Ukuphuhlisa iimvakalelo zomntu osele ethathiwe kwenzeka rhoqo.
Kwaye xa isenzeka, unokubheja ukuba ubuncinci umntu okwimeko eza kuphelisa ukwenzakala.
Ngokwesiqhelo ngulowo u (okanye ucinga ukuba bayathandana), kodwa eyona nto bayithandayo kukuthandana nomnye umntu.
Kwaye ekubeni ufunda eli nqaku, mhlawumbi nguwe.
Umntu onokuba uthandana naye usenokungazi nokuba uneemvakalelo kubo kuba awuzange ubaxelele (kuba bakomnye umntu).
Kwelinye icala, bona unakho qaphela, kodwa ungaphindiseli nayiphi na kwezi mvakalelo. Intliziyo yabo sele ingomnye umntu, kwaye akukho gumbi lakho kulo mfanekiso.
Kukwakho neemeko apho umntu aya kuthi ekugqibeleni abethwe ngumntu okhetha amaqabane esini esahlukileyo kunesabo.
Nokuba siyintoni na isizathu, yimeko enzima yokuthethathethana, kodwa leyo kufuneka ikhutshiwe ebuddeni ngokukhawuleza.
Kuqala, zibuze…
Ngaba uyathandana? Okanye uthathwe nje?
Intabatheko kunye nokuthatheka kwenzekile kuthi sonke. Sidibana nomntu osikhupha ngokupheleleyo, kwaye asinako ukubakhupha kwiintloko zethu.
Oko akuthethi ukuba siyathandana nomntu. Ngapha koko, ihlala ithetha ukuba siyabethwa uluvo lwethu lokuba angangubani na loo mntu, kunokuba bangobani kanye kanye.
Sivame ukubeka abantu kwiziseko-le yinto yobuntu nje. Unokudibana nomntu kumthendeleko kwaye ucinge ukuba sesona sidalwa sipholileyo okhe wadibana naso. Banobuqili, bajongeka kakuhle, banomzimba omkhulu, banetalente enkulu… iimpawu ezintle zihlala zihamba macala onke, akunjalo?
Kodwa awumazi ngokwenyani lo mntu. Konke okufuneka uqhubeke kuzo kungabakho iinkcukacha ezimbalwa abaye babelana ngazo, kunye neengcamango zakho ezicacileyo.
Kwaye xa ufumanisa ukuba bakunye nomnye umntu, iimvakalelo zakho zinokuhamba zigqithisile.
Ngequbuliso, basuka kwingcinga emnandi baya kutyekelo olukhulu. Kwaye uqala ukuhla ujonge kumbono wokuba inokuba sisithandwa sakho somphefumlo, kwaye ungonwaba njani ebomini ngaphandle kwabo?
Kuyavunywa, ngamanye amaxesha olu thando lunyanisekile. Unokuba ngabahlobo abasenyongweni nomntu osele usebudlelwaneni okanye otshatileyo, kwaye ufumanise ukuba uhlakulele iimvakalelo ezinamandla ngabo.
Okanye, unokuwela entloko phezu kwezithende uthandana nomlingane wakho okanye umphathi. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, abantu abaninzi bachitha ixesha elininzi emsebenzini kunalapha ekhaya, kwaye zonke iintlobo zobuhlobo kunye nobudlelwane ziyavela kwezi meko.
Nangona kunjalo, uninzi lwamaxesha kukuthatheka okusekwe kwiimbono zakho kunye nokucinga kwakho. Ayisiyonyani.
Ukuba ubunokutshintsha ngengqondo kwaye ubenze njengeqabane, ngaba ucinga ukuba baya kuphila ngokulindelwe ngabo? Okanye ngaba baya kusilela kulindelo lwakho, bayityumze ngokupheleleyo intliziyo yakho?
Thatha umzuzwana ucinge ngedangatye elidala - umntu osuka kwixesha lakho elidlulileyo owayeneemvakalelo ezinzulu ngelo xesha.
Kukangaphi ucinga ngalo mntu ngoku? Amathuba okuba kunqabile ukuba afike engqondweni, kodwa ngelo xesha, kungenzeka ukuba zonke zazibandakanya kwaye zityisa engqondweni yakho.
Thelekisa oko kunye nezinto ohlangabezana nazo ngoku, kwaye uzibuze ukuba ingaba le nto uziva iyinyani na. Kwaye okona kubaluleke ngakumbi, ukuba ikukhonza kakuhle, kwaye iyanceda ekukhuleni kwakho kunye nophuhliso.
Ngaba uyamfuna lo mntu kuba akafumaneki?
Oku kwenzeka amaxesha ngamaxesha kunokuba ungakholelwa. Abantu abaninzi bahlakulela iimvakalelo kwabo sele kuthethwe ngabo kuba bekhuselekile.
Ngokusisiseko, bayaphaphazela ngaphezulu kwabo bazinikeleyo kubudlelwane okanye kwimitshato kuba Bafuna ulonwabo lokuthabatheka ngaphandle komngcipheko wokuba babandakanyeke kubo.
Ukuthandana kungatyhileka ezingqondweni nasezintliziyweni zabo ngaphandle kwabo bonke ubugwenxa bemicimbi yokuhlangana ingena endleleni. Ngapha koko, oku kwenzeka rhoqo kwi-Intanethi, ubudlelwane bemigama emide.
Abantu banokuzihlakulela ezabo izimvo malunga nokuba umntu unjani ezingqondweni zabo. Banokuba neemvakalelo zothando olupheleleyo malunga nabo, babone umlingo wobomi babo kunye, kwaye banamava kuwo onke amakhoboka 'okuziva ulungile' dopamine ukuqhuma kumgama otofotofo.
Kukho amathuba amancinci okuba benzakaliswe kakhulu kuba ababandakanyeki kakhulu. Kukuthandana okwenzekileyo ngaphandle kokufumana ithuba lokuvela ibe yinto ebonakalayo.
Ngapha koko, ukuba kwenzeka nantoni na enokukwenza uzive ngathi iza kuba yinto yokwenene, ungaphulukana nomdla okanye ufumane isingxengxezo sokuyeka ukuthetha naloo mntu.
Ukunyaniseka kunokwenza ukuba amava angathandeki. Endaweni yokucinga kwakho okucingelwayo, ujongene neempazamo zomlingane wakho wamaphupha, iziphene, nayo yonke enye into ebenza babe ngabantu, kunokuba ube liphupha lakho lokugqibela.
Ukongeza, kukho iimeko apho abantu baya kuba kwabanye kwesona sizathu sokuba sele bethathiwe. Njengolunye uhlobo lwempumelelo 'ukuthatha' iqabane lomnye umntu kude.
Oku kuhlala kusenzeka ukuba umntu ukhuseleke ngokunzulu- balandela abantu abasele benobudlelwane okanye abatshatileyo kuba bebabona njengamabhaso okuphumelela.
Ukuba bayakwazi ukulukuhla okanye ukuthatha iqabane / iqabane lomnye umntu, baya kufumana amandla amakhulu. Bavakalelwa kukuba bashushu, banobukrelekrele, bayaphumelela, kwaye ngokubanzi 'bangcono' kunaleyo iqabane labo lishiyelwe bona.
Kuphela, ngelo xesha, iqabane elitsha alithandeki kwakhona.
Ngapha koko, baya kuphulukana nokuthembela kuloyiso lwabo olutsha ngenxa yokuba babanyulile endaweni yokuhlala nalowo babethi bayamthanda.
Ayisiyampilo kwaye iluhlobo lokuhlekisa, kodwa abantu abaninzi babonakala ngathi banentambo yokufuna ukuthatha iqabane lomnye.
Yintoni ofanele uyenze ukuba ufumana ezi mvakalelo?
Okokuqala, nyaniseka kwisiqu sakho malunga nendlela akuphatha ngayo nendlela aqhubana ngayo nawe. Ngaba uthabatheka ngabo kuba benobubele kuwe ngelixa abanye bakuphatha njengobubhanxa?
Ukuba kunjalo, uyamthanda nyhani lo mntu? Okanye uyathandana nendlela lo mntu akwenza uzive ngayo?
La ngamava amabini ahluke kakhulu, kwaye ahlala ephazama omnye komnye.
Sinokukhulisa iziyobisi kwiindidi ezithile zeempendulo zeemvakalelo. Uhlobo lokucinga ukuba siyathandana ne-ayisi khrim ngenxa yovuyo lwe-giddy esiziva xa siyitya.
Jonga kakuhle indlela oziphethe ngayo nabantu abahlukeneyo kwaye uzame ukumisela ukuba ngaba le yipatheni oyilandeleyo. Ukuba kunjalo, unokufuna ukwenza uphando olunzulu lomphefumlo ukuze ubone ukuba kutheni uqhubeka usenza le nto. Ayilulo uhlobo lokuziphatha oluza kukhokelela kulo naluphi na uhlobo lobudlelwane obuqinileyo, obunempilo.
Cinga ngalo lonke ixesha olichitha uphupha emini malunga nendlela izinto ezinokuba ngayo kulo mntu akafumanekiyo. Kuthekani ukuba ubeka elo xesha kwizinto ezinje ngokuziphucula, okanye ukuhlakulela intsebenziswano yokwenyani nomntu okhoyo ngokwenene.
OKUNGENZIWAYO.
Unokucinga ukuba ngumbono othandana kakhulu nothando ukuzama 'ukuphumelela' lo mntu kude neqabane lakhe langoku, kodwa ngumbono ombi lowo.
Enye into, kunokwenzeka ukuba bayathandana nabanye babo ababalulekileyo ngesizathu. Ukuba ubakhathalele ngokwenene, uya kufuna ulonwabo lwabo ngaphezu kwayo yonke into.
Ngaphandle koko 'uthando lwentlanzi.' Ukuba sifuna intlanzi, siyayizingela siyikhuphe emanzini siyibulale. Ngokwahlukileyo koko, ukuba siyithanda nyani intlanzi, siyinika eyona ndawo ingcono ukuze ikhule kwaye yonwabe kunye nathi okanye ngaphandle kwethu.
Sukubabhalela iileta ezinde ubaxelela konke malunga nokuba uyabathanda kangakanani. Ngokufanayo, musa ukuzithengela izipho ezingaqhelekanga, ubathumele iintyatyambo, okanye ume ngaphandle kwendlu yabo, uyokutya.
Ezo bhanyabhanya zothando olungafunekiyo zinokubonakala zithandana kakhulu kwaye zinamandla, kodwa inyani yahlukile kakhulu, kwaye uya kuthi nje uphele ekubanjweni. Okanye ubethwe ngomyalelo othintelayo.
Kukwalusizi nje ukuzityhalela kwimeko apho ungekhoyo. Ukuba lo mntu ebefuna ukuba nawe, baya kuba nawe kwaye bangabi liqabane labo, uyazi?
Thatha inyathelo ubuye umva kwaye uzame ukuthathela ingqalelo indlela lo mntu aziphatha ngayo kuwe. Umzekelo, unokuziva ngathi uyathandeka kwaye uyathandeka ukuba ubanika izincomo okanye ubanike izipho ezingahleliwe. Kodwa ngaba bayayixabisa imigudu yakho? Jonga ulwimi lwabo lomzimba kwaye ubone ukuba bayazamkela na ezi zinto ngokunyanisekileyo, okanye banembeko ngazo.
Umbono wakho wale meko unokwahluka kakhulu kunabo. Unokubenza bazive bengakhululekanga ngononophelo olunomdla.
Enye into ngokuqinisekileyo akufuneki uyenze kukuzithelekisa neqabane lalo mntu. Kulula ukuhlala apho uzibuza ukuba yintoni abanayo ongenayo, kodwa akukho sibonelelo sikhulu kuyo.
Ngapha koko, konke ekunokwenzeka ukuba kukwenze kukwenzakalisa ukuzithemba kwakho. Ungambona lo mntu 'njengongaphezulu' kunawe- onomtsalane, othandwayo ngakumbi, othandana ngakumbi, okrelekrele, ohlekisayo… nje kuphela umntu olunge ngakumbi kunawe.
Ngoku ngokuqinisekileyo 'abangcono' kunawe, kodwa ukuba uyayivumela ingqondo yakho ihambe ngale ndlela, kulula ukuzikholisa ukuba zinjalo.
Kwaye ukuba awukuqapheli ukuxabiseka kwakho, awuyi kukholelwa ukuba ungaze ufumane umntu onje ngothandana naye.
Oku kwenza ukuba kube nzima ukudlula kubo kwaye ufune uthando kunye nothando kwenye indawo kuba ukuba awuziva ufanelekile kumntu omkhulu kangaka, awuyi kubakhangela.
Yonke into oza kuyenza kukuzifaka enkathazweni yothando olungafunekiyo.
Phinda ujonge ingqalelo yakho.
Endaweni yokuziqikaqika kunye nokuhlaba isijwili ngomntu ongasoze abenaye, beka loo mandla kwinto enemveliso ngakumbi.
Cinga ngesizathu sokuba utsaleleke kulo mntu ukuqala kwakho. Zifanekisela ntoni kuwe? Yintoni oyithandayo noyithandayo ngayo?
Nje ukuba ugqibe oko, zama ukuguqula amandla akho kuloo nto uyithandayo. Yiba yinto oyithandayo.
Ukuba umntu othe wabethwa naye akanabubele, zibandakanyeke nomsebenzi wesisa. Ngaba bafundile? Thatha ezinye iincwadi kwaye ufunde. Ngaba uphilile ngokwenene lo mntu? Beka ifowuni yakho phantsi, yehla esofeni, kwaye uthathe uhlobo oluthile lomsebenzi womzimba.
Gxila kwizinto onokuthi uzitshintshe ixesha elide. Oku kunokwenza utshintsho olubalulekileyo ebomini, okanye ukuthatha nje into oyithandayo oye wafuna ukuyenza ukuze uziphazamise.
Awusoze wazi, eli thuba lothando olungafunekiyo linokubuguqula ubomi bakho ngokukuvulela ikhondo lomsebenzi omtsha okanye efanayo.
Ithetha ukuthini xa indoda ijonge nzulu emehlweni akho
Eyona nto ibaluleke kakhulu, jika lonke olo thando kuwe. Ewe, zininzi ezinye iintlanzi elwandle, kwaye ngokungathandabuzekiyo uya kudibana nomnye umntu oza kuwa kuye kungekudala. Kodwa akukho namnye umntu ofanelwe luthando, imfesane, kunye nokuzinikela ngaphezu kwakho.
Khanyisa ikhandlela lakho kuqala, kwaye liya kutsala abo bafuna ukukukhanyisela ekukhanyeni kwakho.
Ngaba awuqinisekanga ukuba wenzeni ngeemvakalelo zakho ngalo mntu? Thetha kwi-Intanethi kwingcali yobudlelwane kwi-Relationship Hero enokukunceda ufumane izinto. Ngokulula.
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