Ukudibana kubudlelwane kunokuba yinto entle, kodwa akusoloko kuza ngokwendalo ngokupheleleyo. Amaqabane ngamanye amaxesha kufuneka asebenze ukuze ayihlakulele.
Abantu bahlala bebhidekile malunga nomxholo wokudibana kwimeko yobudlelwane. Abazi ukuba lithetha ntoni kanye kanye, likhangeleka njani, okanye indlela yokwakha.
Kwaye abanye abantu bayathandabuza ngayo. Bacinga ukuba abantu ababuxabisileyo ubuhlobo babo bancamile ngokuthandana. Banokukhetha ukuhlala 'nje' ngeqabane kunokuba babe semngciphekweni wokuba bodwa.
Ndilapha ukuza kuchaza ukuba yintoni ubuqabane, ukuba buxabiseke kangakanani, nendima eyidlalayo kubudlelwane, kunye nendlela onokuyihlakulela ngayo.
Buyintoni ubudlelwane kubudlelwane?
Ubuqabane malunga nokuba yinkampani elungileyo kumntu omkhethileyo ukuba wabelane naye ngobomi bakho.
Amaqabane angamaqabane alungileyo ngabahlobo abasenyongweni. Abathandani nje bodwa bathandana ngokunyanisekileyo. Kwaye bayakonwabela ukuchitha ixesha kunye.
Benza ixesha lokuba kunye, kwaye bahlala babelana ngeendlela ezifanayo, iimbono eziqhelekileyo malunga noko kulungileyo nokubi.
Banokuba neenjongo ezifanayo ebomini kwaye bazimisele ukuxhasana ukwenza ezo njongo zizaliseke.
Baliqela kuzo zonke iinkalo zobomi, ukusuka kwimisebenzi yasendlini, ukukhulisa abantwana, ukuvumela iinwele zabo phantsi kwaye babe nexesha elimnandi.
Bayakwazi ukunyaniseka ngokwenene omnye komnye, babonakalise ubuqu babo kwaye babe sesichengeni. Banobubele, banovelwano kwaye bayatshintsha.
Ungabakha njani ubuqabane neqabane lakho.
1. Ukuphulaphula makube yeyona nto iphambili kuwe.
Iimpikiswano azikulungeli ukwakha ubuhlobo.
Ukuba uyenza eyona nto iphambili kuwe ukumamela oko omnye athetha kona kunokuba uzame ukusoloko ubeka umbono wakho, emva koko kunokwenzeka ukuba ube neengxoxo ezakhayo endaweni yeengxoxo ezonakalisayo.
2. Kulungele ukwamkela xa wenze impazamo.
Akukho mntu uhlala echanekileyo. Uya kuzenza iimpazamo kwaye uzakufumana izinto ezingalunganga.
Inxalenye yobuqabane obuyimpumelelo kukuqonda oko kunye nokufunda ukuba ungazithatha njani izinto ezithethwa liqabane lakho njengokugxeka okwakhayo kunokuba kukuhlasele.
3. Fumana umdla kunye nemisebenzi.
Ixesha elininzi, ubudlelwane obunempumelelo buya kuba ngokwabelana ngomsebenzi wasekhaya kunye nolunye uxanduva. Kodwa ayifanelanga ukuba kuphela kwento owabelana ngayo nabanye.
Kuya kufuneka ukhethe ngokubonakalayo ukuchitha ixesha elisemgangathweni kunye. Kunye nokucwangcisa ubusuku bemini, jonga izinto eninokuzonwabela kunye nobabini.
Ukuphuma kunye nokuhamba kunye nokusebenza kuqinisekisiwe ukunceda ukomeleza amaqhina amaqabane.
4. Yiba neengxoxo ezinyanisekileyo malunga neemfuno zakho, iimfuno kunye namaphupha akho.
Ukunyaniseka ngoyena ndoqo kubuhlobo. Awusoze ufumane le nto uyifunayo kwaye uyifunayo kubudlelwane bakho ukuba awuthembekanga ngokupheleleyo kwaye uvule nabo malunga nezinto eziphambili kuwe.
Musa ukoyika ukuzala umphefumlo wakho kwaye wabelane ngento oyibonayo njengeyona mfihlelo yakho imnyama kakhulu. Ukuthembana komnye nomnye kuya kunceda ukuqinisa ubudlelwane phakathi kwakho.
5. Babonise ukuba babalulekile kuwe.
Qinisekisa ukuba iqabane lakho liyazi nje ukuba kubaluleke kangakanani ukudibana kwabo kuwe, kwaye awubathathi lula.
Kanye nokuthambeka okukhulu ngokufuthi, fumana iindlela ezincinci zokubabonisa yonke imihla. Amagama onke alungile kwaye alungile, kodwa izenzo zakho ziya kubonisa ukuba bayakuthemba.
6. Lumkela ukuxhomekeka.
Kukho umgca ococekileyo kodwa obaluleke kakhulu phakathi kokuba liqabane lomntu kwaye uxhomekeke kubo.
Nobabini kufuneka nikwazi ukuxhomekeka omnye komnye, kodwa kuya kufuneka nibe nakho ukusebenza ngaphandle kwabo. Ukuba uxhomekeke kakhulu kwiqabane lakho, ngoko ubudlelwane bungabi yimpilo.
7. Hlonipha indawo yabo.
Siye safumanisa ukuba kufuneka uphephe ukuxhomekeka, kwaye inxenye enkulu yoko kukuhlonipha ukuba nobabini ninobomi ngaphandle kobudlelwane benu.
Enye into yokwakha ubuhlobo kukuqinisekisa ukuba nobabini niyazigcina izinto eninomdla kuzo kunye nobuhlobo.
Qiniseka ukuba nobabini nihlonipha isithuba somnye kwaye musa ukudida isidingo sabo sokuchitha ixesha nabanye abantu njengesibonakaliso kulwalamano lwakho.
wazi njani ukuba yeyiphi indoda oyikhethayo
8. Thetha ngokuphandle ngezezimali.
Masinyaniseke, izinto ezenzekayo ebomini ziyinxalenye enkulu yalo naluphi na ulwalamano. Ukuba nakha ubomi kunye, kuya kufuneka ninyaniseke omnye komnye malunga nezemali.
Xoxa ngemicimbi yezemali kwaye uthethe ngeenjongo zakho. Qiniseka ukuba ukwiphepha elinye.
Ukuba selubala kwezemali phakathi kwakho kuya kukunika uxolo lwengqondo kwaye kukuqinisekise ukuba ungathembela kumntu omkhethileyo ukuba abelane ngobomi bakho.
Imibuzo izibini zihlala zibuza ngobuhlobo.
Nazi ezinye zeempendulo kwimibuzo embalwa abantu abaqhelekileyo banayo malunga nendima yobudlelwane kubudlelwane.
Umbuzo: Ubuqabane buhluke njani kubuhlobo?
KU: Inye into abantu abaninzi abanayo ngombono wokudibana kubudlelwane bezothando kukuba abanakubona ukuba umgca uphakathi kobudlelwane kunye nobuhlobo.
Kwaye ukuba abawuboni umohluko phakathi kwezi zimbini, bayasokola ukuqonda indima yobudlelwane kubudlelwane bezothando.
imibongo yomntu obathandayo obapasileyo
Ubuhlobo bunokuba nomvuzo omangalisayo, kwaye ubudlelwane bakho nabahlobo bakho ngethemba lokuba bobona bobona budlelwane babalulekileyo nobunempembelelo ebomini bakho.
Kodwa ubuhlobo lelinye inqanaba. Oko akuthethi ukuba kunzulu okanye kubaluleke ngakumbi kunobuhlobo, kodwa kuthetha ukuzibophelela ngakumbi nokuthembela komnye nomnye.
Iqabane liqabane lakho kulwaphulo-mthetho nakubomi. Ubudlelane malunga nokumanyana kunye nokwenza izicwangciso zobomi kunye, ukuthatha ingqalelo xa usenza izigqibo, ukuxhasana, kunye nokuzincama ukuze uxhamle omnye nomnye.
Ndikunye nabahlobo, nidla ngokuhamba ngeendlela ezahlukileyo, ngelixa nihlala nikhona ukuxhasana. Kodwa kunye neqabane, ukhetha ukwenza indlela kunye.
Umbuzo: Ngaba ubudlelwane kunye nokuthandana kukodwa, okanye unokuba nakho kokubini?
KU: Ngokuqinisekileyo unazo zombini.
Ukuthandana kunye nokwabelana ngesondo zizinto ezintle, kwaye yinxalenye ebalulekileyo yobudlelwane. Kodwa awanelanga ngokwabo.
Kuya kufuneka bahambisane nobudlelane ukuba ubudlelwane buza kusebenza kwixesha elide.
Kungenxa yokuba imichiza yezesondo ayizukufumana xa izinto zinqabile. Lonke ubudlelwane buya kuhamba ngamaxesha anzima, kwaye xa besenza, ukuthandana ayisosiseko esomeleleyo ngokwaneleyo ukukunceda ukuba udlule kubo.
Kuya kufuneka ulungele ukulixhasa ngokwenene iqabane lakho kwaye uzimisele ukuzincama ngenxa yobuhlobo bakho.
Njengokuba ixesha lihamba, nokuba usayonwabela incoko yabo, usuku nosuku, ungabathemba, kwaye ube neenjongo ezifanayo ebomini eziza kwenza umahluko, hayi nokuba ubafumana benomtsalane ngokwesini.
Q: Ngaba ubuqabane banele ukuba nobudlelwane bempilo yexesha elide?
KU: Lo ayingombuzo endinokuphendula wona. Yinto umntu ngamnye anokuyifumana yedwa.
Kodwa ewe, kwithiyori nasekuziqhelaniseni, ubuqabane bungaphezulu kokwaneleyo kubudlelwane bexesha elide ukusebenza kwaye buluncedo kuwo omabini amaqabane.
Ukuthandana kuyonwabisa, kuyonwabisa kwaye kunokwenza ubomi bukhazimle. Kodwa inyani kukuba kwizibini ezininzi, azihlali ngonaphakade. Ukukhawuleza kokuqala kothando olunothando kuyaphela, kodwa kuthathelwe indawo luhlobo olwahlukileyo lothando.
Uthando olusekwe kwintlonipho kunye nokuxhasana, izinto ekwabelwana ngazo, imbali ekwabelwana ngayo, kunye nomnqweno wokwenene wokuchitha ixesha kunye neqabane lakho kwaye ubenze bonwabe.
Oko kungaphezulu ngokwaneleyo kwisiseko sobudlelwane obunempilo.
Q: Zithini izibonelelo zokwakha ubuhlobo?
KU: Uvakalelo olomeleleyo lokudibana neqabane lakho lungenza wonke umahluko kubomi bakho kunye. Kuthetha ukuba unomntu oza kwabelana naye ngayo yonke into, nokuba ilungile okanye imbi.
Umntu wokubhiyozela impumelelo yakho kunye nokukuxhasa xa izinto zingahambi kakuhle. Umntu okwaziyo, kwaye ngubani owaziyo, ngaphakathi nangaphandle, kwaye onokuthetha naye malunga nantoni na.
Ukwakha ubuhlobo kunye neqabane kuthetha ukuba ngamnye uyazi ukuba unelitye lokubambelela xa izinto ziba nzima. Kwaye, usazi ukuba uyifumene loo nkxaso iqinileyo emva kwakho, niya kuziva nobabini ukuzithemba ukuphuma phaya kwaye wakhe ubomi bamaphupha akho.
Umbuzo: Ngaba kunzima ukwenza ubudlelwane?
KU: Ukuthandana, ukuthanda uthando kunokuza ngokwendalo kunobuhlobo.
Uthando yinto onokuwela kuyo ngokukhawuleza kwaye ngokulula, kodwa ubuqabane ayisiyonto ikhula ngokukhawuleza.
Kuthatha ixesha ukwazana ngokwenene nokwakha ukuthembana.
Kodwa ngomonde omninzi kunye nokuzibophelela, unokuzifumana ubudlelwane obunika okona kulungileyo kuni nobabini kwaye niyokuma ukuvavanya ixesha.
Ngaba awuqinisekanga ngobuhlobo bakho okanye uyakha njani neqabane lakho? Thetha kwi-Intanethi kwingcali yobudlelwane kwi-Relationship Hero enokukunceda ufumane izinto. Ngokulula.
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