Kulula ukuziva ngathi uwedwa ekubeni nobudlelwane obunengxaki nomntakwenu xa ujonga ngapha kwakho kwindawo ebonakala ngathi sisininzi sabantu abadlala iintsapho ezonwabileyo.
Kodwa akunjalo kwaphela.
Kungenxa yokuba umbono wosapho olugqibeleleyo, apho ubudlelwane buhle, buhambelana, bunothando, kwaye buxhasa, luphawu oluphambili kwinkcubeko yethu.
Ngu imbono engekho ngqiqweni yomelezwa yifilimu, umabonwakude, intengiso, kunye neemagazini ezenziwe ngombala, kwaye ubukhulu becala zizinto ezenziwayo.
Ukuba lo mbono ugalelwe iswekile ayisiyonyani ngenxa yengxabano yabantakwenu, kulula ukuba uzive ungonelanga.
Kwaye ukuba wahlukanisiwe nomnye okanye nangaphezulu kubantakwenu, ke iiholide, imitshato yosapho, imingcwabo, kunye neminye imibhiyozo ekwabelwana ngayo okanye iminyhadala inokugcwala nge-kaleidoscope yeemvakalelo ezinzima.
Hayi, iibhondi zomntakwenu aziqhawuki.
Sifundisiwe ukuba igazi liyajiya kunamanzi kwaye ubudlelwane bethu bosapho busibophelela kunye ukusukela ekuzalweni ukuya engcwabeni.
Ngokwenyani, nangona kunjalo, ebudeni beminyaka emininzi besabelana ngeendonga ezine ezifanayo zekhaya losapho, bekhwela kwiindawo eziphakamileyo kwaye benyamezele ezantsi, kunjalo ayinakuphepheka ukuba ubuntu buza kungqubana kunye neembambano.
Imiba efana nokukhetha kwabazali, okwenyani okanye okucingelwayo, injengebhokisi yetinder, iphembelela ingqumbo kunye nokungevani phakathi kwabantakwenu.
Uluhlu lwezinye izinto ezidlala indima lide, kwaye lubonisa imicimbi enzima:
-Umphathe gadalala ngokwasemzimbeni, ngokweemvakalelo okanye ngokwesondo.
Ukhuphiswano lokuqwalaselwa.
- Umahluko wezimvo malunga nobudlelwane kwezothando kunye nezopolitiko.
Ukuziva ungcatshiwe.
-Ukungabikho kwenkxaso yeemvakalelo.
Imiba yezemali enje ngamafa angalinganiyo.
Uluhlu luyaqhubeka kwaye luqhubeke, uninzi lwezinto ezibangela ukuba zendele nzulu kwi-psyche kwaye zibe neziphumo ezibalulekileyo.
Kwaye, xa abantakwethu okanye oosisi-in-mthetho bengena kwisakhelo kwaye baxhase ukungavisisani kusapho olusele lukhona olunamandla, oko kuvula yonke enye into enokubakho yokuphambuka phakathi kwabantakwenu: ukuqinisa iintlungu ezindala okanye ukudala ezintsha.
Amanani ohlukaniso losapho.
Kuyavela ukuba maninzi amalungu eklabhu yosapho eyahlukileyo kunokuba ubucinga.
Isifundo e-US amaxabiso oxeliweyo okwahlukana kwiintsapho ezikufutshane ze-17%.
Uvavanyo olwenziwe e-UK ucebisa ukuba i-20% yeentsapho zijongana nokwahlukaniswa - yenye yazo ezintlanu!
Ke, amanani abantu phaya abelana ngentlungu yakho abalulekile.
Kwaye okwangoku, ngaphandle kokuxhaphaka kwayo, ukwahlulwa kosapho sisifundo esingathandekiyo - abo bachaphazeleka kuko bathambekele ekungawuxubushi lo mbandela kwiforum ebanzi.
Kubonakala ngathi baziva benyanzelekile ukugcina ulwazi luyimfihlo, mhlawumbi ngenxa yokuba ubunyani babo abuhambelani nemodeli (yasentsomini) 'efanelekileyo yosapho'.
Kwaye, kwiimeko apho bavulekileyo, baziva bevezwa kwaye bengasekelwa njengoko ibala eliqhotyoshelwe kwisihloko lingenakuphikwa.
Iindlela ezili-11 zokujongana nobudlelwane obunzima bomntwana wakowenu.
Apha kulapho sinika khona ingcebiso ngendlela yokuphatha ubudlelwane obunengxaki nomntakwenu.
imibuzo ekwenza ubuze ubomi
Mhlawumbi kuya kubakho ukwakha iibhlorho. Mhlawumbi akunjalo.
Nokuba yeyiphi na into oyithathayo kweli nqaku, hlala ukhumbula ukuba, ekugqibeleni, yeyakho impilo yengqondo kunye nentliziyo ethambileyo esesichengeni. Kuya kufuneka wenze eyona nto ilungele wena.
Unoko engqondweni, Nazi ezinye izinto onokuzenza.
1. Hlalutya into engalunganga kunye nendlela ekwenza uzive ngayo.
Kulula ngokwaneleyo ukuvumela izinto zikhwele kwaye uhlala usenza izizathu zokuziphatha komntakwenu.
Kodwa ngenxa yempambano yakho, kuyeza ixesha apho kuya kufuneka uchonge ngokuchanekileyo indlela yokuziphatha enetyhefu .
Ngapha koko, kuya kufuneka uthathele ingqalelo ukuba ezi ndlela zokuziphatha zichaphazela njani wena kunye nosapho ngokubanzi.
Ityhefu inokuzibonakalisa ngeendlela ezininzi. Mhlawumbi umntakwenu / udadewenu uhlala engakuhoyi konke okuphuma emlonyeni wakho, ebonisa ukungaziphathi kakuhle, engaphumeleli ukubonisa uvelwano, okanye kubonakala ngathi uvuyela onke amathuba okukubeka phantsi.
Emva kokuchonga ubunjani bokuziphatha, jolisa kwindlela ekuluchaphazela ngayo uxolo lwakho lwengqondo ngokubanzi, imo yakho yeemvakalelo, amanqanaba amandla kunye nokuzithemba.
Eli linyathelo lokuqala lokuzinika amandla okusingatha imeko kunye nokuqonda impendulo yakho yeemvakalelo.
2. Yeka ukuzama ukuthethelela indlela yokuziphatha okungalunganga.
Mhlawumbi ujonge ukungaziphathi kakuhle komntakwenu, ngaphandle kwentlungu ekubangela yona, ukugcina nje uxolo nosapho lonke.
Kodwa, ukuba indlela abaziphethe ngayo iyityhefu kangangokuba iyayonakalisa imbono yakho yempilo-ntle, ke kubalulekile ukuba uzibeke ngaphambili kunye neziko lenguqu.
Ukuba amajelo onxibelelwano asavulekile, umntakwenu onengxaki kufuneka azi indlela oziva ngayo. Ukuphonononga izizathu zomsantsa ovulekileyo kubalulekile.
3. Ngaba ukwahlulwa kwabantu kuphela kwendlela?
Ukwahlukana phakathi kwabantakwenu kuneemvakalelo ezingahambelaniyo nolwalamano lwakho kwangoko kunye nefuthe kusapho olubanzi olunamandla. Abazali kunye nabanye abantakwenu baya kuziva nabo.
Imibhiyozo yosapho olukhulu okanye iminyhadala iyakhohlisa ukulawula xa ilaphu losapho likrazukile.
Ke, ukuba uthatha isigqibo sokushiya ubudlelwane, kufanele ukuba ibe ngenxa yezizathu ezifanelekileyo kwaye hayi nje isigqibo esenziwe ngokukhawuleza kubushushu bomzuzu.
Kwelinye icala, unokuba wenze konke okusemandleni akho ukuhambisa amanzi anengxaki, kodwa ekugqibeleni, umntakwenu usenokukhetha ukuzahlula ngaphandle kwemizamo yakho. Isigqibo sabo, ewe, ngaphandle kolawulo lwakho.
Ngoku kuya kufuneka ujonge ukuba ubuxabise kangakanani ubudlelwane, nokuba ukulungele na ukubulwela, okanye lifikile ixesha lokuba ubuyeke.
4. Ukuphumla nje okanye ikhefu elisisigxina?
Ngaba uyabona ukungavisisani phakathi kwakho kusombululeka, kunikwe ixesha elifanelekileyo lokupholisa?
Okanye ngaba umonakalo wenziwa nzulu kangangokuba isisombululo kuphela kukwahlukana okusisigxina?
Kufanelekile ukuthatha ixesha lokujonga ithemba lekamva elingafakwanga umntakwenu. Uziva njani lonto? Ngaba ukufumanisa kukhulu ukukhululeka okanye kukuzisela usizi?
Ukuba isigqibo sakho kukuzama ukuqhubeka nemizamo yakho yokwakha ibhulorho, zivule ukuze umamele ibali ngokwembono yomntakwenu.
Oku kuthetha ukuba kuyakufuneka wamkele isabelo sakho kwaye ucele uxolo.
xa i-narcissist ifuna ubuye
Ngokwe-psychologist yobudlelwane uGqirha Joshua Coleman , 'Uvelwano, uvelwano, uvelwano' isitshixo.
Uqhubeka echaza ukuba 'Abantu ababuyeli kwiintsapho kuba ubaphoxile, ngesiqhelo kuba baziva beqondakala.'
Ngelixa usenokufumanisa ukuba entliziyweni yakho ukuxolela kwaye ulibale, umntakwenu unokuba nzima ukwenza okufanayo. Yinto leyo oya kuyidinga ukuze uvumelane nayo ukuze ukwazi ukuya phambili.
Ngokuchasene noko, ukuba isigqibo sakho kukuphelisa ulwalamano ngokusisigxina, kuya kufuneka uyamkele into yokuba izizathu ezibangele umsindo kunye nokwahlukana kuya kuhlala kungaziwa.
Kwimeko engapheliyo, engenakoyiswa kwaye egqithisileyo, ukuhamba kunokuba kuphela kwendlela yokwenza isenzo ngenxa yempilo yakho yeemvakalelo kunye nengqondo.
Ungaze uzive unetyala lolona xanduva lwakho lukhulu kwimpilo-ntle yakho.
5. Qonda ukuba ngekhe umazi oyena nobangela wokuziphatha.
Unokubuza umntwana wakowenu ngokungqalileyo izizathu zokuba kutheni besenza ngale ndlela.
Okanye isenokungabi njalo, ngakumbi kwimeko apho lonke unxibelelwano luphelile kwaye amajelo onxibelelwano avaliwe ngokungenakurhoxiswa.
Nokuba kwimeko yangaphambili, akukho siqinisekiso sincinci sokwaneliseka kuwe, kuba indlela abaziphethe ngayo iya kulawulwa yindlela eyodwa abayicwangcisileyo kwaye baphendule kumava abo ebomini into abangenakulawula.
Unokucinga ukuba wabelana ngobomi obunye kwiindonga ezine ukusondela kwiminyaka engamashumi amabini, kodwa ukonyuselwa okufanayo-unyango oluqatha lwabazali, umzekelo-kunokubangela impendulo eyahlukileyo ngokupheleleyo.
Ukufunda ukuxabisa ukuba isimilo esinetyhefu sibangelwa kukungonwabi okanye inzulu ngaphakathi emntwini, nokuba uyayiqonda eyona nto ingunobangela okanye akunjalo, kuya kukunceda uqonde ukuba izenzo ezenzakalisayo zibonisa imeko yangaphakathi yomntu.
Ngenxa yoko, iimpembelelo zazo kuwe zinokungonakalisi kangako.
6. Sukubandakanya ezinye izalamane.
Ukucela amanye amalungu osapho ukuba akhethe icala akulunganga kwaye kunokwenzeka ukuba kulonyuse ulwahlulo.
Ukuba ingxaki iphakathi kwakho nomntakwenu kuphela, ke ukubandakanya usapho ngokubanzi kuya kukubeka emngciphekweni wokonakalisa ubudlelwane bakho nabo bonke.
7. Kuphephe ukusasaza intlebendwane.
Umdlalo wokugxeka yinto ongasoze uyiphumelele. Ayizukuzuza nto xa uthe wehla 'watsho' watsho.
Nokuba umntakwenu wenza elona nqanaba liphezulu ukujongela phantsi ubudlelwane bakho nosapho ngokubanzi ngokusasaza amarhe nokuhleba, kuya kufuneka ubengumntu ongcono. Ungazivumeli ukuba utshone kwinqanaba labo lokuziphatha.
Ukuba uyaziphindezela, uyakube usongeza amafutha kumlilo kwaye ubanike neembumbulu ukuba bazisebenzise ngokuchasene nawe.
8. Yamkela into yokuba ukulungisa ubudlelwane yindlela enendlela ezimbini.
Zama kangangoko ukulungisa iingcingo phakathi kwakho nomntakwenu ongamaziyo, ukuba umyolelo awukho kubo, ngekhe ufike kude.
Kude kube bakulungele ukutshintsha, ulwalamano lwakho luya kuhlala lukwimeko eyaphukileyo, kodwa akufuneki uthathe uxanduva lolo. Uzamile, kodwa abakwazanga okanye abafuni ukudibana nawe ngendlela engacacanga. Ayilotyala lakho elo.
Ukuba uvumela imeko yakho yengqondo ukuba itsalwe phantsi kukungavumi kwabo ukwala ukulungisa iingcingo, oyena mntu uza konakaliswa nguwe. Ungakuvumeli oko kwenzeke.
9. Musa ukuvumela izinto zikhule.
Njengoko bekutshiwo ngaphambili, umxholo wokwahlukana phakathi kwabantwana bakowenu awufane uxoxwe.
Kufanelekile ukukhumbula, nangona kunjalo, intetho yakudala leyo ‘Ingxaki ekwabelwana ngayo, yingxaki enesiqingatha. '
Ukuzifaka ezi mvakalelo zomeleleyo kuya kudala umthwalo okhulayo ngaphakathi kuwe, ke kubalulekile ukuba ufumane indlela yokwabelana ngeemvakalelo zakho nabo ubathembileyo.
Ayisiyokuthetha kuphela ngeemvakalelo zakho kunye nomhlobo othembekileyo kunyango, ikwanceda ukuba ufumane umbono malunga nemeko iyonke, uchonge ingcambu yomsindo wakho, kwaye uqinisekise iimvakalelo zakho.
Yazi nje ukuba ukubandakanya amalungu osapho kwezi ngxoxo akunabulumko, ngenxa yezizathu ezicacileyo
Xa kungekho ndlebe iphulaphulayo, ukuthetha nonyango kusenokuba sesona sisombululo sisiso.
10. Yiza ngobuchule kwiindibano zosapho.
Iindibano zosapho eziphawula iziganeko ezibalulekileyo kunye nemibhiyozo ayinakuze ibe lula xa ubudlelwane babantakwenu buphazamiseka okanye buphelile.
Kuba la mathuba ahlala kunzima ukuwaphepha ngaphandle kokukhathaza iimvakalelo, kuya kufuneka uzenze intsimbi ukuze uhlale unobubele kumntakwenu.
Yiba ngumntu ongcono kwaye uphakame ngaphezu kwayo nayiphi na intiyo okanye nayiphi na imizamo abanokuyenza ukuze ugculelwe.
Unokwazi ukunqanda unxibelelwano kwaye ke ungquzulwano ukuba unokufumana indlela yokwabelana ngombhiyozo ngosuku olwahlukileyo. Oku kunokuba yindlela elungileyo yokunciphisa uxinzelelo, hayi kuwe kuphela, kodwa nakwintsapho ebanzi nayo.
Umzekelo, ungabhiyozela usuku lokuzalwa kosapho ngenye imini kwangoko okanye ngolunye usuku emva kwexesha, ushiye umntakwenu ukuba athathe indawo ephambili ngalo mhla ngokwawo.
Okanye cinga ukudibana nolunye usapho ngobusuku beKrisimesi ukunqanda ukungqubana kweSuku lweKrisimesi.
Ungayinciphisa nayiphi na imvakalelo yokushiywa ngaphandle ngokwenza amasiko amatsha kwezi ntsuku zikhethekileyo kwaye ngenxa yoko wenze iinkumbulo zakho, kodwa ngaphandle koxinzelelo lokwabelana ngesihlandlo nomntakwenu ohlukanisiweyo.
11. Misela iinjongo zakho ukuya phambili.
Nokuba uthatha isigqibo sokuya kuyo yonke eyokwakha loo bhulorho kwaye ubuyise ubudlelwane bakho obuqhekekileyo okanye ukhethe ukuqhawulwa ngokusisigxina kwamaqhina, kuya kufuneka ujonge kwikamva kwaye ungagxili kwixhala elidlulileyo.
Kwimeko yokugqibela, kuya kufuneka ukrwele umgca entlabathini kwaye wamkele ubunyani bomntu umntakwenu oye waba, ngaphandle kobudlelwane obukade unabo.
Ngelixa oko kunokukuzisela intlungu, ukuphakanyiswa komthwalo weemvakalelo kuya kuzisa isiqabu njengembuyekezo.
Musa ukuvumela ubukrakra bangene kwaye benze okubi kakhulu.
Endaweni yoko, jolisa amandla akho kubahlobo nakusapho abakuxabisayo kwaye ungavumeli ingqumbo ikusindise.
Njengomntu owakhe wathi: 'Ngelixa uphethe ingqumbo, baphume bedanisa.' Ayilothemba elonwabisayo- sukuvumela ukuba yenzeke!
Ngaba awuqinisekanga ukuba wenzeni ngobudlelwane obunzima onabo nomntakwenu okanye udadewenu? Ngaba ufuna ukuthetha malunga nendlela oziva ngayo? Thetha nomcebisi namhlanje onokuhamba ngezinto. Cofa nje apha ukunxibelelana nenye.
Unokuthanda:
