongela siyenzeka.
Kukho iindlela ezahlukeneyo zokuxhatshazwa kubudlelwane, kodwa zonke zibangela ukwenzakala kumaxhoba. Ndiyathemba ukuba eli nqaku likunike iingcebiso malunga nendlela onokuthi uxhase ngayo umhlobo oselubanjweni olo lwalamano.
Unokufumana iingcebiso ngakumbi ngokutsalela kwezi nombolo:
- I-US-Inombolo yeSizwe yoBundlobongela baseKhaya (1-800-799-7233)
- I-UK-Inombolo yoNcedo lwaBundlobongela baseKhaya ku-0808 2000 247)
Ngaba ukhe waphathwa gadalala liqabane? Okanye ngaba ukhona umntu omaziyo onayo? Leliphi elinye icebo onokuthi ulinike abahlobo abafuna ukwenza konke okusemandleni abo ukunceda? Shiya iikhomenti ezingezantsi ukuze wabelane ngeengcebiso zakho.
